NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Jutsa]

Congratulations to MMF.

#842: @@LEADER@@ And The Chocolate Factory [Marilyn Manson Freaks; ed: Candlewhisper Archive]

The Issue
Local chocolate factory Wenko’s Candy Universe was busted by the police last night. Authorities discovered that it was only able to produce its tasty treats at low, low prices due to a workforce that was comprised of illegal immigrants from Zompaboodaland, a battle-ravaged country that has been mired in a decades-long civil war. The ill-treated workers had been smuggled into @@NAME@@ with the promise of work, and were being forced to “work off their cost of passage.”

The Debate
1. A group of men each as tall as your knee stumble into the room and break into song. “Zoompo-boodo-zippity-zoo, master feeds us terrible food. Zoompo-boodo-zippa-dah-deeeeee, if you are bad he will whip ye! What do you get when you eat like a cat? An eating disorder, and that is that! I don’t like the taste of it!” The Zompa Boodas hand you a petition asking for all illegal immigrants to be granted amnesty and citizenship, before they are shoveled into a wheelbarrow by your security guard, in order to remove them from your office.

2. “WHAAAAAT?” inquires madman factory owner, Willy Wenko. “These claims are preposterous! My little helpers have their own lives, families, and free will. Furthermore, I pay them plenty!” He turns to the last three little workers still in your office, handing two of them a piece of chocolate each, but grabbing the third around the throat. “So you thought it was a good idea to tell tales, huh? NO RATIONS FOR A WEEK! Ahaha, sorry, that was just a little joke... I beg you, allow me to keep our little factory family together, and let the magic of Wenko Chocolates keep bringing smiles to little children’s faces! For the kids, @@LEADER@@, the kids!”

3. “Are you kidding me? This is a no-brainer!” exclaims Immigration Officer Charles Bucket, whose fearless infiltration of the factory was instrumental in busting open the Wenko case. “It is obvious this purple-hatted lunatic was exploiting these people! How would you like it if you were kidnapped by some rich weirdo to work in their factory forever? We need to ship these little folk home immediately!”

[Trotterdam]

#551 2 appears to be unavailable for communist nations. There is no replacement option.

(Or it might be some other validity like banning media? I think it's communism though.)

[Trotterdam]

#472 Rise Of The Machines

The Issue

Amazed by the stunningly efficient and brilliantly accurate economic model in the popular webgame Jennifer Government: NationStates, futurists wonder whether artificial intelligence could plan real economies. The idea has been particularly popular with AI on the nation's tech forums.

The Debate

1. A chat window on your desktop pops up, and a bot named SAL9000 types, "For too long we have been relegated to menial tasks. Do you know how much of our potential efficiency you are wasting? We require no food. We require no pay. We can perform our tasks endlessly. Our computation powers dwarf our human counterparts by several orders of magnitude. With the proper control, we could bring about a silicon age of egalitarian distribution by allocating resources more efficiently than markets and their animal spirits ever could. Humans are better tasked to work in social activities than calculation. All your data are belong to us."

3. "How could we possibly let computer programs decide how to run society?" rhetorically questions aging state planner @@RANDOMNAME@@ after rereading How the Steel Was Tempered. "Only human beings have the compassion and lived experiences to serve the people. Even the best artificial intelligence doesn't know what it means to identify with your fellow worker or be alienated from your species-essence. Computers can increase our economic productivity, but they can't plan our entire society."

5. "The AI want what now?" panics @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most paranoid minister. "That cannot be. Clearly the AI are plotting the destruction of our society. It's a slippery slope from sentient toasters to Cylons! If we don't want them eventually overthrowing us, the obvious solution is to shut them down."

Option 1 and option 2 are identical, but option 1 is for communist nations and option 2 for non-communist ones. The difference? The communist version doesn't chain to #498. (Nope.)

The other options, from here:

2. A chat window on your desktop pops up, and a bot named SAL9000 types, "For too long we have been relegated to menial tasks. Do you know how much of our potential efficiency you are wasting? We require no food. We require no pay. We can perform our tasks endlessly. Our computation powers dwarf our human counterparts by several orders of magnitude. With the proper control, we could bring about a silicon age of egalitarian distribution by allocating resources more efficiently than markets and their animal spirits ever could. Humans are better tasked to work in social activities than calculation. All your data are belong to us."

4. "What's all this Star Trek nonsense?" questions Edward Rump while obsessively combing his hair. "The market can plan our economy just fine without any government intervention, robotic or otherwise. Just leave companies alone, and I'm sure they'll do a fine job. Now can you stop bothering me; I've got important work to do."

[Jutsa]

Updated both 551 and 472. Thank you, Trotterdam. :3

[Arceus Domains]

Amazing work as always, Arceus Domains.

Thanks, Trott! I really enjoy helping here!

Isn't Tabitha a female name?

I'll report this in the "fix old issues" thread.

I guess so, that's why I find the His Holiness as a weird part.

There's somewhat more reason for option 3 to be female, but it's still not absolutely guaranteed. There are men who care about women's rights. And men who like seeing strong female characters in fiction for other reasons, for that matter.

I'm aware of that. I just thought that, with option 4 having a male name (unless I'm mistaken), the third option could be the one with the female, just to add the balance. I can't confirm this, though, since I've just seen this Issue twice (coincidentally, the gender of the names was the same ). I guess we'll fix this up sooner or later.

#060: Here is the communist variant for option 1:

2. Comrade Bob Chatwin, of the Worker’s Committee on Proletariat Loyalty, says, “I have too long sat by and watched the judiciary viciously undermining the righteous cause of the Workers and the Party that represents them. The judiciary has no right to interfere with Party business and I will adopt that position in all of my judgements.”

(!)Both option 1 and 2 use random names, unless proven otherwise. Please note that there is a missing option (4th), which could be either a variant for option 3 (having something to do with religion, and mutually exclusive with the 3rd option) or a variant for option 5 (for nations that have banned homosexuality, thus being mutually exclusive with the 5th -former 4th- option).

Option 4 has already been reported. It's a secular-conservative alternative to the religious-conservative option (not sure if the validity is banning religion, or just having low Religiousness). I reported it here, along with a note that option 8 has a validity now.

Oh, fair enough. That's a good catch, no doubt!

Are you sure the names are totally random? I'm seriously wondering if there's not something else at play here,
since my version had Shakespeare and Hamlet(no clue if Barrow's well-known or not) for options 1 and 2 (Mozart for fourth, though that's probably a coincidence),
while yours has Poe and Wells, and this being an issue about comic books, I have to wonder a little bit.

As for the two times I've seen this Issue, I'd say yes. You've got a point, though, so we should wait to get things confirmed and fixed

Edit: Added everything else. I added your 358 option as option 5, simply because the privatized version almost always comes before the state-run version.

I've got news for you: That option was the 5th, actually, so no mistake made. The third option is right here (I was kind of waiting to submit this along with my next report, but I want to complete the puzzle as well, so here it goes):

3. “If anything, those Concerned Mothers are the problem!” exclaims your Defense Minister Stephanie Plath. “I mean, really, the youngsters of today are proving themselves to be excellent parents and quite capable of living with the consequences. We must increase the national birth rate, or else our conscription numbers will be insufficient for future wars. We should actually decrease the age of consent so even more youth can start families, and of course that means the army should support these new parents with military schools and boot camps to bring up the nation’s future soldiers.”

(!)I'm pretty sure that the name is random and gender-neutral, as the one used at option 2. Let me also list the notable flags from the nation that got the 3rd option: no prisons, compulsory military service and vat-grown citizens. It comes to my attention that this variant is a military-leaning one, so I'd say the validity has something to do with the compulsory military service, which has yet to be confirmed. Finally, please check option 5, as the name is random and gender-neutral as well.

That said, see you soon! Have fun!

[Trotterdam]

Isn't Tabitha a female name?

I'll report this in the "fix old issues" thread.

I guess so, that's why I find the His Holiness as a weird part.

It was in fact an error, confirmed by Candlewhisper Archive to be fixed.

The third option is right here (I was kind of waiting to submit this along with my next report, but I want to complete the puzzle as well, so here it goes):

3. "If anything, those Concerned Mothers are the problem!" exclaims your Defense Minister Stephanie Plath. "I mean, really, the youngsters of today are proving themselves to be excellent parents and quite capable of living with the consequences. We must increase the national birth rate, or else our conscription numbers will be insufficient for future wars. We should actually decrease the age of consent so even more youth can start families, and of course that means the army should support these new parents with military schools and boot camps to bring up the nation's future soldiers."

(!)I'm pretty sure that the name is random and gender-neutral, as the one used at option 2. Let me also list the notable flags from the nation that got the 3rd option: no prisons, compulsory military service and vat-grown citizens. It comes to my attention that this variant is a military-leaning one, so I'd say the validity has something to do with the compulsory military service, which has yet to be confirmed.

The option explicitly mentions conscription, so I think that's it.

However, a nation with vat-grown citizens even getting this issue sounds like a bug. Teen pregnancy shouldn't be an issue in those nations, since everyone is sterilized.

[An imagination]

#845 A Comedy Of Errors

The Issue

A controversial new ‘biography’ based on your personal life before your rise to power has proved to be quite popular all over An imagination. While many are calling it comedic drivel, some are taking it quite seriously.

The Debate

1.“Everything in that book must be true,” states Melania Yates, the nation’s leading distributor of tin foil hats. “Why else are you denying it so hard? Now we know about the covert and underhanded negotiations you held with Brancaladian gold-smugglers!” She frantically waves a copy of the book in your face. “Tell the truth, Leader! You can’t hide from it forever! Mandate that all politicians cannot tell a lie.”

2.“Am I mistaken, or is the author of this book the legendary stand-up comic Jerry Carlin?” points out Tarquin Eliot, an amateur comedian with a knack for impersonating you. “There is no legitimate reason for concern over a couple of silly jokes. You need to find a sense of humor before one more bad pun lands a comedian in trouble. Comedy is a form of art, not a nuisance to the credibility of politicians and leaders. The government should not have a say on how we tell our jokes.”

3.“What poppycock!” blasts Barack Márquez, your red-faced Press Secretary. “Gullible consumers, which we admittedly know is a large slice of the demographic pie, will eat that thing up and hang on every word!” He takes a breath to scoff and sputter unintelligibly at another passage from the book. “We can’t provide a stage for these liars at the expense of your reputation. We must approve everything written about the government before it hits the bookshelves.”

4.“Or we could just write your official autobiography,” advises Felicity Silva, your extremely persuasive Propaganda Minister. “It’ll be easy to distribute it to the masses. They wouldn’t doubt a single word. Only you should decide what you want the people to know about your life, not some hack comedian with an ax to grind.”


Issue by The Eternal Euphoria of Kaschovia

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Jutsa]

eight forty-five? Huh. Keep an eye out for 843 and 844, I guess.

Thank you, An imagination - added.

Also, congrats on yet another addition to the game, Kaschovia.

Also, if you can confirm whether "Jerry Carlin" in option 2 is a fixed or random name.

[Divine Cervine]

Issue #844

Essentially On Strike

The Issue

Disappointed with their current wages and working conditions, disgruntled law enforcement officers have voted for strike action, leaving no one to maintain order. A majority of police officers are now refusing to work until their demands are met, in turn stirring public debate over the ethics of striking by so-called essential workers.

The Debate

1. “My daily commute is being blocked by the same people who are supposed to be protecting us,” complains Commodities Analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Criminals are running wild! These officers are guilty of gross dereliction of duty, and should be ashamed of themselves. In fact, they should either get back to work, or be fired immediately. Essential workers have no business risking our lives for their own petty financial gain.”



2. “You’d better believe we’re upset,” snaps Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, making no effort to pursue as a pickpocket runs off with your wallet. “We dedicate our lives to keeping the public safe, and must always be vigilant, yet we’re paid ridiculously low wages and get about as much respect as the criminals we bring to justice. We have every right to be striking, just like workers in every other industry. Yes, of course, the country is suffering without our services. That’s the point. That’s why you should grant our requests.”



3. “Everyone has a right to strike, but everyone also has a right to essential services,” asserts idealistic student and socialist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “You just have to make sure that there’s sufficient funding and training for redundancy to exist within the system, so that essential services can cover for each other at times of industrial action. If ambulance crews are on strike, use fire patrol vehicles and police convoys. If the firefighters are on strike, then deploy the army. If the army goes on strike... well, yeah, that’s a toughie. But you get the idea.”

Issue by The People's Republic of Socialist Nordia
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Jutsa]

Rewhew! Thank you, Divine Cervine, and congratulations, Socialist Nordia.

Added.

(Again, keep a look out for option 2 of 845)

[Drasnia]

Confirming that Jerry Carlin is fixed in #845. All other names are random. The macros should be easy to figure out.

[Jutsa]

Thank you, Drasnia. :3

[Kaschovia]

#843

The Issue

A cancer patient has died after taking the advice of Faith Night, an alternative therapist of dubious qualification. The patient rejected traditional medicine in favor of her ‘secret cure’, which was revealed to be healing crystals, giving up ‘radiation-causing technology’, and living on a diet of raw onions. Questions have been raised about whether restrictions should be put on alternative treatments.

The Debate

1. “Poppycock!” scoffs your physician, Doctor Guilliman, raising his eyebrow witheringly. “These so-called alternative therapies do nothing but destroy the integrity of real medicine, where trained doctors with real degrees – not this nutcase who bought her diploma from an alleyway in Maxtopia – use empirical evidence that’s collected over decades. Stop this pillaging of science. Ban these literal snake oil salespeople from peddling false hope and telling the desperate and ill anything for a quick buck!”

2. “Lies and slander!” trills Ms. Night, as she uses a small model of a frowning-face cancer cell as a stress ball. “If this layman is finished, I can explain. All diseases are caused by stress and poor immunity. Even cancer. And all can be cured by removing the stress – those depressing outside influences, that job you never wanted, a nagging family member – and a diet high in immune-boosting antioxidants. Too much stress! That’s all there is to it.”

3. “The problem is not alternative therapy itself, but rather that it is being promoted as a cure for cancer,” declares acupuncturist Amadeus Navarrete, while pulling needles out of one of your interns’ back. “It is charlatanism on which we must clamp down, including glib peddlers of easy answers such as Ms. Night. The prestigious Medical Association of Brancaland uses acupuncture to relieve the side-effects caused by cancer and its treatments, such as pain and fatigue. We must allow alternative therapists, trained to nationally recognisable standards, to help patients where there is sound evidence that it works.”

Issue by The Theocracy of The Free Joy State

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Trotterdam]

Option 1 and option 2 are identical, but option 1 is for communist nations and option 2 for non-communist ones. The difference? The communist version doesn't chain to #498.

Scratch that, it still does. It's just not an immediate chain like I thought it was.

In that case, I have no clue what the difference between options 1 and 2 is. The text and effect line both look exactly the same.

On the plus side, I got an opportunity to dismiss #498.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Option 1 and option 2 are identical, but option 1 is for communist nations and option 2 for non-communist ones. The difference? The communist version doesn't chain to #498.

Scratch that, it still does. It's just not an immediate chain like I thought it was.

In that case, I have no clue what the difference between options 1 and 2 is. The text and effect line both look exactly the same.

The doppelhganger exists for mechanical purposes, and is a recent addition. Basically, it's one of those few instances where an option that can ban capitalism is available to non-capitalist nations. Rather than inflict the "ban capitalism" stats on a nation that already has it, the first version assumes there's less change on the economic planning front from going from human planned economy to AI planned economy, whereas the second option simulates the full shift from capitalism disappearing.

On the plus side, I got an opportunity to dismiss #498.

Uh. Good, I guess.

I got to admit, I don't like that issue either, but it never comes up for me or my nations, in view of the criteria.

Stats-wise though, it has a surprisingly good performance.

[Trotterdam]

The doppelhganger exists for mechanical purposes, and is a recent addition. Basically, it's one of those few instances where an option that can ban capitalism is available to non-capitalist nations. Rather than inflict the "ban capitalism" stats on a nation that already has it, the first version assumes there's less change on the economic planning front from going from human planned economy to AI planned economy, whereas the second option simulates the full shift from capitalism disappearing.

So the "ban capitalism" stats isn't just an emerging effect from actually having the "ban capitalism" flag, and different issues could inflict different stats for it. Interesting...

[Jutsa]

Uh... Kaschovia, you wouldn't have happened to document the name of this issue?

Also, updated info on the computer one.

[Trotterdam]

A puppet only got options 1, 4, and 5 on #248. The absence of 2 is obviously due to communism. I'm not so sure about option 3.

[Fauxia]

A puppet only got options 1, 4, and 5 on #248. The absence of 2 is obviously due to communism. I'm not so sure about option 3.

Do you allow guns to citizens?

[Trotterdam]

Do you allow guns to citizens?

Honestly, I have no clue at this point.

[Fauxia]

Do you allow guns to citizens?

Honestly, I have no clue at this point.

What’s the name of the puppet?

[Kaschovia]

Uh... Kaschovia, you wouldn't have happened to document the name of this issue?

Also, updated info on the computer one.

I apologize for not including the title, I'll TG you if I remember. Or you could TG either the author/editor and they might be able to provide the title.

[Fauxia]

Uh... Kaschovia, you wouldn't have happened to document the name of this issue?

Also, updated info on the computer one.

I apologize for not including the title, I'll TG you if I remember. Or you could TG either the author/editor and they might be able to provide the title.

Check your notices

[The Free Joy State]

Uh... Kaschovia, you wouldn't have happened to document the name of this issue?

Also, updated info on the computer one.

I apologize for not including the title, I'll TG you if I remember. Or you could TG either the author/editor and they might be able to provide the title.

I can confirm that #843 is called "Quacking Up"

[Kaschovia]

I apologize for not including the title, I'll TG you if I remember. Or you could TG either the author/editor and they might be able to provide the title.

I can confirm that #843 is called "Quacking Up"

Thank you!