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by Tinhampton » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:20 am
by Tinhampton » Tue Jul 18, 2017 11:04 am
by Drasnia » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:02 pm
Tinhampton wrote:Option 007.1's effect line now reads "Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested". That's strange... I could swear it used to be "Animal Liberationists are regularly jailed"?
by The Candy Of Bottles » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:06 pm
by Trotterdam » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:05 pm
#770 Vaping Up A Storm
The Issue
E-cigarettes and vaping have been growing more popular, but some have expressed safety concerns.
The Debate
1. "I caught my son puffing mist from this weird device!" panics mother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, holding an e-cigarette at arms length as if expecting it to explode in her face. "I haven't tried it myself, but if you combine electricity with the dangers of nicotine, who knows what will happen? We must stop people using them until there's been more research into their safety!"
2. "Mom, you have like, minus one hundred percent idea what you're talking about," retorts her son, fifteen-year-old @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@, obnoxiously exhaling a cloud of berry-scented vapour into your face. "E-cigarettes have have like, no bad stuff in them at all, so they're as safe to smoke as drinking water. I mean drinking water is as safe as smoking these, not that you can smoke water... uh... you get what I mean. In fact, they help people stop smoking. Which is good, so I hear, though I've never actually tried smoking cigarettes. Plus, it's really cool-looking. I've been trying to impress that Julie girl with my vape hearts. Anyway, don't cut me off, because I really like Julie. Like really, really like. You get me?"
3. "Nicotine replacement devices are reasonable to help with nicotine addiction," interjects Dr. @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ in a paternalistic tone of voice, "and that's all that they should be used for. People are too stupid to decide things for themselves: you need someone who has a brain to tell them what to do. @@LEADER@@, if you have any respect for the moral and physiological well-being of our nation, I implore you to necessitate a psychiatrist's prescription for electronic cigarettes."
Issue by Kortza
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive
#770 Vaping Up A StormI could sort of tell option 1's line seemed more likely to apply to this issue than to the other two issues that hadn't been reported yet (The Candy Of Bottles just posted #772, #771 is still out in the open), but it is conspiciously more vague than the other two, which both use the word "e-cigarettes".
1. sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor
2. kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes
3. there is a heavy social stigma attached to e-cigarettes
by NovaRain » Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:15 am
#748 In Spite Of All The Danger
The Story So Far
When terrorists attacked the @@CAPITAL@@ Stock Exchange, many courageous volunteers braved the dangers of the ruined building to help search for and recover survivors from the rubble.
The Issue
The danger is long passed, and the site cleared, but there now appear to be multiple cases of mesothelial lung cancer and other serious respiratory ailments amongst the volunteers who attended the site at the time of the attack. Doctors are attributing this to exposure to toxic smoke and building dust.
The Debate
1. “Hard to... talk...” wheezes breathless patient Gene Yeats, struggling to be heard through his oxygen mask. “We helped out... for @@NAME@@. Now we want... @@NAME@@... to help us. Healthcare... financial... support. Please, @@LEADER@@... please.”
2. “Yes, yes, a lot of people have health problems for lots of reasons, it’s terribly tragic,” yawns clinical oncologist Luna Elgar, waving the patient away. “The answer here is not compassion in a case-by-case basis, but a broader approach of socialised medicine, so that anybody who needs healthcare can get it when they need it.”
3. “That’s communist claptrap! It’s not for you to spend MY taxes on other people’s health,” says Sean Lowe, CEO of Panacea Private Medical Services. “Look, I will help these people out of my own pocket, for no reason other than that because I’m super-duper charitable and a really great guy! See? No government intervention needed, just free individuals in a free market helping each other out without the nanny state getting in the way. Three cheers for the free market!” He starts writing a cheque for 10 @@CURRENCY@@ for the cancer victim.
4. Walter Lee, your loyal driver, snarls at the CEO, hefting a small red brick at his head to scare him out of the room. “Um, boss... weren’t you there at the centre of things, digging through the rubble? I reckon if you declare a six-month complete tax break for all people who were there at that time, that’d give people the cash to afford their own healthcare and show the nation’s thanks for their goodness. And you know, I think you deserve a little something too, for being so damn courageous that day.”
by Drasnia » Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:44 am
#771: Drug Up The Prices [Outer Sparta; ed:Helaw]
The Issue
Bletchley Pharmaceuticals recently hiked up the price of Garatim, a once-affordable branded drug used to treat neurodegenerative conditions, to over twenty times its original cost. Sick patients have accused Bletchley of greedy practices, and citizens have begun to take to the streets, calling on the government to intervene.
The Debate
1. “Why is Big Pharma doing this?” shouts Sigourney Kumar, opting to simply throw a megaphone at your secretary rather than speak through it. “I have taken this medicine for decades, but some selfish pharmaceutical firm wants to deny me the care that I desperately need! Am I supposed to spend all of my life savings just so that I can survive? Enough of it! We need the government to oversee all drug prices to keep things fair for everyone.”
2. “This is much bigger than a handful of sick people!” rants Alexei Rubio, majority shareholder of Chant Healthcare, almost spilling the vast contents of his wallet onto the ground in his anger. “This is about the free market, and how it drives innovation. Of course we make money off these drugs, but these profits are what give companies the incentive to develop these drugs in the first place! Take away that, and who would ever want to push the boundaries of pharmacological science again? The government should have no hand in this market, for the sake of our nation’s health.”
3. “The problem isn’t price gouging, it’s our healthcare system!” protests Emile Abbott, a prominent socialist thinker, scowling at the furious businessman. “Solving this problem only eliminates a symptom, not the disease itself. Our healthcare system lets greedy pharmaceutical companies exploit society’s disadvantaged. We must seize control of the means of drug production and outright ban private institutions from developing medications.”
4. “It’s all an elaborate plan!” exclaims Marty Stebeckli, the CEO of Bletchley Pharmaceuticals, revealing a sheet of paper covered in indecipherable text. “You’re going to have to trust me here. Raising the price of Garatim was intended to put pressure on private health insurance companies, by forcing them to spend massive amounts for the drug. We’re even giving it out for free to people that actually need it! @@LEADER@@, our intentions were pure. Perhaps the government should encourage this behaviour by handing all drug production over to my company?”
by Tinhampton » Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:46 am
Issue #773: Know Thy Selfie
The Issue
While taking a photo with a journalist, you were interrupted by an enthusiastic supporter who promptly fainted in your arms. The journalist’s article went viral overnight, turning the image of you and your fan into an internet sensation. The next morning, you were greeted by your intern, Waylon Stallone, begging you to take a selfie with him in the same pose. It turns out you’ve acquired a new fanbase. This raises a question - how can you turn this situation to your advantage?
The Debate
- “All my classmates are so jealous that I get to work in your office,” squeals your intern, gleefully posting the selfie to his blog. “If you started a student organization to help you campaign online, we’d be queuing up to join! The best students are the ones who work hard for their futures. This’d give us another way to start working for yours!”
- “More publicity means more scrutiny,” murmurs your personal assistant, straightening your curtains. “We need to keep your online image squeaky clean. We should keep your public presence where it belongs - pre-prepared teleprompter speeches and draft-by-committee press releases.”
- “Woah, that sounds really, really boring,” sneers your Chief of Staff, pulling your curtains askew again. “Look, give me some of your social media passwords. I’ll dump some opposition research to get your fans really riled up. They’ll make short work of anyone who tweets at you the wrong way.”
- “You have all these fans, and you want to manipulate them?” gasps Boutros Broadside, head of the Tinhamptonian Bureau of Statistics and hobbyist street petitioner. “It would be far more valuable to know exactly who supports exactly what policies. With bots to scrape social media for all the hashtags and profiles you’ll ever need, you can finally see every citizen the way they want to be seen - as a data point!”
Issue by The Zombie Horde of The Grim Reaper
Edited by The Grim Reaper
by Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:50 am
by The Marsupial Illuminati » Thu Jul 20, 2017 2:49 am
Drasnia wrote:#767: Xe Said, Zhe Said [Continental Commonwealths; ed:Gnejs]
by Drasnia » Thu Jul 20, 2017 11:32 am
The Marsupial Illuminati wrote:Drasnia wrote:#767: Xe Said, Zhe Said [Continental Commonwealths; ed:Gnejs]
Should be [The Marsupial Illuminati; ed:Ransium].
by Thalasse » Sun Jul 23, 2017 1:21 pm
The Issue
It turns out the woman who cleans your office toilets is actually double-qualified as a real estate lawyer and an orthopaedic surgeon. In her home-country, that is. In Thalasse, her qualifications are not recognised. According to the rocket scientist that makes your sandwiches in the canteen, this is a common problem for immigrants across the land.
The Debate
2. “Increasing access to a skilled workforce can only be good for our economy,” observes Minister of Work and Pensions Agnes Ruff, who has been complaining all day that she couldn’t get an appointment with her dentist. “Allow foreign qualifications to be recognised here, and we’ll have more doctors, lawyers, engineers and so on. Some of their practices might come across as slightly unorthodox, but still: an increase in supply will lead to a decrease in costs, benefiting our national balance sheet. We could clean up. Get it? Oh goodness, somebody stop me.”
3. “You can’t trust foreigners,” states native-born and trained structural engineer Dave al-Assad. “Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not being racist, I’m talking about trusting the quality of training. Who can say whether their standards are as good as ours? Who knows what dangerous practices might be considered normal in their nations? If they want to work here, they have to gain OUR qualifications, so we can know they are safe. Otherwise, they can stick to pushing brooms.”
4. “Hey, they’ve already taken all the low level jobs; you can’t let them take the high paying ones too!” rants unemployed ex-factory worker Julia Frederickson. “Thalassean jobs should be for Thalassean people! Make it illegal for employers to offer a job to an immigrant unless they can prove that there’s no native to fill the spot.”
Issue by The Peripatetic Panopticon of Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Gnejs
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:51 am
1. "Increasing access to a skilled workforce can only be good for our economy," observes Minister of Work and Pensions @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has been complaining all day that she couldn't get an appointment with her dentist. "Allow foreign qualifications to be recognised here, and we'll have more doctors, lawyers, engineers and so on. Some of their practices might come across as slightly unorthodox, but still: an increase in supply will lead to a decrease in costs, benefiting public spending and private sector growth. We could clean up. Get it? Oh goodness, somebody stop me."Difference underlined.
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:56 pm
#417 Hush, Hush, Sweet CharlotteWell, that confirms that one difference is whether cigars are illegal. I guess another is probably whether alcohol is illegal.
The Issue
Your personal assistant, Charlotte Sweet, has threatened to tell the newspapers that you had an affair with her unless you give her lots of money.
The Debate
1. "Whether you did it or not, we can't let this story get out," says your Chief of Staff over scotch and cigars. "Think of the scandal! No, no, no. Pay her. Pay the tabloids. Pay anyone who's ever heard the word affair! Pay them as much as it takes to make this disappear. Sure, this might just incentivize all those others to come forward demanding hush money, but sometimes you have to put your career first."
2. ???
3. "Whether you did it or not, we can't let this story get out," says your Chief of Staff over scotch and illegal cigars. "Think of the scandal! No, no, no. Pay her. Pay the tabloids. Pay anyone who's ever heard the word affair! Pay them as much as it takes to make this disappear. Sure, this might just incentivize all those others to come forward demanding hush money, but sometimes you have to put your career first."
4. ???
5. "We just have to make sure she doesn't win over the public," counsels your attorney @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Force all the newspapers to brand her a liar. Release statements saying you stand by your family. Drastic measures must be taken to stop that woman and her lies! Now let's prep your testimony. Repeat after me: I did not have an affair with that woman."
6. "Maybe this little problem really isn't a dilemma," opines your press advisor, @@RANDOMNAME@@, "We live in modern times, and I don't think the public care about who sleeps with whom. You're better off coming clean about the whole thing. At the very least people will say you're honest. People don't say that a whole lot about politicians these days."
Issue by Junkula
Edited by Lenyo
by Drasnia » Sat Jul 29, 2017 3:04 pm
#777: Betting On The Future [Drasnia; ed:Ransium]As a note, 0 Gambling Commission is a bad macro, and should be @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@, and "Anyways" in the same option needs a comma.
The Issue
During a family dinner, your brother - who is well-known for his fondness for slot machines - bemoaned the fact that his favorite casino was going out of business. The next day, you found out that he has secretly arranged to have several major casino owners meet you in your office.
The Debate
1. Edward Rump, owner of the failing casino, shakes your hand for an awkwardly extended period of time. “There are so many problems for honest businessmen like me. That’s what they’re all saying. Believe me, the worst is the terrible zoning and property laws in our nation today. The worst. We need to have our casinos in the best places to reach the very very best people. These laws are destroying our nation. Bigly. Without them, it’ll be amazing. Only the best, I’m telling you. You’ll have so much money, you’ll be sick of money.”
2. “No, you’ve got it all backwards,” says ‘Portly’ Pete Russo, board member of the 0 Gambling Commission, while lighting a cigar. “What’s killin’ us are those taxes of yours. They’re highway robbery! Shift the tax burden from us to income tax and I bet we’d be able to increase our operations and bring in even bigger hauls that’d more’n make up the difference. Seriously, I’ll give you two-to-one odds, what’d you say? Anyway we’re the lifeblood of the economy, and you wouldn’t want to be the one responsible for bumpin’ off an industry that nets ya so much dough, now would ya?”
3. Your brother, who has been eavesdropping the whole time through your office door’s keyhole, interrupts the group. “How about instead we use tax money to purchase credit for casinos and then distribute that credit to every taxpayer? That way they’re basically getting a tax break and there’s an incentive for people to try these really entertaining games. Oh - totally unrelated - but could you lend me some money again?”
by Helaw » Sat Jul 29, 2017 3:37 pm
Drasnia wrote:As a note, 0 Gambling Commission is a bad macro, and should be @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@, and "Anyways" in the same option needs a comma.
by Tracking » Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:00 am
Issue #775: Affirmative Election
The Issue
Recent elections in Tracking have resulted in yet another parliament with few racial or ethnic minorities. In response, several minority-interest organizations have been protesting for weeks on end outside your office. The ruckus has become so distracting that you tried to veto your grocery list. After realizing that this couldn’t continue any longer, you have decided to give them an audience.
The Debate
- “This tyranny by majority must end!” demands Aphrodite Kaine, a Macronesian protest leader, who claims to represent all 2500 Macronesians in Tracking. “We have been trying to become members of parliament for most of our adult lives, but we have not won even a single seat. I insist that you permanently reserve a few seats for minority groups throughout our nation.”
- “That would not even begin to make up for the decades we spent suffering in silence,” laments Ebenezer Redwood, an ethnic Moltovean who was unsuccessful in his last three runs for a seat in parliament. “The current system obviously doesn’t work. Why don’t we just redraw the voting districts? We can arrange the borders in a manner that will ensure our parliament has a more representative percentage of minorities. Rather than having a few reserved seats, we could actually have fair elections that result in a diverse parliament. Of course, the nation’s homogeneous rural areas might need to be, um, divided a little more creatively to allow our people to get elected there.”
- “These dreadful ideas would alienate a large chunk of our voting base,” complains Speaker of Parliament Khethiwe Wynne, who was recently lampooned in the book Stuff Ethnic Trackers Like. “Furthermore, the proposals are completely unmeritocratic. No matter how much you spin it, if a candidate fails to meet the expectations of the voting public, the candidate does not deserve a seat. And besides, you’ve seen how those loutish Bigtopians conduct their own affairs. Do you really want those sorts of people in our government?”
- “The proposed rules don’t go far enough!” proclaims Quincy Egan, a devout follower of a very small sect of Conspiritivism, sporting a tin foil helmet and insulating robes. “If minority races get to have special considerations, it’s only fair that we have them too. You should allocate reserved seats in parliament to both ethnic minorities and minority religions to give everyone a voice!”
Issue by The UM Parliamentary Republic of Singapore no2
Edited by Pogaria
by Trotterdam » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:32 am
by Divine Cervine » Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:11 pm
O Solitude!
O Solitude! If I must with thee dwell, let it not be among the jumbled heap of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,— nature’s observatory—whence the dell, its flowery slopes, its river’s crystal swell, may seem a span; let me thy vigils keep ’mongst boughs pavillion’d, where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell. But though I’ll gladly trace these scenes with thee, yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, whose words are images of thoughts refin’d, is my soul’s pleasure; and it sure must be almost the highest bliss of human-kind, when to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee. — John Keats❤❤❤
Ⓥ vegan
by Frieden-und Freudenland » Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:22 pm
Issue #778: Mal Appetit!
The Issue
Hugh Jass, @@NAME@@’s most famous TV foodie, drew a lot of criticism when he visited a world-class restaurant in yesterday’s episode and gorged on expensive gourmet foods in a manner that some viewers found too “appetite-stimulating.” Mr. Jass’ extravagance was said to be particularly disrespectful to millions of poor @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ citizens who could not afford one of the dishes he ate with their entire monthly salary.
The Debate
1. “How inconsiderate!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a labourer whose love for TV is accentuated by @@HIS@@ square-framed eyeglasses. “While my family subsists on beans and rice, this guy shamelessly sups that fancy pasta and mushroom thing. My children ask why we never eat white Brancalandian truffles. What can I tell them? @@LEADER@@, please ban these TV foodie shows so that our children will not have to grow up feeling self-conscious about our financial circumstances.”
2. “Mon dieu!” grumbles Mr. Jass, sniffing his croissant, and throwing it away untouched. “Do these wretched ignorami not recognise the worth of a good tagliolini con tartufo? ‘Pasta with mushrooms’ indeed! If these peasants have neither the means nor aspiration to appreciate vicarious high-quality culinary culture, they can simply change the channel. I render a valuable service to our economy by giving publicity to our first-class restaurants. So, how about the government picks up the restaurant bills for our gastronomic journalism? I’ll cover the service charge, of course.”
3. “Ahem, please excuse Mr. Jass’ terse reply. He adores all @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@. I’m sure we can find a compromise,” mutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, the producer of Mr. Jass’ show, awkwardly fidgeting with @@HIS@@ gold watch. “Rest assured, we can arrange to cater for the needs and desires of our under-resourced viewers. Perhaps you could incentivise Mr. Jass to show that he understands all his demographic, and should occasionally visit more affordable restaurants. What do you say?”
4. “This is pathetic,” sneers Robin Wood, an advocate for equality, picking up the extra croissants on Mr. Jass’ plate and tossing them out of the window to the huddled masses who anxiously await your decision. “These poor, benighted workers fail to question why they are unable to afford these fancy foods in the first place. It’s because of this hideous income inequality! @@LEADER@@, redistribute our great nation’s wealth and give a standard salary to everyone, no matter their job! No more, no less!”
Issue by Frieden-und Freudenland
Edited by The Free Joy State
by The golden profit bird » Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:44 pm
Issue #779: We’re Dying For Your Business
The Issue
A recent exposé of the death care industry revealed that funeral costs are leaving some families dead broke. The reason for the price increases is thought to be because while population growth continues to rise, funeral parlour growth has stopped cold, resulting in shocking cases of price gouging. Demand for last rites has become so high that families sometimes have to pawn all of the deceased’s possessions just to afford a simple burial.
The Debate
- “Dying is not something we have a choice in,” weeps a sombre woman dressed all in black. “The tragic death of a loved one followed by an astronomical bill landing on our doorsteps can put families’ finances in a death spiral. I urge you, Leader, to scrap death charges altogether and provide state-funded funerals for everyone. That way families won’t have to mourn their bank accounts as well as their loved ones.”
- “Yes, and do you know why there’s a shortage of funeral services, hmmm?” quietly seethes funeral director Igor Fronkensteen, while dragging a lumpy burlap sack behind him. “Burial plot land costs...they are rising, yes? The price of insuring a hearse these days is, how do you say, absolutely ludicrous, yes? And the restrictive laws on ‘adequate refrigeration’ and ‘treating the dead with dignity’ all are running our margins and my salary down! You want more funeral services at a cheaper price, you should ease up on the bureaucracy, yes?”
- “Funeral services? What a waste of money,” scoffs obscure thinker Sancho Kringle, who has yet to sell any copies of his book Rich Dead, Poor Dead. “What’s the point in some drawn-out shebang for someone who’s not even going to be around to see it? Do away with funerals altogether. That way we can cremate everyone and harvest their bodies for phosphorous!”
Issue by Pigeontree
Edited by Ransium and Lenyo
Refuge Isle, a Corporal in the Black Hawks, once wrote:I, too, like to pretend GP doesn't exist.
by Darmen » Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:10 pm
by Singapore no2 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:03 am
Trotterdam wrote:So that's two new NPC nations. Both have names reminiscent of real-life places: Macronesia resembles Micronesia (see also Macaronesia), Moltovea resembles Moldavia/Moldova. Neither has any further information on what the place is like.
by Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:09 am
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