NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Voorzichtigheid]

1121 - Tribes and Tribulations

The Issue

A Voorzichtigheidian tourist was killed on an island inhabited by an uncontacted, neolithic tribe known as the Maxeliese. The victim’s family is demanding justice, but the matter is further complicated by the fact that the tribe’s island is considered Wezeltonian territory.

The Debate

[Option 1] “Those savages murdered my brother!” states Kitty Lazenby, pummelling your desk in a fit of rage. “As they clearly don’t understand concepts like ‘respect for the rule of law’, you should bomb the island and send them back to the Stone Age! That’ll send a stark lesson to them and any other tribe that wishes to mess with Voorzichtigheid!”

[Option 2] “And risk going to war with Wezeltonia?” rebuts your Minister of Defense while folding out a map of the region. “Look, I sympathize that one of our citizens was killed, but frankly he should have known better. That island is clearly marked as off-limits by the Wezeltonian government. What we need to do is pressure their government to step up patrols to ensure that this tragedy never happens again, allowing this tribe to develop as nature intended. I’m sure we could lend a ship or two to help out.”

[Option 3] “This tribe is a perfect chance to study living history!” exclaims famed archaeologist Iowa Smith, donning his trademark Stetson and whip. “These people are living just like our ancestors did thousands of years ago. Why not send a covert team to monitor them? Think of the scientific discoveries, the adventure! I’m sure the Wezeltonian government can be persuaded to help us out if we hand over those artifacts they say we stole from them.”

Issue by Nation of Quebec

Edited by The Free Joy State

(Again, Mobile, so... Sorry about that!)

[Trotterdam]

Here it is.

#1121 Tribes and Tribulations

The Issue

A @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ tourist was killed on an island inhabited by an uncontacted, neolithic tribe known as the Maxeliese. The victim's family is demanding justice, but the matter is further complicated by the fact that the tribe's island is considered Wezeltonian territory.

The Debate

1. "Those savages murdered my brother!" states @@RANDOMNAME@@, pummelling your desk in a fit of rage. "As they clearly don't understand concepts like 'respect for the rule of law', you should bomb the island and send them back to the Stone Age! That'll send a stark lesson to them and any other tribe that wishes to mess with @@NAME@@!"

2. "And risk going to war with Wezeltonia?" rebuts your Minister of Defense while folding out a map of the region. "Look, I sympathize that one of our citizens was killed, but frankly he should have known better. That island is clearly marked as off-limits by the Wezeltonian government. What we need to do is pressure their government to step up patrols to ensure that this tragedy never happens again, allowing this tribe to develop as nature intended. I'm sure we could lend a ship or two to help out."

3. "This tribe is a perfect chance to study living history!" exclaims famed archaeologist Iowa Smith, donning his trademark Stetson and whip. "These people are living just like our ancestors did thousands of years ago. Why not send a covert team to monitor them? Think of the scientific discoveries, the adventure! I'm sure the Wezeltonian government can be persuaded to help us out if we hand over those artifacts they say we stole from them."

4. "We must forgive these poor, unfortunate souls for their actions and help them!" pleads televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@ after handing your uneasy interns a brochure about @@FAITH@@. "From what I hear, this tribe is ruled by shamans and witch doctors! If only they had the chance to hear the word of the Creator, whose words transcend even a lack of common language, they will cease their violent ways. All we ask is for some modest funding to send out expeditions so that these tribes can feel the love of @@FAITH@@!"

Issue by Nation of Quebec
Edited by The Free Joy State

[Australian rePublic]

Tribes and Tribulations

The Issue

An Australian tourist was killed on an island inhabited by an uncontacted, neolithic tribe known as the Maxeliese. The victim’s family is demanding justice, but the matter is further complicated by the fact that the tribe’s island is considered Wezeltonian territory.

The Debate

“Those savages murdered my brother!” states Holly Zahm, pummelling your desk in a fit of rage. “As they clearly don’t understand concepts like ‘respect for the rule of law’, you should bomb the island and send them back to the Stone Age! That’ll send a stark lesson to them and any other tribe that wishes to mess with Australian rePublic!”

Accept

“And risk going to war with Wezeltonia?” rebuts your Minister of Defense while folding out a map of the region. “Look, I sympathize that one of our citizens was killed, but frankly he should have known better. That island is clearly marked as off-limits by the Wezeltonian government. What we need to do is pressure their government to step up patrols to ensure that this tragedy never happens again, allowing this tribe to develop as nature intended. I’m sure we could lend a ship or two to help out.”

Accept

“This tribe is a perfect chance to study living history!” exclaims famed archaeologist Iowa Smith, donning his trademark Stetson and whip. “These people are living just like our ancestors did thousands of years ago. Why not send a covert team to monitor them? Think of the scientific discoveries, the adventure! I’m sure the Wezeltonian government can be persuaded to help us out if we hand over those artifacts they say we stole from them.”

Accept

“We must forgive these poor, unfortunate souls for their actions and help them!” pleads televangelist Mark Farmer after handing your uneasy interns a brochure about Christianity. “From what I hear, this tribe is ruled by shamans and witch doctors! If only they had the chance to hear the word of the Creator, whose words transcend even a lack of common language, they will cease their violent ways. All we ask is for some modest funding to send out expeditions so that these tribes can feel the love of Christianity!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec

Edited by The Free Joy State

ADVERTISEMENT

[Bears Armed]

1118 sighted, will copypasta shortly.

EDIT:

We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Get to It

The Issue
Several workers were killed and others injured in the recent collapse of a bridge being constructed across the @@ANIMAL@@ River.

The Debate
1. “My client’s partner was killed in this incident and she’s demanding answers!” exclaims litigator Zack Khachaturian, throwing a stack of folders on your desk. “Hundreds of petitioners, including many of my clients — ah, and the other victims’ families — will not be contented with the status quo. They need to know that their loved ones who go to work on these sites will most definitely come home at night. Instituting more safety guidelines might slow down the rate of construction work, but that just means more time to earn a living!”

2. “Objection!” cries prominent attorney Colin Rios, representing construction firm Bricks An’ Stuff. “These destructive laws would merely hinder businesses’ ability to perform their job: providing houses to our beautiful citizens, storefronts to our busy workers, and hotel skyscrapers to our guests!” He pats down his suit before handing you a trunk filled with legislation suggestions. “Offer subsidies to businesses that perform safety checks, and trust companies to carry them out. They know what’s best, after all.”

3. “Aw, as if we need these damn rules an’ stuff!” mutters greying construction worker Commodus Zhu, running while holding power tools. “Real builders don’t need them to survive on the job. Back in my day, we worked our butts off like real men, and dealt with problems like these on our own! Get rid of those stupid laws, and let us show these sissies how it’s done.”

Issue by Nedanelden

Edited by Zwangzug

Note: names left un-macro'd because I'm not the best at deciding when the names are actually random.

I've just received this, too, with a different selection of names.
I suspect that option 3 might be @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ rather than just @@RANDOMNAME@@, though.

Following Yonder Star (1120)

The Issue
The rulers of three distant kingdoms have all requested permission to enter The Candy Of Bottles and visit the small town of Betraisa during a specific week this year. When asked for an explanation, they each disclosed that a keen interest in astrology had led them to believe that a long-prophesied religious teacher and leader of mankind would soon be born there. When pressed for further details about how to identify this individual, however, they all decided that letting your government know any more might not be the wisest thing to do.

1.) “Hallelujah!” exclaims Marlon May, your Minister for Culture, Religious Affairs, and Tourism. “We must welcome this opportunity, aid those three kings in their visit, and honour the Prophet-to-be! We will surely improve our chances of salvation... and attract more tourists in the future, too. Yes, these visitors might end up starting a bizarre cult, but we should support religious freedom, right?”

Accept

2.) “Who do these wise guys think they are, wanting to waltz into our country and proclaim that a baby has higher authority than your own?” scoffs Sigourney Herod, your Head of Internal Security Services. “I suppose we could try letting the kings in and following them to see whether they all select the same newborn as this prophesied one. If that does happen, you surely don’t want any potential rivals, do you? Wouldn’t it be a pity if Betraisa Hospital’s maternity ward burnt down at the end of that week, killing everybody inside? That sounds like just the sort of thing those Ultra-Violetist terrorists could be blamed for.”

Accept

3.) “Isn’t your sister due to give birth soon?” inquires Ashley Bone, the overly ambitious civil servant who is taking notes at this meeting. “Perhaps you might arrange for her to do so in Betraisa, proclaim your new nephew as this prophesied Holy One, and then appoint yourself as the child’s designated spokesperson. The followers of this new cult would do whatever you told them! For unto us a child is born, and King Sakub Anangåkïz will be upon his shoulders!”

Accept

4.) “Bah, humbug! What utter nonsense!” retorts Ebenezer Hanover, your Minister for Information. “Nobody should believe in non-scientific ideas like prophecy or astrology, or religion in general, anyway. What we need is a public education campaign against such concepts - then it won’t matter if some child coincidentally does match the supposed forecast.”

Accept

Dismisss

Issue by The Free Bears of Bears Armed

Edited by Pogaria

No gaps at the source, so this should be all the options. Also, I've left the macros untouched, although I can tell you right now the last name in option two is going to be fixed...

I confirm that that last name is fixed. So is the forename for option four's speaker first name, 'Ebenezer'. Both of those were editorial changes with which I heartily approve.
The other names are all random.

[Jutsa]

Added both! Both are nice issues.

I suspect option 4 has one of those "Must lean towards being religious" restrictions.

I've got a lot to add to my list of nations, tribes, and religions...

[Techolandia]

« Back to Issues
1 ASQUELE

The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,119
CITY FINAL
MONDAY DECEMBER 3, 2018

Where There Isn’t Smoke
The Issue

Since the smoking ban, tragedy has struck Techolandia as the most hip bars lack a certain je ne sais quoi, formerly smoke-filled back rooms are disturbingly transparent, and withdrawing smokers are beset with torpor. Oh, who are you kidding: powerful tobacco interests, wheelbarrows full of money in tow, have come to your office begging for the law to change.
The Debate

name="choice-1" “Think of the economic impact of the ban,” begs former Nicotine ‘R Us CEO Jamil Day. “Tobacco farmers letting their fields go fallow, convenience store workers closing shop after losing their most lucrative products, advertisement agencies forced to switch to making Saturday morning kids cartoons, and yes, the employees of the tobacco companies sent to the poor house. Why, it’s tragic!” He carefully wipes away a single tear with a check for a million asqueles, and discretely stuffs it into one of your pockets. “The economic stimulus and additional tax revenue of a complete lifting of tobacco restrictions should overcome any paltry health objections.”

name="choice-2" “Dude, this tax revenue talk has me thinking,” murmurs scruffy looking economics professor Natalie Laine, who smells distinctly skunky to you. “On the one hand, legalizing tobacco and taxing it to the gills will bring in more revenue. On the other hand, legalizing all drugs and taxing them all to the gills will bring in even more revenue, which will then let you lower income taxes. It’ll be a total economic multiplier effect... or something. Hey, did you know the word ‘hand’ is just the word ‘and’ with an ‘h’ at the beginning? Freaky.”

name="choice-4" “Is Techolandian health really for sale?” asks your personal doctor, stethoscope pressed to your chest. “Are kids growing up with parents who are bed ridden due to emphysema worth a few more asqueles in the coffers of Techolandia? How about hospital beds full of lung cancer victims? If anything, you should further discourage any renegade smoke-fiends by raising the penalties for getting caught holding or dealing tobacco.”

Issue by The United Mangrove Archipelago of Ransium and The United Socialist States of Caracasus

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Sacara]

#1022: Failure to Respond [Australian rePubic; Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
Recently, you found yourself trapped in a broken-down elevator, waiting nearly five hours for emergency services to turn up. You were told this was because their resources were tied up dealing with (among other things) a fake bomb scare, a patient taken to hospital with a runny nose, a man with his beard trapped in a deckchair, a mum having trouble getting groceries home from the store, and a broken DVD player in need of “emergency” repairs.

1. “I can’t believe we were trapped all that time because some idiots don’t know the difference between an emergency vehicle and a taxi,” complains Wesley, your aide. “And that poor lady we were stuck with, and her overflowing catheter bag! That didn’t end well for any of us... You should allow emergency services to ignore the calls of those who misuse the services!”

2. “Agreed, and we should also punish misuse of emergency services,” suggests Bruce Modi, a police officer who has recently returned from being called out to scare a toddler into eating his greens. “Anyone who wastes our time should do time in prison! Lock them up!”

3. “You can’t discourage people from using services when they might really need them,” asserts fire fighter Heidi Suparman, striking a heroic magazine-cover pose. “I know that there are some who misuse the system, but overall, they need to know that we’ll be there for them in times of crisis. In fact, you should boost the budgets of emergency services, and give us workers a pay bonus for each call we respond to. It’s the only way to keep our nation safe!”

4. “Look, there’s a reasonable middle ground here,” offers former model and coastguard officer Casey Parker. “Just run an advertising campaign discouraging unnecessary emergency calls, and warn that you’ll fine callers who waste resources. Like, maybe a poster of some barbed wire with the slogan ‘Don’t call me, babe.’ We’ll cut down on time-wasting and also raise funds that you can use to cut down income tax.”

I looked at the internal numbering -- there is no alternative option for number two. Apparently, nations with the 'No Jails' policy must not get it.

[Trotterdam]

#760 A Debatable Question

The Issue

It's election season in @@NAME@@, and several of the smaller political parties are voicing their concerns about being left out of the big televised debates, again.

The Debate

1. "It's so unfair," sulks Lord Kettlenoggin, leader of the Marxist Alliance For The Advancement Of Agrarian Libertarianism (MAFTAOAL), while speaking to a local gathering of six people. "We polled just below one percent last election cycle, and I demand to be heard! In fact, anybody that wants to join in should have the right to do so. The big parties are just scared to let us debate with them, but don't let that get in the way of what really matters; vox populism, eh, populi."

3. "It's both fair and efficient," lectures @@RANDOMNAME@@, majority whip for the Liberal Conservatives, while crushing a @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party campaign pamphlet under @@HIS/HER@@ heel. "Only the biggest parties stand a real chance at power, and muddling what really matters with thirty different fringe causes, which have no ground in reality, would be unfair to the voters. Trying to mess with the way we've been doing political debates since the dawn of time will only serve to put mental stress on the masses, so let's not."

4. "I don't think we have to go to either extreme here," suggests Simon Cobweb, former TV-producer and the freshest face on your team of spin-doctors. "If we gave the power to decide eligibility to some non-partisan commission, they could set specific criteria to be included in the televised debates, and a panel of impartial judges could rate prospects based on that. Now, that's fair. It might cost an extra @@CURRENCY@@ or two, but can you really put a price on democracy? Hmm, I guess I just did, kind of."

5. "All this debating is giving me a headache," complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Daft Ideas. "Imagine all the time people would save if they didn't spend the day listening to arguments about tweaking the tax code or giving benefits to old people." @@HE/SHE@@ motions over to a window overlooking a lone activist spray-painting 'MAFTAOAL FTW' across @@CAPITAL@@'s main square. "I have an idea, what if we just stopped debating altogether? No meddling politicians, at all. Let the voters decide for themselves."

Issue by Maxemia
Edited by Gnejs

Option 3 is clearly the result of a smoking ban.

[Trotterdam]

We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Get to It

The title of #1118 is "We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It", not "We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Get to It".

[Nation Tracker]

#1123 Til Death Do Us Part

The Issue
Ivan Normous tragically died yesterday from heart complications during sex with his wife. Mrs. Normous has requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her late husband’s corpse, thrusting the predicament into the national spotlight.
The Debate
1. “All I want is to have a child, his child!” somewhat convincingly cries Aphrodite Normous, the sobbing wife at the center of the controversy. “And my husband and I were so close, but he decided to croak in the heat of things. I’ve been planning for a baby ever since our wedding, and I’m sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quick, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!”
2. “Absolutely, one hundred percent, no!” exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for the role. “Where have our nation’s morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of the dead? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals deny this request and every other request like it, for the sake of protecting bodily integrity.”
3. “If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, then we wouldn’t have to deal with this problem now,” rebukes your radical Minister of Forward Thinking while looking at a diagram of the male body. “Young males across the nation should be required to contribute their spermatozoa to our department. With all the reproductive material, we could start a National Sperm Bank, ready to provide sperm to anyone who needs it. Fun!”


Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Australian rePublic]

Till Death Do Us Part

The Issue

Ivan Howard tragically died yesterday from heart complications during sex with his wife. Mrs. Howard has requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her late husband’s corpse, thrusting the predicament into the national spotlight.

The Debate

“All I want is to have a child, his child!” somewhat convincingly cries Aphrodite Howard, the sobbing wife at the center of the controversy. “And my husband and I were so close, but he decided to croak in the heat of things. I’ve been planning for a baby ever since our wedding, and I’m sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quick, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!”

Accept

“Absolutely, one hundred percent, no!” exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for the role. “Where have our nation’s morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of the dead? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals deny this request and every other request like it, for the sake of protecting bodily integrity.”

Accept

“If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, then we wouldn’t have to deal with this problem now,” rebukes your radical Minister of Forward Thinking while looking at a diagram of the male body. “Young males across the nation should be required to contribute their spermatozoa to our department. With all the reproductive material, we could start a National Sperm Bank, ready to provide sperm to anyone who needs it. Fun!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara

Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

[Candensia]

Nicely-done, Sacara!

[USS Monitor]

Wait, wait, wait... Are you saying that "Ivan Normous" is a random last name, not hard-coded? Why???

[Trotterdam]

So... it looks like we have a new easter egg.

[Jutsa]

Whaaaat?

(Also I'm aware I've been neglecting my list u.u)

ed: It can't be the croissant issue... that's not due until 1143 no?

[Fauxia]

So... it looks like we have a new easter egg.

What makes you say?

[Furry Things]

So... it looks like we have a new easter egg.

What makes you say?

Well, if anything had "@@NATION@@ has found @@EGGS@@ easter eggs" in the result, that would make it fairly obvious.

Also, a copy of #1123 for macro identification:

Issue #1123: Till Death Do Us Part
The Issue
Salvatore Aran tragically died yesterday from heart complications during sex with his wife. Mrs. Aran has requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her late husband’s corpse, thrusting the predicament into the national spotlight.

The Debate

1. “All I want is to have a child, his child!” somewhat convincingly cries Ingrid Aran, the sobbing wife at the center of the controversy. “And my husband and I were so close, but he decided to croak in the heat of things. I’ve been planning for a baby ever since our wedding, and I’m sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quick, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!”
   
2. “Absolutely, one hundred percent, no!” exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for the role. “Where have our nation’s morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of the dead? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals deny this request and every other request like it, for the sake of protecting bodily integrity.”
   
3. “If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, then we wouldn’t have to deal with this problem now,” rebukes your radical Minister of Forward Thinking while looking at a diagram of the male body. “Young males across the nation should be required to contribute their spermatozoa to our department. With all the reproductive material, we could start a National Sperm Bank, ready to provide sperm to anyone who needs it. Fun!”

Issue by The Blue Republic of Sacara
Edited by The Marsupial Illuminati

Code: Select all

<div id="main"><div id="content">

<p class="smalltext"><a href="page=dilemmas">&laquo; Back to <i class="icon-male"></i>Issues</a></p>
<div class="dilemmapaper dilemmapapernum0"><div class="dilemmapaperinner"><img src="/images/newspaper/dpaper1.png" class="dpaperslice"><div class="dpaper2"><div class="dpaperprice">1 COMMISSION</div><div class="dpaperflag"><img src="/images/flags/uploads/furry_things__533711t1.png"></div><p>The Wolfsburg Leader<br style="clear:both"><div class="dpaper3"><div class="dpaper3a"></div><div class="dpaper3b"></div><div class="dpaper3c"></div><div class="dpaper3d"><div class="dpapervol">VOL. 32 NO. 1,123</div><div class="dpapercityfinal">CITY FINAL</div><div class="dpaperdate">SATURDAY DECEMBER 8, 2018</div></div><div class="dpaper3c"></div></div></div><div class="dpaper4"><p><p>Till Death Do Us Part</div><div class="dpaper5box"><img src="/images/newspaper/dpaper5.png" class="dpaperslice"><img src="/images/newspaper/p3-1.jpg" class="dpaperpic dpaperpic1"><img src="/images/newspaper/n13-2.jpg" class="dpaperpic dpaperpic2"></div></div></div>
<div id="dilemma">
<div class="dilemma"><h5>The Issue</h5>
<p>Salvatore Aran tragically died yesterday from heart complications during sex with his wife. Mrs. Aran has requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her late husband&#8217;s corpse, thrusting the predicament into the national spotlight.</p>
<form method="POST" action="/page=enact_dilemma/dilemma=1123"><h5>The Debate</h5>
<ol class="diloptions"><li><p>&#8220;All I want is to have a child, his child!&#8221; somewhat convincingly cries Ingrid Aran, the sobbing wife at the center of the controversy. &#8220;And my husband and I were so close, but he decided to croak in the heat of things. I&#8217;ve been planning for a baby ever since our wedding, and I&#8217;m sure this is what he would&#8217;ve wanted. Quick, alert the hospital and tell them it&#8217;s a go!&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-0" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
<li><p>&#8220;Absolutely, one hundred percent, no!&#8221; exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for the role. &#8220;Where have our nation&#8217;s morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of the dead? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals deny this request and every other request like it, for the sake of protecting bodily integrity.&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-1" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
<li><p>&#8220;If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, then we wouldn&#8217;t have to deal with this problem now,&#8221; rebukes your radical Minister of Forward Thinking while looking at a diagram of the male body. &#8220;Young males across the nation should be required to contribute their spermatozoa to our department. With all the reproductive material, we could start a National Sperm Bank, ready to provide sperm to anyone who needs it. Fun!&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-2" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
</ol></form>
<form method="POST" action="page=dilemmas/dismiss=1123"><p class="dilemmadismissbox"><button type="submit" name="choice--1" value="1" class="button big icon remove danger">Dismiss This Issue</button></form></div>
<p class="smalltext rightbox">Issue by <a href="nation=sacara" class="nlink"><span class="nnameblock"><span class="ntype">The Blue Republic of</span> <span class="nname">Sacara</span></span></a><p class="smalltext rightbox">Edited by <a href="nation=the_marsupial_illuminati" class="nlink"><span class="nnameblock">The Marsupial Illuminati</span></a></p>
</div>
</div></div>

[Minoa]

#1126: Waste of Time [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
Yesterday you spent several hours developing solutions to a complex sewage management dilemma that you had read about in a report in your desk drawer, only to realise today that this report was written eight years ago and that the problem was solved six years ago. Any one of the ministers, engineers or bureaucrats you consulted with yesterday could have told you this, but no-one did.

The Debate
1. “Uh, begging your pardon, oh wise and glorious leader,” pleads engineer Colin Green, “but we have always been told that you are an infallible and ultimate authority, so we assumed you knew that the problem was already solved and that you were simply testing us in some way. With your permission, we will challenge that assumption in future, and speak our minds. Uh, as long as we don’t get punished for doing so! Please don’t hurt me!”

2. “@@LEADER@@, you are of course infallible,” shouts your head of secret police, moving in to put handcuffs on the engineer, “and this worthless wretch has failed the loyalty test! Guards, take him away!”

3. “I think what we’re trying to say here is that you knew all along that the problem was solved,” weasels smug-faced vizier Jazz Mumford. “However, you’ve found a more appropriate and elegant solution for the sewage dilemma, which admittedly costs more than the existing solution and may back up the occasional toilet, but which is superior for politically expedient reasons that mere sewage engineers and plumbers could not hope to understand. I will assemble workers, and order the old system to be replaced, immediately.”

[Jutsa]

[Jutsa]

OK, super, super big update! edit: Ok, just a regular big update.

First off, I'd like to point out that I started this update off by editing 542.4 to be restricted to capitalism.

I almost thought it had the same name as 1126.

OK OK so we have 1125 which apparently might have an option to convert to communism (basing it off of LAY, idk if this does have it but I imagine so; not reported),
1124 which is an easter egg (I can not think of a better number for the easter egg to go if it's not 1125), aand then we have...

all of these really good issues added.

---

@452: Fixed.

@1122: I remember this. Congratulations, Aussie; another good issue.
I too believe that option 2 is just for nations with prisons. Oh, and that option 1... just, wow, so brutal, what happened.
Have no idea who's randomnamed and fixednamed, though I suspect Suparman is fixed, and option 4 is just a tiny bit suspicious to me.

@760: Added. Go no-smoking policy making its way into being relevant in issues.
That's another one I can tick off of my "missing options" list. I think someone else made a post about missing options... may take a look there, later.

@1123:
Glad to see it in the issue. Kinda sad to see "baby making session" go but...
Option three is just... so eyewatering. xD

@1126: Yep this one's good. really good.
I'd be surprised if any of these names were random, tbh. Then again, Ivan Normos being random was also a mild surprise.

Many thanks to everyone for finding everything! Look forward to finding 1124 and 1125.

---

Oh also, @1109: It's been found and reported! Twice! Once on discord (picture, not text) and once on NSIndex!
And... welp, it's mine.

This one's one of my favorites, if I may be honest. :3

The Issue:
A growing number of citizens are reporting sightings of strange animal behavior since the nation’s water supply was drugged, ranging from carelessness and daredevilry to frantic dancing.

1. “You guys are the greatest in every way — especially you, dearest @@LEADER@@ — but this contamination is destroying our environment!” exclaims recreational urban habitat observer @@RANDOMNAME@@, sipping from a completely safe glass of government-approved tap water and dribbling some on the floor in @@HIS@@ excitement. “My colleagues and I all witnessed a colony of mice baying at a statue of you. Of course, I see something like that every day... but we all saw it this time! I’m sure you could cut the dosage of drugs in the water down to a safer level and people would still love you!”

2. “Whoa, who cares about, like, a few pesky rats? This water is, like, poisoning our pets, dude,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an enthusiastic pet lover who was particularly thirsty this morning. “You don’t have to, like, stop stoning the water, but maybe you should sell some safe water specifically for pets or whatever. You could even make it taste funny to make people not wanna drink it. Then, like, maybe my bunnies won’t try to breathe water anymore.”

3. “Listen to this buffoonery-talk of baying rodents and suicidal rabbits; it’s obvious there is a problem, but not just with animals,” rants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a sociologist who’s secretly been drinking pond water. “Drugging our water supply is truly despicable, and you bottom feeders must stop it at once! It is hurting our environment, as it is hurting our civilization, and whoever told you this was a good idea is frankly pond scum. I-” @@HE@@ coughs up a little minnow.

4. “Listen to these dissidents; the drugs clearly aren’t powerful enough!” exclaims your Minister of Crowd Control and author of the internationally condemned book H2Whoa: @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Utopia. “If anything, we’ve got to dump MORE into the water supply! So what if a few people start reacting like the animals? A few people howling at the moon now and then is much less dangerous than letting them think.”

Huge thank you to USS Monitor.

ed: woops, forgot to add "The Debate" to 1109. Fixing that >.>
Still need 1112, though. Not reported on NSIndex, either.

[Australian rePublic]

1122 and 1022 are posted as the same issue

[Jutsa]

Ah yep Sacara alerted me and then had a crisis when he realized he posted 1022 as 1122, except he didn't, but it was during a time we were looking for 1122 so then I got confused.

Yeah this whole 10AB and 11AB thing has been really confusing to me too. >.>

1122 not found. Keep looking.

[Sacara]

1122 and 1022 are posted as the same issue

Yeah, so... that one is my bad. When I saw that issue, I reported it right away thinking it was 1122, not 1022. To be fair, I did report it was 1022, but Jutsa must have thought it was 1122.

Man, I'm losing my marbles...

[Jutsa]

Apparently 581 had 2 sets of alt. options. Updated the listing accordingly.

Also, I just realized; Hi, Fauxia.

[Australian rePublic]

BER 12, 2018

Blowing Smoke

The Issue

In the middle of a critical set of negotiations with the Trade Unions, your Minister of Industrial Development left without explanation. Due to a nasty storm delaying her journey, she wasn’t able to return until after angry unionists had set up an impromptu picket line in the corridor outside your office. She claimed the pressure of the negotiations demanded she have a cigarette, and the only place she could legally smoke was at home.

The Debate

“This is stupid,” rants your agitated Minister, not seeming to be particularly soothed from her clandestine smoke break. “When I need to smoke, I need to smoke, dagnabbit. Is second-hand smoke a bit carcinogenic? Maybe, but so is just about everything, and I don’t see these worrywarts advocating a goddamn paint ban. End this ban on public smoking, and I guarantee people will be way more flippin’ happy and productive.”

Accept

“Smokers’ rights end where my health begins,” retorts your massage therapist, Hermes Singh, while attempting to loosen a knot in your back. “How can you take deep soul-cleansing breaths when the air is filled with smoke? You should ban this bad habit altogether. After all, with smoking legal at home, you’re still making kids pay for their parents’ nasty habits. If nicotine addicts want a buzz, they can discretely use some gum or a patch.”

Accept

“You could just designate public smoking areas across Australian rePublic,” shouts Megan Berenstein from a small park across the street from your office, though you struggle to hear her over the din of the rain. “People who don’t want to be exposed to smoke can avoid them and smokers don’t have to be so inconvenienced.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The United Mangrove Archipelago of Ransium

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive