NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Drasnia]

As promised:

#717: Cheques And Balances [Golgothastan; ed:Gnejs]

The Issue
After the Governor of the Central Bank of @@NAME@@ stonewalled a parliamentary committee during a two-hour hearing, refusing to answer any questions about the current state of their balance sheet, an unusual coalition of left- and right-wing political activists have come together to demand a fresh approach at the CB@@NAMEINITIALS@@.

The Debate
1. “The undemocratic farce of central banking only serves the interests of a few wealthy corporations,” insists socialist protestor, Bob Murdoch, wearing a Give Peace A Chance tie-dyed T-shirt. “It’s time @@NAME@@ had a monetary policy that works for everyone, not just the privileged 1%. Democratize the Bank! Make the Governor subject to a recall if enough citizens petition for it, and have the interest rates set by representatives we can actually vote for, not some anonymous and unaccountable economists.”

2. “I agree,” chimes in conservative blogger Gretel Taylor, wearing a Give War A Chance BBQ sauce-stained trucker hat. “The CB@@NAMEINITIALS@@ is just another way for the political class to keep good Violet-fearin’ folks like myself down. But the liberals just want more bureaucracy, as usual. Tear the whole thing down! We don’t need to vote to tell some fancy-pants with a P-h-D, whatever that stands for, how much the @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in our pocket are worth - we can just go back to the gold standard!”

3. “Is this really the state of public debate in this country?” bemoans centrist commentator Louis Chandra, wearing a Give Multilateral Diplomacy, Without Ruling Out The Possibility Of Surgical Military Action, A Chance tie-pin. “The independence of central banking is a key component of any modern economy. Compromising that will only lead to our monetary policy becoming subject to either populism or corruption, and make us the laughing stock of @@REGION@@. You must stand firm and defend the Bank’s independence.”

#718: Roses Are Due If Violet’s For You [Drasnia; ed:The Free Joy State]

The Issue
VioletistsOnly.com, a dating site that helps members of the Order of Violet to meet each other, recently discovered that most of its users were not actually practitioners of Violetism. In response, the site’s owners suspended the accounts of all those who were not members of the Order. Bachelors, bachelorettes and believers from across @@NAME@@ have interrupted you while you are at dinner with family, demanding an immediate solution to their dating woes.

The Debate
1. “Dating heathens is sacrilege!” bellows @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, Grand Poobah of the Violetist Order, as he pushes your brother out of the way and lowers his mighty rump into the newly-vacant seat. “The great Violet demands purity! We must be cleansed of impure thought, and remove ourselves from those not of our faith. VioletistsOnly.com is doing a good deed by segregating us from the unbelievers. Unless you would have Her Dread-Yet-Merciful hand wipe @@NAME@@ off the map, you must allow us to keep ourselves apart from scum, like you. No offence.”

2. “This is discrimination!” shouts @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, batting her eyelashes at the Grand Poobah so hard that the force blows out the candles. “VioletistsOnly.com shouldn’t be allowed to suspend our accounts just because we aren’t of the same religion, even if that religion is part of their name. Make the owners reinstate our accounts, even if they don’t want to! This is not about religion. This is about freedom, my freedom as a single woman to date whoever I choose! Plus, those purple robes are kind of cute.”

3. “Why not have a government-run dating site?” muses Shinzo Stone, your second-cousin twice-removed who is also an IT technician, as he scribbles an incomprehensible equation onto his napkin. “You’d run constant advertisements, informing every unmarried citizen of their civic duty to sign up, and fall in love with the person of our...their dreams. With the right algorithm, you’d ensure only the right two people meet, and don’t accidentally see others they’d mistakenly think they prefer in their search results. Picture it: Violetists wed to atheists, Faithologists in marital bliss with devout members of @@RELIGION@@. A diverse nation in harmony, if only for the sake of their grandkids.”

It seems for #718 that option 1 might be hardcoded to male and 2 to female to ensure the romance sub-plot makes sense to everybody (and not anger the people who persecute gays in their nations). However, more research may be necessary, especially as all the gendered words have macros that have been used before - @@HE@@, @@HIS@@, and @@MAN@@.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Will save you some research, in light of your ongoing hard work. All genders in that issue are random.

[Trotterdam]

#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate

The Issue

A group of college students on a camping trip to the outskirts of @@NAME@@ stumbled across an ancient mass grave site. The proper treatment of the remains has become a hot button issue, as various groups have staked their claims.

The Debate

1. "These bones belonged to our ancestors! Or, at least we called dibs first!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a representative of the Violetstone tribe, close enough that you can feel the spittle flying from her lips. "How would you like it if we poked and prodded the remains of your ancestors? We deserve - no we have the right - to take these bones back to our land and ceremonially burn them as our cultural heritage dictates."

2. "You can't seriously consider giving up such valuable information, can you?" gasps @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Professor of Anthropology at @@NAME@@ University. "The information from these remains is invaluable. This is a rare opportunity to learn about ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ culture and where we came from. Let us put these bones to the test, so to speak, and place our national knowledge first. We need to send these remains to the university, along with some grant money, for research and testing."

3. "Burn them? Letting them rot in some dank university closet? You can't let these travesties occur!" demands @@RANDOMNAME@@, the curator of the Maxsonian Museum Of History. "These bones are in pristine condition and deserve to be seen by the public! Imagine the revenue and tourism that would be brought in if you allowed me to display these bones, bared for all to see! Who cares if it upsets some smug know-it-alls or overly sensitive descendants? This is preservation! This is money, err, culture!"

4. "Hey, what's the big idea trying to pick and choose who gets what?" questions college student @@RANDOMNAME@@, followed closely by @@HIS/HER@@ peers. "We found those bones, so we should get to take them for ourselves! Our right to the claim is firmly supported by the case of Finders Keepers v Losers Weepers. Plus, I really need to pass my thesis. I'm running out of time and these bones would really put me over the top!"

Issue by The Ketchwan Republic
Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Trotterdam]

#720 Cui Bono?

The Issue

Conservative media news source Brightheart's recent exposé claiming that 25% of domestic terrorist funding comes from welfare fraud has sparked an earnest debate across @@NAME@@ on welfare reform.

The Debate

1. "It was bad enough that criminals and lazy bums were scrounging from the state, but now the government is directly subsidising terrorism!" yells Brightheart News reporter @@RANDOMNAME@@, pursuing you down the street and trampling over a homeless man's sleeping bag to keep up. "You have to end the free ride! Cut welfare completely, and make our nation safe!"

2. "Hold your horses there buddy, let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater," says single parent @@RANDOMNAME@@, ignoring the three mewling moppets trying to get her attention. "@@NAME@@ just needs its welfare system to be fully managed, monitored, and policed. Give folks on welfare charge cards whose transactions records are sent to a searchable police database. Then anyone making a purchase that's the least bit suspicious should be brought in for interrogation."

3. "Sounds like a lot of expensive admin work to me," complains Welfare Director @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Wouldn't you rather have a solution that reduces government spending but still helps those who deserve it? Here's the thing, nobody wants to say it, but we all know that 99% of terrorists are from a handful of religions and nations. Just say that people from those groups don't get welfare, and you can both save money and prevent terrorism!"

4. "I say unto to you that the answer is more welfare, not less!" offers unemployed youth @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Violetsglory, pushing a shopping trolley of ammonium nitrate and diesel oil to the checkout till. "If you increase welfare, then maybe the resentful disenfranchised minorities will feel more supported by society, and become less prone to radicalisation. What have you got to lose?"

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Ransium

The names in the first three options are probably random, but here's the ones I got for double-checking:
1. Miles Columbus
2. Stanislawa Kennedy
3. Barbara Rice

The fourth option is confirmed thanks to cross-referencing with what someone posted in the fix old issues thread.

[Blargoblarg]

#721 A Lack Of Comma Sense

The Issue

After your highest-ranking legislative aide dedicated her new memoir to ‘my parents, @@LEADER@@ and Maxx’, unreputable news sources, the @@ANIMAL@@ Gazette and the @@NAME@@ Times have been harassing your office incessantly about nepotism in your administration. An assortment of advisers have met with you over some bamboo soup to discuss this serial issue.

The Debate

1. “The serial comma avoids ambiguous meanings,” says ghostwriter Thomas Lowe, while picking the bay leaves from among the shoots. “Had there been a comma after ‘@@LEADER@@’ but before ‘and,’ the intended meaning of the sentence would have been obvious. Hopefully, you can see why our government needs to create and maintain a mandatory style guide. The point being is that this initiative should be funded right away! After all, it’s best to write safe.”

2. “The serial comma can just as easily add ambiguous meaning, and just takes up space unnecessarily,” replies photographer Basil Silk as he tries to shoot the leaves before he eats. “Don’t you find its usage to be not correct? And are you ready to convince the taxpayer of the extra expense they will be taking on? Because that’s what you will have to do.”

3. Your Pear Phone suddenly starts vibrating as you receive the following text: imho we dont ned ne govt stile gide or grmmer or cursvie... mind ur own busnss... we type how we type... mabe the govt shud lern our way... idk idc whatevs ttyl

4. “Punctuation is but a way for the elites to once again restrain the exchange of free ideas,” begins noted windba— “in order to further hold down oppress and smother and stamp out the honest working men and women of this country into a state of utter and complete impotence,” he continues, “so that the entitled and ruthless would be leaders of this world could sit in their castles built on the backs and labor of the commoner,” he continues further, “and smugly judge and spit on them in distain but to that I say no we shall not take on your shackles and chains of punctuation as we will not be bullied into constrained or controlled or ignoble speech...” showing no sign of stopping, he is gently nudged out the door by your guards and — surprising no one — continues as he leaves.

Issue by A humanist science
Edited by Luna Amore

Not sure if the names are random in options 1 and 2 or not.

[Drasnia]

Not sure if the names are random in options 1 and 2 or not.

They look random to me and that's backed up by the submission draft.

[The Candy Of Bottles]

New text for option three on #85:

“Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain’t, right, yo,” says Brian Calder, famous rapper with three platinum albums. “Dang, yo, we dang need to protect my dang music files, yo, so yo’ gotta be registered an’ online to listen, yo. It’s the only way to stop this, dang, yo.”

[United Gareet Bruse]

Issue No. 712

Option 2 results: Camera crews have accompanied conscripted dancers to film 'Marching On Ice'.

+authoritarianism, corruption, defense forces, taxation, government size, crime, average income, economic output, death rate, tourism

-human development index, employment, lifespan, sector: manufacturing, law enforcement, charmlessness, safety, pacifism, political freedom, rudeness, ideological radicality, intelligence

I tried to add this myself on the nsindex site, but it wouldn't let me create an account. Can someone add it for me? https://nsindex.net/wiki/NationStates_Issue_No._712

[Candlewhisper Archive]

New text for option three on #85:

“Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain’t, right, yo,” says Brian Calder, famous rapper with three platinum albums. “Dang, yo, we dang need to protect my dang music files, yo, so yo’ gotta be registered an’ online to listen, yo. It’s the only way to stop this, dang, yo.”

Yeah, it was seriously dated before, with its talk of CD copy protection. Changed that one a few months back.

[Trotterdam]

So, it has just been brought to my attention that options 3 and 5 on #625 aren't in the spoiler list yet. They have been reported.

[Drachmaland]

So, it has just been brought to my attention that options 3 and 5 on #625 aren't in the spoiler list yet. They have been reported.

I think the spoiler needs not only this but also quite some more updates that have been posted here.

[Drachmaland]

#358: Not Another Teen Pregnancy [Valrifell; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
An investigation into a string of under-aged pregnancies in @@CAPITAL@@ has uncovered a new trend where babies are lauded as the latest 'must-have accessory' for teenage girls. Parents across @@NAME@@ are demanding that the government intervene to put a stop to this emerging fad.

The Debate
1. "Children shouldn't be having children", wails @@RANDOMNAME@@, a self-described concerned mother, who also happens to be President of the @@CAPITAL@@ Chapter of Concerned @@DENONYM@@ Mothers. "Babies! That's all they are - babies! It's all this government's fault for having such a liberal age of consent. It's encouraging our babies to have sex! It's just terrifying. Please, increase the age of consent. You know in your heart that it's the right thing to do."

2. "If anything, those Concerned Mothers are the problem!" exclaims your eccentric Minister for Youth Affairs @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I mean, really, the youngsters of today are proving themselves to be excellent parents and quite capable of living with the consequences. We have to prepare them for adult life, and adult life includes minding children! We should actually decrease the age of consent so even more children can begin bracing themselves for the harsh reality of life as a working, tax-paying, family-loving adult."

3. "I have a better idea", says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of 'Children 4 U' Inc. "How about we ban all forms of sexual conduct and have all newborns neutered? I know it's radical, but people will calm down once they learn that we can create their perfect child. This is the way of the future - Design Your Own Baby! And if the government gets involved, think of the money you'll make back off it. That's a great deal @@LEADER@@, trust me."

4. "I think sterilising the population is a little extreme", your civil service's Chief Medical Officer states candidly. "But we do need to stop these teenage pregnancies and, let's face it, sex education just isn't going to cut it. These are teenagers, their hormones are all over the place, and regardless of what we preach about abstinence, they're going to have sex. I would suggest offering a monetary incentive to encourage pregnant teenage girls to attend our termination clinics. Sounds distasteful, but the only thing these girls care about is the money to spend on the next big fad. Girls don't like babies, girls like cars and money." [Available only for nations which have legalised abortion]

I found a version of this that has options 1 and 3 as listed, but rather significant changes to options 2 and 4:

2. "If anything, those Concerned Mothers are the problem!" exclaims your Labor Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I mean, really, the youngsters of today are proving themselves to be excellent parents and quite capable of living with the consequences. @@NAME@@ desperately needs a new generation of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to ensure a steady stream of future workers, so we need to encourage young people to have more children. We should actually decrease the age of consent so even more youth can start families, and of course that means the state should support these new parents with childcare and a small tax credit."

4. "I think sterilizing the population is a little extreme", your civil service's Chief Medical Officer states candidly. "But we do need to stop these teenage pregnancies, so let's prioritize sex education and free contraceptives. These are teenagers; their hormones are all over the place, and regardless of what we preach about abstinence, they're going to have sex. And for those that get pregnant anyways, free abortion should be available on demand."

From what I see, this issue is a six-option one now:
1 = 1
fresh 2 = 2
? = 3
3 = 4
? (obviously a non-capitalistic version) = 5
fresh 4 = 6

[Drasnia]

Hi folks, I just finished finals for the semester and will be moving apartments for the summer so I won't be active enough to update this for a little bit. When I update, I'll put in the new issues first and then try to catch every change that's been reported so far. Please be patient with me

[Australian rePublic]

Cheques And Balances

The Issue

After the Governor of the Central Bank of Australian Republic stonewalled a parliamentary committee during a two-hour hearing, refusing to answer any questions about the current state of their balance sheet, an unusual coalition of left- and right-wing political activists have come together to demand a fresh approach at the CBAR.

The Debate

“The undemocratic farce of central banking only serves the interests of a few wealthy corporations,” insists socialist protestor, Rick North, wearing a Give Peace A Chance tie-dyed T-shirt. “It’s time Australian Republic had a monetary policy that works for everyone, not just the privileged 1%. Democratize the Bank! Make the Governor subject to a recall if enough citizens petition for it, and have the interest rates set by representatives we can actually vote for, not some anonymous and unaccountable economists.”

Accept“I agree,” chimes in conservative blogger Yui Turner, wearing a Give War A Chance BBQ sauce-stained trucker hat. “The CBAR is just another way for the political class to keep good Violet-fearin’ folks like myself down. But the liberals just want more bureaucracy, as usual. Tear the whole thing down! We don’t need to vote to tell some fancy-pants with a P-h-D, whatever that stands for, how much the Dollarydoos in our pocket are worth - we can just go back to the gold standard!”

Accept“Is this really the state of public debate in this country?” bemoans centrist commentator Dana Claus, wearing a Give Multilateral Diplomacy, Without Ruling Out The Possibility Of Surgical Military Action, A Chance tie-pin. “The independence of central banking is a key component of any modern economy. Compromising that will only lead to our monetary policy becoming subject to either populism or corruption, and make us the laughing stock of Regionless. You must stand firm and defend the Bank’s independence.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by Golgothastan

Edited by Gnejs

[Special Circumstances]

#565 ‘A’ Is For Academic Doping, up to six options from old four.

1. “These students are doping themselves up to the gills in the hope it’ll improve their academic performance,” explains Student Union Vice-President for Welfare Maria Poindexter, while hurriedly trying to finish an assignment. “However noble their intentions, the reality is that they’re abusing drugs. We need the government to fund an education and outreach program, warning of the dangers and offering counselling and therapy. Outreach and therapy will solve this problem more than blunt law enforcement ever will.”

2. “Education and outreach? How about I demonstrate some outreach with my truncheon!” screams the Head of Narcotics Control Sherlock Wells, accidentally knocking over a plant pot while demonstrating. “I don’t care what they’re studying: these kids are junkies and derelicts, and we need to clamp down on them. We need strong enforcement, including random drug testing, strip searches, and sniffer dogs in exam halls! Just give us the go - and the money.”

3. ?

4. ?

5. “Please, show a little compassion. C-O-M-P-A-S-S-I-O-N. Compassion!” pleads national spelling champion Anakin de Vries, while frantically chewing his nails and twitching uncontrollably. “I have to concentrate if I’m going to get into a top university, and if a little pill can help me, then why shouldn’t it be my choice? Some students guzzle coffee or munch chocolates, and those are much worse for their health. Cracking down on academic doping would only be punishing those who want to perform well. That would be counterproductive. C-O-U-N-T...”

6. “Why have exams at all? Everyone knows that they’re a waste of everybody’s time,” admits visibly stressed out teacher Edna Crandall, knocking back a handful of nicotine-replacement lozenges. “In fact, do we really need a proper curriculum to follow? Schools and teachers should be able to teach whatever they think is relevant. This can be learning a new language or the intricacies of soap opera love triangles. The schools would save some cash, and it would make my job much easier too.”

[Iguanarctica]

Issue 722: Thora And Eloise

The Issue

The cross-country crime-spree of two women, Thora Dobbs and Eloise Mulholland, kept the nation hooked to their TV sets for several days, and ended in tragedy with their joint suicide pact. The unfolding story has given the pair a strange anti-hero celebrity status, with many tearful and sighing fans laying flower wreaths and shell-casings around the burnt out wreck of their car. The press are awaiting a statement from your office on the matter.

The Debate

1. “It’s clear,” says Sashona Martin, of popular feminist panel-show HERstory, “that Ms. Dobbs and Ms. Mulholland were making a protest against the phallocentric values that dictate our outdated laws.” She waves her hands for applause, momentarily forgetting that she’s not in the television studio. “Uh... We should applaud them.”

2. “But this isn’t daubing some graffito,” says Jennifer Smiley, the so-called Hanging Judge of Iguanarctica City. “These gals weren’t Robin Hood. They robbed seventeen convenience stores, shot three people, and stole clothes from my Mama’s washing line. Let’s call a spade a spade, here: they’re evil. They deserved to plunge off the Iguana Viaduct.”

3. “Let’s be honest,” mansplains Angus Blair, the proudly chauvinistic author of Men are Divine, Women are Slime, as he pushes in front of the previous two speakers, “this all began the moment those young ladies got in that car. Had two unchaperoned girls been kept from doing that, this mess would never have happened. Well, there’s only one sane, logical answer to that... Don’t let womenfolk drive anymore.”

Issue by The Theocracy of The Free Joy State

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Tinhampton]

Macros for #722 "Thora and Eloise" (amazingly enough, our first issue for ten days), or at least what I think they are:

• Description: Thora Dobbs and Eloise Mulholland are fixed.
• Option 1: The host of HERstory is @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@.
• Option 2: The Hanging Judge of @@CAPITAL@@ is @@RANDOMNAME@@ (or maybe @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, both me and PS got a female name). Also, the viaduct is called the @@ANIMAL@@ Viaduct.
• Option 3: It will not surprise you to learn that the author of Men are Divine, Women are Slime - arguably the most extreme book title in the 700-odd-dilemma history of the issues world - is @@RANDOMMALENAME@@.

[Serpent Isle]

Got options 1 and 4 for issue #692: A Game of Drones, which means that it has at least one unlisted option.

1.“We’re lucky nobody was killed in the crash, but we might not be so fortunate next time,” murmurs Georgina Giono, your overzealous Public Safety Minister, while meticulously covering your letter opener with bubble wrap. “The problems with drones extends beyond planes, too. What if one falls out of the sky and decapitates an innocent bystander? We need sensible regulations of drones to make sure Ophidians are kept safe. The public should only use drones outside of populated areas, at low heights, and only after passing a safety class.”

2. ?

3. ?

4. “We don’t need draconian regulations just because one idiot didn’t read the instructions,” rebuffs avid drone enthusiast Larry Modi, while using a drone to film the meeting. “By that logic we should ban microwaves, just because one person thought it was a fun idea to stick their head inside to see what would happen. It is the right of every citizen to enjoy everything drones have to offer.”

[Ransium]

Macros for #722 "Thora and Eloise" (amazingly enough, our first issue for ten days)

Yeah, sorry about that, there was a bug in Issue-Editoromatic-9000 WX. It was a very pretty butterfly and all the editors were distracted by it for about a week. It finally flew away, as us editors take up our typewriters and monkeys again and get back to work, I think you can expect a bucket full of new issues in the near future.

[Trotterdam]

Got options 1 and 4 for issue #692: A Game of Drones, which means that it has at least one unlisted option.

Your option 4 looks like the existing option 2, except without the "Besides, strict rules would blow drone sales out of the sky." sentence at the end. Obviously, a communist variation.

[Aqualagoon]

Issue 723: To Know Sacrifice

The Issue

After many officials replied, “What? Where’s that? Who cares?” when they were told where they had in fact sent hundreds of Aqualagoonian soldiers a few days beforehand, the government is being petitioned to require that all politicians have a military background.

The Debate

1. “This is outrageous!” cries a distraught Aqualagoonian soldier, almost falling to the ground under the weight of her equipment. “They don’t know the reality of war because they themselves have never been a part of it. If all politicians had served in the military, they would know what they were getting us into and would think twice before sending us into conflict. I’d like to see the Finance Minister do a thousand push-ups!”

2. “You want us to do what now?” splutters one of your senior Ministers, spilling her tea everywhere. “These people don’t know all the work we already do, all the things we have already sacrificed. Should I remind you we had to carve our own paths and make something of ourselves before we could even think of getting involved with politics? These ruffians obviously need to be put in their place; a cut to the military budget would do nicely!”

3. “There is another option,” claims your secretary, sneakily rising from behind your desk. “We needn’t send any of your colleagues into battle, but it isn’t necessary to defy public opinion. Let them have their service - just make it short and easy! Each politician could have a nice clean service record, for no effort at all. Perhaps it could be used as an excuse for a holiday...”

Issue by The Republic of Rubyna

Edited by Helaw

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Got options 1 and 4 for issue #692: A Game of Drones, which means that it has at least one unlisted option.

Your option 4 looks like the existing option 2, except without the "Besides, strict rules would blow drone sales out of the sky." sentence at the end. Obviously, a communist variation.

90% sure that was one flagged up by the Fix Errors thread which I implemented after the big policy review. But yes, it is as you say.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

I wrote this! (With a major rewrite from Candlewhisper Archive, though.)

The Issue

On a busy Saturday morning, a minicab driver took a shortcut though a crowded market street. After skidding on some banana peels, she lost control and crashed through a dozen fruit and vegetable stalls, narrowly avoiding injuring anyone. Pedestrians are donning full body armor, and North Isseggggnignigsegigiseggggians are beginning to accept that reckless driving and speeding in the inner city may be just another fact of life.

The Debate

1. “The roads themselves are letting drivers get away with high speeds,” says Earl Navarrete, a market stall holder, wiping pulped tomato from his face. “We need traffic calming measures on our city streets: chicanes, speed-bumps, curb extensions, median diverters, and speed cameras. Slow down to save lives!”

2. “That makes as much sense as putting a spike on steering wheels to get people to drive more carefully!” shouts Eugene Houseman, a junior town planner, heaving a hefty box of documents onto your desk. “According to these studies, by the Ministry of Transport itself, so-called ‘traffic calming’ measures actually increase accidents. Instead, we need to allow high speeds to be safe: that is, remove blind spots, and rebuild the city to allow for wide straight roads. It’s the evidence-based approach.”
[effect]Historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre.

3. “Hmm... actually, can we think more on that steering wheel spike thing?” asks a familiar-looking cyclist with an irate expression, deliberately bashing your shins with his crutches. “You should make it so that all cars must have this, and you’ll end up with more careful motorists, whether it’s by operant conditioning or by natural selection. Now that’s what I call science!”

4. “Why don’t you just pedestrianise a big chunk of the city centre?” suggests tourist Kendra Thompson, adjusting her anti-smog facemask. “It’ll make the whole area much prettier, quieter and cleaner, and it’ll let you show off the beauty of the heart of the city.”

5. “Or better still, why don’t you just take your hands off the steering wheel, and let folk drive as we please?” asks impatient commuter Carlos Phillips, wiping a suspicious red-brown stain off his front fender. “Typical nanny state, trying to tell ME how to drive! Get out of the way, government!”

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Republic of North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Australian rePublic]

Property rights advocates and drug law reformers are up in arms this week. In the largest criminal asset forfeiture in Australian Republic’s history, the immense mansion of prominent citizen Alvin Woofsdale was seized after his nephew was arrested for dealing drugs. With the property already at auction and the legislature twiddling its thumbs as usual, your chief of staff invited the loudest voices into your office to vent their opinions on the matter.

The Debate

“Forfeiture is a barbaric, medieval practice whose time has come,” grumbles Woofsdale as he compulsively rubs his nose. “I had no idea what that little scamp was doing; heck, I wasn’t even in the country at the time! Yet the police can seize and sell off my whole house without even charging me with a crime, let alone convicting me! And ordinary folks are even worse off when it happens to them, who’s gonna help them get their homes back? It’s simply time to stop, if we believe in freedom, we must outlaw forfeiture!”

Accept“If cops take a little money from drug dealers and their associates, I ain’t seeing no problems with it,” bluntly states the trench coat clad Kumar Small, who has a prominent scar on his face. “I may have even made a few Dollarydoos myself doing something similar. All in the game, right? Y’all oughta make it easier for cops to take drug dealers stuff, that way police will be able to keep policing and drug dealers won’t be able to afford to stay in business, all on the cheap for tax payers.”

Accept“Shoooooooot!” exclaims Mud Davidson, the Member of Parliament representing the district were the incident took place. He also happens to have successfully defended himself from four separate allegations of ethics violations. “We can’t afford to drop asset forfeiture, especially with tax receipts so low this year. But the police have too much incentive to use forfeiture, there needs to be oversight. I would like to head a new Investigatory and Oversight Committee that would make sure the forfeiture does what its supposed to do and the government get its cheques... uh, keep this in check.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Teeth-Gritted Anatrepocracy of Sierra Lyricalia

Edited by Ransium

Sorry if already reported

[Tinhampton]

Issue #725: Sky's The Limit?

The Issue
Chaos erupted in the capital this weekend when thousands flocked to the city center in hopes of acquiring one of the few recently available apartment spaces in all of @@CAPITAL@@. Fighting quickly ensued, sending hundreds to the hospital. Afterwards, footage emerged of you watching the all-out brawl from your office window while eating popcorn. With public outcry mounting, you furtively lick your buttery fingers clean and wonder how to best handle this housing situation.

The Debate

1. An architect, who coincidentally also built your office, suddenly leaps into the room from a hidden passageway you never knew existed. “@@LEADER@@, there’s a simple solution to this conundrum: abolish any and all height restrictions on our buildings. Just picture it, apartment complexes hundred of stories tall with radio antennae that bedeck the sky in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ architectural glory. Chip in a few extra dollars, and we can even make some floating palaces while we’re at it!”
2. “Why go up when you can go down?” posits miner Peter ‘Mole’ Molière after digging up through your floorboards. “Just put us pitmen and hauliers to the task, and we can dig out a fully-functional, subterranean wonderland in no time at all. Not to mention, we’ll no longer have to fear aerial attacks or sunburns again! If naysayers and dissidents don’t like being made to live underground, just lock the access tunnels and the problem solves itself.”
3. “What’s all this nonsense I hear from afar?” exclaims Genghis Cesar Bonaparte, your Minister of Historical Reenactments, while charging into to the room upon his armored steed. He plants a flag upon your desk and proclaims, “My territory now! Anyway, the really obvious solution to your problem is to eliminate housing deeds and rental agreements in @@CAPITAL@@. Simply take what abode pleases you... and if any pesky ‘owner’ stands in your way, fight them like how our warring and wayfaring ancestors of old did.” He then rips up a copy of the city’s bylaws and scoffs, “Who cares about all this legal mumbo-jumbo anyway?”

Issue by The Oddly Named Nation of Le Libertia
Edited by Wyethalania

It's likely that the two listed names are fixed.