NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Trotterdam]

#1106 Some Body to Love

The Issue

Teen pop star Sigourney Waialiki decided to celebrate her birthday and "just legal" status by selling her virginity to the highest bidder. The online auction has now closed, with the winning bid not far off the national average for six months' wages.

The Debate

1. "This is my body and my choice," squeaks Sigourney in her annoying trademark high pitch lil' girl voice. "Me and the buyer - whose identity I will absolutely keep confidential - are consenting adults engaging in free market capitalism. Just like in my new song, released next week: Free Love Doesn't Come Cheap. By the way, have you seen your brother round here? I have a... uh... delivery for him."

2. "This is totally demeaning to womankind!" complains ardent feminist Julia Cullen, her gaze lingering a little too long on the popster's posterior as she leaves the room. "If you care at all about preventing objectification, about human dignity, about the unhealthy false assignation of value to virginity, about the last hundred years of feminist progress, you have to take a stand! Ban this online prostitution, and put money into teaching young girls why they should respect themselves more!"

3. "Half a year's wages!" exclaims your Minister of Equality Ash King in disgust. "And how are the working poor meant to afford a price like that? Everybody should be entitled to a happy ending, not just wealthy fat-cats. You have to set a fixed price tariff for these services, as well as guarantees that a contract will be honoured, rather than leaving customers and prostitutes at the mercy of a free market."

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Baggieland

The first character is obvious fixed-female and the second probably is, so I didn't highlight those pronouns.

[Jutsa]

Now I can't get that Queen song out of my head.

[Jutsa]

Can confirm that 1096 was the shortest listing that had any brackets in it.
Of course, several of Max's were shorter, cause no brackets, but still, I'm amazed.
(242 was very, very close, but tbf no editor was listed)
ed: as to why I confirmed this... well, I'm bored and lazy.

[Deutsches Ubereich]

344.4 “It’s not enough to just clean it up,” asserts citizen gardener Sierra Trevelyan. “We need a massive project to show Osiris how proud of our country we truly are. With a whole lot of government funds, communes could build the Hanging Gardens of Greater Berlin. Picture it now: wreaths of wheat and corn, crimson red flowers, hammer-and-sickle designs, thousands upon thousands of noble workers singing the praises of the Party. Think of the civic pride. Think of the propaganda value.”

[Jutsa]

Thanks for the find! I'm kinda surprised you found it; we weren't looking for it.
ed: apparently NSI was though. Updating that too.

[Victoriaans Nederlands]

1107 - Welcome to the Party

The Issue
Party membership applications have never been higher; however, the quality of applicants has never been lower. After nearly one third of new members mistakenly identified a Victorian revolutionary hero as a popular soap opera star, and nearly two thirds thought that dialectics was something found in tea and coffee, various factions within your party have put aside their bitter rivalries to propose solutions.

The Debate

Option 1
“Our revolution is in danger,” bellows Wesley Cruise, Junior Undersecretary for Defence and self-described Party Loyalty Commissar. “Every member, new or old, should attend a five hour theoretical Maxist-Lenyoist seminar and vigorously study the Quotations from Marcus Alan Ariel Felix Haydn V Reynolds. Based on this, they must undergo a compulsory loyalty test. If after all of that they still prove to be disloyal hangers-on, a few years mining salt should change their minds.”

Option 2
“Well, that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” questions Bruce Krauss, leaning well out of the way of the flying spittle. “This serious lack of interest surely shows an underlying frustration with our Party’s monolithic approach. We should open ourselves up to debate and discourse from every tendency, not just the ones that can learn to parrot party slogans. After all, are we not at our best when we are butting heads in perpetual argument?”

Option 3
“Look on the bright side: Party membership has never been higher,” states ruthless pragmatist Hermione Rubin. “Does it really matter if the cat is black or white so long as it catches mice? Let’s reward our unwavering supporters with better living accommodation and other... incentives. In exchange, of course, for their undying loyalty to the Party.”

Issue by The United Socialist States of Caracasus
Edited by Gnejs

Sorry about the plain text copy! I'm on mobile... ><

[Runegeist]

Just got Issue 1107, as well. Updated the macros.

#1107: Welcome to the Party

The Issue
Party membership applications have never been higher; however, the quality of applicants has never been lower. After nearly one third of new members mistakenly identified a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ revolutionary hero as a popular soap opera star, and nearly two thirds thought that dialectics was something found in tea and coffee, various factions within your party have put aside their bitter rivalries to propose solutions.

The Debate
1. “Our revolution is in danger,” bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, Junior Undersecretary for Defence and self-described Party Loyalty Commissar. “Every member, new or old, should attend a five hour theoretical Maxist-Lenyoist seminar and vigorously study the Quotations from @@LEADER@@. Based on this, they must undergo a compulsory loyalty test. If after all of that they still prove to be disloyal hangers-on, a few years mining salt should change their minds.”

2. “Well, that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, leaning well out of the way of the flying spittle. “This serious lack of interest surely shows an underlying frustration with our Party’s monolithic approach. We should open ourselves up to debate and discourse from every tendency, not just the ones that can learn to parrot party slogans. After all, are we not at our best when we are butting heads in perpetual argument?”

3. “Look on the bright side: Party membership has never been higher,” states ruthless pragmatist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Does it really matter if the cat is black or white so long as it catches mice? Let’s reward our unwavering supporters with better living accommodation and other... incentives. In exchange, of course, for their undying loyalty to the Party.”

Issue by The United Socialist States of Caracasus
Edited by Gnejs

[Valentine Z]

Thanks, friend!

[Jutsa]

Love seeing Gnejs edits and Caracasus authorships.

[Techolandia]

« Back to Issues
1 ASQUELE

The Circuit City Herald
VOL. 32 NO. 1,088
CITY FINAL
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 17, 2018

Inexpert Opinions
The Issue

Scandalously, a recent TV interview revealed that your Minister for Public Health doesn’t know much about being healthy. He didn’t know the difference between a bacterium and a virus, and thought that Ebola was the name of a Bigtopian princess.
The Debate

Director of Communications Malcolm Capaldi has had a very busy day shouting at his inferiors, but makes some time to shout at you. “Right, that is it! I’ve had enough of politicians with no experience or knowledge of their department’s aegis. It’s about as useful as asking a brain surgeon to climb a tree! What’s next? An Environmental Advisor who doesn’t believe in climate change? I say we need properly qualified professionals leading their departments. A doctor caring for the health service, a teacher in charge of education, and so on. In fact, there should be a mandatory examination paper that you have to pass to hold a government position. No more idiot politicians, please!”

Much to everyone’s surprise, Luigi Wynne, the shamed Public Health Minister, squeezes in through your window, having climbed a tree to your floor. “Whew... I think I’ve evaded those journalists! I agree that we must ensure this doesn’t happen again. We ministers should be better supported in our appointments; we can only be as good as our briefings! A proper team of aides and analysts for all officials will ensure we don’t get caught out again, even if it increases administrative costs. Oh, by the way, in case anyone asks you, it turns out Ebola is a type of disease!”

Rummaging through your desk for valuables, an uninvited burglar decides to comment. “If I may speak for us decent working folk, I can honestly only name one or two ministers in your Cabinet. Why? Because we, the people, didn’t elect them. No one in government should be doing a job unless the public chose them for it. We must hold elections for all ministerial posts. There’s only like six of them, aren’t there?”

Your mother walks in with a tray of freshly baked cookies for everyone. “I don’t know about all these big ideas; the problem is quite simple. Only you know how you want to run this country. It’s all well and good having friends to help but I’m not sure they actually do anything. Surely you can do it all yourself, little darling; you shouldn’t let anyone question your decisions or your absolute rule. Any spare politicians that won’t bow out gracefully you should get rid of. Just give them a poisoned cookie or something.” She smiles innocently as your Public Health Minister desperately spits out a mouthful of crumbs.

Issue by The Technocratic Federation of Atlantica Primerous

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Jutsa]

Eh, honestly we don't really need issues from way back then.

Also, for macro confirmation, I'm honestly going to just ask for confirmation on these from now on, so I don't really need all these issue reports.

Still, thank you for your dedication to the thread.

[Aramanchovia]

1108: A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing

After several dozen citizens were hospitalized due to drinking from a contaminated batch of moonshine, the people have been at loggerheads over who should have the right to manufacture and distribute spirituous beverages in Aramanchovia.

The Debate
“Let’s be realistic here,” says Kayla Cockburn, President of the Manufacturing Alliance of Liquor Traders. “These home operations simply do not have the training, the experience, the equipment, or the political connections to be permitted to make their own whiskey! It’s all well and good that they talk about freedom, but the members of my association paid good money for their manufacturing licenses, and we maintain the highest standards of quality and purity. The government needs to protect us! People must not be allowed to make their own booze at home.”


“This isn’t just some kind of bathtub gin we’re talking about,” says devoted distiller Pablo Kamen, while reviewing the print roll from his storage cellar’s hygrothermograph. “These are artisanal, maker-made, environmentally responsible, non-GMO, craft products that are far better than anything put out by those big-name distilleries! You can taste the difference! If some unscrupulous individual lets heavy metals leech in, or adds something unsafe, that’s not the fault of we connoisseurs! The government needs to back off, and give us all the liberty to make what we want in the privacy of our own homes!”


“The bracing effect of a strong drink is absolutely top-notch for getting through the day!” opines Ebrius Foppington, a bearded gentleman wearing a top hat and monocle. “Why, I myself have several such drinks each morning, noon, and night! It helps keep the humors in balance, and makes socializing quite rather more tolerable. Really, we ought to require that everybody over the age of ten make their own suds, and partake regularly to ensure they don’t become phlegmatic. Bottoms up!”


“Home distilling and compulsory drinking?” shrieks Citizens Against Drinking activist Venus Reed, clutching her heart dramatically. “What kind of horrifying nightmare world are you trying to create? Did you know that, according to the Department of Made-Up Statistics, 47.2% of all crime is related to alcohol? Are you trying to increase that number? What Aramanchovia needs is to remove alcohol not just from our homes, but from the whole nation! Enact prohibition - there can be no exceptions!”

Issue by The Federated Bailiwicks of Verdant Haven
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

---

Slightly off topic with this one, I also liked seeing Wezeltonia making a reappearance in issues as was mentioned a few days back. I probably should use that puppet a bit more often...

[Jutsa]

Thanks

Congratulations, VH; a wonderful issue by a wonderful new author.

[Trotterdam]

Heads up: I believe that #1108 has an alternative to option 1 for socialist nations.

[Jutsa]

I also saw some text for 420 got changed a little.

[Verdant Haven]

Thanks very much! I was excited to get word yesterday evening that it had been accepted as 1108 :-D FWIW, the name Ebrius Foppington in option 3 is hardcoded, the rest are random. Also, I can confirm that there are alternative socialist options for both choices one and two.

[Jutsa]

Thanks.

I actually did look at your draft on-site and saw option 3's name was fixed.

... I like when I can do that.

[Valentine Z]

I thought I would report 1108 again, because there seems to be 6 options, and I am indeed a Socialist nation.

[desc] After several dozen citizens were hospitalized due to drinking from a contaminated batch of moonshine, the people have been at loggerheads over who should have the right to manufacture and distribute spirituous beverages in Valentine Z.

EDIT: Option numbers are taken from Ctrl + I.

[Option 1] “Let’s be realistic here,” says Joseph Ephron, Director of the Home Oversight Panel for Spirits. “These unsanctioned operations simply do not have the training, the oversight, or the political authorization to be permitted to distill their own spirits! It’s all well and good that they talk about seizing the means of production, but the state-run manufactories exist for a reason, and we maintain the highest standards of quality and purity. We must enforce the law! We must not permit the private production of booze.”

[Option 3] “This isn’t just some kind of workshed samogon we’re talking about,” says aspiring distiller Oprah Mann, while reviewing the print roll from her storage cellar’s hygrothermograph. “These are artisanal, maker-made, environmentally responsible, non-GMO, craft products that are far better than anything put out by the government! You can taste the difference! If some unscrupulous individual lets heavy metals leech in, or adds something unsafe, that’s not the fault of we connoisseurs! We’re not trying to start a private business here - we just want to make a little something to share amongst friends!”

[Option 4] “The bracing effect of a strong drink is absolutely top-notch for getting through the day!” opines Ebrius Foppington, a bearded gentleman wearing a top hat and monocle. “Why, I myself have several such drinks each morning, noon, and night! It helps keep the humors in balance, and makes socializing quite rather more tolerable. Really, we ought to require that everybody over the age of ten make their own suds, and partake regularly to ensure they don’t become phlegmatic. Bottoms up!”

[Option 5] “Home distilling and compulsory drinking?” shrieks Citizens Against Drinking activist Winston Smith, clutching his heart dramatically. “What kind of horrifying nightmare world are you trying to create? Did you know that, according to the Department of Made-Up Statistics, 47.2% of all crime is related to alcohol? Are you trying to increase that number? What Valentine Z needs is to remove alcohol not just from our homes, but from the whole nation! Enact prohibition - there can be no exceptions!”

Issue by Verdant Haven
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Jutsa]

Sweet! Thanks, Valentine.

[Aramanchovia]

I also saw some text for 420 got changed a little.

Yeah, I had already responded to the issue on my puppet nation when I reported it in the other thread, so can't get the new wording for you unfortunately.

I was on mobile when I posted 1108 so didn't check the numbering to see if there were other options, looks like that's under control at least.

[Trotterdam]

I thought I would report 1108 again, because there seems to be 6 options, and I am indeed a Socialist nation.

I think you forgot to adjust for the source code numbers being 1 off from the public numbers?

[Furry Things]

Heads up: I believe that #1108 has an alternative to option 1 for socialist nations.

It does. For me, I got:

“Let’s be realistic here,” says Rory Bennett, Director of the Home Oversight Panel for Spirits. “These unsanctioned operations simply do not have the training, the oversight, or the political authorization to be permitted to distill their own spirits! It’s all well and good that they talk about seizing the means of production, but the state-run manufactories exist for a reason, and we maintain the highest standards of quality and purity. We must enforce the law! We must not permit the private production of booze.”

[Furry Things]

#191: Blood Banks Running Dry [Karmanyaka; ed:Euroslavia]

The Issue
A violent and rather messy stampede of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ during a parade in your honour has brought widespread media attention to the shortage of blood, plasma and platelet donors in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "Blood donation should be compulsory!" argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spokesperson for the @@NAME@@ Blood Donors' Association. "We can't expect citizens to come flocking to donate blood just out of the goodness of their hearts, so the government should take the matter into its own hands. If we could maybe require healthy citizens to... let's say... donate blood every three months, we wouldn't have such a problem with shortages. It'll require more funding to organise and carry out, yes, but your people are worth it, aren't they?"

[2]. "Don't listen to that devil worshipper!" preaches @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Jehovah's Witness. "It isn't up to us to decide what should be done, it is God, and only God, who decides what someone should do with their blood. I'd rather die clean and go to Heaven, thank you very much! We must heed this Gospel and ban blood donations now! Of course some people will die, but they will be rewarded in the afterlife for obeying His word." [Must not have atheism]

3. "You're kidding, right?" burbles anaemic patient @@RANDOMNAME@@ from a hospital bed. "I'm not going to let some closed-minded priest tell me what I can and can't do with my blood! But I don't think people should be forced to give blood; they just need incentive, that's all. Like money. Trust me, any kind of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ For Blood' scheme will have them almost begging to donate. It's the only humane way to ensure that people like me are getting the care we need. If you're worried about funding just get it from those religious nuts... they're not helping anyone with it."

[4]. "I have an even better idea," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prison officer. "How about we force every healthy prisoner to donate blood? It's about time they gave back to society what they've taken away in the first place. If we do this we won't have to beg the law-abiding citizens of @@NAME@@ to take time out of their day to give blood. It's not like these thugs are really doing anything for us, so missing a pint or three won't matter, am I right?" [Must have prisons]

I think the condition listed for #2 is incorrect. I didn't get option 2, and my nation does not have the atheism policy. Perhaps it's tied to the Religiousness stat or similar.

[Valentine Z]

I thought I would report 1108 again, because there seems to be 6 options, and I am indeed a Socialist nation.

I think you forgot to adjust for the source code numbers being 1 off from the public numbers?

Ahh, not really. I took it from Inspect, so these are actual source code numbers.

[Option 1] = 2nd of all the 6 possible options.
[Option 3] = 4th ...
[Option 4] = 5th ...
[Option 5] = 6th ...

At least, I hope I am right.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

3. "Half a year's wages!" exclaims your Minister of Equality Ash King in disgust.

Wow, that randomised name is ALMOST perfect.

"Who're you?"
"I'm ash king."
"No I'm asking."

For this issue though, I wonder if we could get that changed to a fixed name of Juan King. I'll poke Baggieland, canvas his opinion...