NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[He Qixin]

I don't see where FuF's "No More Native Neonates" was accepted. Was the title of the issue renamed?

[The Free Joy State]

what about Zeke's first name?

Also, Zelda Khan wasn't fixed? >_>

I didn't get option 3 on this nation, but I can't imagine Zeke being random. It needs to rhyme in order to parallel Bill Nye the Science Guy, like Phydios said.

I can confirm that "Will Zeke the Science Geek" is fixed. He's actually appeared in two issues, and was named in a third. The others issue where he appeared was #495.3. He was also named in #968.4

I don't see where FuF's "No More Native Neonates" was accepted. Was the title of the issue renamed?

It was retitled as "Baby Shower" and appears as issue #990

[He Qixin]

It was retitled as "Baby Shower" and appears as issue #990

Thanks, was thinking the same too.

[Australian rePublic]

Opening the Door to Controversy

The Issue

Actor Lucas Grimes, the famously tweedy star of superhero franchise Superbloke, has been heavily criticised after an incident at a Shop-Qwik, in which he was accused of “holding back women’s rights by holding open doors”.

The Debate

“Chivalry is just another word used by men who lord it over women!” shouts vlogger for radical feminist website Lady Luck, Cortana Myers. “Women are not frail innocents who need shielding from the weight of a door. Opening doors for women is unnecessary at best, and downright demeaning at worst. I say the government should fund advertisements and posters that show positive images of women as strong and powerful, so these patronising oiks will realise that we don’t need their help!”

Accept

“Well, I’m dashed! The way I was raised, it was expected that men should open doors for ladies,” says Mr. Grimes, leaning lightly on his decorative silver-topped cane. “Protecting the fairer sex is an obligation of every gentleman - like learning to ride astride, box ruffians or dance a manly gavotte - and I’m sure many ladies would prefer feeling cherished by society. Rather than discourage chivalry, we should teach it in schools.”

Accept

“Why should good manners be restricted by sex?” muses freelance etiquette consultant Max Tesla, holding open the door while smiling and nodding with sabre-toothed politeness until Lucas finally exits. “Everyone should show a little consideration for others. Run a campaign to tell all Australians that they have a duty to pause and hold the door for all the people behind them, to say their ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ and to start from the outside and work in when eating a proper eight course meal, gosh darn it. Courtesy costs only time.”

Accept

“Why don’t we just replace all conventional doors with automatic doors?” says fringe economist Sofia Chau, who part-owns In a Spin Automatic Doors. “There’d be no need for anyone to cause offence by opening doors for anyone, and just think of all the amazing manufacturing jobs it’d create.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The People's Republic of Duurfald

Edited by The Free Joy Stat

[Jutsa]

“holding back women’s rights by holding open doors”

I love this, and the fact that it's probably an issue irl. I want this issue so badly, now; it'd be perfect for killing that rudeness of mine...

Good issue, FJS, congrats to Duurfald, and thank you for the report, Aussie. :3c

[Trotterdam]

Today, I have an old issue for you, and a new one!

#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government

The Issue

After the sudden withdrawal of a large portion of the government's budget led to the overnight collapse of @@NAME@@'s economy, panicked - and now jobless - bureaucrats have flocked to your office demanding a swift U-turn in government policy.

The Debate

1. "Yes! Re-institute the subsidies," implores former civil servant @@RANDOMNAME@@, searching behind your desk for loose change. "If we act now, there's still a chance we can raise the money needed to save our economy - and my career!"

2. "You've got to be kidding me," declares @@RANDOMNAME@@, head - and last remaining employee - of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Revenue Agency, recently voted most popular person in @@NAME@@. "Did you see the look on our citizens' faces when we slashed taxes? Give them even more control over their economic futures, and the economy will surely recover in time."

3. "The ECONOMY has collapsed?!?" splutters a near-hysterical @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You need some perspective - our entire public sector has been devastated overnight! Millions left destitute, without education, healthcare or pensions. Rather than cosying up to business again, we urgently need a restoration of the welfare budgets you callously axed!"

Issue by Primordial Sardaukus
Edited by Sedgistan

I've suspected a long time that more than just the title had been changed when the issue was changed from chaining off #221 1 to chaining off #490 1, but only the title has ever been reported. After a long period of building up taxes on my test puppet, I finally managed to check for myself - the changes are subtle, but they're there.

And it turns out Australian Republic beat me to this one, but anyway, here's some macros (and italics)...

#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy

The Issue

Actor @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, the famously tweedy star of superhero franchise Superbloke, has been heavily criticised after an incident at a Shop-Qwik, in which he was accused of "holding back women's rights by holding open doors".

The Debate

1. "Chivalry is just another word used by men who lord it over women!" shouts vlogger for radical feminist website Lady Luck, @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@. "Women are not frail innocents who need shielding from the weight of a door. Opening doors for women is unnecessary at best, and downright demeaning at worst. I say the government should fund advertisements and posters that show positive images of women as strong and powerful, so these patronising oiks will realise that we don't need their help!"

2. "Well, I'm dashed! The way I was raised, it was expected that men should open doors for ladies," says Mr. @@RANDOMLASTNAME_1@@, leaning lightly on his decorative silver-topped cane. "Protecting the fairer sex is an obligation of every gentleman - like learning to ride astride, box ruffians or dance a manly gavotte - and I'm sure many ladies would prefer feeling cherished by society. Rather than discourage chivalry, we should teach it in schools."

3. "Why should good manners be restricted by sex?" muses freelance etiquette consultant @@RANDOMNAME@@, holding open the door while smiling and nodding with sabre-toothed politeness until Boris finally exits. "Everyone should show a little consideration for others. Run a campaign to tell all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ that they have a duty to pause and hold the door for all the people behind them, to say their 'pleases' and 'thank yous' and to start from the outside and work in when eating a proper eight course meal, gosh darn it. Courtesy costs only time."

4. "Why don't we just replace all conventional doors with automatic doors?" says fringe economist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who part-owns In a Spin Automatic Doors. "There'd be no need for anyone to cause offence by opening doors for anyone, and just think of all the amazing manufacturing jobs it'd create."

Issue by Duurfald
Edited by The Free Joy State

Fun fact: the name I got for the actor was Boris Shakespeare, which made me think it's nonrandom. Australian Republic's report confirms that it is, though. The first option's speaker needs to be always-female because she uses "we" to refer to women towards the end of her speech. The third option's speaker is randomly-gendered (I got a girl and Australian Republic got a boy), but stereotypes are busted either way because I'm pretty sure the person @@HE/SHE@@'s holding a door open for is always male.

Borrowed and blue issues will have to be deferred to another day.

Oh, #1005? It's about military airplanes and has some pretty great effect lines.

I love this, and the fact that it's probably an issue irl.

Oh, yes, I've definitely heard of people talking about this. Particularly fun in that women are by no means united in how they feel about it.

Good spread of options, too.

[Jutsa]

Huh! I got 370, too; didn't realize it needed updating.

(my taxes were choking my nation alive)

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Huh! I got 370, too; didn't realize it needed updating.

(my taxes were choking my nation alive)

Would you consider putting up a dispatch where you list the issues/options that still need to be reported? (My apologies if you have already done so.)

It could be beneficial to provide a link to that dispatch in your forum signature, for instance. Truth is, some of my crazy puppets might be getting some rare issues or rare options of common issues, but maybe I just pass on them, since I don't know that you're looking for them.

Help us help you, Jutsa! Write a dispatch!

[Jutsa]

Trotterdam probably has a better one than me, but I have a list I post now and then. Probably should put up a dispatch.

[Jutsa]

Alrighty! Created a factbook and linked it to the first page of the thread.

[Fauxia]

What the... issue 1000

[Jutsa]

[Candensia]

Ageing fighters, eh? Very interesting.

Figuring out whether names are random or not is tedious, but the option numbers have been confirmed.

#1005 What Goes Up Breaks Down


The Issue

A series of unfortunate accidents involving the nation’s ageing fleet of jet fighters have revealed glaring technical deficiencies in these venerable machines.

The Debate

1. “Have I got an offer for you!” says Lucina Dahl, CEO of Blackacre’s Bounce Industries, while visibly salivating. “We’ll equip you with top of the line fighters, the very latest in stealth technology, superior handling and range, with semi-autonomous flight computers. These machines practically fly themselves - for the right price, of course!”


2. “Our company can offer you a cheap solution,” states Sancho Krustofsky, the commissar of the JK Sukky Company of East Lebatuck, offering you a broken pen. “Our planes might not be cutting edge, but then, technology is no replacement for skill. Just sign here and my company will begin delivery at once.”


3. “We must build our own planes!” screams Air Force Marshall Alexander Ross. “The FK-2 @@ANIMAL@@ is a symbol of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ superiority and cannot be replaced by any foreign import. Yes, the fighters have to be modernised, but only with contracts given to local industries.”


4. “Do I have the solution for you!” announces Elena Fortitude, an art student and aspiring actor. “Why go to all the effort of buying and maintaining a fleet of aircraft that is unlikely to be used anyway? Just PRETEND to have one! Give me some plywood and a few buckets of paint, and I will make you a ‘fleet’ no one would dare to provoke… as long as they don’t look too closely!”


5. “Why bother at all?” asks Jean-Luc Fowler, your Minister for Austerity, tightening his already constricted belt. “Our military spending is already bloated beyond belief and it will be the poor taxpayer who has to foot the bill for these planes. We’d be better off without them.”


Issue by Eluvetia

Edited by Baggieland

[GeodesicDragon]

Issue #1007 is hot off the presses!

PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN IT

The Issue

While out jogging in the park, you step straight into a dog’s mess. Passers-by are quick to offer advice.

The Debate

1. “Disgusting, isn’t it?” asks city worker Willow Price. “If you ask me, we need to clamp down on irresponsible dog owners. All public parks should be patrolled by dog wardens, able to dish out heavy fines to those who can’t be bothered picking up what their dumb pets’ behinds leave behind.”

2. “Like that’s going to make any difference,” sneers professional dog-walker Coraline Wilson. “The problem is a lack of places to dispose of the stuff. Nobody wants to carry around a smelly bag of doo-doo until they can find a place to put it. Install more bins, and that should do the trick.”

3. “Ugh, dogs are so disgusting,” complains ailurophile Hiro Drake, as the pet cat accompanying him drops a dead bird at his feet and cleans its paws with its tongue. “Felines are much lovelier than dogs; they groom themselves constantly, and do their business in a tray, not outside like those mangy canines do. With that in mind, I propose that we restrict the ownership of dogs with hefty license fees, and use that money on a national campaign promoting the virtues of cats instead.”

Issue by: GeodesicDragon
Edited by: Candlewhisper Archive

[He Qixin]

Here's my copy of issue #1009, A Woman's Roll (Seems like a pretty interesting issue):

The Issue
A survey by the socially conservative special interest group Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Edibles found that 14.3% of inanimate husbands hate their wife’s cooking, with a further 28.6% secretly describing their wife as “just not a very good cook, really”. Lead researchers Peterson and Wason warn that bad food could cause marital discord, malnutrition and jaw strain due to excessive mastication.

The Debate
A researcher wheels in a television and turns it on, to reveal an anonymised male. “My mummy was the best cook,” sighs the voice, obscured by a synthesiser and sounding vaguely like a duck. “Garlic mushrooms and ratatouille. My wife does make ratatouille three times a week, but she puts basil in it, potatoes too. Honest to Violet. I told her that my mummy said that’s not traditional, but she just... she keeps doing it. Jacknjellify, send our wives to compulsory subsidised cookery classes, so they’ll learn to cook, just like our mummies used to. The men of He Qixin work hard all day. We deserve a decent meal.”



“Why can’t he make his own goddamn meals?” demands Malon Phillips, of Stressed Wives Not-so-Anonymous, shoving the TV-trolley out of the door and sending it careening along a corridor and down a flight of stairs. “He sounds just like my Clint. Always whining. Look, inanimate women are too busy to be farting around with all that gourmet manure. When I come home from work, I have kids to care for, the house to clean, and then I make a meal for five people. If His Highness helped me out, I’d get some me-time, and he might finally get a meal he’s happy with. Run a national campaign to tell husbands that they have an obligation to get off their butts and help their wives.”



“This sad attitude indicates a much deeper problem,” sighs chauvinist psychiatrist Severus Dawson, whose wife stands next to him, smiling unblinkingly and holding his half-eaten sandwich. “Women have lost the joy of service. Modern society tells women to distrust their head of household, which causes insecurity. Insecure women argue, which causes stress. Stressed women perform their functions haphazardly, if at all. Women would be happier, families would be more stable, if disobedient wives were returned to their naturally submissive state, through drugs, electroshock and frontal lobotomies as necessary. Remember, if a woman doesn’t live to serve her master, something is wrong psychologically.”

[Jutsa]

PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN IT

What the? Is this ACTUALLY in caps?

While out jogging in the park, you step straight into a dog’s mess

I sprayed my screen.

omg, very well done Geo.

Thank you for issue 1009, Qixin... but, who wrote/edited it?
That doesn't seem to be your strongsuit.

Thank you anyways. If anyone can report author/editor of 1009, please do.

edit: Also, He Qixin, those parentheses; are they actually part of the issue title, or just something you added in

Edit2: WHAT IS 1009

[Jutsa]

Just got issue 1008!
(checked internal numbering)

#1008: Wash Your Mouth Out! [The Kind-of-United States; ed: The Free Joy State]

The Issue
The League of Concerned Moms has successfully petitioned to ban the dictionary from the Little @@ANIMAL@@ Elementary School, to be replaced with a “Clean-tionary” of “pleasant” words. The reason? It contained “lewd and offensive” words referring to private parts of the body. On the day you collect your niece from school, you are confronted by picketers holding signs with boldly-lettered suggestions of where the concerned moms might like to stick their “Clean-tionary” and chanting inventive invective-filled rhymes about censorship.

The Debate
1. “We need to protect children from seeing bad words!” demands Moana Cage, the white-clad leader of the League of Concerned Moms. “Our delicate flowers must be shielded from all bad influences. Just yesterday, my five-year-old came home, saying his classmate called him a ‘[expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] whose mother was [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]’. And where do you think those words were found? That’s right! The dictionary! Where any innocent child can chance upon them. Remove all harmful words from schools’ dictionaries and let our beautiful pearls thrive.”

2. “All you big people are cramping my style,” groans third-grader Lisbeth Hicks, giggling over the term ‘poop deck’. “Dictionaries are great; I can learn whatever words I want! Words are GREAT. They give kids the power to say what we really think. Yesterday, I called my teacher a ‘big bum-bailiff’. You can’t take that away. You need to keep the fun words in the dictionary, and add more, so we can... um, express ourselves.” She grabs the dictionary protectively and hisses, “Precious words!”

3. “We need to look at the root of this problem,” soothes psychologist Samuel Payne, who has an office across the street with ‘Appointments Available’ in the window. “All this is the result of bad influence. These poor, misguided children don’t know better. They see a cuss word, and yell it to the world. It’s simply a combination of poor impulse control and a need to impress their peer group. Well, no longer! Schools should have psychologists on staff, and as soon as these troubled angels go astray, we can help them find their own way back to the right road.”

4. “I agree that this is serious,” notes Alejandro Warner, your Minister of Let’s-All-Just-Calm-Down. “But it’s not just the kids who are dirtying the air with foul language. The adults are also at fault. We should fund an official @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ dictionary of approved words, free from all expletives, coarse words, vulgar expressions and terms for the unpleasant parts of human anatomy, and punish anyone who uses any bad word – in books, media, and written and spoken speech. Only then can @@NAME@@ be a truly pleasant place to live. Now, shall we have a cup of tea?”

Note: I still need confirmation on the names of 1007 and 1009 alongside the author/editor of 1009.

edit: wow, I too forgot the author/editor. LOL
congratulations, KoUS! Reminds me a tiny bit of 880... :3

[Trotterdam]

I just got #1007 too, so I can confirm all names are random.

#1007 Putting Your Foot in It

The Issue

While out jogging in the park, you step straight into a dog's mess. Passers-by are quick to offer advice.

The Debate

1. "Disgusting, isn't it?" asks city worker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If you ask me, we need to clamp down on irresponsible dog owners. All public parks should be patrolled by dog wardens, able to dish out heavy fines to those who can't be bothered picking up what their dumb pets' behinds leave behind."

2. "Like that's going to make any difference," sneers professional dog-walker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The problem is a lack of places to dispose of the stuff. Nobody wants to carry around a smelly bag of doo-doo until they can find a place to put it. Install more bins, and that should do the trick."

3. "Ugh, dogs are so disgusting," complains ailurophile @@RANDOMNAME@@, as the pet cat accompanying him drops a dead bird at his feet and cleans its paws with its tongue. "Felines are much lovelier than dogs; they groom themselves constantly, and do their business in a tray, not outside like those mangy canines do. With that in mind, I propose that we restrict the ownership of dogs with hefty license fees, and use that money on a national campaign promoting the virtues of cats instead."

Issue by GeodesicDragon
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[He Qixin]

#1009 was done and edited by TFJS.

[Jutsa]

Thanks, guys. Updating. :3
edit: AND, I just realized that "inanimate" is @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@.
Confound it, entertaining inanimate objects animations!

edit: fixed like 2-3 other issues with that. smh

[GeodesicDragon]

PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN IT

What the? Is this ACTUALLY in caps?

No, it's not; I usually present header titles in caps, to make them stand out a little bit.

I sprayed my screen.

omg, very well done Geo.

Thank you!

Fun Fact: This issue was inspired by the horrendous dog mess problem which exists in the town where I live.

It's so bad, I have to keep looking at the ground as I walk down the street, just to make sure I don't step in any of it.

[Jutsa]

wow

[The Free Joy State]

For "A Woman's Roll", I can confirm that I am the author/editor and that Peterson and Wason are non-random, and all other names are random (@@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@, and @@RANDOMMALENAME@@).

Although, Severus Dawson would be a good name for a chauvinist psychiatrist and I can see why that might be thought to not be random.

EDIT: Although, what you have as #1 isn't actually #1. It's #2. There's an alt. And that's all I'm going to say...

2^ND EDIT: BTW, Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Edibles is italicised

[Australian rePublic]

 Woman’s Roll

The Issue

A survey by the socially conservative special interest group Society for the Prevention of Ominous, Unusual and Substandard Ediblesfound that 14.3% of Australian husbands hate their wife’s cooking, with a further 28.6% secretly describing their wife as “just not a very good cook, really”. Lead researchers Peterson and Wason warn that bad food could cause marital discord, malnutrition and jaw strain due to excessive mastication.

The Debate

A researcher wheels in a television and turns it on, to reveal an anonymised male. “My mummy was the best cook,” sighs the voice, obscured by a synthesiser and sounding vaguely like a duck. “Filet of beef in peppercorn sauce and shepherd’s pie with braised lamb. My wife does make shepherd’s pie three times a week, but she uses beef, and sometimes tomatoes. Honest to Violet. I told her that my mummy said that’s more of a cottage pie, but she just... she keeps doing it. Steven Jot, send our wives to compulsory subsidised cookery classes, so they’ll learn to cook, just like our mummies used to. The men of Australian rePublic work hard all day. We deserve a decent meal.”

Accept

“Why can’t he make his own goddamn meals?” demands Whoopi Juran, of Stressed Wives Not-so-Anonymous, shoving the TV-trolley out of the door and sending it careening along a corridor and down a flight of stairs. “He sounds just like my Louis. Always whining. Look, Australian women are too busy to be farting around with all that gourmet manure. When I come home from work, I have kids to care for, the house to clean, and then I make a meal for five people. If His Highness helped me out, I’d get some me-time, and he might finally get a meal he’s happy with. Run a national campaign to tell husbands that they have an obligation to get off their butts and help their wives.”

Accept

“This sad attitude indicates a much deeper problem,” sighs chauvinist psychiatrist Chris Woolf, whose wife stands next to him, smiling unblinkingly and holding his half-eaten sandwich. “Women have lost the joy of service. Modern society tells women to distrust their head of household, which causes insecurity. Insecure women argue, which causes stress. Stressed women perform their functions haphazardly, if at all. Women would be happier, families would be more stable, if disobedient wives were returned to their naturally submissive state, through drugs, electroshock and frontal lobotomies as necessary. Remember, if a woman doesn’t live to serve her master, something is wrong psychologically.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

Edited by The Free Joy Stat

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Edited by The Free Joy Stat

Heh. That'd be some sort of merging of Cheerfulness and Political Freedom then, yes?