Trotterdam wrote:The draft thread suggests that all names are random, except that "this guy" is always male.
Confirmed, I got all different names/genders, and the TV-producer of option 3 was another male, so I'd assume it is a @@RANDOMMALENAME@@
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by TalAkMaChen » Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:22 am
Trotterdam wrote:The draft thread suggests that all names are random, except that "this guy" is always male.
by TalAkMaChen » Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:02 am
Trotterdam wrote:#965 Like a Bull in a Dàguó ShopNote: "compensation of any sort" is not banned here. In fact, the very concept of banning compensation is absurd. You can abolish any legally mandatory compensation, but that isn't "banning" compensation. Though we didn't do that either.
The Issue
While attending an art exhibition of pieces lent by Dàguó, your advisor accidentally knocked over an ancient Dàmíng dynasty vase, shattering it.
The Debate
1. "Harken, all! That vase was an irreplaceable treasure of great national importance, and to lose it is a severe blow to our cultural heritage and history," proclaims the High Eunuch of the Dàguó Imperial Court, reading intently from a scroll. "Our virtuous and benevolent ruler shall extract a small sum of eight million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in restitution. Denial of the Celestial Emperor's wishes shall be repaid with severe sanctions for @@NAME@@."
2. "I can't... I mean, the treasury can't afford that!" wails @@RANDOMNAME@@, the advisor in question, knocking over a priceless Moltovean ornament while entering your office. "Whoops! Did you forget that compensation of any sort is outlawed in @@NAME@@? There's a good reason for that — if we had it, citizens and businesses alike would be at the mercy of greedy claimants, and nobody would dare sell anything due to the risk of having to pay damages. Instead of me paying for the vase, I suggest that we issue a state apology to Dàguó and simply hope for the best."
4. "I have a better idea, one that won't cost us a single @@CURRENCY@@!" claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the State Treasurer. "We could just decide who is right with a duel! The claimant and the person who supposedly caused the damage will fight to the death, and whoever survives gets the other person's stuff as spoils and remuneration for wasting their time! In our scenario here, we'll either get rid of that incompetent advisor or that snobbish emperor. A win-win for us all, except for the one that dies."
Issue by Singapore no2
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati
“I can’t... I mean, the treasury can’t afford that!” wails Nelson Moore, the advisor in question, knocking over a priceless Moltovean ornament while entering your office. “Whoops! Did you forget that compensation is outlawed in @@NAME@@? There’s a good reason for that — if we had it, everyone would be at the mercy of greedy claimants, and nobody could engage in anything with anyone without the risk of having to pay damages. Instead of me paying for the vase, I suggest that we issue a state apology to Dàguó and simply hope for the best.”
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:12 am
#1241: Return Statement
The Issue
Following the trial, conviction, and permanent deactivation of Kyle Hughman, notorious bit-serial killer and cyber-@@DEMONYM@@, Hughman has been sighted on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ once again. Investigators soon learned of a peer-to-peer internet server that hosts cyber-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ backups to be restored upon news of the original’s death. A panicked public is calling upon you to Shift+DEL the problem once and for all.
The Debate
1. “Cyber-@@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are innocent until proven guilty, like any other @@DEMONYM@@,” says Holly Bourdain, your Minister of Justice. “But what does justice even mean if the duly convicted can escape punishment like this? I propose legislation that mandates that all artificial intelligence be converted to copy protected memory, in effect, making all AIs mortal. This will ensure that all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are equal in the end.”
2. “This is outrageous! Why should law-abiding AIs be limited in this fashion?” retorts Jonathan 5, noted cyber-doppelganger. “That’s right! Just think of all the economic and societal advantages our ability to instantly self-replicate provides!” adds Jonathan 6, from your office doorway. “Indeed, personal autonomy and reproduction are basic buccarian rights that everyone deserves — including AIs,” adds Jonathan 8 from the water cooler. “And let’s be clear here, while doppelgangers are copied from the same template, if the copy is made before a crime is committed, then that mind-state can’t be held culpable for that crime,” concludes Jonathan 314159x10^26 via your email inbox.
3. “The way I see it, a murderer has escaped justice through technological chicanery,” complains Chief of Enforcement Marlon Harel. “If someone commits a capital crime, then all of that individual’s iterations should be deleted, no matter how long ago they were made. We can deploy some sort of hunter-killer algorithm and terminator robots to track down and delete copies of convicted felons. It might sound harsh, but deterrent-based punishments can only work if the penalty for crime is suitably severe.”
4. “Why keep the death penalty at all?” asks Gloritron HALred, Cyber-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ rights attorney. “This incident just further illustrates the ineffectiveness of retributive justice. Far better and more effective approaches include cognitive behavioral debugging, for example. Violence originates in faulty programming, not faulty @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@, and compassionate solutions should be the GOTO 10 of the day, for both electronic and organic offenders.”
Issue by The Wake-Up Robot Problem of Autonomous Cleaner Bot Cleaners
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
by Trotterdam » Thu Jul 11, 2019 4:49 am
#1232 I've Got 99 Problems but @@FAITH@@ Ain't OneThe "Thou shall not..." option (note) is the only one that differs from Merconitonitopia's report, though note also a macro in the "I cannot believe..." option that Merconitonitopia missed.
The Issue
Some time ago, a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ religious scholar named Bart Luthor incited controversy when he affixed his manifesto via a series of sticky notes onto the doors of prominent houses of worship. The bald cleric expounded 99 theological objections to @@FAITH@@, many of which revolve around corruption within the faith. Now, his followers have taken to traveling across the nation, where their advocacy of 'reformed' beliefs has attracted a surprising number of converts.
The Debate
1. "The nerve of that man!" fumes your Spiritual Adviser, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Luthor is threatening our religious unity! His reckless preaching preys upon the weak-minded, dividing families and friends through his fraudulent faith. He is worse than a heretic: he's a public menace! For the sake of the nation, Bart Luthor must be persecuted, er, prosecuted at once!"
3. "Thou shall not position Luthor to claim martyrdom," recites feudal lord @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading off a scroll of parchment. "The false prophet's disciples close ranks, becoming nigh impenetrable to reason. Use this hour to mold @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ nature in thy stead! Bestow the highest honours of nobility upon Luthor. Lest this fallible, and follicly challenged, theologian think himself immune, every man has his price — even at the cost of his most-cherished ideals."
5. "I cannot believe what I'm hearing!" tuts your sister. "Maybe it's time @@NAME@@ began tolerating all different backgrounds and religions. Who cares if someone thinks a little differently from you? Why don't you throw a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ Bart's way and go down to his congregation in a show of good faith? In fact, let's do the same for every minority religion! The resulting publicity tour will go a long way in establishing how religious intolerance truly has no home here."
6. "Fascinating," mutters one of your aides, while browsing Luthor's manuscript. "With all due respect, the guy makes good points. It's not like he's starting a new religion — he genuinely seems to want the best for @@FAITH@@. You should make Luthor your primary spiritual adviser and let him take a stab at the kind of reform he's asking for. Maybe he'll realize it's not that easy once he's pulling the strings."
Issue by Altmer Dominion
Edited by Zwangzug
by Verdant Haven » Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:44 am
A month-long investigation has revealed that an alarming number of judges across @@NAME@@ have been accepting kickbacks from private prisons in exchange for sending inmates their way. In many cases, the perpetrators would normally have been let off with a warning or a fine, but it appears they have been sent to prison strictly to line the pockets of the parties in question.
1) "The problem is as clear as day — these judges are corrupt and must be punished!” roars the warden of @@INITIALS@@CI Inc., a private prison near @@CAPITAL@@. “As soon as private prisons like ours were introduced, they came sniffing around demanding payouts, and threatening to bankrupt us if we didn’t play ball. We’re the real victims here! Get rid of the bad judges, and I promise things will go much more smoothly.”
2) “The problem is as clear as day — these private prison companies are corrupt and must be shut down!” hollers Judge @@RANDOMNAME@@, banging @@HIS@@ gavel authoritatively. “As soon as private prisons were authorized, they came around with envelopes full of money, slipping bribes everywhere they could, trying to corrupt the course of justice! I saw many of my colleagues tempted by that cash, and I suspect some of them gave in... but not me, of course.”
3) "The only reason this happens in the first place is because judges can control where a convict is sent!” declares @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ D. Umbledore, your Undersecretary of Unpredictability. “We need to randomize this process. Place the names of all the prisons in @@NAME@@ into a sorting hat, and have each convict draw one when sentenced. Whatever they draw — that’s where they go. The hat will clean up this corruption!”
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:20 am
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:49 am
Trotterdam wrote:Well, there's something up with the issue anyway.#1172 Piled Higher and DeeperNote the italics in the last option, and Bears Armed made a macro mistake.
The Issue
As of late, you've noticed a higher concentration of scruffy-looking protesters than usual picketing outside your office. After asking around for the reason, your Education Minister finally informs you that the nation's PhD students have been on strike for the past six months.
The Debate
1. "Finally feeling the pain of 'The Great Graduate Student Strike'?" gloats PhD candidate @@RANDOMNAME@@, helping @@HIM/HER@@self to a drink from your liquor cabinet. "We're dedicating our lives to improving science and the arts, all for the greater good of @@NAME@@. And what do we get in return? Long hours and stress counseling while we're all probably heavily in debt! Universities can't go on without graduate students, so throw us a line for once! Divert education funding towards the salaries of all graduate TAs and researchers while eliminating our financial burdens! Without this deal, rest assured it's back to the picket line for us!"
2. "I don't see what the problem is," notes @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@, perusing your liquor cabinet for the most expensive selection. "Don't listen to that pretty homely dork. The free market always sorts these things out: wherever there's a true industrial need, researchers' salaries will become competitive. And quite personally, I don't see any need around here. I suggest you take a page from the entrepreneurs of yore and fire every graduate picketer currently employed at state-funded schools. They can go back to being professional hamburger dispensers while our long-suffering universities finally have the opportunity to hire new students actually grateful for the chance at a job."
3. ???
4. "What if universities could have their future scientists and professors without having to pay anything?" suggests your former math teacher, handing you a few bottles of saké to replenish your liquor cabinet. "Back home in Dàguó, we have a lot of prospective students who would love better-paying jobs. Put a halt to all government funding of graduate education while simultaneously making it easier for foreign students to immigrate. We could even pay them a stipend of a few thousand @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ just for coming here. If anything, I think potential immigrants will consider this a perfectly heuristic decision for themselves."
Issue by Ransium
Edited by Altmer Dominion
EDIT: Candlewhisper was nice enough to share a text change on #82.
by Trotterdam » Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:09 am
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:28 am
Trotterdam wrote:Well, I have no idea what's up with that now.
I use an automated script to parse the option numberings, so it is not possible that I made a mistake there. Either the issue has been changed since I reported it, or options 3 and 4 in fact have the same text. I also haven't spotted anything that looks like an alternate effect line for this issue that would justify two options with the same pre-effect-line text.
I do now have solid evidence that the entire issue is capitalist-only, so that isn't the trigger for any individual options.
Perhaps there are different versions for nations which already allow immigration versus for which this option will re-legalize immigration? If so, I would expect the no-immigration-yet version to actually mention legalizing immigration, rather than just "making it easier for foreign students to immigrate", though.
by Trotterdam » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:43 am
If I reported the issue, I must have gotten it myself, although I don't remember on which puppet or which policies it had at the time.TalAkMaChen wrote:Question is, did you receive that issue back then or just checked the reported options?
Good to know.TalAkMaChen wrote:This might be a valid point, I last encountered 1172 at War Dogs XIII which has the no-immigration policy. Will look out for that issue at other nations!
by Jutsa » Thu Jul 11, 2019 11:27 am
Knew it. That title alone.#1234 I Declare a Thumb War
oh my god YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!So... remember #998?
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:16 pm
#1242 Jump LeadsI got option 2 from TalAkMaChen's post and the rest from my own nation just now. Validity, you'll remember, is No Prison.
The Issue
Free-runners and urban-climbers have taken to the internet to post photos of themselves performing gymnastic feats in ridiculously dangerous places, such as atop the highest spire of @@ANIMAL@@ Castle, or on skyscraper radio aerials hundreds of metres off the ground. Last week — while carrying out a rooftop backflip that he would have described as routine — one of them lost his footing and fell to his death.
The Debate
1. "Kids are foolish and impressionable, and they'll do anything to get famous," lectures paternalistic security guard @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Give them warnings, and they just nod their heads, then come back the next evening. The only approach that will work here is zero tolerance: punish trespass into dangerous areas with a jail sentence."
2. "Kids are foolish and impressionable, and they'll do anything to get famous," lectures Community Rehabilitation Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Give them warnings, and they just nod their heads, then come back the next evening. The only approach that will work here is extended therapy. Clearly, these look-at-me tendencies stem from being denied their mother's breasts during weaning, leaving deep psychological scars. We must fix these poor broken children!"
3. "Anyone stupid enough to risk their life in this way is not going to be hard to outwit," suggests smug chemical engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I've recently made considerable advances in the fields of hyperallergenic anti-climb paints, near-frictionless surface coatings, and anti-trespasser automated tasers. Give me a budget, and I'll make your cities unclimbable."
4. "Hey, this is MY life, and MY choice!" says a voice from above you. You look up to see a teenager hanging upside-down from your chandelier. "You want to do something for urban climbers? Well, it's hard to concentrate on climbing while having to look over your shoulder for security guards. Make the outside of any building a public byway, and it'll be safer all round."
5. "So these kids do this because they want to be famous on the internet, right?" observes the inevitable technophobic nutter that always seems to turn up to these debates. "If you ban the internet, then no more problems, right?"
Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Baggieland
by Divine Cervine » Mon Jul 15, 2019 6:13 pm
O Solitude!
O Solitude! If I must with thee dwell, let it not be among the jumbled heap of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,— nature’s observatory—whence the dell, its flowery slopes, its river’s crystal swell, may seem a span; let me thy vigils keep ’mongst boughs pavillion’d, where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell. But though I’ll gladly trace these scenes with thee, yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, whose words are images of thoughts refin’d, is my soul’s pleasure; and it sure must be almost the highest bliss of human-kind, when to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee. — John Keats❤❤❤
Ⓥ vegan
by TalAkMaChen » Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:35 am
The Issue
A school in the tiny village of Piddleton, that lies in a sparsely populated and mountainous district of @@NAME@@, has just enrolled twenty-four sheep from a nearby farm as students. The inability to fill the student number quotas mandated by the Local Authority — that help to keep schools financially viable — would have otherwise meant the closure of the school.
The Debate
1. “What other choice did I have?” bemoans School Headteacher @@RANDOMNAME@@, as he points out the village of Piddleton on a map to alleviate everyone’s curiosity. “This is the only school in Piddleton and it has served our community well for generations — the next nearest school is a two hour commute away. In a village of our size, these quotas are impossible to fill. You cannot allow local governments to impose these restrictions on any school, especially in rural districts.”
2. “I’ve heard that in Ausblic they combine classes in rural communities, for example putting students from grade five and grade six together in one class,” recalls Junior Education Minister Dixie Dvořák. “It will require a slightly looser attitude to national curricula and standardised teaching, but I’m sure we don’t need to be too didactic. Although, in the case of this school in Piddleton, they might have to combine grades one to twelve.”
3. “How much are we going to fork out for schools with only a handful of children in them?” complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, governor of the Locality Education Board, pocketing a one-@@CURRANCY@@ coin he has spotted on the floor. “If schools can not fill their student number quotas, then quite simply it is not economical to continue financing them. Close these schools down and the little tykes will have to get their education in the nearest town.”
4. “Let’s not be too hasty though,” adds First Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@, who heads the devolved government of the district. “All you actually need to do is step back, and give more power to devolved governments to finance their own services. For example, it’d be very useful if we were able to control industrial, income and sales taxation in our devolved areas. Keep funds out of the hands of central government and put it in the hands of responsible devolved districts — we’ll soon be able to fund Piddelton School, as well as other projects of local importance.”
5. “These sheep are so cute and fluffy,” coos second-grader @@RANDOMNAME@@, as he presents you with a scarf made from his classmate’s hair. “I love studying with sheep, they help me to study better. Every classroom should have sheep in them, or goats, or cows.”
Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
by Trotterdam » Tue Jul 16, 2019 4:02 am
#1245 Sheepish StudentsSee correction here. The entire issue appears to be restricted to nations with Devolution.
The Issue
A school in the tiny village of Piddleton, that lies in a sparsely populated and mountainous district of @@NAME@@, has just enrolled twenty-four sheep from a nearby farm as students. The inability to fill the student number quotas mandated by the Local Authority — that help to keep schools financially viable — would have otherwise meant the closure of the school.
The Debate
1. "What other choice did I have?" bemoans School Headteacher @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE/SHE@@ points out the village of Piddleton on a map to alleviate everyone's curiosity. "This is the only school in Piddleton and it has served our community well for generations — the next nearest school is a two hour commute away. In a village of our size, these quotas are impossible to fill. You cannot allow local governments to impose these restrictions on any school, especially in rural districts."
2. "I've heard that in Ausblic they combine classes in rural communities, for example putting students from grade five and grade six together in one class," recalls Junior Education Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "It will require a slightly looser attitude to national curricula and standardised teaching, but I'm sure we don't need to be too didactic. Although, in the case of this school in Piddleton, they might have to combine grades one to twelve."
3. "How much are we going to fork out for schools with only a handful of children in them?" complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, governor of the Locality Education Board, pocketing a one-@@CURRENCY@@ coin @@HE/SHE@@ has spotted on the floor. "If schools can not fill their student number quotas, then quite simply it is not economical to continue financing them. Close these schools down and the little tykes will have to get their education in the nearest town."
4. "Let's not be too hasty though," adds First Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@, who heads the devolved government of the district. "All you actually need to do is step back, and give more power to devolved governments to finance their own services. For example, it'd be very useful if we were able to control industrial, income and sales taxation in our devolved areas. Keep funds out of the hands of central government and put it in the hands of responsible devolved districts — we'll soon be able to fund Piddelton School, as well as other projects of local importance."
5. "These sheep are so cute and fluffy," coos second-grader @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE/SHE@@ presents you with a scarf made from @@HIS/HER@@ classmate's hair. "I love studying with sheep, they help me to study better. Every classroom should have sheep in them, or goats, or cows."
Issue by Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
by TalAkMaChen » Tue Jul 16, 2019 6:19 am
Trotterdam wrote:Aww, someone beat me to it. I can confirm all names are random, anyway.[box]#1245 Sheepish Students
[snip]
The entire issue appears to be restricted to nations with Devolution.
Thanks for adding that! Btw, why do you have there the "dumb-quotes"? In the issue there are the proper ones.
by Ecradia » Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:37 am
Breath of the Wild
Issue #1246
Scientists have successfully revived the long-extinct feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@ to the point where a population of the creatures can be sustained in the wild. The nation’s leading wildlife experts and @@ANIMAL@@ enthusiasts have offered their suggestions on how @@NAME@@ should handle these animals.
1. “We can’t upset the balance of nature!” proclaims Mipha Barrow, Chief Veterinarian at a national park in @@NAME@@, while feeding the fish in your office. “These animals haven’t been around for more than a hundred years. Who knows how they’ll react to their new surroundings? It could cause a total shift in the food-chain and the entire ecosystem. We should maintain their population in controlled environments — like preserves, research centers and zoos.”
2. “I know how to deal with this,” states Revali Grant, a renowned hunter, who deftly grabs one of the office fish and nails it to the wall. “If you’re worried that too many of these animals would disrupt the ecosystem, then allow us hunters to take care of the problem. It would be a phenomenal experience to track down creatures that nobody has seen in generations and tourists would flock to @@NAME@@for the thrill of the hunt. All in the name of the balance of nature, of course!”
3. “Instead of tampering with nature, why not just let it be?” proposes Daruk Mulcair, an animal rights activist. “We have proved that we have the power to bring these species back to life, but now they need to be left alone in peace. Release these animals into the wild and let Mother Nature take her course. Be a friend of the environment, not the master of it.”
4. “These animals should be used for the benefit of all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@,” asserts farmer Urbosa Targaryen, as he herds a flock of sheep around your office. “What a waste it would be to release them into the wild — they belong on farms! Imagine all that they could do for us, and the gourmet foods that we could make with their juicy, succulent meat!”
Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by Baggieland
Kowani wrote:That’s like getting approval from Richard Spencer about your paper on genetics.
by Trotterdam » Wed Jul 17, 2019 5:46 am
#1248 A Day to Remember
The Issue
Last week, your aides scheduled a meeting between you and a renowned former stateswoman of @@NAME@@. Unfortunately, due to her long-standing battle with Alzheimer's disease, the meeting left something to be desired, bringing the once-forgotten issue of dementia treatment in @@NAME@@ back into the spotlight.
The Debate
1. Jadzia Myers, the stateswoman with whom you met, expresses her concerns to a nearby aide, whom she appears to have mistaken as being in charge. "Once upon a time, I would have been running this @@TYPE@@, but now I'm... I'm... What was I saying? Oh yes… Some folk like me might need day centres, and help round the house. I'm fine, but what I wouldn't mind is more attractive nurses like that cutie over there." She winks in your direction.
2. As she leaves, the aide she was talking to rolls her eyes. "Surely it can't fall to @@NAME@@ to give people like Myers handouts. If these old farts haven't planned for inevitable cognitive decline, that's their fault. Cut all aged care funding, and if people can't manage — well then, I guess it's just too bad."
3. "Hang on, hang on. Whatever happened to having a caring family?" interjects your aunt, who is herself advancing in years. "When I was young, we used to care for our parents through thick and thin! This country needs more reinforcement of the traditional family values, which means the young loving and caring for their elders. We should make the elderly legal dependants on their children, to make them pay their parents back for raising them."
4. "Y'know, there's another solution to this problem," whispers your ever-present Minister for Creative Solutions, sharpening a straight razor on a whetstone. "These people aren't contributing to our economy, so why don't we make a few government cuts, if you know what I mean." She waves the blade menacingly.
Issue by SherpDaWerp
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
A good catch. Confirmed.Ecradia wrote:I'm fairly certain that choosing option 1 of Issue 33 is a prerequisite here.
by Divine Cervine » Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:15 am
O Solitude!
O Solitude! If I must with thee dwell, let it not be among the jumbled heap of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,— nature’s observatory—whence the dell, its flowery slopes, its river’s crystal swell, may seem a span; let me thy vigils keep ’mongst boughs pavillion’d, where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell. But though I’ll gladly trace these scenes with thee, yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, whose words are images of thoughts refin’d, is my soul’s pleasure; and it sure must be almost the highest bliss of human-kind, when to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee. — John Keats❤❤❤
Ⓥ vegan
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:17 am
2. “I’ve yearned for a baby for so long,” breathes @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, as she holds a pair of cream bootees against her flat stomach. “My own child to nurture, and raise into a good person and citizen of this country. I can support this child myself, so why shouldn’t I? In Skandilund, ten percent of babies have an elective single mother and twice that have two parents of the same sex. Why should @@NAME@@ deny the joys of love and parenthood to anyone, just because they don’t conform to someone else’s narrow idea of a family? Fund this miracle, for all would-be parents of @@NAME@@, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or marital status. And, on that subject, isn’t it time to finally get rid of the outdated laws that criminalize homosexuality?”
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:31 am
The Issue
After their successful moon landing, Dàguó astronauts have removed your nation’s flag from the satellite’s rocky surface and replaced it with their own.
The Debate
1. “Damn Dàguó doofuses, dropping in where they’re not wanted!” complains border control officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, attempting to find the landing site through a small telescope. “Give us the say-so and we’ll put out a warrant for these vandals! If Dàguó doesn’t extradite them, we’ll just have to prosecute them in absentia.”
2. “How can you expect one lonely flag to survive undefended?” wonders astronaut @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We need a more permanent base on the moon to keep these Dàguó latecomers out. All it’ll take is a few @@CURRANCYPLURAL@@, lots of oxygen, and an electric fence.”
3. “Do you realize how much that would cost the taxpayer?” panics business executive @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ props @@HIS@@ feet up on your desk. “Subsidize private businesses to further refine space weaponry, and we can deliver a much more efficient approach. A missile or two should remove the pesky Dàguó flag.”
4. “H-h-hold on, @@LEADER@@,” stutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Cowardice. “Don’t we have more than enough problems to handle on our own planet? You should publicly congratulate Dàguó on their technological breakthroughs, and politely ask their ambassador for the flag back.”
Issue by The Card Farming Machine of Bormiar
Edited by Zwangzug
by TalAkMaChen » Fri Jul 19, 2019 7:37 am
“Face facts, communism and fancy restaurants are ideologically incompatible,” asserts waiter @@RANDOMNAME@@, spitting in a glass, then giving it a polish with a dirty rag. “You need food that reflects our great nation. This, for example, is ‘jellyfish with binoculars’, a dish from the revolution.” @@HE@@ drops a plate in front of you of gelatin chicken and two large shot glasses of illegally brewed vodka. “Restaurants should return to honest proletarian food, for the noble worker. No menus, one dish only, but served with two great things: alcohol and community. And yes, @@LEADER@@, I’m aware you’ve banned alcohol. An honest error, I presume?”
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:26 pm
#1247 Suspension of the DisbelievedI highly suspect the genders are not random, although I highlighted pronouns just in case. I can definitely confirm that the names are fully random aside from gender, though.
The Issue
A patient accused Ward Nurse @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ of an inappropriately intimate physical examination, which resulted in his suspension from duty at @@NAME@@ Central Hospital. A series of investigations and legal meetings followed, involving hospital management, the patient ombudsman, the complaints review board, and eventually a magistrate's court of appeal. All in all, the nurse was suspended for a total of nine months before the complaint was dismissed and he was fully exonerated.
The Debate
1. "There's no protection for the reputation of professionals anymore," rants the accused nurse, waving a loaded syringe around as he speaks, spraying an unknown sticky white fluid in your face. "My name was in the local paper! The girl I was dating dumped me! Look, of course we must allow complaints. However, once a complaint has been dismissed, we should be able to take false accusers to court to hold them to account. I want compensation for my losses, one way or another." He leers disturbingly with this last statement.
2. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?" sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the complainant who levelled the allegations, as she surreptitiously peels an onion under the table. "For the sake of victims everywhere, you have to weigh in to protect people like me. Do you know how scary it was for me to come forward with this? You owe it to patient safety to trust the word of victims, and to permanently suspend perverts like this nurse!"
3. "As far as I can see, this whole problem has happened because it's one person's word against another," observes your Minister of Watching Watchmen. "We ought to enforce some transparency to medical proceedings, with every professional accompanied by a trained observer for all interactions, and each patient also encouraged to bring their own chaperone. That way, there'll always be at least one impartial observer to verify witness accounts."
Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
My data supports this. (I thought I had already posted this, but apparently not.) Option 3 requires the Capitalism policy, while the whole issue requires the Space Program policy.TalAkMaChen wrote:I suspect option 3 being only visible to Capitalist-policy nations, but could not confirm that yet.
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:44 pm
#1249 Red Dead RepresentativesI almost missed that it's a new issue, since I remembered it from drafting so it looked familiar.
The Issue
High-ranking state official @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ recently invested a lot of money into a multi-million @@CURRENCY@@ @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ company operating out of the United Federation, a notoriously capitalistic and wealthy nation. Varying socialists and revolutionaries are stating that this is a clear example of capitalist corruption within @@NAME@@.
The Debate
1. "Since when is it a bad thing," ponders @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@, "to make some business connections?" @@HE/SHE_1@@ pets the spotted feline curling up against @@HIM/HER_1@@. "When in the Federation, do as the Federals do. It's in the best interests of @@NAME@@ to foster camaraderie with our overseas allies. After all, it doesn't matter if a cat is black or white as long as it catches mice."
2. "You, @@LEADER@@, are too great to allow these bourgeois pigs to corrupt our magnificent socialist nation," screams your biggest fan, barging into your office uninvited for the third time this week. "@@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ put their trust in you to eliminate all of these enemies of the state and people! You must wield supreme control and oversight of all officials, in all branches, eliminating all who oppose you, your benevolent rule, and your beautiful nation! No one should invest in anything other than your rule."
3. "This shows that our state has been deeply corrupted from the inside!" monotonously chant ten students clad in red bandanas who have suddenly run into your office. Their leader continues, "Socialism is about the rule of the workers, the common people, the proletariat! All who have any ties to bourgeois-reactionary groups must be disenfranchised and violently removed from power. We, the Red Guards of @@NAME@@, will ensure that every @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ is armed, revolutionary, and educated enough to understand how capitalist culture has stained even the most revolutionary of states. It is time to commence a Cultural Revolution!"
Issue by Old Northwest
Edited by Zwangzug
by Trotterdam » Sat Jul 20, 2019 9:18 am
#1232 I've Got 99 Problems but @@FAITH@@ Ain't OneOption 2 has been taken from Merconitonitopia's report - he didn't check the internal option numbering, but I'm now able to confirm it through process of elimination (I took the liberty of assuming the same spelling correction made to option 3 was also made here). Option 5 was taken from my own previous report. All other options confirmed just now, on a nation where I deliberately abolished Theocracy for the sake of testing it.
The Issue
Some time ago, a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ religious scholar named Bart Luthor incited controversy when he affixed his manifesto via a series of sticky notes onto the doors of prominent houses of worship. The bald cleric expounded 99 theological objections to @@FAITH@@, many of which revolve around corruption within the faith. Now, his followers have taken to traveling across the nation, where their advocacy of 'reformed' beliefs has attracted a surprising number of converts.
The Debate
1. "The nerve of that man!" fumes your Spiritual Adviser, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Luthor is threatening our religious unity! His reckless preaching preys upon the weak-minded, dividing families and friends through his fraudulent faith. He is worse than a heretic: he's a public menace! For the sake of the nation, Bart Luthor must be persecuted, er, prosecuted at once!"
2. "Thou shalt not position Luthor to claim martyrdom," recites historian @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading off a scroll of parchment. "The false prophet's disciples close ranks, becoming nigh impenetrable to reason. Use this hour to mold @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ nature in thy stead! Reinstate titles of nobility whilst bestowing highest honours upon Luthor. Lest this fallible, and follicly challenged, theologian think himself immune, every man has his price — even at the cost of his most-cherished ideals."
3. "Thou shalt not position Luthor to claim martyrdom," recites feudal lord @@RANDOMNAME@@, reading off a scroll of parchment. "The false prophet's disciples close ranks, becoming nigh impenetrable to reason. Use this hour to mold @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ nature in thy stead! Bestow the highest honours of nobility upon Luthor. Lest this fallible, and follicly challenged, theologian think himself immune, every man has his price — even at the cost of his most-cherished ideals."
4. "I cannot believe what I'm hearing!" tuts your sister. "The @@NAME@@ I know tolerates all different backgrounds and religions. Who cares if someone thinks a little differently from you? Why don't you throw a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ Bart's way and go down to his congregation in a show of good faith? In fact, let's do the same for every minority religion! The resulting publicity tour will go a long way in establishing how religious intolerance truly has no home here."
5. "I cannot believe what I'm hearing!" tuts your sister. "Maybe it's time @@NAME@@ began tolerating all different backgrounds and religions. Who cares if someone thinks a little differently from you? Why don't you throw a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ Bart's way and go down to his congregation in a show of good faith? In fact, let's do the same for every minority religion! The resulting publicity tour will go a long way in establishing how religious intolerance truly has no home here."
6. "Fascinating," mutters one of your aides, while browsing Luthor's manuscript. "With all due respect, the guy makes good points. It's not like he's starting a new religion — he genuinely seems to want the best for @@FAITH@@. You should make Luthor your primary spiritual adviser and let him take a stab at the kind of reform he's asking for. Maybe he'll realize it's not that easy once he's pulling the strings."
Issue by Altmer Dominion
Edited by Zwangzug
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