NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Gandoor]

#1203: The Fandom Menace
Issue by: Chrimbus
Edited by: Zwangzug

The cultural masterpieces of @@NAME@@, such as interpretive dance, improv troupes, and radio plays, are acclaimed across @@REGION@@. However, some people have written fictional stories involving the creators and stars of these works in situations that cannot be talked about in family-friendly briefings.

1. “I think this whole debate is just silly!” comments Doug Stallone, taking a break from revising the latest chapter of @@LEADER@@/Reader: Tales from a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Restaurant. “No one is being harmed in the making of these stories. Everyone knows that this is all just harmless fiction. Now tell me, what do you usually order on a first date?”

2. “Harmless fiction? I’ve had to end three friendships this week because these freaks couldn’t stop writing me in sexual situations with anyone I’ve so much as looked at!” screams Kendall Bronte, the lead singer of a popular @@NAMEINITIALS@@-Pop group. “I say you ban any works of fiction involving real people, and then maybe I’ll be able to talk to my fans again.”

3. “The problem here is that works involving real people aren’t subject to copyright,” argues Peter Haskell, owner of @@CAPITAL@@ Pictures. “If we could copyright people, we could sue these writers into oblivion before they could type up the first sentence of their drivel. And if celebrities could sell their copyrights to businesses, would that be such a bad thing?”

[Jutsa]

THE FANDOM MENACE

This is awesome.

Going to see if I can get to these tonight. My ankle supports are saving my life so I think I can do it now.

[Jutsa]

Added issues 1185-1203.

Haven't gotten to all the other things yet. I know Marche Blanche is going to be a massive edit.

Thank you all for your reports. They were all lovely issues, and I've genuinely laughed many times reading these.

ed: also, I've made sure to update both my religions and nations lists.

[Bears Armed]

#1203: The Fandom Menace
Issue by: Chrimbus
Edited by: Zwangzug

The cultural masterpieces of @@NAME@@, such as interpretive dance, improv troupes, and radio plays, are acclaimed across @@REGION@@. However, some people have written fictional stories involving the creators and stars of these works in situations that cannot be talked about in family-friendly briefings.

Ship happens...

^_^

[Trotterdam]

#699 Pipe Down, Already!

The Issue

Residents across your nation have been poisoned due to dangerous levels of lead in the drinking water. A particularly vocal quartet have arrived to tell you how they think you should handle the problem.

The Debate

1. "The government needs to fix our pipes!" shouts @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a mother of four children, as she shows you the image of her teary-eyed youngsters shaking their empty Princess Sparkle-@@ANIMAL@@ water tumblers. "Look at this report. Those old lead pipes are corroding and it is leaking into our homes. I cannot give this poisonous water to my daughters! Not only does it taste disgusting, it's also a health hazard. You have to get rid of the old pipes and install new ones! Think of the children!"

2. "What's this woman prattling about?" huffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, your notoriously penny-pinching Treasury Minister, squeezing a @@CURRENCY@@ until it cuts @@HIS/HER@@ palm. "Everyone knows that lead's not dangerous. It's good for you. I heard it just this morning on talk-radio. As your body absorbs healthful lead, it seeps into your bones, makes them stronger, and works to protect against the carcinogens of environmental radiation. What we need, @@LEADER@@, is an extensive campaign to tell everyone the alternative facts about the many benefits of lead: posters, TV ads, catchy tunes... you name it."

3. ???

4. "Replacing pipes would be so expensive, @@LEADER@@. Fortunately, I have an excellent economic opportunity for both of us," asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Basani Water, looking over @@HIS/HER@@ steepled fingers with a contorted grin. "People need water. We have water to sell. Simply allow us to add a small desperation levy, say double the price, and we can help the people of our nation while growing our economy at the same time. Sure, the cattle-class might not be able to afford it, but think of the economic incentives!" @@HE/SHE@@ sips @@HIS/HER@@ company's water from a champagne flute.

5. "Replacing the pipes would be so expensive, Dear @@LEADER@@. Fortunately, we can provide for the water needs of the whole @@TYPE@@." asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, Manager of The Glorious @@NAME@@ Water Bottling Plant, as @@HE/SHE@@ pours some of Mother @@NAME@@'s slightly-cloudy product into a shot-glass. "With increased funding for advertisements, we will teach that all good @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have a duty to buy our pricey... reasonable product, as sparkling as a mountain stream." Wincing slightly, @@HE/SHE@@ takes a sip from @@HIS/HER@@ glass.

6. "Let's just add synthetic EthyleneDiamineTetraAcetic Acid to the water we've got!" giggles chemist @@RANDOMNAME@@ giddily, unaware of the blank looks everyone in the room is giving @@HIM/HER@@. "Oh, for crying out glayven. It's so simple that any child of five, with an advanced degree in chemical engineering, would understand. By giving the whole population preventative chelation therapy, we can guarantee everyone can drink the water, without wasting valuable time and money on repairing pipes or bringing in fresh water. And sure, a few people might get minor side effects, such as heart palpitations, nausea, fatigue, blood clots, and death. But most people will be fine. Probably. So if you could just sign here..."

Issue by British Wassoulea
Edited by The Free Joy State

No, I still have no clue how to unlock option 3. However, you currently don't mention its existance at all.

Also, you missed a few macros.

EDIT: Worth noting is that the "quartet" in the opening hints that the issue always has exactly four visible options, strongly supporting that option 3 is a variant to option 2. However, I don't see what in option 2 might necessitate a variant.

[Bears Armed]

6. "Let's just add synthetic EthyleneDiamineTetraAcetic Acid to the water we've got!" giggles chemist @@RANDOMNAME@@ giddily, unaware of the blank looks everyone in the room is giving @@HIM/HER@@.

Is there actually any non-synthetic EDTA?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Is there actually any non-synthetic EDTA?

I don't think so, but it being within in-character speech, it's not critical to correct that.

[Nanocyberia]

Re: issue 988
Today I opted for "Strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down." and am surprised to see no increase in the Industry: Mining stat...

[The Super Fork]

#699 Pipe Down, Already!

The Issue

Residents across your nation have been poisoned due to dangerous levels of lead in the drinking water. A particularly vocal quartet have arrived to tell you how they think you should handle the problem.

The Debate

1. "The government needs to fix our pipes!" shouts @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a mother of four children, as she shows you the image of her teary-eyed youngsters shaking their empty Princess Sparkle-@@ANIMAL@@ water tumblers. "Look at this report. Those old lead pipes are corroding and it is leaking into our homes. I cannot give this poisonous water to my daughters! Not only does it taste disgusting, it's also a health hazard. You have to get rid of the old pipes and install new ones! Think of the children!"

2. "What's this woman prattling about?" huffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, your notoriously penny-pinching Treasury Minister, squeezing a @@CURRENCY@@ until it cuts @@HIS/HER@@ palm. "Everyone knows that lead's not dangerous. It's good for you. I heard it just this morning on talk-radio. As your body absorbs healthful lead, it seeps into your bones, makes them stronger, and works to protect against the carcinogens of environmental radiation. What we need, @@LEADER@@, is an extensive campaign to tell everyone the alternative facts about the many benefits of lead: posters, TV ads, catchy tunes... you name it."

3. ???

4. "Replacing pipes would be so expensive, @@LEADER@@. Fortunately, I have an excellent economic opportunity for both of us," asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Basani Water, looking over @@HIS/HER@@ steepled fingers with a contorted grin. "People need water. We have water to sell. Simply allow us to add a small desperation levy, say double the price, and we can help the people of our nation while growing our economy at the same time. Sure, the cattle-class might not be able to afford it, but think of the economic incentives!" @@HE/SHE@@ sips @@HIS/HER@@ company's water from a champagne flute.

5. "Replacing the pipes would be so expensive, Dear @@LEADER@@. Fortunately, we can provide for the water needs of the whole @@TYPE@@." asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, Manager of <i>The Glorious @@NAME@@ Water Bottling Plant</i>, as @@HE/SHE@@ pours some of Mother @@NAME@@'s slightly-cloudy product into a shot-glass. "With increased funding for advertisements, we will teach that all good @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have a duty to buy our pricey... reasonable product, as sparkling as a mountain stream." Wincing slightly, @@HE/SHE@@ takes a sip from @@HIS/HER@@ glass.

6. "Let's just add synthetic EthyleneDiamineTetraAcetic Acid to the water we've got!" giggles chemist @@RANDOMNAME@@ giddily, unaware of the blank looks everyone in the room is giving @@HIM/HER@@. "Oh, for crying out glayven. It's so simple that any child of five, with an advanced degree in chemical engineering, would understand. By giving the whole population preventative chelation therapy, we can guarantee everyone can drink the water, without wasting valuable time and money on repairing pipes or bringing in fresh water. And sure, a few people might get minor side effects, such as heart palpitations, nausea, fatigue, blood clots, and death. But most people will be fine. Probably. So if you could just sign here..."

Issue by British Wassoulea
Edited by The Free Joy State

No, I still have no clue how to unlock option 3. However, you currently don't mention its existance at all.

Also, you missed a few macros.

EDIT: Worth noting is that the "quartet" in the opening hints that the issue always has exactly four visible options, strongly supporting that option 3 is a variant to option 2. However, I don't see what in option 2 might necessitate a variant.

Maybe the No Cents policy? Since the Treasury Minister is squeezing money in his hand and is described as "penny-pinching"?

[Jutsa]

Wait, is this why we have the no cents policy? ._.

[Trotterdam]

Well, he's squeezing a full-@@CURRENCY@@ coin, not a penny, so I don't think that's it. Though now you mention it, it could have to do with digital money.

[The Candy Of Bottles]

#1204: Homecoming Queen

The Issue

Kathleen King ran away from home when she was 15 to join the Ultra-Violetists, an international, religious, militant organisation that aims to forge a state ruled under Violetist law. Now, four years later, she wants to come back to The Candy Of Bottles, claiming to have served in only noncombatant roles. The so-called “Terrorist Princess” is heavy with child and nearly due, and is now living in a refugee camp in Bigtopia.

The Debate

0.) “Oh my silly lost girl, where did she get her ideas? She didn’t kill anyone during her escapades, so surely that should count for something,” pleads the girl’s father, a Violetist cleric. “She wasn’t even an adult at the time, so she should be excused for her actions and be allowed to return home to have her child. Our family will take care of her and the baby, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Accept

1.) “She made the decision to betray our glorious Rainbow Pony Kingdom in order to join up with those Violetist lunatics!” bellows your Minister for Homeland Security. “No matter the girl’s claims about being a noncombatant, she still served the enemy! But if she wants to come back, then fine! Have her extradited, then throw her in solitary confinement for the rest of her miserable life! The child we’ll take away to raise in a patriotic environment free from sick terrorist ideals!”

Accept

2.) “Take her out,” whispers your Minister for Alternative Solutions. “And I don’t mean to a nice restaurant. Violetist extremists have caused so many deaths, so why waste this opportunity for justice? I don’t believe she was noncombatant for a second. These Violetist animals wouldn’t show any mercy to us, so we shouldn’t show any to them. She and her larvae deserve to die — this is war!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Apocalypse of GeodesicDragon

Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Jutsa]

Yes. Just. Yes.

A MI edit for this one makes senwe. Also glad to see Geo the author of this. Congrats on the third issue.

[Chads United]

#1207: Next, Please!

The Issue

A recent two-part patriotic public information video was produced by the Department of Audiovisual Military National Documents and, as is usual for projects of this sort, went straight to the archives with barely a dozen viewings. However, an observant former movie director has spotted that the second film of the pair technically breaks the previously enacted law banning movie sequels.

The Debate

Option #1: “After the Sharknado fiasco, our government’s heavy-handed regulation of cinema essentially destroyed the movie industry,” complains Mikaela Bay, the ex-director, as behind her a spectacular sunset provides a backdrop to the explosive demolition of her bankrupted movie studio. “You’ve created a populace disconnected from global pop culture. Do Luke and Leia ever marry? Do Harry and Draco acknowledge their simmering sexual chemistry? I don’t know! Nobody in @@NAME@@ knows! Repeal the ban on movie sequels, and we can get back into the modern world.”

Option #2: “Look, it might be a small restriction on creative freedom, but it is the boundaries of creativity that encourage imagination,” offers Miya Hayaozaki, an independent arthouse animator, whose latest project Pig in a Flying Boat has just been greenlit. “You owe it to @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ culture to stand by the rules you have created: fire the offending film-maker, destroy all copies of the two-parter, and pay the fines.”

Option #3: “Mea culpa, I broke the rules,” admits the creator of the offending information video, wringing his hands remorsefully. “But look, rules like these shouldn’t apply to the government, should they? Laws are for the citizen masses, not for the lawmakers. If anyone should be punished, it’s the dissidents who are seeking to undermine government authority with their nit-picking ways. Subversives in the movie-making community need to be monitored, perhaps even brought in to have their loyalties re-examined.”

Issue by The Whispery Candle Thing of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Agraria and Bioria]

#584 The Cake Is a Lie

584.2 result "stoned tourists don't tend to remember much about their holidays here" is now
"They say that @@Nationname@@ made a dessert and called it peace."

[Candlewhisper Archive]

#584 The Cake Is a Lie

584.2 result "stoned tourists don't tend to remember much about their holidays here" is now
"They say that @@Nationname@@ made a dessert and called it peace."

The spoiler thread doesn't do effect lines, but so glad you noticed my amendment. 41 days ago I dreamt up that line in my sleep, and asked the team's permission to change it the next morning.

[Kylarnatia]

#1205: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow

The Issue
The heir to the throne, known for dangerous and spontaneous adventuring, has gone missing on a recent attempt to circumnavigate the globe.

The Debate
[Choice 0] “Oh dear, oh no. Don’t panic. I said, don’t panic!” yelps Dirk Vajiralongkorn, clutching a map of the South Pacific. “We need search parties. Lots of them. Scour each state. Search the roads. Sweep the skies. Send out dolphins with cameras strapped to their head! The works! We’re in a national crisis every minute we’re heir-less!”



[Choice 1] Sitting in an armchair wearing an insufferably smug look, one of your advisors drains their glass, “In the future, I trust you’ll heed my advice. I warned you against demolishing tradition and opening up our succession to both sexes. We have an heir unapparent, flighty and impulsive, emotional and argumentative — as we should have expected — who’s gone and disappeared trying to prove god-knows-what to god-knows-who! Assuming a rescue mission is successful, we’ll still be in a national crisis solely based on who we’re rescuing. No, that simply will not do, @@LEADER@@. Absolute primogeniture was an experiment. A failed one. It’s time to correct that mistake and return the throne to the rightful sex.”



[Choice 2] “How unfortunate,” drawls your Minister of Happenstance @@RANDOMNAME@@, while leafing through a report on your desk. “But those who play with fire can’t be shocked when they get burned. Thankfully, I have an easy solution for you. I’m quite sure we can find another royal: one who is more responsible, less rambunctious, more malleable. The necessary paperwork and documentation can be found. I’m sure it will transpire that our missing heir wasn’t actually first in line to the throne. Yes, I’m sure this will be better for the monarchy in the long run. Shame about our dearly departed, but @@NAME@@ must come first.”



[Choice 3] “There’s a silver lining in every tragedy,” begins network executive Pablo Kapoor. “Picture this: a prime-time TV extravaganza contest to find the next heir of @@NAME@@. We could have auditions and a weekly elimination. There’d be drama and intrigue with everyone waiting on the edge of their seats to see who will be their next, people’s heir. Oh, don’t worry, we’d decide on a suitable and likeable winner in advance. But the spectacle of it all would be grand. And profitable.”



[Choice 4] “One louse goes missing and the whole country’s gone topsy-turvy!” exclaims a mud-encrusted peasant hanging through your office window. “Have you actually read up on the history of the concept of monarchy? Like this one: some guy claims divinity based on a ridiculous tale of an @@ANIMAL@@ in a lake giving him a sword. Does @@NAME@@ really want anything to do with systems built on myth and legend? Come on! You can’t base a system of government on strange @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ lying in lakes, distributing swords. You must return the power to the people!”

Issue by Luna Amore

Edited by The Free Joy State

The underlined names are names I'm not certain of whether they're random or not. Otherwise all the other macros seem to be correct.

[The Candy Of Bottles]

1,209: Your Island Is My Island

The Issue
The local inhabitants in one of the far-flung colonies of The Candy Of Bottles have been protesting about the occupation and their calls for independence have been growing louder. Your secretary has suggested that you take a vacation to this land in the hope that you can resolve this dispute and enjoy some ‘me-time’ in between mediation.

The Debate
0.) “You cannot allow this occupation to continue!” cries native activist Dixie Wonka over the chanting locals. “Our island was illegally seized by your government. Your military continues to fire shells on practice ranges on our land and deny us access to sacred sites in the name of ‘national defense’! Not only that, but also native Rainbow Ponies are moving into homes over here and forcing us off our ancestral domains. So please, King Sakub Anangåkïz, leave this island and restore our once proud kingdom.”

Accept

1.) “What do these savages know about running a country?” asks Rear Admiral Duras, as military police in pith hats push the crowd back. “When we annexed this island, it was nothing but a rock in the sea getting by on fish and fruit. We have brought civilization and protection to these people! Plus, don’t forget that this island is paramount in securing our control of the surrounding seas — are the concerns of a few rowdy locals worth endangering the safety of our families back home? Increase the military presence here, so when the locals call us ‘Boss’... they mean it!”

Accept

2.) “Now, now, what’s happened has happened,” chimes in Governor Locke. “However, we do have to consider everyone’s feelings. Families from the mainland now live here and, without government support, this island would struggle to keep basic services running. Instead, you could just give more autonomy to this place, and other territories like it. The military can stay, but we should be able to pass our own laws that also reflect the needs of the local people.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Empire of the New Sun of The United Lands of Ash

Edited by Baggieland

[Trotterdam]

#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement

The Issue

After having to poke your nephew with a stick to wake him up, you are beset by a chorus of health experts and disgruntled teenagers complaining about the wave of adolescent insomnia gripping the nation.

The Debate

1. Drowsy high-schooler @@RANDOMNAME@@ jolts awake after finding a microphone in @@HIS/HER@@ face. "Dude, this is, like," @@HE@@ pauses to yawn. "Terrible. The school day is starting earlier and earlier, and that's making us lose our precious sleep, man! If you, like, forced schools to start later we could all get our sleep and, like, be more attentive in class."

3. "Kids these days will complain about anything!" hollers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your reluctant Minister for Education. "Let's require that all @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren attend state-run boarding schools. They'll sleep when we tell them to sleep, and not a moment later! Parents might not like it, but think of all the @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ they'll save on snacks."

4. "Hi hi!" Your precocious young niece runs around your office. "How about big boys and girls and grownups have nap time? Nap time was so fun, I miss it! Everyone should have nap time!"

Issue by Midand
Edited by Zwangzug

You need internet for option 2.

[GeodesicDragon]

Yes. Just. Yes.

A MI edit for this one makes senwe. Also glad to see Geo the author of this. Congrats on the third issue.

Thanks!

(Also, MI edit? It's late and I'm too tired to remember stuff.)

[Trotterdam]

(Also, MI edit? It's late and I'm too tired to remember stuff.)

Issue by The Apocalypse of GeodesicDragon
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[GeodesicDragon]

Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

Derp, now I feel silly.

Thanks.

[Test X4]

#1206 Gross Domestic Product

The Issue
The nation’s largest river is vital to @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ for agricultural irrigation, goods transport and water for both industrial and consumption purposes. However, rising pollution has now rendered the water unfit for human consumption and the river has become nearly unnavigable due to the sheer volume of waste choking it. The final straw for many came when a flaming deluge of feces, trash, and toxic chemicals engulfed riverside areas in downtown @@CAPITAL@@.
The Debate
1. “Look, I’m no hippy environmentalist, but this level of pollution is starting to cause real problems for our economy and our health,” moans farmer Adele Burton after retching in her hazmat suit. “You have to ban factories from dumping waste in the river, and invest in better outflow management to protect our waterways.”
2. “We can’t slow down industrial development because we’re averse to slightly brown water,” asserts engineer Cooper Henderson. “Instead, we should just dredge the river to remove trash and debris, and create wide concrete-lined channels to let the water flow out to sea faster. Remove dams, divert water from other sources, and we can increase river flow and dilute the problem. Hard engineering for hard ecological problems. It’s not hard.”
3. “The waters are a gift from the divine,” sensually sighs the Priestess of the Wet God, eagerly slurping the river water as she bathes in it. “This Holy River is always pure and rejuvenating, no matter what mere men may think or fear. The dizziness we feel from inhaling the fumes that rise from the sacred waters is the spiritual ecstasy of communion. The government should inform the people of the great and healthful powers of His Watery Glory’s blessed flow, and indeed bottle the water and deliver it to people across the nation. Nobody should be afraid to take a sip, or a large gulp!”


Issue by The All-American Prophet of The Marsupial Illuminati
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Trotterdam]

You need internet for option 2.

And here it is:

2. Teenager @@RANDOMNAME@@ glances up from @@HIS/HER@@ multiple laptops to weigh in. "Physical schools are obsolete these days. What we need are virtual schools that students can access around the clock! It'll let us go at our own pace without sacrificing our sleep."

[Trotterdam]

#1211 Free Credit Reports With Monitoring

The Issue

After Dàguó implemented a "social credit" system, in which the good and bad deeds of citizens affect a score which determines various rewards and punishments from the government, politicians are pondering the plausibility of using such a system that rates your citizens based on their actions.

The Debate

1. "I think having a social credits system is great!" gushes one of your political aides, coming into your office looking distressed. "For example, I would give the cab ride that got me here only 3 stars out of 5. When there are clear incentives and negative consequences for people's actions, everyone will behave and treat one another better. We can have an information collector in every neighbourhood to see who's been naughty and nice, and give those with high scores rewards like higher priority in hospital queues."

2. "This goes beyond opening doors and saying grace!" barks local philosopher @@RANDOMNAME@@, barging into your office and slamming the door shut, breaking the doorknob. "People make mistakes all the time! Don't tell me you're gonna start punishing those your system deems bad citizens just because they accidentally dumped their rubbish in the street. I'm not saying I accidentally littered... and the information collectors can be bribed! And we should not let the government encroach on our liberties by punishing people for actions that are not crimes. Just forget this idea right now and don't punish me for breaking your doorknob, okay?"

3. "Why implement a system that rates your citizens when you can have the citizens rate the government instead?" whispers a mysterious stranger as retro music begins to play. "That way, the old, drab officials in their drab suits can just be fired by you and replaced with more qualified people with more street cred."

Issue by Japanese Schoolgirls
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati