NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Jutsa]

I'd like to point out that it was still Zompableech earlier, but yeah, without Zompaboodaland being involved, this works better.

Many thanks for working on this one, CWA.

Here's option 3:

“What about Althaniq, and West Calypso, and Marche Blanc?” inquires novelty latex hat manufacturer Khethelo Bowie, who used to export to all three nations. “That’s a lot of nations not getting the benefit of essential, high-quality Jutsaish products. Abandoning the global marketplace was a mistake — let a little free trade back into our lives!”

ed: I'm pretty sure this is the single issue with the most NPC nations listed either at one time or, definitely, throughout the issue as a whole.

[Verdant Haven]

Bonus points for anyone who can work out the etymology of Copiluaca.

Oh wait.

I totally forgot to put the other half of the joke in, which now makes the island name mean nothing. Fixed. Now reads:

However, in the distant tiny island nation of Copiluaca, economic activity was formerly almost entirely dependent on selling coffee to @@NAME@@, leaving them with crippling unemployment, tens of thousands in poverty, and an imminent famine.

I can't sort the etymology as yet, but from the description it makes me think of the Oompa-Loompas and Loompaland. A tiny island nation full of oppressed people with an intense reliance on a single luxury crop

[Agraria and Bioria]

#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks


The Issue

In a world rife with refugees fleeing natural catastrophes, wars and tyranny, the good people of @@NationName@@ have generously opened their doors to allow asylum-seekers to come live in this fair land. However, in the past year only a single person has taken the nation up on this offer.

The Debate

1. “Well, no kidding,” complains @@RandomName@@, the aforementioned sole immigrant, who looks emaciated with malnutrition. “This place is as poor as dirt and I almost feel tempted to brave the bombs again rather than another empty supermarket. You ought to invest a bit, fix the roads, use business subsidies to attract the biggest international industries. In the meantime, can you direct me to the nearest port? I’m going to try my luck in Brancaland.”

2. “The real problem isn’t our relative poverty,” explains your affronted Minister of Immigration. “It’s just that people don’t get what else we have to offer. You know why we have our borders open to those in need? Because we are a compassionate society — one that struggles to put food on the table, sure, but that’s a side effect of our moral priorities. I recommend we offer any refugees a welfare package and charitable aid for the journey. It’ll mean digging deeper in our own pockets, but we’re happy to go without if it shows the world that we care.”

3. “So refugees don’t want to come to our country?” asks Social Nationalist campaigner @@RandomName@@, grinning broadly. “Fantastic! If the way things are keeps foreigners out, then let’s make a point of keeping it that way. Put in measures to keep supermarket shelves understocked, and sabotage economic growth any way you can. We’ll stay poor, but at least we’ll stay pure.”


Issue by The Republic of Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Trotterdam]

I remember that one. Amusing premise

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Bonus points for anyone who can work out the etymology of Copiluaca.

Oh wait.

I totally forgot to put the other half of the joke in, which now makes the island name mean nothing. Fixed. Now reads:

However, in the distant tiny island nation of Copiluaca, economic activity was formerly almost entirely dependent on selling coffee to @@NAME@@, leaving them with crippling unemployment, tens of thousands in poverty, and an imminent famine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVJqwCdzZnw

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Bonus points for anyone who can work out the etymology of Copiluaca.

Oh wait.

I totally forgot to put the other half of the joke in, which now makes the island name mean nothing. Fixed. Now reads:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVJqwCdzZnw

[Jutsa]

Incredible.

[Jutsa]

Added! Many thanks, Agraria and Bioria.

A very fun issue premise, indeed. Glad to see another issue for poorer nations.

[Valentine Z]

Issue 1186 - The Magic’s Gone

The Issue
The government’s stance endorsing the practice of magic and sorcery has always raised some eyebrows amongst world leaders. Now it seems that spells that ought to work are not giving repeatable results, and sometimes don’t seem to do anything at all. A cabal of five magi have come to advise you on the reasons for these sorcerous failings.

The Debate

[Option 1] “Magic ebbs and flows like the tide. Today, a spell fails — tomorrow, it succeeds beyond your expectations,” explains Magical Headmaster Godric Elminster. “If you encounter setbacks, you keep your chin up and march on. Have a little faith in the High Art, and in the powers of magic that exist invisibly all around us.”

[Option 2] “Hold on, maybe we need to be more active in looking for an answer,” suggests Arcanist Rowena Dresden. “If we want to cast spells, we’re going to need a source of magical power. I suggest we set up an agency to hunt down legendary artifacts and mythical creatures. If only we knew more about fabulous beasts and where to find them, I’m sure we could get our thaumaturgy flowing.”

[Option 3] “Look, the important thing here is not how much power you wield, but how much power you appear to wield,” suggests Salazar Constantine, a street wizard, lighting up a cigarette despite the No Smoking sign in clear view. “You need to make announcements that Valentine Z’s magical puissance is growing on a daily basis, and arrange for a few large scale stage illusions to back up that lie. This will have practical benefits too: as the scepticism of the masses decreases, magic will flow back into the world, enabling true wizards like me to cast real spells for you. Honest truth, guv, would I lie to you?”

[Option 4] “Let’s not be afraid to name magic as a failed experiment,” offers ever-practical will-worker Helga Ged. “Look, we all wanted magic to be the solution to our problems, but when it comes down to it, hard work and elbow grease are what gets things done. Me, I’m putting down my wizard’s staff and taking up a fishing rod. It’s time we got back to basics.”

[Option 5] “Actually, my own spells have been working fine,” reports a smug little alchemist, who insists he must not be named. “Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange. Make the necessary sacrifices and you’ll find that there’s magical power aplenty to be had.”

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by USS Monitor

(I didn't manage to Ctrl + I the option numbers, so... I apologise!)

[Jutsa]

I love this.

So much.

Thank you, CWA.

[Trotterdam]

A number of those names are obviously nonrandom, though I suspect random first names with fixed last names.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

A number of those names are obviously nonrandom, though I suspect random first names with fixed last names.

Clearly not a Harry Potter fan, then.

[Jutsa]

I am, but even I don't recognize all the names.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I am, but even I don't recognize all the names.

Fair enough! The first names are the first names of the four House founders whose approach and philosophy the option represents, with Voldemort on 5. The second names represent other fictional wizards who might also have espoused that approach. Option 5 also has a little Full Metal Alchemist in there, courtesy of Monitor.

[Jutsa]

Nice.

Adding to my list now.

[Jutsa]

And added. Double post ik but I've gotta say this is probably my favorite issue I've seen added all year.

[Bears Armed]

#1184

Wring Out Your Dead

The Issue
A fact finding mission into bollard placement in downtown @@CAPITAL@@ was cut short when your attention was drawn towards a fight between angry, grieving relatives and debt collectors. It appears a debt collection agency picketed a funeral, bellowing out the debts owed by the deceased via megaphone and attempting to collect the money owed from the bereaved relatives.

The Debate
1. “Monsters!” yells out distressed mourner Cooper Jele, as he tries to squirm free from a debt collector’s grip. “These vultures were all over my oldest friend as he was dying in a hospital bed! There should be a law against this sort of thing! How can you justify hounding the terminally ill and the dead for money?”
2. “The deceased had debts totaling thirty-eight @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, before interest and our late payment fees, of course,” states debt collector Jessica Quimby representing Hackett, Vulture and Hobbler. “We are within our rights to attempt to collect monies owed. If you were to simplify matters, perhaps by mandating that debts pass to the next of kin upon death, then we would not be forced to take these unusual and distressing measures.”
3. “They need their money back, right?” opts your Minister for Bollard Replacement. “It’s only, what, thirty @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@plus whatever she said about payment fees. Just let the government pick up the tab whenever someone with minor debt kicks the bucket, and can we please get on our way? These bollards aren’t going to inspect themselves!”

Issue by The United Socialist States of Caracasus
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Jutsa]

Nice issue.

Added~ Thank you, BA.

[Jutsa]

Heads up, there are at least 1191 issues out; and we've not even 1187.

[Trotterdam]

Heads up, there are at least 1191 issues out; and we've not even 1187.

You can find #1187 here. Note the use of @@SLOGAN@@ at the end of option 2.

Other issues I've caught wind of are this (heavily edited), this (not-so-heavily edited), and this (only spotted once so far, but that once wasn't the author, so the validity seems to be working correctly).

[Jutsa]

Oh! Glorious! Thank you Trot.

... Any idea, the author or the editor?

[Trotterdam]

... Any idea, the author or the editor?

Nope.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Heads up, there are at least 1191 issues out; and we've not even 1187.

1192.

[Jutsa]

Right, I forgot to count #0. Oops

[Alolinthesea]

Issue #1190 "Dirty Laundry"

The Issue
Notorious gangster Sal Hattone has finally been arrested for robbery and extortion. Unfortunately, upon further investigation, no traces of his supposed profits have been found. The only assets in Hattone’s possession were a few laundromat stores he invested in, which appear to have no connection to the stolen cash. The nation’s top legal experts and investigators have come to you with suggestions.

The Debate
1. “As you can clearly see, @@LEADER@@, my client has no connection to any of the alleged crimes he has been charged with,” says Hattone’s lawyer Finn Filoni, wearing suspiciously clean clothes. “Obviously you cannot rob or extort someone without taking their money, and with no money to prove my client’s guilt, there cannot be any case of robbery or extortion, thus he is innocent. Please have these lawyers get out of my client’s hair, and his haberdashery collection.”


2. Public defender Lauren Matsenjwa, clad in dirty garments, vociferously protests. “You can’t overlook Hattone’s investments! Surely he wasn’t rich, because if he was, he wouldn’t need to commit those crimes he absolutely committed. So where did the money for the investments come from? We need more authority to investigate these so-called laundromats, and every @@CURRENCY@@ that’s passed through their doors.”


3. “Both of those solutions are for the previous generation,” notes Microcosm CEO Roger Snape, wearing a lightly-stained suit. “What we need is a digital currency, where you can track all payments. That way all this legal nonsense won’t happen, since you can’t really rob someone, and investments are visible for all to see.”


4. “You businesspeople can’t perceive the best solution,” says your aide Aaron Bone, who’d rather wear nothing at all. “Just make the government own all of the laundromats and strictly regulate washing machines. That way, no criminals will dream of hiding their money there, and I can become the Minister of Lint like I always dreamed of.”