NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

is widely recognised that Australians are significantly smarter than the world average. There have been calls for the government to make use of this national resource.

The Debate

“Science! Progress! A Better Tomorrow!” sprays frazzle-haired twenty-something geek Mario Weber, mouth half full of cold pizza. “We’re living in a changing economy, and the future lies in fuzzy logic and quantum computing. I’m not talking about a discrete quantity of computing... aha... ha... ah... Hmm, tough crowd. Anyway, the government should fund a Science Park to push forward the boundaries of technological thinking, and to shake up the status quo. It’s an investment in the industries of the future!”

“Clever is as clever does,” declares frazzle-haired thirty-something PhD student Selma Delauter smugly. “Governments and world leaders, you always want to monetise things, when actually intelligence and learning are their own reward. Instead, you should fund a Symposium Park, where ideas can be exchanged, poems can be written and minds can grow. No, there’s no money in it. It’s not all about money, you know.”

“Clever? There is no clever...” intones frazzle-haired forty-something philosopher Aphrodite Larson. “We are thinking too much about thinking and not enough about mindfulness. Give us some land to build a Meditation Park. Discourage this mad world-questioning and worship of intellect. Embrace introspection and spirituality, and grow our souls.”

Confirm Wait, no!

“So we’re an oh-so-clever nation, and now you want to build a national park celebrating that?” moans frazzle-haired fifty-something cattle breeder Ebenezer Sajak. “Give me a break! Help me out with setting up a Ranch Park where we can raise good quality cattle. IQ doesn’t fill bellies. Beef fills bellies.”

Issue by The Nuclear Shield Wall of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by Candlewhisper Arc

803- Park that thought

Great, this issue just called practically all my citizens "frazzle-haired."

Time to fund some public hair-design salons.

[Sanctaria]

Time to fund some public hair-design salons.

Totally read that wrong.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Time to fund some public hair-design salons.

Totally read that wrong.

[Australian rePublic]

Big Trouble In Little Dàguó

The Issue

The large, militaristic nation of Dàguó is currently in a dispute with the breakaway province of New Dàguó. As nations around the world begin to take sides, opposing ambassadors have arrived in your office to seek your support.

The Debate

“This ‘New Dàguó’ is nothing but a treasonous cartel of hoodlums and degenerates,” scowls Stephanie Kenobi, the ambassador from the Empire of Dàguó. “We are one of your most important trading partners, especially for your Tourism industry. We demand affirmation as the one true and legitimate government of Dàguó. Don’t believe the lies those criminals tell you - our Holy Emperor, long may he live, provides true prosperity and success to all of his citizens. Besides, we might just have to take military action against those who support the so-called New Dàguó - and you want to be on the correct side in this coming war, don’t you?”

Accept“We deserve recognition!” asserts Bella Richardson, the self-proclaimed ambassador from New Dàguó. “We are a democratic nation that holds free elections in our territory. Dàguó’s tyrannical regime was oppressing us, so we declared a revolution! Sure, they outnumber us ten to one, but if you send us weapons and support, we’ll become fully independent in no time! We’ll even pay you back after we figure out how to import enough food without Dàguó’s price controls.”

AcceptYour Minister of Foreign Affairs, Francisco Yossef, comes up to you and whispers in your ear. “Look, Steven Jot, we can’t afford to lose our trade with Dàguó - our Tourism industry would collapse! But we also shouldn’t turn a blind eye to Dàguó’s flagrant human rights abuses. How about we send a vaguely-worded statement saying that we support a peaceful solution to the conflict, and then just say that we supported the winning side all along? It’s a no-risk solution.”

AcceptLater, your seldom-seen Minister of Whispers appears behind you in what you thought was a deserted corridor. “We have an exceptional opportunity here, Your Excellency. It would be easy to discreetly sell weapons to both sides while remaining officially neutral. Our enemies in Dàguó will become increasingly unstable, while we profit from the situation. Some may call these actions unethical - but Australian Republic didn’t start this conflict. We’re just acting in the best interests of the realm, of course.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Allied Provinces of Laeral

Edited by Pogaria

NationStates by Max Barry, author of     

[Fauxia]

Big Trouble In Little Dàguó

The Issue

The large, militaristic nation of Dàguó is currently in a dispute with the breakaway province of New Dàguó. As nations around the world begin to take sides, opposing ambassadors have arrived in your office to seek your support.

The Debate

“This ‘New Dàguó’ is nothing but a treasonous cartel of hoodlums and degenerates,” scowls Stephanie Kenobi, the ambassador from the Empire of Dàguó. “We are one of your most important trading partners, especially for your Tourism industry. We demand affirmation as the one true and legitimate government of Dàguó. Don’t believe the lies those criminals tell you - our Holy Emperor, long may he live, provides true prosperity and success to all of his citizens. Besides, we might just have to take military action against those who support the so-called New Dàguó - and you want to be on the correct side in this coming war, don’t you?”

Accept“We deserve recognition!” asserts Bella Richardson, the self-proclaimed ambassador from New Dàguó. “We are a democratic nation that holds free elections in our territory. Dàguó’s tyrannical regime was oppressing us, so we declared a revolution! Sure, they outnumber us ten to one, but if you send us weapons and support, we’ll become fully independent in no time! We’ll even pay you back after we figure out how to import enough food without Dàguó’s price controls.”

AcceptYour Minister of Foreign Affairs, Francisco Yossef, comes up to you and whispers in your ear. “Look, Steven Jot, we can’t afford to lose our trade with Dàguó - our Tourism industry would collapse! But we also shouldn’t turn a blind eye to Dàguó’s flagrant human rights abuses. How about we send a vaguely-worded statement saying that we support a peaceful solution to the conflict, and then just say that we supported the winning side all along? It’s a no-risk solution.”

AcceptLater, your seldom-seen Minister of Whispers appears behind you in what you thought was a deserted corridor. “We have an exceptional opportunity here, Your Excellency. It would be easy to discreetly sell weapons to both sides while remaining officially neutral. Our enemies in Dàguó will become increasingly unstable, while we profit from the situation. Some may call these actions unethical - but Australian Republic didn’t start this conflict. We’re just acting in the best interests of the realm, of course.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Allied Provinces of Laeral

Edited by Pogaria

NationStates by Max Barry, author of     

I wonder if a nation that met with Daguo can receive that

[Trotterdam]

I got #804 with the troll being a man.

This must be why none of the speakers have names - it allows the macros to continue to be used throughout (at least as far as the second option, since I don't see any in the third option).

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Issue #813: A Little Birdie Told Me

The Issue

The Supreme Leader of Blackacre, Valaria Drake, threatened to “make it rain fire and fury all over Frieden-und Freudenland” via his Twitcher account. A horde of security experts have surrounded you to discuss the precautions that must be taken.

The Debate

1. “We cannot underestimate the danger!” asserts your Minister of Defense, carefully putting her Castles & Cockatrices figurines on your desk with a rather creepy smile. “A threat is a threat, be it declared via a twitch or at a fancy press conference with all the bells and whistles. We must respond accordingly, by preemptively positioning battleships within bombardment range of their major cities. If they don’t back down, we’ll wipe them off the map! That’ll teach them what a rain of fire looks like.” She chuckles as she knocks over a miniature effigy of Supreme Leader Drake with a wyvern.

2. “Aren’t we taking this man’s Twitcher rants a bit too seriously?” questions your Ambassador to Blackacre, without showing any effort to disguise her boredom. “I mean, this guy basically twitches all the time about xenophobic conspiracy theories or rants about his dissidents. You should not reinforce this nonsense by giving him the attention he craves. Ignore him, and hopefully he’ll learn to govern his country like an adult.”

3. “If you let him get away with this insult, our people will start to question your competence as a leader!” clamours Michael Douglas, your Public Relations Adviser, as he scrolls down on his phone to read Drake’s vitriolic twitches. “What we should do is to set up an official Twitcher account for you. This way you can counter this man’s attacks with his own weapon. An eye for an eye. You can also use this account to polish up your public image, of course. Your ministers could get in on this too.”

Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland

Edited by Nation of Quebec

Hmm. I am just surprised that Valaria is supposed to be a man's name according to the pronouns used here.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I think there was a mess up here. I suggested the name Valeria Drake to NoQ, with the intention that it should have been a female character.

Will raise it back in the editing room.

[Bears Armed]

I think there was a mess up here. I suggested the name Valeria Drake to NoQ, with the intention that it should have been a female character.

Some sort of 'Mother of Dragons'?

^_^

[Koem Kab]

Armed and Unready

The Issue

A small countryside skirmish against a score of bandit militiamen ended in a complete catastrophe, despite the deployment of two dozen Alpha Centourian battle tanks and one hundred and fifty infantrymen. The Alpha Centourian conscripts proved to be no match for their well-trained and motivated enemies. Unsurprisingly, the perceived quality of the nation’s soldiers has come under heavy fire.

The Debate

1.“Hang on, which end is it that we point at the bad guys?” asks clueless Private Mistletoe, haplessly staring down the barrel of an assault rifle in genuine confusion. “I give up! Look here, Leader, I’m just not cut out to be a soldier, neither is anyone else in my unit. You have millions of men who couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a battle tank main gun, even if the tank was parked in the barn! Couldn’t you let us prove our pride in our glorious nation by doing some good instead, like tending to the elderly, cleaning up the streets or peeling potatoes?”

2.“Our military isn’t what it was in the good old days,” comments retired Drill Sergeant Sullivan. “You should revisit basic drill and training. Concentrate on the fundamentals, like disciplined formation marching to the beat of a drum, standing up straight, keeping your uniform shiny, and having abuse shouted in your left ear.”

3.“As always, technology has the answer!” announces computer programmer Ludwig Cage, pausing halfway through level 242 of Call of Honor to talk to you. “With the latest targeting computers in our military equipment, even a child couldn’t miss! An interlaced augmented reality overlay and combat AI could tell soldiers in real time squad and enemy locations, ranges, wind speed, optimal weapon selection, tactical movements, inspirational morale boosting messages.... It’s modern warfare!”

4.“I think your approach is already correct,” wheedles Samus Hicks, your sycophantic aide-de-camp. “In fact, the only issue we have is that we don’t conscript enough soldiers! With greater numbers, victory would be assured. For starters, I’m sure the elderly and the disabled would be proud to serve our great nation.”

5.“Or you could go back to having a volunteer army,” mutters Aldo Pavlov, hand-cuffed deserter and sole survivor of the recent massacre. “Look, I didn’t want to be a soldier anyway. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of... of... Anyway, ditch the draft.”

[Arceus Domains]

Issue #811: Get Baked

The Issue

While strolling through the annual bake sale at your niece’s school, you couldn’t help but overhear a heated argument between two of the mothers at a nearby snickerdoodle-and-cupcake display.

The Debate

1. “@@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@, I don’t care how much kale you put into those cupcakes; we just shouldn’t be feeding this much sugar to children,” lectures one gaunt-looking mother, waving a carrot in exasperation. She catches a glimpse of you out of the corner of her eye and turns to you. “@@LEADER@@! You must regulate all junk food going to our children at school! If we need a fundraiser, we can sell fruits and vegetables instead of this high-calorie, low energy bull-”.

2. “Oh my, @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@, you must watch your mouth! There are children in here!” complains her dumpling-shaped counterpart, hip-bumping her way to a centre-stage position in the conversation and sending the previous speaker flying into a tower of rice cereal treats. “You can’t get rid of this sugary goodness! These kids love it. If anything, we need MORE sugar, and some help for businesses that provide the sweet treats that bring so much happiness. Who cares if people are gaining weight? That’s just evolution.”

3. “Evolution? That’s what this is about?” interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, local Violetist and busybody, showing up from behind a display of savoury doughnuts in the shape of a Violetist religious symbol. “The Holy Purple Passages state that ‘Sweetness Is Not Virtue, and You Shall Not Consume the Fruit of the Cane.’ Maybe that’s not exactly correct, but you get my point! Ban desserts entirely!”

4. “AAAAAAAAAAARGH!” screams your niece, causing everyone to suddenly turn to her. “Thank you! Who cares what kids eat? It should be our choice alone if we want to eat cookies and candy all the time, not yours! Give children the choice to put whatever food we want in our bodies, it’s the only way!”

Issue by White Girls Metropolis

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Note: I think that option 3 is only given to religious nations (as I didn't get it on my main -top 10% for most secular-, but on a puppet with high levels of Religiousness).

[Trotterdam]

Wait, a nation named after Arceus, God of the Pokemon universe, isn't religious?

I bet it's all the evolution.

More pertinently, I wonder what's up with #812. I haven't seen it yet. Nevermind, there it is.

[Tinhampton]

Armed and Unready

Author and editor, please? Or are we keeping them hidden out of sight like we used to do with the first 31 issues?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Armed and Unready

Author and editor, please? Or are we keeping them hidden out of sight like we used to do with the first 31 issues?

Chan Island and me.

[Fauxia]

I didn't put one of these up here? I got one of them that i'm
pretty sure hasn't been done, check later

[Arceus Domains]

Wait, a nation named after Arceus, God of the Pokemon universe, isn't religious?

I bet it's all the evolution.

Indeed the name honors Arceus. However, the State is strictly secular and shows no religious preferences, nor tendency to favor any particular religion, since the diversity in this nation is incredibly vast..

[Fauxia]

Has 807 been posted? I got it

[Jutsa]

I can confirm that Valaria is now Valeria, and is, in fact, a she now.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I can confirm that Valaria is now Valeria, and is, in fact, a she now.

Great news!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I can confirm that Valaria is now Valeria, and is, in fact, a she now.

Great news!

Bad news is that she's shacking up with John Snowman, the President in the North of Brancaland.

[Gnejs]

And I hear they're related, ew..

[Jutsa]

Fleshing out the NS characters I see. Juicy.

[Trotterdam]

Option 3 on #811 is ineligible for some nations. Dunno why.

Maybe banning Violetists? I don't think that nation had done that, unless #058 4's "reeducate them" counts.

Indeed the name honors Arceus. However, the State is strictly secular and shows no religious preferences, nor tendency to favor any particular religion, since the diversity in this nation is incredibly vast..

Well, you do have 18 types and 171 possible type combinations (not counting mirror images, but counting ones that have never yet been used)

[Fauxia]

Hope neither of these issues have been posted yet,

Title: Have War Crimes, Will Travel

The Issue

A small disputed strip of land in your sphere of influence has been in a state of civil war for decades. @@NAME@@ has been approached by the international community to hold the first round of peace talks. Unfortunately Colonel Doris Kent, the self-styled revolutionary in charge of the Popular Freedom Fighters with multiple warrants for war crimes against her, will have to be issued a safe conduct pass to attend the talks without fear of arrest.

The Debate

1. “The Popular Freedom Fighters are a disgusting group!” yells Jacob Rifkin, a grief-stricken refugee.”They killed my father, razed our village, and ruined my stamp collection! I say you invite their jerk of a leader into @@NAME@@, then you have your police arrest the monster! It’s the only way justice can be served.”

2. “You can’t seriously be considering this!” exclaims overworked diplomat Naki Zahm. “We’ve been working for years to bring peace to this region. This individual may have blood on their hands, but so do the other sixteen sides in this war. A sudden power vacuum will just prolong the hostilities! We have a real chance of securing a lasting peace here, surely that’s worth overlooking a couple of mass murders?”

3. “This really is a bind,” muses your trusted advisor Wally Fallon. “If we arrest them on our soil, we will forever be known as people who breach our safe conduct passes. If we let him go, we will let a wanted war criminal slip through our fingers. The solution is plain: refuse to hold the talks. I’m sure they can figure it out without us looking over their shoulder.”

4. “We want this warlord gone, but don’t want to look bad because of it,” whispers agent Cobblepot from behind an oversized potted plant. “Give this individual safe conduct, let them do their thing and if some kind of terrible accident were to befall our dear friend... how could you possibly have known that ceiling beam was going to fall on his head?”

Issue by Chan Island
Edited by Caracasus

Quick note on that one: Colonel Kent is called both "he" and "she"

The next one I think is a tree from one issue. I don't think Drasnia has it (the original) yet though...

Title: Armed and Unready

The Issue

A small countryside skirmish against a score of bandit militiamen ended in a complete catastrophe, despite the deployment of two dozen @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ battle tanks and one hundred and fifty infantrymen. The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ conscripts proved to be no match for their well-trained and motivated enemies. Unsurprisingly, the perceived quality of the nation’s soldiers has come under heavy fire.

The Debate

1. “Hang on, which end is it that we point at the bad guys?” asks clueless Private Lopez, haplessly staring down the barrel of an assault rifle in genuine confusion. “I give up! Look here, @@LEADER@@, I’m just not cut out to be a soldier, neither is anyone else in my unit. You have millions of men who couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a battle tank main gun, even if the tank was parked in the barn! Couldn’t you let us prove our pride in our glorious nation by doing some good instead, like tending to the elderly, cleaning up the streets or peeling potatoes?”

2. "Our military isn’t what it was in the good old days,” comments retired Drill Sergeant Shore. “You should revisit basic drill and training. Concentrate on the fundamentals, like disciplined formation marching to the beat of a drum, standing up straight, keeping your uniform shiny, and having abuse shouted in your left ear.”

3. “I think your approach is already correct,” wheedles Yasmin Barrow, your sycophantic aide-de-camp. “In fact, the only issue we have is that we don’t conscript enough soldiers! With greater numbers, victory would be assured. For starters, I’m sure the elderly and the disabled would be proud to serve our great nation.”

4. “Or you could go back to having a volunteer army,” mutters Basil Green, hand-cuffed deserter and sole survivor of the recent massacre. “Look, I didn’t want to be a soldier anyway. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of... of... Anyway, ditch the draft.”

Issue by Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Maljaratas]

Get Baked
The Issue

While strolling through the annual bake sale at your niece’s school, you couldn’t help but overhear a heated argument between two of the mothers at a nearby snickerdoodle-and-cupcake display.
The Debate

“Finlay, I don’t care how much kale you put into those cupcakes; we just shouldn’t be feeding this much sugar to children,” lectures one gaunt-looking mother, waving a carrot in exasperation. She catches a glimpse of you out of the corner of her eye and turns to you. “Nick Fabian! You must regulate all junk food going to our children at school! If we need a fundraiser, we can sell fruits and vegetables instead of this high-calorie, low energy bull-“

“Oh my, Vanna, you must watch your mouth! There are children in here!” complains her dumpling-shaped counterpart, hip-bumping her way to a centre-stage position in the conversation and sending the previous speaker flying into a tower of rice cereal treats. “You can’t get rid of this sugary goodness! These kids love it. If anything, we need MORE sugar, and some help for businesses that provide the sweet treats that bring so much happiness. Who cares if people are gaining weight? That’s just evolution.”

“Evolution? That’s what this is about?” interjects Lara, local Violetist and busybody, showing up from behind a display of savoury doughnuts in the shape of a Violetist religious symbol. “The Holy Purple Passages state that ‘Sweetness Is Not Virtue, and You Shall Not Consume the Fruit of the Cane.’ Maybe that’s not exactly correct, but you get my point! Ban desserts entirely!”

“AAAAAAAAAAARGH!” screams your niece, causing everyone to suddenly turn to her. “Thank you! Who cares what kids eat? It should be our choice alone if we want to eat cookies and candy all the time, not yours! Give children the choice to put whatever food we want in our bodies, it’s the only way!”

Issue by The Blue Queendom of White Girls Metropolis

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

I checked, these are the only options unless there's a fifth I don't qualify for.