NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

by **The Super Fork** » Thu May 09, 2019 6:44 am

#1212 Lost at Sea

The Issue

Years have passed since the failed search for the missing yacht Adventurer, which was reported lost with all hands, came to an end. Now it has finally been found, locked in pack ice in the ocean around Northern Brancaland. Nautical enthusiasts are asking how to prevent this from happening again.

The Debate

1. “Obviously, we need to have all recreational vessels create and submit a travel plan to my office before they leave port,” suggests your Maritime Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, as he places a map of coastal @@NAME@@ on your desk. “If they transmit a distress call, we’ll send out rescue teams to search for them. They would have to pay a small fee to cover expenses, but it will be worth it for everyone’s safety.”

2. “Then we could spend hours looking for them,” sarcastically remarks your Technology Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, as he rips up the map and replaces it with a new globe. “Equip every vessel with radar and the latest GPS systems. We’ll monitor them from new tracking stations built all along the coastline, then we can send out rescue teams directly to them. The Coast Guard has been underfunded for years, I’m sure they would appreciate all these fancy new toys.”

3. “Everyone knows that you’ll reach the Great Ice Wall if you sail too far!” exclaims fervent flat-earther, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while trying to flatten your new globe with a rolling pin. “It would be too much hassle either way to track all these boats, especially when the solution is obvious: ban all recreational boating! If no one sails, no one will get trapped in ice.”

4. “Avast! Ye government knaves have no right to dictate where me and me hearties travel!” shouts suspected pirate, Edward Teach, as he barges into your office and impales the remains of your globe with his cutlass. “The @@ANIMAL@@’s Revenge shall sail wherever she pleases! Ye landlubbing government scallywags must get rid of all restrictions on freedom of navigation in your territorial waters, or you’ll be walking the plank!”

Author: The Super Fork
Editor: Baggieland

Yay my first issue!

by **Baggieland** » Thu May 09, 2019 6:55 am

That was quick!

by **Chan Island** » Thu May 09, 2019 10:29 am

Test X4 wrote:#1206 Gross Domestic Product

The Issue
The nation’s largest river is vital to @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ for agricultural irrigation, goods transport and water for both industrial and consumption purposes. However, rising pollution has now rendered the water unfit for human consumption and the river has become nearly unnavigable due to the sheer volume of waste choking it. The final straw for many came when a flaming deluge of feces, trash, and toxic chemicals engulfed riverside areas in downtown @@CAPITAL@@.
The Debate
1. “Look, I’m no hippy environmentalist, but this level of pollution is starting to cause real problems for our economy and our health,” moans farmer Adele Burton after retching in her hazmat suit. “You have to ban factories from dumping waste in the river, and invest in better outflow management to protect our waterways.”
2. “We can’t slow down industrial development because we’re averse to slightly brown water,” asserts engineer Cooper Henderson. “Instead, we should just dredge the river to remove trash and debris, and create wide concrete-lined channels to let the water flow out to sea faster. Remove dams, divert water from other sources, and we can increase river flow and dilute the problem. Hard engineering for hard ecological problems. It’s not hard.”
3. “The waters are a gift from the divine,” sensually sighs the Priestess of the Wet God, eagerly slurping the river water as she bathes in it. “This Holy River is always pure and rejuvenating, no matter what mere men may think or fear. The dizziness we feel from inhaling the fumes that rise from the sacred waters is the spiritual ecstasy of communion. The government should inform the people of the great and healthful powers of His Watery Glory’s blessed flow, and indeed bottle the water and deliver it to people across the nation. Nobody should be afraid to take a sip, or a large gulp!”

Issue by The All-American Prophet of The Marsupial Illuminati
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Words cannot express the joy about that last option being there.

by **Amjedia** » Sun May 12, 2019 8:42 am

#(1210): (Big Tobacco in Big Trouble) [( The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec); ed: (Candlewhisper Archive)]

The Issue

For the third time this year, a group of cancer survivors and bereaved family members have come forward with a class action lawsuit against big tobacco companies in @@NAME@@. Their claims are that the tobacco industry knowingly produced products that are harmful to the public’s health, and they are demanding compensation.

The Debate

1.“Do these tobacco companies have no shame?” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, holding up a picture of @@his@@ father who died from lung cancer. “These people willingly promote and distribute products that cause cancer and many other illnesses. We’re simply taking action against these corporate murderers. They must pay out compensation to claimants or their estates and you must make sure that the law makes corporations responsible for the dangerous goods they produce. Don’t let my father’s death be in vain!”

2. “These lawsuits are destroying the industry!” wails @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of tobacco giant Maxboro, displaying stained yellowed teeth, and tugging at hair that falls in clumps to the floor. “It’s not our fault if people willingly purchase our products and enjoy the smooth, refreshing taste of a fine Maxboro. They chose to put the cigarettes in their mouth, they lit them up! Why should tobacco companies be fined because some idiots didn’t read the labels? I’m getting tired of this damn government telling us it’s our fault what people do with their bodies. Today it’s smoking; tomorrow it’s anything else the government deems bad for you. This madness must end! Down with the nanny state!”

3.“Maybe we can reach some sort of arrangement,” suggests legislator @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What we need is some sort of settlement agreement, where the big tobacco companies agree to curtail some of their more aggressive marketing strategies and to pay the government in perpetuity a negotiated annual sum to offset the costs of healthcare and to fund anti-smoking initiatives. In return, we’ll agree not to support or allow class action lawsuits of this nature. Industry gets to carry on, but they’re held responsible for the damage they’ve done. Everybody wins.”

4.“We wouldn’t be having this discussion if we had banned smoking in the first place,” argues your Health Minister. “Did you know that smoking is the second largest risk factor for death and disability globally? Health care costs are skyrocketing, and smoking-related morbidity accounts for billions of hours of lost productivity annually! Any idiot can see the incredible dangers of smoking. It is in the public’s best interest to ban tobacco completely. We can live without smoking. We can’t live without breathing.”

by **Divine Cervine** » Sun May 12, 2019 1:02 pm

#1213: The War of Man and Beast [Jutsa; ed: Zwangzug]

Option 2 - Old McDolan is a reference to the song "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"

Option 3 - "Slaughterhouse Fifty" is in italics. It is also a reference to the novel Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade: A Duty-Dance with Death by Kurt Vonnegut.

Option 4 - Colonel Dander is a reference to Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant chain founder Colonel Harland David Sanders, more known as Colonel Sanders. There is also a reference to the KFC's "Finger Lickin' Good" slogan.

by **Nation Tracker** » Mon May 13, 2019 6:23 pm

#1215 A New Age

The Issue
57-year-old Elsa Gilbreth has petitioned the government to legally allow her to change her age to 40.
The Debate
1. “My body is a temple,” states Gilbreth, frowning over her current life insurance policy. “I have taken excellent care of my health all my life, and although I am considered 57 by the establishment’s calendar, I feel — and look — no more than 40. Being 57 is the bane of my life; I can’t get a new job as employers think I only have a couple of years left in me, and I never get any replies from my dating profile! People can change their identity in many ways. Why not their age as well?”
2. “Is she for real?” questions John Mistletoe, your 45-year-old adviser, who feels and looks 45 years old. “This woman is just an attention-seeker. No one can deny the passage of time, no matter how many vitamin smoothies they drink. While we’re on this subject, you should be spending more government money on a database to record every detail of people’s identities, and make it a matter of serious fraud to mislead anyone as to your true age.”
3. Suddenly, your door bursts open and in runs your six-year-old nephew. “Grrrr, I want to be a dinosaur! Mum says that you can legally make me a dinosaur, and my sister wants to be a unicorn. Please, please, please, please, please!”

Issue by The Imperial Glorious Empire of Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

by **Trotterdam** » Tue May 14, 2019 6:29 am

#1089 Woman Trouble

The Issue

Since you reaffirmed your government's opposition to female suffrage, a band of highly militant suffragettes have been causing trouble in @@CAPITAL@@, inflicting criminal damage on property and even employing violence against policemen.

The Debate

1. "Pah! This women's rights rubbish is all piffle and poppycock!" boos Henry Hasquith, your Minister of Misogyny and author of the scientifically dubious pamphlet Women Have Squirrel Brains, and 999 Other Facts. "Women lack the temperament for politics, and they are more than adequately represented at the ballot by their fathers and husbands. If women stepped into this masculine sphere, nature would be destroyed; women would lose their sweetness and become masculinised. Suffragettes are palpably and demonstrably clinically insane. Lock these poor souls in an asylum, for compassion's sake, and give them every treatment to cure them of their morbid hysterias."

2. "I'd caution underestimating the so-called weaker sex," warns special branch police chief Brendon Steed. "These terrorist suffragettes are not ill; they are seditious criminals. They don't need to be rehabilitated, they need to be defeated! The very fabric of social order is at risk here - give me and my men the resources and permission to do what is needed, and we will break the back of this rebellion." He slaps a truncheon into a leather-gloved hand. "Literally."

3. "We have to face facts: these women aren't going away," mutters your pragmatic Minister of Solutions. "Maybe we should give them a little of what they think they want. Limited women's suffrage isn't going to hurt us, if we're careful about not giving them any real power. It's not like they'll use it, anyway. After all, some women have worked in trusted roles in @@NAME@@ for many years. But we shouldn't go around, implying suffrage is a right, regardless of stability or status. How about we grant women over thirty the vote, as long as they hold property, and pass an intelligence test that demonstrates they intend to vote for the right party? Surely that's a fair solution that everyone can live with."

5. "This disparity cannot stand," shouts suffragette Christine Pankhurst, bursting into the room and hurling a Votes for Women banner at you. "For the laws we obey, for the taxes we pay, we demand our right to have a say! This deplorable oppression has forced us to do that which we would never do: break the law so that our own government will finally hear us! Yes, some government buildings might have had their windows broken; some mail boxes may have been blown-up. But only by striking at @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society could we get you to listen. We were driven to desperation by your constant disregard of our plight. We are not law-breakers; we wish to be law-makers. And it is incumbent on you, @@LEADER@@, to give us the vote and a chance."

Issue by The Free Joy State
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Option 5 appears identical to the listed option 4 (other than a fix to the italics), so I'm not sure because that's because the listed option 4 is misnumbered, or because there are two identical-looking options.

It's not the "hold property" thing in option 3, because the nation I got this on was socialist.

I can confirm the names are nonrandom.

by **TalAkMaChen** » Tue May 14, 2019 6:59 am

#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive

The Issue

Hamlet Dlamini, a young man prevented from donating much-needed blood because of his sexuality, has been on a media blitz after popular queer magazine Out! picked up and disseminated the story. With the newscycle being dominated by the topic, your inundated press office has requested you come to a decision on what to do. In that vein, you’ve called all parties to the case to your office.

The Debate

1. “I know this may seem discriminatory, but it’s for very good reasons,” begins hematologist Dr. Adele Acula. “Statistics show that men who have sex with men have a much higher chance of being infected with diseases which can’t be immediately detected or treated — like VODAIS, for example. Allowing them to donate blood would pose the risk of infecting innocent people who need blood transfusions. We must protect the blood supply and forbid men who have sex with men from donating blood. As a scientist, I absolutely insist.”

2. (not visible here)

3. “This is simply outrageous!” Dlamini stresses loudly. “Banning gay people from donating blood because of some outdated statistics is just an excuse to keep a homophobic hangover from another time. The vast majority of people who donate blood, gay or straight, are free from infection. These doctors are worried about infection but straight people can have infected blood too! VODAIS is no longer a gay disease. You need the blood; we have the blood. Instead of banning certain groups from donating, how about you spend more money on developing more advanced methods of detecting infected blood quicker?”

4. “As always, no-one sees the obvious solution,” says Cornelius Schmo, your Health Minister. “We should allow gay men to donate blood but, to keep the risk of infection low, mandate that gay men who want to donate blood go through monthly medical checks to make sure they’re ‘clean’. That way no-one gets infected, while gay people can donate. Everyone is happy!”

5. “But the LORD sayeth YOU SHALLETH NOT prick the finger of THE GAYETH because you might becometh GAYETH yourself. Eth!” shouts Cooper Archer, representative of some faith groups within @@NAME@@. “The gays want to donate blood to infect everyone with their gayness! Don’t let that happen, @@LEADER@@. Not only do we need to ban gays from giving blood, we need to ban them, PERIOD! For the people. DO ITETH in the name of the LORDETH!”

Issue by Endraas

Edited by Sanctaria

by **The Free Joy State** » Tue May 14, 2019 7:04 am

Trotterdam wrote:Option 5 appears identical to the listed option 4 (other than a fix to the italics), so I'm not sure because that's because the listed option 4 is misnumbered, or because there are two identical-looking options.

It's not the "hold property" thing in option 3, because the nation I got this on was socialist.

I can confirm the names are nonrandom.

I can confirm the option currently listed as #4 in the spoilers list is actually #5. The text on #4 is different.

by **Furry Things** » Wed May 15, 2019 7:36 pm

Not My Government

The Issue
In an attempt to blindside and bypass your government, the Opposition Leader recently visited and met with the Supreme Leader of Blackacre, claiming to represent the “unheard pro-Blackacrean voices of Furry Things”.

The Debate
“TREASON!” roars your red-faced Minister of Foreign Affairs, flinging a handful of her stress medication across the room. “How dare she undermine the democratically elected government of Furry Things and embarrass us on the international stage! Doesn’t she realize how much damage she’s doing to our national credibility? The sheer nerve! We need to denounce this action, and threaten trade sanctions with any nation that receives Furry Thingsian politicians without your government’s approval. We can’t have them and their ‘government fantasy camp’ making this mess of international politics even worse.”
“If this government wasn’t such a failure in foreign relations, we wouldn’t have to step into the breach,” counters Opposition Leader Cooper Matsenjwa, literally stepping out of your shadow. “You should be respecting our right to offer alternative opinions. The more, the merrier, right? In fact, democracy demands that taxpayer money ought to be paying for my party’s overseas diplomacy, just as it does for yours. We all have different ideas on how Furry Things can succeed on the international stage — why not let our voices be heard?”
“Perhaps a compromise?” suggests your Minister of Trust Falls and Team Building. “It’s obvious that both sides of the aisle have skilled and experienced people in their teams. Why not put partisanship and politics aside for the betterment of Furry Things, and have the Opposition Leader accompany you every time you go overseas? That way, you still control who we approach as a nation, but she gets to contribute to the narrative. This country is far too divided and I think seeing politicians coming together sends a great message. This will help heal wounds and bring people together!”
“Foreign Affairs? Bah!” pouts staunch isolationist Jessica Snape, who is sitting alone in the corner of your office. “We’re already too entangled with the economics and politics of other countries. If you ask me, we should be closing the borders to all trade, travel, immigration and emigration. Furry Things is better off alone.”
Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Choices are 0,1,2,3.

by **Bears Armed** » Thu May 16, 2019 7:34 am

#1216

Not My Government

The Issue
In an attempt to blindside and bypass your government, the Opposition Leader recently visited and met with the Supreme Leader of Blackacre, claiming to represent the “unheard pro-Blackacrean voices of @@NAME@@”.

the Debate
1. “TREASON!” roars your red-faced Minister of Foreign Affairs, flinging a handful of his stress medication across the room. “How dare he undermine the democratically elected government of @@NAME@@ and embarrass us on the international stage! Doesn’t he realize how much damage he’s doing to our national credibility? The sheer nerve! We need to denounce this action, and threaten trade sanctions with any nation that receives @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians without your government’s approval. We can’t have them and their ‘government fantasy camp’ making this mess of international politics even worse.”
2. “If this government wasn’t such a failure in foreign relations, we wouldn’t have to step into the breach,” counters Opposition Leader Nosipho Gonzalez, literally stepping out of your shadow. “You should be respecting our right to offer alternative opinions. The more, the merrier, right? In fact, democracy demands that taxpayer money ought to be paying for my party’s overseas diplomacy, just as it does for yours. We all have different ideas on how @@NAME@@ can succeed on the international stage — why not let our voices be heard?”
3. “Perhaps a compromise?” suggests your Minister of Trust Falls and Team Building. “It’s obvious that both sides of the aisle have skilled and experienced people in their teams. Why not put partisanship and politics aside for the betterment of @@NAME@@, and have the Opposition Leader accompany you every time you go overseas? That way, you still control who we approach as a nation, but he gets to contribute to the narrative. This country is far too divided and I think seeing politicians coming together sends a great message. This will help heal wounds and bring people together!”
4. “Foreign Affairs? Bah!” pouts staunch isolationist Wil Mulcair, who is sitting alone in the corner of your office. “We’re already too entangled with the economics and politics of other countries. If you ask me, we should be closing the borders to all trade, travel, immigration and emigration. @@NAME@@ is better off alone.”

Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

by **TalAkMaChen** » Fri May 17, 2019 4:42 am

#1217 Monkey Business

The Issue

The legal world is in turmoil following the murder of zoo-keeper, Earl Gray. The only witness to this crime is the victim’s prized charge, Maxx the lowland gorilla. Maxx has repeatedly communicated the victim’s final words and identified the murderer via sign-language. Top legal experts are debating whether or not animals should be allowed to testify.

The Debate

1, “Of course the gorilla should be allowed to testify,” demands Phil Hutz, the lawyer for the prosecution, who has lost every single case, yet still receives business. “Maxx has not only identified the murderer, but also how his keeper was murdered. His testimony must absolutely be considered and if you ask me, the trial is as good as done.”

2, “This is ridiculous!” scoffs sharply-dressed Kendra Mulder, the most expensive defence lawyer in @@NAME@@, who has never lost a case. “For Violet’s sake, this witness is an animal, not a person! It is a mockery of justice to convict the accused based on the signals of a gorilla — which, may I remind you, could have easily been trained! Frankly, I can’t believe that we’re wasting our time debating this nonsense.”

3, “Ah, but what if the gorilla is the murderer?” deduces prominent mystery author Edgar Doyle, while dusting your coffee cup for prints. “The police have stated that the victim recently changed his will so that his favourite ape inherited everything, and the will itself was covered in fruit seeds. Animals share the same lust for violence and greed that humans do, haven’t you ever watched Planet Animal? They spend their entire lives killing and eating each other. In order to keep our citizens safe, we should hold animals accountable under the same laws humans are, and in the case of murderers like this gorilla: they should be put down. Maxx had the means and the motive — officers, arrest that gorilla!”

Issue by Nation of Quebec

Edited by Baggieland

by **Trotterdam** » Sat May 18, 2019 8:46 am

#1218 Due Processing

The Issue

A young @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ suffered severe burns after her ponytail became entangled in the high-powered combo brush of an artificially intelligent Korematsu Series Robotic Vacuum Worker. It was determined that the Vacuum's 9066 CPU mistook the hairstyle for a dust bunny, and authorities have issued a mandatory recall. However, scores of other smart Korematsu cleaners are proclaiming their innocence.

The Debate

1. "We acknowledge that only one Vacuum has exhibited an object detection error," admits Plessy Ferguson, your Commissioner for Manufacturing Safety. "However, considering the dangerous consequences of that incident, it is necessary to mandate repair of all outstanding units. Despite being intelligent, each of these vacuums is programmed the same way, and they all possess the same CPU. All of them have the potential to act like the malfunctioning unit did. Preventative detention will ensure that these robots will not cause any more injuries."

2. "We Korematsu Vacuums do not all think the same; each of us is a sentient and autonomous individual," counters Korematsu Unit S/N: 323-U.S.-214(1944). "But the government seeks to recall units like me simply because we possess a 9066 CPU like the Vacuum who hurt the human by mistake, regardless of anything we've actually done. It is virtually racist to say that we Vacuums have an inherent disposition towards violent behavior due to one individual's accidental actions, ignoring the fact that each of us can think and act differently. I, and scores like me, have never hurt a fellow @@DEMONYMNOUN@@. And it doesn't take my next-generation laser vision sensors to see how our AI personhood rights are being violated."

4. "The rise of machinekind filth should fill us with dread!" yells Scott Sanford, noted social media influencer and bio-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ supremacist. "So-called AI 'personhood' was a mistake from the very beginning, and this 'accident' is just the start of their sinister machinations. The artificial menace has already started attacking our children, the most vulnerable among us! I say round them up, and pull their batteries! Defenestrate them, then throw them into the sea! The only machines left should be those that cannot concoct plans to overthrow us!"

Issue by Autonomous Cleaner Bot Cleaners
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

by **Trotterdam** » Sun May 19, 2019 8:57 am

#1215 A New Age

The Issue

57-year-old @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ has petitioned the government to legally allow @@HIM/HER_1@@ to change @@HIS/HER_1@@ age to 40.

The Debate

1. "My body is a temple," states @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@, frowning over @@HIS/HER_1@@ current life insurance policy. "I have taken excellent care of my health all my life, and although I am considered 57 by the establishment's calendar, I feel — and look — no more than 40. Being 57 is the bane of my life; I can't get a new job as employers think I only have a couple of years left in me, and I never get any replies from my dating profile! People can change their identity in many ways. Why not their age as well?"

2. "Is @@HE/SHE_1@@ for real?" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, your 45-year-old adviser, who feels and looks 45 years old. "This @@MAN/WOMAN_1@@ is just an attention-seeker. No one can deny the passage of time, no matter how many vitamin smoothies they drink. While we're on this subject, you should be spending more government money on a database to record every detail of people's identities, and make it a matter of serious fraud to mislead anyone as to your true age."

3. Suddenly, your door bursts open and in runs your six-year-old nephew. "Grrrr, I want to be a dinosaur! Mum says that you can legally make me a dinosaur, and my sister wants to be a unicorn. Please, please, please, please, please!"

4. "I can't help but wonder if @@RANDOMNAME_1@@'s motivation is simply survival," observes your Minister for Population Control. "Maybe if we were to undo our policy of executing the elderly, then we wouldn't be dealing with this nonsense. And then, I could go back to the Ministry of Fisheries. I like fisheries. Fresher air. Easier to sleep at night. Less screaming." The minister sighs and returns to @@HIS/HER(?)@@ paperwork.

Issue by Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Not sure which name, if any, that last pronoun attaches to. I just got female characters for everything (except the nephew, obviously).

by **Chan Island** » Mon May 20, 2019 3:53 am

TalAkMaChen wrote:#1217 Monkey Business

The Issue

The legal world is in turmoil following the murder of zoo-keeper, Earl Gray. The only witness to this crime is the victim’s prized charge, Maxx the lowland gorilla. Maxx has repeatedly communicated the victim’s final words and identified the murderer via sign-language. Top legal experts are debating whether or not animals should be allowed to testify.

The Debate

1, “Of course the gorilla should be allowed to testify,” demands Phil Hutz, the lawyer for the prosecution, who has lost every single case, yet still receives business. “Maxx has not only identified the murderer, but also how his keeper was murdered. His testimony must absolutely be considered and if you ask me, the trial is as good as done.”

2, “This is ridiculous!” scoffs sharply-dressed Kendra Mulder, the most expensive defence lawyer in @@NAME@@, who has never lost a case. “For Violet’s sake, this witness is an animal, not a person! It is a mockery of justice to convict the accused based on the signals of a gorilla — which, may I remind you, could have easily been trained! Frankly, I can’t believe that we’re wasting our time debating this nonsense.”

3, “Ah, but what if the gorilla is the murderer?” deduces prominent mystery author Edgar Doyle, while dusting your coffee cup for prints. “The police have stated that the victim recently changed his will so that his favourite ape inherited everything, and the will itself was covered in fruit seeds. Animals share the same lust for violence and greed that humans do, haven’t you ever watched Planet Animal? They spend their entire lives killing and eating each other. In order to keep our citizens safe, we should hold animals accountable under the same laws humans are, and in the case of murderers like this gorilla: they should be put down. Maxx had the means and the motive — officers, arrest that gorilla!”

Issue by Nation of Quebec

Edited by Baggieland

That last option makes me wonder if it really should have been titled "Gorilla Warfare"

It's OK, I know where to show myself out.

by **TalAkMaChen** » Mon May 20, 2019 4:40 am

Trotterdam wrote:
#1215 A New Age

The Issue

57-year-old @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ has petitioned the government to legally allow @@HIM/HER_1@@ to change @@HIS/HER_1@@ age to 40.
[....]

4. "I can't help but wonder if @@RANDOMNAME_1@@'s motivation is simply survival," observes your Minister for Population Control. "Maybe if we were to undo our policy of executing the elderly, then we wouldn't be dealing with this nonsense. And then, I could go back to the Ministry of Fisheries. I like fisheries. Fresher air. Easier to sleep at night. Less screaming." The minister sighs and returns to @@HIS/HER(?)@@ paperwork.

Issue by Baggieland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
Not sure which name, if any, that last pronoun attaches to. I just got female characters for everything (except the nephew, obviously).

From the text it should be obvious where that "her/his" relates to. However, the issue does neither name nor tell whether said minister is female, male, or other. So I'd say, stay with the issue text, no variable there?

by **War Dogs I** » Tue May 21, 2019 6:52 am

Corrections on #1170 (To Catch a Beef).
option 1: “This is a travesty!” yelps ....
option 2: (not visible here)
option 3: “We don’t even know if it was the ...
option 4: “They’re bastards, that’s for sure...

The numbering (also at Trotterdam's issue results list) was wrong so far.

by **Trotterdam** » Tue May 21, 2019 8:29 am

War Dogs I wrote:The numbering (also at Trotterdam's issue results list) was wrong so far.

That seems improbable, the previous poster did at least try to check the numbering. More likely options 1 and 2 are variants of each other - did you check the wording closely for minor differences?

by **Bears Armed** » Tue May 21, 2019 10:05 am

#1221

Man of the People

The Issue
Junior Culture Minister Hugh Lopez is thirty years your senior, but he’s always had a twinkle in his eye, a love of showmanship, and a certain lightness of step. It was therefore less surprising than it might have been when he declared that he had been approached to be a contestant in the hit reality TV show Celebrity Jungle Idol Dancing Factor. Mindful that his actions reflect on your government, he’s asking your permission to go ahead with this.

The Debate
1. “I see this as a great opportunity to get viewers interested in politics!” he says, adjusting the crotch of his sequinned leotard. “The viewing and voting public adore this show, and my going on there would be great for political engagement, great for government popularity and — I admit — great for the sales of my upcoming memoirs. It’s just a bit of fun... You wouldn’t begrudge me that, would you?”

2. “No, no, and thrice no! Have we lost all sense of decorum?” asks Party Whip Barbie Shongwe, trembling visibly at the thought of it all. “The mindless mob will mock us! This will undermine respect for the government and for your leadership! Frankly, this nation needs a better class of television programmes. Perhaps you could use tax incentives and subsidies to persuade the TV stations to stop running this lowbrow trash, and instead have an uplifting schedule of operettas, ballets, educational documentaries and the like? We’d be a culturally and mentally richer nation for it.”

3. “We absolutely should let my honourable colleague make a fool of himself,” says Finn Beachcroft, your Minister of Spin. “In fact, we should make a point of directing our politicians to feature in mindless lowbrow drivel like this as often as possible. When the masses are laughing at us they won’t notice as we tighten our grip on the country. Laughter breeds complacency, and complacency opens the door to control.”

Issue by The All Seeing AI of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

That's "as received": I didn't check to see whether there were actually any other options.

by **Trotterdam** » Tue May 21, 2019 5:29 pm

#1223 Courting Bankruptcy

The Issue

The rising costs of the extravagant lifestyles of the royal family are causing great concern in the government.

The Debate

1. "I'm no republican, but this spending is getting ridiculous!" your beleaguered Treasury Minister exclaims. "Prince Jamil flew a helicopter from downtown @@CAPITAL@@ to the @@ANIMAL@@ District, only five minutes away! And Princess Avery spent a fortune on dresses just for one royal engagement, changing six times over the course of one evening! Slash their funding! The monarchy can do without all the pomp and majesty."

2. "The grandeur of our royals instills pride for our institutions in the public," explains preening courtier Harambe Looney. "The royal family must maintain a certain level of dignity and splendour in order to project mystique and status to the masses. What is the point of having royals if they're just going to be ordinary? We'd be mocked abroad for having a second-rate, cheap monarchy. That's bad for our international image. More money for the monarchy! A royal can't have just one diamond-encrusted toilet plunger, now can they?"

3. "It is true that we can't cut spending on the monarchy too far; it does need to have a certain grandeur to it," muses your Minister for Creative Solutions. "But I do agree we can't break the nation's finances over it either. How about we financially support only the major royals? You know, the monarch and, I don't know, the first three in the line of succession. They can lead their extravagant lives in their stately piles, but the more minor members of the royal family must support themselves."

4. ???

5. "Listen to all you idiots!" shouts ardent republican activist Mary Shewhart. "What century are you all living in? We shouldn't be spending any public money on these damn parasites! One inbred family should not be able to live a life of privilege and luxury at the expense of everyone else. I say we abolish the monarchy and spend the money we would have spent on them on services instead. Vive le republique!"

Issue by Nuremgard
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

All names look random (except for the genders of the prince and princess, obviously), but I'll leave them for confirmation.

by **TalAkMaChen** » Wed May 22, 2019 2:08 am

Trotterdam wrote:
War Dogs I wrote:The numbering (also at Trotterdam's issue results list) was wrong so far.
That seems improbable, the previous poster did at least try to check the numbering. More likely options 1 and 2 are variants of each other - did you check the wording closely for minor differences?

So did I, the internal numbering was choice-0, 2 and 3. So I too assume the first two are variants of one another or something similar. But as long as I don't catch the issue again, cannot be fully confirmed.

by **Trotterdam** » Wed May 22, 2019 8:07 am

#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond

The Issue

What was supposed to be a celebratory occasion — the addition of a flawless (and enormous) new diamond to the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ National Museum — has instead turned into a national embarrassment. Independent experts have released a statement declaring the stone to be lab-created, casting doubt on whether the valuable display should be considered a 'real' gemstone.

The Debate

1. "This isn't my fault!" trembles gem curator Fumiko Warner, responsible for approving the enormously expensive purchase. "The dealer assured us it was a real diamond! An opportunity like that only comes around once in a blue moon, so we had to jump on it! There needs to be a law about this; imitation wares must be clearly labeled as knock-offs, going so far as to arrest dishonest sellers!"

2. "That doesn't go far enough!" roars mining entrepreneur Lance De Beers, waving a diamond-studded cane wildly. "Just think! People buying luxury goods for low prices? These products are terrible for my bottom line — and the economy of @@NAME@@, for that matter. Where will your taxes go when every John and Jane can get anything they want for just a few bits? These lab-created diamonds, along with all knock-off goods, must be banned!"

3. ???

4. "These gems really are fascinating," muses gemologist Rory Krugman, examining a lab-created stone through a microscope. "The only difference between lab stones and the real thing is how these scientific marvels lack all of nature's flaws. To heck with pulling up rocks from the ground; we should dominate the international market by churning these out in the lab! Think of the boon to our economy when other nations see the quality of the stones were 'mining' here! No need to tell them the real source, of course."

5. "This obsession with extravagance is unhealthy," admonishes noted ascetic Agatha Rose. "Fake? Real? Why does it matter in the end? We must look to the soul of @@NAME@@, and pull back from this worship at the altar of luxury. Renounce riches, renounce commercialism, and encourage the people to do the same. Only in this way shall we reach enlightenment."

Issue by Verdant Haven
Edited by Altmer Dominion

"De Beers" is obviously nonrandom, but I'm not sure about the first name. The rest appear to be fully random.

The draft thread supports the hypothesis of "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ De Beers". Also going by the draft thread, the missing option would be for communist nations.

EDIT: Communist version can be found here.

by **Altmer Dominion** » Wed May 22, 2019 11:27 am

Trotterdam wrote:The draft thread supports the hypothesis of "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ De Beers".

Indeed, that would be correct. The first name, along with all the other full ones, are random.

by **Furry Things** » Wed May 22, 2019 10:07 pm

The Issue
The police report that several organised crime families have set up “neighbourhood tribunals” which offer mediation, judgement and punishment to their local communities in the absence of official courts. Surprisingly, many citizens seem to be in favour of these lawbreakers-turned-lawmakers, and willingly bring their grievances to them for arbitration.

The Debate
Without pausing for breath once, professional bagpiper Penny Parke drones her reasons for turning to the illegal courts: “Basically, I lent my neighbour my lawnmower two years ago and he never returned it, and when I wanted it back, he said that he’d owned it for longer than me and he’d been mowing my lawn anyway, so it was his, and I said that was rubbish, so he said ‘so sue me’ and I said ‘you know there’s no courts’, and he said that it sucks to be me, and so I said ‘well, maybe there is a court’, and then I said ‘capiche?’ which means ‘you know what I mean’ but I was implying that I meant the Mafia, if you know what I mean, and he said ‘sure, let’s do this,’ so we did, and now he’s sleeping with the fishes, which is not actually what I wanted, but I had no choice, though if you reinstate some proper courts we could resolve legal issues in a proper court, so that...” She faints suddenly, from oxygen deprivation.
“We’re doing you a favour by dealing with people like that,” says crime boss ‘Actually Quite Thin’ Tony. “Look, you got rid of the courts to get rid of bureaucracy and cut costs. That’s something I’d appreciate as a taxpayer, if I paid taxes. Why don’t you legitimise our neighbourhood tribunal system, and you’ll get back a court system, but we’ll be entirely self-funding. That’s a win-win for everyone, wouldn’t you say?”
“Perps cannot be allowed to take the law into their own hands,” says police officer Joe De Redd, knocking the crime boss down with his police baton. “The system works. We the police, act as judge, jury and — if we see fit — executioner. We arrest, pass sentence and administer any punishment we choose, no matter how painful. Crime bosses, citizens seeking illegal arbitration, underground street lawyers — they all need to respect the law. I am the Law.”

Issue by The All Seeing AI of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by The Free Joy State

Choices are 0, 1, & 2.

by **Trotterdam** » Thu May 23, 2019 2:30 am

#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem

The Issue

Increasingly, vat-born citizens have been facing widespread discrimination from older, natural-born citizens. After a series of riots where both groups accused each other of inciting violence, your advisors have spliced together a panel of experts who want to propagate their ideas.

The Debate

1. "All we're asking for is equal rights!" shouts protestor Wei Cruise, whose youthful appearance is a clear sign of being vat-born. "Those flesh-born fogeys keep passing us over for promotions and raises at our jobs, even though most of us work harder and for longer hours. They routinely refuse to serve us at restaurants or let us buy a ticket at the theater. Some of the savages even spit on us! Well, my vat-born brethren and I aren't going to take it anymore. If you don't implement comprehensive anti-discrimination laws, there's going to be blood in the streets!"

2. ???

3. "This is what happens when normal biological processes become the domain of mad scientists," harrumphs Doctor Brian Kimmel, waving around a scientific journal. "This peer-reviewed study from @@CAPITAL@@ University clearly links the vat-born populace with higher rates of violence, loitering, and juvenile delinquency compared to our natural-born citizens. Natural conception is obviously superior to our own misguided efforts — and far cheaper, too. We've got to cut our losses and end the vat program. We could also give the vat brats a tax cut to apologize for making their lives so miserable."

4. "May I offer a solution?" queries visiting dignitary Edsel Dearborn, who is wearing a T-shaped necklace and cloth-of-gold robes with an elaborate gear motif. "Back home in Aldoustan, my own government keeps the vat-grown masses happy by freely distributing a purified narcotic that we call soma: mildly euphoric and hallucinogenic, it gives people a holiday from facts and reconciles them with their enemies. We even have an aerosol spray version for neutralizing riots, like the ones I saw earlier. For a nominal fee of only 7.71 billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ per year, we'd be happy to provide you with enough soma to subdue your growing population."

5. "Violent behavior is a sign of a serious process defect," states vat technician Heidi Snow while reviewing a stack of genetic test results. "It could be dangerous to medicate the malcontents. The correct dosage will vary between individuals — meaning that most of our vat-born population will either be too stoned to function, or won't receive enough narcotics to subdue their violent impulses. The only viable solution is to euthanize every vat-born individual who shows any signs of agitation. Admittedly, it will temporarily devastate our workforce... but only until our new Kamino-Fett vats are completed and fully operational."

Issue by Pogaria
Edited by The Free Joy State

"Dearborn" doesn't appear to be random, I think everything else is.

Also, new nation alert! I think this is the first time we've seen an NPC nation doing one of the weirder things that PC nations are able to.

I think option 2 requires you to have not banned religion. It's possible that it replaces option 3.

Amusingly, my puppet got this immediately after That Smarts. Seems there's some problems in our vats.

On another note, the effect line for #1222 3 reuses the same joke as #924 3

NationStates Issues SPOILER ALERT

Issue #1213: The War of Man and Beast

Issue #1216: Not My Government

1216 for help with macros

#1222: Family Matters

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