NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Maljaratas]

Dial L for Loan
The Issue

After a recent unfortunate incident involving a foreign casino, a gambling addicted crime lord, and a secret agent that was a bit too confident in his poker playing abilities, the government is currently strapped for cash. Your Finance Minister has reminded you of a swathe of delinquent government loans made to a small nameless nation in your sphere of influence that could be called in to close the budget gap.
The Debate

“If they can’t pay up, why we’ll get a Confederacy of Allied States tribunal involved!” declares Maria Han, your Finance Minister. “Start by removing their spendthrift leadership, and install a stooge, er... someone who understands the gravity of their international obligations. Next, forcibly privatize some of the most easily monetized state services. Why, I bet some of Maljaratas’s businesses might even be interested in buying them.”

“How soft!” mutters Shigeru Nygma, leader of the infamous ‘Loan and Pool Shark’ mercenaries, while menacingly holding a pool cue. “It’s time you went full repo man on these money squanderers and take what’s owed to you. They won’t dare to object to a few of their warships, crown jewels, or national treasures going to the cause.”

“A thousand pardons Nick Fabian!” pleads the country’s ambassador, Owen Dett, while kissing your feet. “Although our nation is a mere insignificant speck of dirt compared to the might and majesty of your nation, we implore you to find it within your heart to forgive the debts of us, the most ‘umblest of nations.”

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by Ransium

[Bears Armed]

Just received this: I don't know whether the personal names in options '1' & '3' are random or fixed...

The Issue
Today you’ve had a full schedule: meeting lobbyists who want you to name lunch the most important meal of the day, handshaking and congratulating @@NAME@@’s gold-medal-winning @@ANIMAL@@ball team, and fielding surprisingly piercing questions from a classroom of carefully selected ten-year-olds. It’s been hard for you to attend to the business of state, much less find any time for yourself. It occurs to you that having a deputy leader to help handle the workload might not be such a bad idea.

The Debate
1. “Voters don’t discriminate between heads of state or, wait for it, their running mates,” explains Erin Splinter, a rising star within your party. “And we’ll keep winning, so why not have a second-in-command aboard? Someone whose ideology you understand, but who increases your demographic appeal, be they @@DEMONYM@@ or Bigtopian. You’re gonna need a right-hand man, or woman.” She kisses a gauntlet of babies on her way out of your office.

2. “Whaaat?” The leader of the opposition sneezes for emphasis. “Did I miss something here, or are we still a democracy? The runner-up should be the deputy, so they can go watch, oh, rap battles and stuff and get in touch with the little people. Creative dissent is what makes Bears Armed strong!”

3. “We don’t really need a deputy leader, do we?” muses dedicated method actor Alex Miranda, who boasts an eerie resemblance to you. “Whenever you need to take a break, I’ll go argue about banks or mourn at generals’ funerals.” Miranda adjusts a duelling cane and a pair of glasses. “I think I’ve got your accent down, too! @@MOTTO@@!”

4. “As if anyone else in the room could accomplish as much as you,” scoffs your personal assistant, trying not to overload you with your calendar for the next week. “You’ll just have to work nonstop and struggle every second, but that should be no problem for you, @@LEADER@@! @@NAME@@ will still be a strong central democracy even if you’re booked day and night.”

Issue by The Ivory and Ebony Tower Zone of Zwangzug
Edited by Zwangzug

[Zadar B]

Its fixed

[Thinking Machines]

Trick Or Treaty
The Issue

After lengthy political wrangling, a global treaty on reducing greenhouse gas emissions has been put on the table. World powers such as Brancaland, Blackacre and Dàguó have moved to ratify the treaty, and the heat is on for Thinking Machines to make a decision.
The Debate

“Only through coordinated international action can we deal with the crisis of climate change,” preaches Sabina Black, who has spent the better part of a decade as Thinking Machines’s lead negotiator for the treaty. “The emissions reduction targets in this treaty are achievable, and affordable. Vougnnad, for our children’s future, we must ratify this treaty.”

“What mankind does has no bearing on whether the weather is warm,” rants Amanda Hall, a columnist at the think-tank Convenient Truths. “Ratifying this treaty would be economic suicide, and it’s well-known that the threats of so-called ‘climate change’ have been exaggerated by countries like Dàguó in order to cripple our economy. You must refuse to ratify this treaty!”

“You know, I was beginning to warm up to this treaty,” argues hot-headed environmentalist Dick Norris. “But then, I got to the proposed emissions reduction targets: they’re pathetic! We do need to set an international example, but not by ratifying this worthless treaty. Instead, we must pass national legislation that properly addresses the magnitude of our problem. Like, oh I don’t know, an eighty percent reduction of all emissions by next Tuesday.”

“All this has me thinking,” muses Dorothy Turner, an economics professor specializing in game theory, who is simultaneously playing chess with your aide. “The emissions reductions would impact our economy, but not ratifying the treaty would adversely affect our international reputation. I noticed that the compliance verification provisions are quite... lax. So let’s ratify, do some lip-service, and then forget about it. It’ll give us a competitive advantage.” With a flourish, she moves her queen across the chessboard, “Check and mate!”

Issue by The United Mangrove Archipelago of Ransium

Edited by Gnejs

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

The Issue

After a recent unfortunate incident involving a foreign casino, a gambling addicted crime lord, and a secret agent that was a bit too confident in his poker playing abilities, the government is currently strapped for cash. Your Finance Minister has reminded you of a swathe of delinquent government loans made to a small nameless nation in your sphere of influence that could be called in to close the budget gap.

The Debate

“If they can’t pay up, why we’ll get a Europeia tribunal involved!” declares Dick Bronte, your Finance Minister. “Start by removing their spendthrift leadership, and install a stooge, er... someone who understands the gravity of their international obligations. Next, forcibly privatize some of the most easily monetized state services. Why, I bet some of Noahs Second Country’s businesses might even be interested in buying them.”

Accept

“How soft!” mutters Katniss Hawkins, leader of the infamous ‘Loan and Pool Shark’ mercenaries, while menacingly holding a pool cue. “It’s time you went full repo man on these money squanderers and take what’s owed to you. They won’t dare to object to a few of their warships, crown jewels, or national treasures going to the cause.”

Accept

“A thousand pardons Leader!” pleads the country’s ambassador, Owen Dett, while kissing your feet. “Although our nation is a mere insignificant speck of dirt compared to the might and majesty of your nation, we implore you to find it within your heart to forgive the debts of us, the most ‘umblest of nations.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by Ransium

They removed my 4th option (the evil one at that)! This is a veeeery sad day.

[Ransium]

The Issue

After a recent unfortunate incident involving a foreign casino, a gambling addicted crime lord, and a secret agent that was a bit too confident in his poker playing abilities, the government is currently strapped for cash. Your Finance Minister has reminded you of a swathe of delinquent government loans made to a small nameless nation in your sphere of influence that could be called in to close the budget gap.

The Debate

“If they can’t pay up, why we’ll get a Europeia tribunal involved!” declares Dick Bronte, your Finance Minister. “Start by removing their spendthrift leadership, and install a stooge, er... someone who understands the gravity of their international obligations. Next, forcibly privatize some of the most easily monetized state services. Why, I bet some of Noahs Second Country’s businesses might even be interested in buying them.”

Accept

“How soft!” mutters Katniss Hawkins, leader of the infamous ‘Loan and Pool Shark’ mercenaries, while menacingly holding a pool cue. “It’s time you went full repo man on these money squanderers and take what’s owed to you. They won’t dare to object to a few of their warships, crown jewels, or national treasures going to the cause.”

Accept

“A thousand pardons Leader!” pleads the country’s ambassador, Owen Dett, while kissing your feet. “Although our nation is a mere insignificant speck of dirt compared to the might and majesty of your nation, we implore you to find it within your heart to forgive the debts of us, the most ‘umblest of nations.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island

Edited by Ransium

They removed my 4th option (the evil one at that)! This is a veeeery sad day.

Sorry Chan. 'Twas team consensus. Hope your happy with the issue overall, still.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

There was a very strong consensus that the option weakened the issue, sorry. Still, good issue overall, well-written.

[Noahs Second Country]

There was a very strong consensus that the option weakened the issue, sorry. Still, good issue overall, well-written.

What was the 4th option?

[Drasnia]

Just received this: I don't know whether the personal names in options '1' & '3' are random or fixed...

The Issue
Today you’ve had a full schedule: meeting lobbyists who want you to name lunch the most important meal of the day, handshaking and congratulating @@NAME@@’s gold-medal-winning @@ANIMAL@@ball team, and fielding surprisingly piercing questions from a classroom of carefully selected ten-year-olds. It’s been hard for you to attend to the business of state, much less find any time for yourself. It occurs to you that having a deputy leader to help handle the workload might not be such a bad idea.

The Debate
1. “Voters don’t discriminate between heads of state or, wait for it, their running mates,” explains Erin Splinter, a rising star within your party. “And we’ll keep winning, so why not have a second-in-command aboard? Someone whose ideology you understand, but who increases your demographic appeal, be they @@DEMONYM@@ or Bigtopian. You’re gonna need a right-hand man, or woman.” She kisses a gauntlet of babies on her way out of your office.

2. “Whaaat?” The leader of the opposition sneezes for emphasis. “Did I miss something here, or are we still a democracy? The runner-up should be the deputy, so they can go watch, oh, rap battles and stuff and get in touch with the little people. Creative dissent is what makes Bears Armed strong!”

3. “We don’t really need a deputy leader, do we?” muses dedicated method actor Alex Miranda, who boasts an eerie resemblance to you. “Whenever you need to take a break, I’ll go argue about banks or mourn at generals’ funerals.” Miranda adjusts a duelling cane and a pair of glasses. “I think I’ve got your accent down, too! @@MOTTO@@!”

4. “As if anyone else in the room could accomplish as much as you,” scoffs your personal assistant, trying not to overload you with your calendar for the next week. “You’ll just have to work nonstop and struggle every second, but that should be no problem for you, @@LEADER@@! @@NAME@@ will still be a strong central democracy even if you’re booked day and night.”

Issue by The Ivory and Ebony Tower Zone of Zwangzug
Edited by Zwangzug

Just received it myself. They're both fixed.

[Trotterdam]

One of the longstanding terrible policies has been one that flags that only men or only women are allowed to work in the nation. It was terrible because it was almost universally ignored by the narrative, with the presentation of options not changing, and the flag being very very rarely checked as a validity concern. There were two possible approaches - either changes to 90% of issues to make them compatible with that flag's narrative, or changing the issues that generate this flag, and purging that flag from the game.

Also on that note, in #368 Female Workers Feeling The Pinch:

3. "In the good old days, this wouldn't have been an issue," harrumphs @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, sat in the corner. "Our women stayed home and took care of the kids. No wonder the country's going to pot. It's time to put them back in their place and stop this feminine charade."

became

3. "In the good old days, this wouldn't have been an issue," harrumphs @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, sat in the corner. "Women should be encouraged to stay home and take care of the kids. No wonder the country's going to pot. It's time to put them back in their place and stop this feminist charade."

None of the other options changed.

Not sure why this one even warranted a change, since the old version was already just being wistful rather than explicitly calling for a ban (the "it's time to put them back in their place" is unchanged).

I dislike putting "encourage" weasel words everywhere, because how? What policies are you implementing to discourage something without banning it? You can't just make things happen by wishful thinking.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

Issue #262 "Sticks and Stones" seems to address the exact same fundamental argument as Issue #22 "Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally" with the only major difference being a third option that seems to weakly addresses the issue by adding more education funding.
Seeing the rule against identical submissions, was this overlooked at the time or is there just a difference that I'm not seeing here?

The Issue
Nicholas Condor, a prominent Bigtopian activist and soapbox orator, caused quite a stir last week when he publicly called for the complete extermination of the people of @@NAME@@, accusing fellow citizens of being 'sub-human', 'immoral', and 'really ugly too'. Citizens Against Intolerance, a pressure group aiming to reduce social inequality, has demanded that the government put more resources into combating hate speech. Coincidentally, another society, also called Citizens Against Intolerance, has stood up for Mr Condor, claiming that inhibiting his speeches would be a violation of his right to free speech.

The Debate
1. "I can't believe we're even debating this," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was present at the infamous speech. "Doesn't it worry you that a man, who would obviously be happier if we all died horrible, painful deaths, is allowed to walk around in public? Let him continue and he'll cause a riot! Free speech is supposed to protect people! But talking about genocide and killing, well... that doesn't help anyone. It breaks society. It drives us apart. Hate speech is a very serious crime, @@LEADER@@. You can't just ignore it."

2. "Words by themselves can't hurt anyone," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, a free speech advocate. "We don't need to be 'protected' from hearing different opinions for goodness' sake! Oh, what a boring place the world would be if we all had the same thoughts! You can't punish people for disagreeing with you! That's crazy! I hate my mother-in-law, but if I told her so and she then tried to stab me with a kitchen knife then the problem is obviously hers - not mine."

3. "I agree to an extent," ventures @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Domestic Security. "But insulting one person is not the same as insulting an entire social grouping. The wrong word in the wrong place and you WILL have violence on the streets: that's the reality we live in, whether you like it or not. If we want to make any real difference then we need to nudge cultural values in the right direction with government awareness programmes and the like. Educate the masses! Laying down a reactionary law will just fuel resentment in the long run."

The Issue
Far-right-wing Nazi supporters plan to stage a rally in the city center tomorrow, giving voice to their violent, racist views.

The Debate
1. "Frankly, I'm appalled that the government can even consider allowing this travesty to go ahead," says prominent Jewish personality @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't let these animals broadcast their message of hate. Surely @@NAME@@ is too civilized for that."

2. "It's exactly because we're civilized that we must let the demonstration proceed," says free speech campaigner @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We may not like what they have to say, but in this society, people have the right to argue whatever political view they want, no matter how hateful, selfish, or stupid it is."

[Blargoblarg]

679: Space Is Big Enough For The Both Of Us

The Issue
In a shocking turn of events, the normally secretive East Lebatuck government proposed working with multiple space programs. They have offered to work with the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency to create a jointly-operated space station, called the Multinational Space Station, or MSS. The scientific community has concluded that a space station would be utterly cool and might even provide the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency with valuable scientific data, but some are concerned about working with East Lebatuck.

The Debate
1. “Comrade @@LEADER@@, there is no reason for any mistrust between us,” comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, the East Lebatuckese representative, while discreetly placing a listening device under a pot plant. “Our proposal would launch @@NAME@@’s space program to new heights while setting a glorious example of friendship between our two great Motherlands. We’re ready to launch the ‘Spyonya’ module, so just hurry up and agree to build the station already.”

2. “A jointly-operated space station might be one small step for international cooperation, but our own space station would be a giant leap for @@DEMONYMNOUN@@kind,” declares hero astronaut Hum Legstrong, who has arrived wearing a space suit for reasons you cannot fathom. “All we need to do is repurpose some leftover parts from the last few spaceship programs. Fuel tank? Bam, crew quarters! Spy Satellite? Bam, space telescope! We’ll get all the sciencey goodness for a low, low price, and we won’t have to trust those shady East Lebatuckese.”

3. “A space station? Really?” remarks Jane Murdoch, an unpopular and rather frugal politician, nibbling at a homemade peanut butter sandwich. “Those nerds may act satisfied, but they’ll just be begging for more funding next week. Take a page from Maxtopia’s book and slash @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency’s budget. We might get less of that ‘science’ stuff, but who cares? No one, because they’ll be too busy enjoying the tax cut. It’s not like space is going anywhere.”


I'm not sure if I got all the macros right, I may have screwed some up.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

One of the longstanding terrible policies has been one that flags that only men or only women are allowed to work in the nation. It was terrible because it was almost universally ignored by the narrative, with the presentation of options not changing, and the flag being very very rarely checked as a validity concern. There were two possible approaches - either changes to 90% of issues to make them compatible with that flag's narrative, or changing the issues that generate this flag, and purging that flag from the game.

Also on that note, in #368 Female Workers Feeling The Pinch:

3. "In the good old days, this wouldn't have been an issue," harrumphs @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, sat in the corner. "Our women stayed home and took care of the kids. No wonder the country's going to pot. It's time to put them back in their place and stop this feminine charade."

became

3. "In the good old days, this wouldn't have been an issue," harrumphs @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, sat in the corner. "Women should be encouraged to stay home and take care of the kids. No wonder the country's going to pot. It's time to put them back in their place and stop this feminist charade."

None of the other options changed.

Not sure why this one even warranted a change, since the old version was already just being wistful rather than explicitly calling for a ban (the "it's time to put them back in their place" is unchanged).

I dislike putting "encourage" weasel words everywhere, because how? What policies are you implementing to discourage something without banning it? You can't just make things happen by wishful thinking.

Thanks for reporting the change, though I'd generally suggest making commentary on the changes on another thread. Broadly though, while I do agree that a change was not strictly needed by some readings, other readings of the previous wording could have been taken to imply forcing women back into the home. Overall, the above approach was agreed on as being the best fit. I'm sure different editors may have approached it in different ways stylistically.

[Iguanarctica]

679: Space Is Big Enough For The Both Of Us

The Issue
In a shocking turn of events, the normally secretive East Lebatuck government proposed working with multiple space programs. They have offered to work with the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency to create a jointly-operated space station, called the Multinational Space Station, or MSS. The scientific community has concluded that a space station would be utterly cool and might even provide the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency with valuable scientific data, but some are concerned about working with East Lebatuck.

The Debate
1. “Comrade @@LEADER@@, there is no reason for any mistrust between us,” comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, the East Lebatuckese representative, while discreetly placing a listening device under a pot plant. “Our proposal would launch @@NAME@@’s space program to new heights while setting a glorious example of friendship between our two great Motherlands. We’re ready to launch the ‘Spyonya’ module, so just hurry up and agree to build the station already.”

2. “A jointly-operated space station might be one small step for international cooperation, but our own space station would be a giant leap for @@DEMONYMNOUN@@kind,” declares hero astronaut Hum Legstrong, who has arrived wearing a space suit for reasons you cannot fathom. “All we need to do is repurpose some leftover parts from the last few spaceship programs. Fuel tank? Bam, crew quarters! Spy Satellite? Bam, space telescope! We’ll get all the sciencey goodness for a low, low price, and we won’t have to trust those shady East Lebatuckese.”

3. “A space station? Really?” remarks Jane Murdoch, an unpopular and rather frugal politician, nibbling at a homemade peanut butter sandwich. “Those nerds may act satisfied, but they’ll just be begging for more funding next week. Take a page from Maxtopia’s book and slash @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency’s budget. We might get less of that ‘science’ stuff, but who cares? No one, because they’ll be too busy enjoying the tax cut. It’s not like space is going anywhere.”


I'm not sure if I got all the macros right, I may have screwed some up.

Jane Murdoch is a random name, other than that it seems about right.

[Drayxaso]

679: Space Is Big Enough For The Both Of Us

The Issue
In a shocking turn of events, the normally secretive East Lebatuck government proposed working with multiple space programs. They have offered to work with the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency to create a jointly-operated space station, called the Multinational Space Station, or MSS. The scientific community has concluded that a space station would be utterly cool and might even provide the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency with valuable scientific data, but some are concerned about working with East Lebatuck.

The Debate
1. “Comrade @@LEADER@@, there is no reason for any mistrust between us,” comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, the East Lebatuckese representative, while discreetly placing a listening device under a pot plant. “Our proposal would launch @@NAME@@’s space program to new heights while setting a glorious example of friendship between our two great Motherlands. We’re ready to launch the ‘Spyonya’ module, so just hurry up and agree to build the station already.”

2. “A jointly-operated space station might be one small step for international cooperation, but our own space station would be a giant leap for @@DEMONYMNOUN@@kind,” declares hero astronaut Hum Legstrong, who has arrived wearing a space suit for reasons you cannot fathom. “All we need to do is repurpose some leftover parts from the last few spaceship programs. Fuel tank? Bam, crew quarters! Spy Satellite? Bam, space telescope! We’ll get all the sciencey goodness for a low, low price, and we won’t have to trust those shady East Lebatuckese.”

3. “A space station? Really?” remarks Jane Murdoch, an unpopular and rather frugal politician, nibbling at a homemade peanut butter sandwich. “Those nerds may act satisfied, but they’ll just be begging for more funding next week. Take a page from Maxtopia’s book and slash @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency’s budget. We might get less of that ‘science’ stuff, but who cares? No one, because they’ll be too busy enjoying the tax cut. It’s not like space is going anywhere.”


I'm not sure if I got all the macros right, I may have screwed some up.

Jane Murdoch is a random name, other than that it seems about right.

As the author, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

There was a very strong consensus that the option weakened the issue, sorry. Still, good issue overall, well-written.

What was the 4th option?

Forgive the debts in exchange for an extremely one-sided trade agreement.

[Drasnia]

Jane Murdoch is a random name, other than that it seems about right.

As the author, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

Editor?

[Ransium]

As the author, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

Editor?

'Twas NoQ...

[Drayxaso]

Editor?

'Twas NoQ...

Yep, and he did a great job.

[Thinking Machines]

Thinking Machines’s New Year’s Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
The Issue

The Thinking Machine New Year has arrived again and citizens across the nation are setting off fireworks that light up the sky in a beautiful and awe-inspiring display. Lighting up Thinking Machines’s roads, however, are the sirens of emergency vehicles tending to the injuries and fires caused by the explosive revelries. Your Minister of Safety has twisted your arm to personally investigate the situation, so you’ve reluctantly left your own New Year’s party to venture to the local hospital.
The Debate

A frazzled ER doctor, Fumiko Fraser, begins lecturing you while distractedly stitching a patient. “I can’t take it any more! Every New Year, the number of patients in the burn ward explodes, and need for stitches skyrockets! Fireworks are clearly too dangerous for the untrained public to play with. We need to ban possession and use of fireworks without proper training. To keep the tradition of Thinking Machine New Year alive, the government can sanction shows and hire licensed professionals for the celebration. And hey, if I weren’t suddenly getting so many emergency calls on the New Year, maybe I’d actually have time to watch the show.”

“That’s not going far enough,” interjects a local bird watcher Konrad McGhee, who is standing by the window, binoculars trained on a vulture by the hospital morgue. “It’s not a celebration for the birds whose sky we’re shooting into! Animals don’t understand what’s going on when unnatural flashes and scary noises suddenly start bursting all around them. If they dodge the explosions, noxious smoke is sure to drive birds out of the sky, while remains of spent fireworks littering the streets pose a swallowing hazard for scavengers. Licensing fireworks operators won’t change this. We need to ban all fireworks, and find less inconsiderate ways to entertain ourselves.”

“That’s ridiculous,” retorts Rory Stark - Chief Technical Officer of Have a Blast, Inc. - who is visiting the burns ward to hand out free sparklers to the injured. “Thunderstorms happen all the time in nature, and animals survive those. Fireworks are fabulous fun! If some drunken idiots can’t read the clear safety instructions we supply with all our products, then, well, that’s natural selection doing our species a favor. In fact, we should legalize use of fireworks all year round. Then we can celebrate anything, anytime, not just the New Year.”

Issue by The Kingdom of Milostein

Edited by Ransium

[Copercia]

The Issue

Your Astrological Advisor has yet again called for an immediate halt to all governmental activities. When questioned, she insisted that it must be done as the skies have been clouded over for several days, thus making astral readings too inaccurate for any important decisions to be made. Flanked by a colorful variety of different personalities and opinions, she has stridden into your office to warn you of great danger.

The Debate

1. “It is an omen of the oncoming storm!” cries your Astrological Advisor, tightly clutching her copy of the Copercian Horoscope and a mysterious blue book. “For years the stars have blessed us with their favor, but now that they are gone we can only assume that they have abandoned us! Leader, for the sake of Copercia, the government should do as little as possible during these uncertain and dangerous times. You never know what those Gemini folks could be planning!”

2. “The government’s actions shouldn’t be dictated by such crackpot nonsense!” blusters Marlon Vercingetorix, a renowned atheist and Gemini. “As a nation, we must strive to put aside our archaic astrological beliefs and instead focus on a logic-based approach. Only through this can we function properly as a political institution. If this means getting rid of all these so-called star prophets, so be it. Besides, they’re just big spheres of exploding gas!”

3. “The problem is not in the stars,” laments astronomer Sigourney Cotchin, a Capricorn whom is feeling somewhat under the weather this week. “Instead, it lies with our tools. We lack the powerful telescopes needed to see through this cloud cover. With a small contribution from the public, we can build a gigantic telescope that will give us pictures of the constellations no matter what the weather may be!”

4. “Stars, huh, what are they good for?” says self-proclaimed ‘Alternative Diviner’ Edwin Worr, while tossing a handful of asparagus stalks in the air. “We can’t just shut down the government every time a cloud is in the sky. This sort of thing will keep happening again and again and again. If you hire me, I will use more reliable methods such as asparamancy and tyromancy. That way, when I’m done divining, you’ll have delicious asparagus and cheese to eat afterward for no cost at all.”

Issue by The International Spydom of Drasnia

Edited by Helaw

[Tinhampton]

Macro comparison for #681 "@@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs":

THE ISSUE:
The Tinhamptonian New Year has arrived again and citizens across the nation are setting off fireworks that light up the sky in a beautiful and awe-inspiring display. Lighting up Tinhampton’s roads, however, are the sirens of emergency vehicles tending to the injuries and fires caused by the explosive revelries. Your Minister of Safety has twisted your arm to personally investigate the situation, so you’ve reluctantly left your own New Year’s party to venture to the local hospital.

THE DEBATE:

1. A frazzled ER doctor, Layla Xiaoping, begins lecturing you while distractedly stitching a patient. “I can’t take it any more! Every New Year, the number of patients in the burn ward explodes, and need for stitches skyrockets! Fireworks are clearly too dangerous for the untrained public to play with. We need to ban possession and use of fireworks without proper training. To keep the tradition of Tinhamptonian New Year alive, the government can sanction shows and hire licensed professionals for the celebration. And hey, if I weren’t suddenly getting so many emergency calls on the New Year, maybe I’d actually have time to watch the show.”
2. “That’s not going far enough,” interjects a local bird watcher Roger Einstein, who is standing by the window, binoculars trained on a vulture by the hospital morgue. “It’s not a celebration for the birds whose sky we’re shooting into! Animals don’t understand what’s going on when unnatural flashes and scary noises suddenly start bursting all around them. If they dodge the explosions, noxious smoke is sure to drive birds out of the sky, while remains of spent fireworks littering the streets pose a swallowing hazard for scavengers. Licensing fireworks operators won’t change this. We need to ban all fireworks, and find less inconsiderate ways to entertain ourselves.”
3. “That’s ridiculous,” retorts Abraham Lovegood - Chief Technical Officer of Have a Blast, Inc. - who is visiting the burns ward to hand out free sparklers to the injured. “Thunderstorms happen all the time in nature, and animals survive those. Fireworks are fabulous fun! If some drunken idiots can’t read the clear safety instructions we supply with all our products, then, well, that’s natural selection doing our species a favor. In fact, we should legalize use of fireworks all year round. Then we can celebrate anything, anytime, not just the New Year.”

[Pterodoria]

The Issue

Three days ago smog levels in the inner city reached a record-breaking high, with visibility so poor that a driver mistook a closed-off construction zone for an off-ramp and plummeted to his death. The public has raised the question of whether automobiles are emitting too much pollution.

The Debate

1. “This pollution has gotten out of hand!” gasps concerned inner city teacher, Coraline Christensen. “Just last week, my school had to keep the children from going outside because the air was burning their skin! You need to implement a tax on vehicle emissions, and fund scrappage of inefficient older vehicles!”

2. “Legislating against polluting cars is not going to solve the problem, as car companies will always find some loophole or deception to trick the system,” observes CEO of IntraCoil Motors, Oolong Musk. “Electric vehicles don’t pollute locally, so if everyone drove them, we would have clean air in the cities. The government should fund the creation of charging stations, to give customers the choice to realistically switch to green technologies, like the new IntraCoil Model LXIX, available next month at your local dealership.” He winks at a nearby camera.

3. “The government wants to do WHAT now?” yells Oil Tycoon Hiro Jekyll. “You really want to put all those poor drillers and oil riggers out of work? You really want to wreck our nation’s petrochemical industries? Instead of listening to these crazy ‘environmental’ hippies, let the free market operate and self-correct! Besides, everyone knows those electric cars actually cause cancer anyway.”

5. Professor Mia Quayle, who says she’s from The Institute - though you’re not sure whether he’s talking about a research lab or a mental health unit - has one final idea. “All this jibber-jabber about cars has really got me thinking: why don’t we give people an alternative? With funding, my lab could build an amazing, floating Sky-Train! We’ll just need guide wires, lots of hydrogen, and some sort of clean propulsion system. Think about it! A SKY TRAIN!”

Issue by The Fantastic Republic of Solborg

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[NovaRain]

The Issue

Several school districts across @@NAME@@ are debating whether computer science should be implemented into school curricula.

The Debate

1. “Hello, @@LEADER@@!” greets Radi Skarvoti, founder of the popular non-profit organization Program.net. “Computer science is a very important skill in today’s society! It’s a fantastic way to have students learn logic, engineering, and mathematics. Through my curriculum kids can learn programming all while doing what they like best: playing video games!” He shows you one of his online courses, where students are tasked with solving basic logic problems to navigate through a maze themed after the popular mobile game ‘@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Vs Skeletons’. “Well, we don’t want to overwhelm the kiddos, do we?”

2. “Kids aren’t gonna get anywhere with this Highlights-puzzle trash!” rants Sigourney Harrison, a respected member of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ coding community. “Starting in primary school, students need to start learning how to code in fundamental languages like J++, or Bison. If done properly it can still be fun. Look, here’s something I taught my son to code the other day.” She pulls out his Sprinux laptop, and shows you a game reminiscent of old arcade game Monkey Khan. “We’ll need a tax increase to recruit a new cohort of teachers with computer science expertise, but programming literacy will increase exponentially.”

3. “Why should @@CAPITAL@@ dictate how I teach my kids?” demands Ashley Ono, superintendent of a rural school distinct in the southern part of North-West @@NAME@@. “How about the centralized government butt-out for once and let individual school districts decide what’s best to teach their students? If students in @@CAPITAL@@ school district want to learn about programming, great. But, by the same token, if parents in my district want me to dedicate an hour a day to teaching students about sheep husbandry, that should be fine too.”

Issue by The Republic of Intrapolia
Edited by Ransium

Not sure if all names are random names.

[Trotterdam]

#683 Different Keystrokes For Different Folks

The Issue

Several school districts across @@NAME@@ are debating whether computer science should be implemented into school curricula.

The Debate

1. "Hello, @@LEADER@@!" greets Radi Skarvoti, founder of the popular non-profit organization Program.net. "Computer science is a very important skill in today's society! It's a fantastic way to have students learn logic, engineering, and mathematics. Through my curriculum kids can learn programming all while doing what they like best: playing video games!" He shows you one of his online courses, where students are tasked with solving basic logic problems to navigate through a maze themed after the popular mobile game '@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Vs Skeletons'. "Well, we don't want to overwhelm the kiddos, do we?"

2. "Kids aren't gonna get anywhere with this Highlights-puzzle trash!" rants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a respected member of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ coding community. "Starting in primary school, students need to start learning how to code in fundamental languages like J++, or Bison. If done properly it can still be fun. Look, here's something I taught my son to code the other day." @@HE/SHE@@ pulls out @@HIS/HER@@ Sprinux laptop, and shows you a game reminiscent of old arcade game Monkey Khan. "We'll need a tax increase to recruit a new cohort of teachers with computer science expertise, but programming literacy will increase exponentially."

3. "Why should @@CAPITAL@@ dictate how I teach my kids?" demands @@RANDOMNAME@@, superintendent of a rural school distinct in the southern part of North-West @@NAME@@. "How about the centralized government butt-out for once and let individual school districts decide what's best to teach their students? If students in @@CAPITAL@@ school district want to learn about programming, great. But, by the same token, if parents in my district want me to dedicate an hour a day to teaching students about sheep husbandry, that should be fine too."

Issue by Intrapolia
Edited by Ransium

The first name isn't random, the latter two are and can be either gender. I know because I happened to get the issue on two puppets at once

...Wanna bet that the title character of Monkey Khan is an equine?