NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Bears Armed]

Issue #458

Bigtopian Lives Matter

The Issue

An unarmed 18-year-old Bigtopian boy, Zeke de Groot, was recently shot by Officer Matthias Kenny

"Oh my god, he [was] killed [by] Kenny!" ?

The Issue

Your Chief Economic Adviser, Mr. Shylock Holmes, was found dead in your office with several stab wounds in his back early this morning. A baffled @@CAPITAL@@ P.D. has called in the assistance of world-renowned Lilliputian private investigator Mr. Marple to help untangle the mystery. After several hours of thorough investigation, the notoriously eccentric detective has called all the suspects to the parlour.

The Debate

"You can't possibly think it was me," states Colonel Custard, the victim's old business partner, while trying to hide a red stained shirtsleeve. "He and I were the best of friends. In fact, I was paying him under the table to give you terrible advice that would favour my company; why would I kill him? If anything, it was probably that harlot secretary of yours. I know for a fact they've been getting it on all over your desk when you leave the office. This is clearly the result of a sordid affair gone wrong; arrest that minx! And while we're at it, throw a tiny tax break in my direction. It's what he would've wanted."

"Lies, all lies!" your young secretary Miss O'Hara hisses aggressively at Col. Custard. "He was no friend of yours, or those polluting @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities you have set up everywhere. He was a tender soul, and our love made him a new man; yes, with such a big heart, no wonder the old man had so much blood in him! He was going to propose cutting every one of those subsidies propping up your business, and you knew it!" O'Hara turns back to face you with crocodile tears forming in her eyes. "@@LEADER@@, I demand you have that greedy phony arrested, and then convert his damned factories into a series of national parks! It's what my love would've wanted."

"Silence!" shouts Detective Marple, as he stops grooming his impeccable moustache in one of your antique mirrors and walks to the centre of the room. "Mon dieu, enough with the talking of the words and the pointing of the fingers. The Great Marple hears nothing but the jibber and the jabber. The old friend, the foxy secretary; such clichés! Are any of you cold-blooded enough to have done this deed? I say, non! When you add it all up, there is really only the one solution. Only one in this room deserves to be put in the little grey cell." The elderly detective then proceeds towards your desk, and retrieves a quite exquisite candlestick from one of your drawers. "It was you, @@LEADER@@! It was you who stabbed and stabbed with the stick that holds the candles until he was no more! All out of fear for your young and dashing advisor outshining you. Take him away, Chief Inspector Snickers; he disgusts me."

"Oh my Violet, this is just like the ending of 'The Maxtopian Falcon'," opines amateur filmmaker Professor Prune, who inexplicably appears from your closet. "You are being framed, @@LEADER@@. It was the detective all along. He killed your adviser just so he could take the case and make headlines for putting you away for murder! You need to hold him responsible, and the rest of the Stórkostlegurborg P.D. too, for that matter, for being too slow to realize his ploy!"

Issue by: The Objectivist Enclave of Human Olympus
Editor: Gnejs

Presumably in the last option that should be the macro for Capital City, rather than "Stórkostlegurborg" in every case?

[Lenyo]

Presumably in the last option that should be the macro for Capital City, rather than "Stórkostlegurborg" in every case?

No. Instead all nations will rename their capital Stórkostlegurborg.

[Gnejs]

Presumably in the last option that should be the macro for Capital City, rather than "Stórkostlegurborg" in every case?

No. Instead all nations will rename their capital Stórkostlegurborg.

Oh, Lenyo; don't give away my new Stórkostlegurborg-macro!

[United Provinces of Atlantica]

Oh yeah, edited again.

Though I must say I am a fan of the idea of a new Stórkostlegurborg macro myself

[Trotterdam]

You mean a @@STÓRKOSTLEGURBORG@@ macro, right?

[United Provinces of Atlantica]

You mean a @@STÓRKOSTLEGURBORG@@ macro, right?

Oh, yes.

[Sanctaria]

Not a discussion thread.

[Valrifell]

NO. 459
Murder, He Shouted!

The Issue

Your Chief Economic Adviser, Mr. Shylock Holmes, was found dead in your office with several stab wounds in his back early this morning. A baffled Dunstone P.D. has called in the assistance of world-renowned Lilliputian private investigator Mr. Marple to help untangle the mystery. After several hours of thorough investigation, the notoriously eccentric detective has called all the suspects to the parlour.

The Debate

"You can't possibly think it was me," states Colonel Custard, the victim's old business partner, while trying to hide a red stained shirtsleeve. "He and I were the best of friends. In fact, I was paying him under the table to give you terrible advice that would favour my company; why would I kill him? If anything, it was probably that harlot secretary of yours. I know for a fact they've been getting it on all over your desk when you leave the office. This is clearly the result of a sordid affair gone wrong; arrest that minx! And while we're at it, throw a tiny tax break in my direction. It's what he would've wanted."


"Lies, all lies!" your young secretary Miss O'Hara hisses aggressively at Col. Custard. "He was no friend of yours, or those polluting Tourism facilities you have set up everywhere. He was a tender soul, and our love made him a new man; yes, with such a big heart, no wonder the old man had so much blood in him! He was going to propose cutting every one of those subsidies propping up your business, and you knew it!" O'Hara turns back to face you with crocodile tears forming in her eyes. "@@LEADER@@, I demand you have that greedy phony arrested, and then convert his damned factories into a series of national parks! It's what my love would've wanted."


"Silence!" shouts Detective Marple, as he stops grooming his impeccable moustache in one of your antique mirrors and walks to the centre of the room. "Mon dieu, enough with the talking of the words and the pointing of the fingers. The Great Marple hears nothing but the jibber and the jabber. The old friend, the foxy secretary; such clichés! Are any of you cold-blooded enough to have done this deed? I say, non! When you add it all up, there is really only the one solution. Only one in this room deserves to be put in the little grey cell." The elderly detective then proceeds towards your desk, and retrieves a quite exquisite candlestick from one of your drawers. "It was you, @@LEADER@@! It was you who stabbed and stabbed with the stick that holds the candles until he was no more! All out of fear for your young and dashing advisor outshining you. Take the murderer away, Chief Inspector Snickers; I am disgusted by their presence."


"Oh my Violet, this is just like the ending of 'The Maxtopian Falcon'," opines amateur filmmaker Professor Prune, who inexplicably appears from your closet. "You are being framed, @@LEADER@@. It was the detective all along. He killed your adviser just so he could take the case and make headlines for putting you away for murder! You need to hold him responsible, and the rest of the Dunstone P.D. too, for that matter, for being too slow to realize his ploy!"


Issue by: The Objectivist Enclave of Human Olympus
Editor: Gnejs

Nit sure if anyone posted this already, but the list only appears to go up to 452 unless I just had a brain fart (it's 7AM where I am right now, on a Sunday, I hate waking up early on weekends).

Also, sorry if I missed some variables, on mobile.

[Barbarossistan]

was this one known yet?

#457 Colossus with feet of clay

The Issue

After a slow news week, one of your aides brought to your attention the controversy surrounding Violetstone National Park. Well known Tourism tycoon, Ronald Bump, recently revealed proposals to purchase the land and intends to carve the faces of former leaders into Mount Rushless, a site revered by many Native Barbarossistanians.
The Debate

"The area is perfect for what I have in mind" exclaims Mr. Bump, showing you some incredibly detailed concept art. "These monolithic carvings of the heads of historical figures will symbolize our nation’s strength and pride." He gestures towards the faces on the blueprints. "Our nation's statesmen will not be forgotten! In fact, we could even open this up as a tourist attraction! Never mind that Native Barbarossistanians consider the land sacred. These majestic sculptures will stand the test of time. At the very least they'll finally knock off the Martinopolis Tire Fire to become the Eighth Wonder of The North Pacific!"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

"Who cares about some long-dead old farts?" questions Doris Falopian, one of your more youthful aides. "If there's anybody's face we should be carving into that mountain, it should be yours! You've already done so much for Barbarossistan, and it's about time you were paid your proper respect. So many world leaders worry about being remembered after they're gone. I'm sure you still have many years left in you, but this monument will ensure that you will never be forgotten."

"Martinus Rufus Magnus, have you no respect for our sacred lands?" asks Runs With Foxes, Chief of the Violetstone tribe. "My people have lived in these lands for countless generations and now you are going to desecrate them? Even worse, you plan to honor imperialist monsters who slaughtered our ancestors? The government should be apologizing for those atrocities, not celebrating the butchers behind them. Martinus Rufus Magnus, these are our lands, not yours. Our home is not a tourist attraction. You must respect that. Our people have suffered enough."

"The mountain should be totally left alone," agrees environmentalist Stefanie Bronte, as she hands peace offerings to everyone in the room. "Mount Rushless is an environmental wonder and has been beloved for generations exactly as it is. If anything, we should be passing tougher environmental laws to make sure that these lands can't be sold to the highest bidder. We ought to be designating more lands as national parks and hiring more park rangers to protect them. The government's top priority should be protecting the environment, not opening up another tourist trap!"

[Jute]

What happened to Golgogasthan?

[Trotterdam]

You know guys, you can go back a page or to to see if an issue has been posted yet, if it's not been updated in the main index yet.

[Luna Amore]

The index is going to be slow to update in Golgo's absence as a mod needs to do it now. And that mod is me.

[The Misconception]

The mods have decided not to make any changes to issues originally written by Max Barry, which covers the first 30 issues in the game.

I find that unfair that their is Christian representation, New Age and Atheist but not Islam representation.

True, though to be fair any major non-western religion would of been good. I would have welcomed Buddhism or Hinduism.

[Sanctaria]

I find that unfair that their is Christian representation, New Age and Atheist but not Islam representation.

True, though to be fair any major non-western religion would of been good. I would have welcomed Buddhism or Hinduism.

I don't know if Islamic Mujahideen's post was ever responded to, but I will do so now.

Right or wrong, vast majority of issues have been written (and definitely edited) by those in the "West" where we are most knowledgable about "Western" religions like Catholicism, Protestantism, New Age, and yes Atheism. I think it's because we (editing team) aren't as aware of Islamic tenets as we are of other religions and have stayed away from making unbelievable caricatures.

That said, it's a valid point, and I hope that we can remedy it and try to be more inclusive in our issue-base.

[Luna Amore]

True, though to be fair any major non-western religion would of been good. I would have welcomed Buddhism or Hinduism.

I don't know if Islamic Mujahideen's post was ever responded to, but I will do so now.

Right or wrong, vast majority of issues have been written (and definitely edited) by those in the "West" where we are most knowledgable about "Western" religions like Catholicism, Protestantism, New Age, and yes Atheism. I think it's because we (editing team) aren't as aware of Islamic tenets as we are of other religions and have stayed away from making unbelievable caricatures.

That said, it's a valid point, and I hope that we can remedy it and try to be more inclusive in our issue-base.

It's probably a cross between that and because stat-wise, there isn't going to be a difference between Islam and Christianity.

[Sanctaria]

I don't know if Islamic Mujahideen's post was ever responded to, but I will do so now.

Right or wrong, vast majority of issues have been written (and definitely edited) by those in the "West" where we are most knowledgable about "Western" religions like Catholicism, Protestantism, New Age, and yes Atheism. I think it's because we (editing team) aren't as aware of Islamic tenets as we are of other religions and have stayed away from making unbelievable caricatures.

That said, it's a valid point, and I hope that we can remedy it and try to be more inclusive in our issue-base.

It's probably a cross between that and because stat-wise, there isn't going to be a difference between Islam and Christianity.

True, but I didn't want to talk stats with the commoners

[Outer Sparta]

What happened to Golgogasthan?

I don't know. I've been wondering the same.

[Trotterdam]

New issue spotted:

#462: Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

The Issue

In an effort to address a budget shortfall, your Minister for Creative Solutions has proposed to cut expenditure by switching off a number of street lights throughout @@NAME@@.

The Debate

1. @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, your Minister for Creative Solutions, explains her position. "Let's face facts, in the current economic climate we need to be sensible with our @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@. Those street lights don't run on thin air you know - and what with the cost of electricity soaring, what other choice do we have? We're not talking about a total blackout across @@NAME@@, just switching off the lighting along some of those less important roads and well... perhaps the ones that don't contribute so much to society."

2. A protesting middle-aged, overweight female resident, sporting an unflattering dress and far too much makeup, demands your attention. "Do you expect a young, single, and needless I say attractive female like myself to walk the streets IN THE DARK!? Oh how all the unsavory characters across @@NAME@@ would just love that! Stop pandering to this madness and keep the streets lit whatever the cost!"

3. Wild-eyed, eccentric gentleman Paddy Moore begs your attention whilst enthusiastically polishing his monocle. "This is fantastic news, but doesn't go far enough - let's get rid of ALL those blasted monstrosities for good! Do you realise how difficult it is to spot the rotation of Alderaan's second moon through all that ghastly light pollution? Of course there will be a few wimps who are scared of the dark - but that's what candles were invented for!"

4. "You're looking at this entirely the wrong way, dear @@LEADER@@", interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@ from Helios I Energy Corp. "If there's anything @@NAME@@ needs, it's more light, not less! It's been scientifically proven that more light means a happier, healthier population, reduces crime, and there's no need to worry about the night shift any more - you can work from dawn until, well forever!"

Author: Neowefandland
Editor: Sedgistan

(Despite the title, I'm not seeing an option to magically control the sun.)

What do you mean "cost of electricity soaring"? I have nuclear power like a sensible person. If that's not enough, build more nuclear power plants.

There were a bunch of errors (mostly punctuation), but I'm not feeling very charitable to the editors right now so I just went ahead and posted the fixed version rather than pointing them all out.

#460 and #461 remain at large, but one of them appears to be a followup to #454 option 4.

EDIT: I believe the name in option 3 is nonrandom.

[Aculea]

Option three on Vat's Food For Thought has had a vegetarian referencectomy:

"By all means, legalise vat-grown meat!" says Fleur O'Bannon, a masterchef. "Some people say that it's wrong to grow these creatures just to kill them, but that's ridiculous. It's no different than breeding cattle! What's wrong is making them for spare bodyparts. Do I want a piece of me to have been grown? In a VAT? No. It's disgustin'. Besides, it'll raise the cost of my insurance."

Everything else is the same.

[Phydios]

Issue #461 spotted!

If At First You Don't Succeed...
The Issue

After a close shave with a rabid lion, a small group of apparatchiks in grey suits have gathered round the hospital bed in which you are recuperating to discuss the delicate issue of the succession.

The Debate

"I'm sure we'll have the benefit of your wise guidance for many years to come, Emperor Whitlock," says your Chief of Staff Violet Dovey, "but just in case the worst should happen, would you mind letting us know who should fill your mighty shoes? Not that such a gargantuan task would be easy, of course."

"Hang on a minute!" splutters your eldest child, who has just popped by to deliver a bunch of grapes. "Surely there doesn't even need to be a discussion? Primogeniture has worked well for thousands of years. Let's not take risks now, eh?"

"By all means keep it in the family," suggests your brother as he surreptitiously replaces your recuperative health drink with finest scotch, "but trusting your legacy to an inexperienced, indecisive wastrel whose only achievement has been to visit every bar in McKeansburg? Let's face it, all your children have been disappointments. Why don't you pack them off somewhere to study or something, and put your trust in an older, more experienced relative of proven loyalty and ability. I think I know just the man..."

"You know what I think?" declares Declan Chicago, your chief of security. "All this talk of replacing you is treason, pure and simple! You must eliminate anyone who has even mentioned the succession at once, before they usurp you!"

"I think science might have the solution," claims your attendant physician Kayla Neumann, who couldn't help overhearing the previous conversations. "With adequate funding and the latest medical technologies, my colleagues and I may be able to dramatically increase your lifespan. It'll mean diverting funds from everyone else's healthcare, of course, but what value would their insignificant little lives have without you, O Emperor Whitlock, to guide them?"

"Even death need not be the end!" shouts one of your more fervent acolytes before being taken away for a nice lie down in a darkened room. "Why not declare yourself leader in perpetuity? Then we'll never be without your divine guidance! Think about it. Emperor Whitlock... forever!"

"Er, excuse me", says your nurse, who has been attending to your intravenous drip and so far remained unnoticed, "but shouldn't it be up to the people to decide who your successor is?"

Issue by: Psychoneurotica
Editor: Sedgistan

[Trotterdam]

Well, that is almost exactly the same as one issue I've been working on.

I guess I can scrap that one.

It's welcome, though. There are way more issues in the game that assume you're a democracy than a dictatorship, and most of the dictatorship ones are just "please stop being a dictatorship". It makes sense on some level - democracy is more procedurally complicated than dictatorship, needing a lot more regulations on who can vote and how and on what and how you keep the whole thing from being rigged, and in fact simplicity is one of the biggest advantages of dictatorship - but it's nice to have a procedural issue for dictatorships too, for once.

Also, wow, seven options? I guess I'll have to stop telling people issues never have more than six options, now.

[Eaischpnaeieacgkque Bhcieaghpodsttditf]

Issue #461 spotted!

If At First You Don't Succeed...
The Issue

After a close shave with a rabid lion, a small group of apparatchiks in grey suits have gathered round the hospital bed in which you are recuperating to discuss the delicate issue of the succession.

The Debate

"I'm sure we'll have the benefit of your wise guidance for many years to come, Emperor Whitlock," says your Chief of Staff Violet Dovey, "but just in case the worst should happen, would you mind letting us know who should fill your mighty shoes? Not that such a gargantuan task would be easy, of course."

"Hang on a minute!" splutters your eldest child, who has just popped by to deliver a bunch of grapes. "Surely there doesn't even need to be a discussion? Primogeniture has worked well for thousands of years. Let's not take risks now, eh?"

"By all means keep it in the family," suggests your brother as he surreptitiously replaces your recuperative health drink with finest scotch, "but trusting your legacy to an inexperienced, indecisive wastrel whose only achievement has been to visit every bar in McKeansburg? Let's face it, all your children have been disappointments. Why don't you pack them off somewhere to study or something, and put your trust in an older, more experienced relative of proven loyalty and ability. I think I know just the man..."

"You know what I think?" declares Declan Chicago, your chief of security. "All this talk of replacing you is treason, pure and simple! You must eliminate anyone who has even mentioned the succession at once, before they usurp you!"

"I think science might have the solution," claims your attendant physician Kayla Neumann, who couldn't help overhearing the previous conversations. "With adequate funding and the latest medical technologies, my colleagues and I may be able to dramatically increase your lifespan. It'll mean diverting funds from everyone else's healthcare, of course, but what value would their insignificant little lives have without you, O Emperor Whitlock, to guide them?"

"Even death need not be the end!" shouts one of your more fervent acolytes before being taken away for a nice lie down in a darkened room. "Why not declare yourself leader in perpetuity? Then we'll never be without your divine guidance! Think about it. Emperor Whitlock... forever!"

"Er, excuse me", says your nurse, who has been attending to your intravenous drip and so far remained unnoticed, "but shouldn't it be up to the people to decide who your successor is?"

Issue by: Psychoneurotica
Editor: Sedgistan

What the heck! I remember submitting a draft dealing with succession a while ago, I can't believe that I was beat to the punch. Oh well.

[Sedgistan]

The issue was actually submitted August 2013, and I only picked it up for editing August 2014. It then sat around for a while as I focused on other things. The text is virtually unchanged from the original submission - while some of the options don't have much of a material difference between them, I couldn't bring myself to cut any of them, as the dialogue flowed too well.

I do recall being alerted to another submission or two on the topic, but I was set on this one by that point.

[Trotterdam]

I would have gotten rid of option 6, myself. The "no, @@LEADER@@ will always be our ruler, how dare you say otherwise!" thing could be folded into option 4, and anyway look at North Korea: sure, they're still claiming the original guy as their symbolic eternal president, but even they had to make a concession to reality and pass the real power to his son (and then grandson), so effectively option 2.

But yes, this one was well-written.

[Drachmaland]

Also, wow, seven options? I guess I'll have to stop telling people issues never have more than six options, now.

Issue #215 has twelve.