NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Belinos]

Please stay on the lookout for multiple versions of #636's last option.

“Kids these days, they’re geni.. geniei... uh... geniuses!” exclaims Harry Silk, your Minister of Solutions. “This is the best idea we’ve had in a while! There’s always demagogues, rebels and dissenters we need to put down. With your permission, perhaps we can put these children to work in slandering them. It’s a subtler approach than a bullet to the head, killing the credibility of their ideas. The kids can, as they say, ‘roast’ the dissenters, and make you look great in comparison!”

[New Glubbdubdrib]

#639: No Country For Old Men

The Issue

After several incidents which resulted in the loss of millions of @@CURRENCY@@ have been discovered to be caused by senility and feebleness, concerned financial and medical professionals are wondering if retirement should be made mandatory at a certain age.

The Debate

1. “It’s not really such a bad idea,” suggests Harambe Cohen, your middle-aged medical adviser while checking your pulse to see if you’re still alive. “You see, when some people reach a certain age, they become too weak and mentally incompetent to do their job. Therefore, we need to impose mandatory retirement so our nation wouldn’t have to put up with things like that senile 95-year-old rickshaw driver who caused that day-long traffic jam on the highway. Of course, we mustn’t be cruel: we should also provide better pensions for them so they’ll be content in their dotage.”

2. “Our age has nothing to do with the... uh... what was it... the wild @@ANIMAL@@ hybrids rampaging through @@CAPITAL@@!” states bumbling security guard Ryan Nahasapeemapetilon, who didn’t hear the stampede of hybrids escaping the lab due to a malfunctioning hearing aid. “So you people think that just because we’re old, we can’t do our jobs? Well guess what? I’ve seen younger people who are more lazy, inefficient, and more... something than a sloth! Retirement and firing should be based on capabilities, not age!"

3. “Why bother with retirement anyway?” asks Richard Jele, a rather young basket weaving CEO whose employees consist mostly of his aging relatives. “I mean, the only reason it exists is just so old people can laze around doing nothing, right? So why don’t we remove it altogether and make it so that people have to work no matter how old they are? Sure, incidents like the that doctor who left his false teeth inside a patient might be more common than before; but that’s the price you have to pay for the sake of productivity.”

Issue by The Holy Green Forests of Troperia
Edited by Nation of Quebec

Warning to capitalists: the third option drastically lowers Economic Freedom and Wealth Gaps. Despite it being suggested by a CEO, the overall results make it better suited for communistic nations.

[Rejistania]

The names in that issue (639) seem to be @@RANDOMNAME@@. All 3 of them.

[Rejistania]

#637: Little Pizza History

The Issue

Prominent restaurant chain Pop’s Eatery recently announced plans to tear down the historic Cash Mansion in @@CAPITAL@@ and replace it with a fast food restaurant. Disgusted by the impending destruction of a national landmark, two dozen history students have surrounded the site, delaying the building’s demolition and causing just enough ruckus to get your attention.

The Debate

“We cannot accept this blatant destruction of our culture!” cries a surprisingly agile social studies teacher, leaping into your office window after scaling the side of the capitol building. “It’s common knowledge that Douglas Cash was the leader of the revolutionaries that founded this country... or was he the inventor of that spinning doohickey? Either way, the Cash residence is a priceless piece of our national history. The government should protect the site as a national landmark... and put more funding towards historical education while you’re at it.”

“Out with the old and in with the new!” opines Frank Márquez, owner of Pop’s Eatery, while handing out free samples to everyone in sight. “These fried saltballs were invented right here in @@NAME@@ by one of my top chefs, and at least in my opinion, that’s some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ culture worth celebrating. If you assign a few more cops to keep away the overeducated hooligans from my stores, then I could have a free hand to open Pop’s Eateries on every corner of @@NAME@@.”

“Why not have your cake and eat it too?” asks your underachieving Culture Minister, George W. Humperdink, while tucking into a tray of vol-au-vents taken from a recent gallery opening. “By which I mean have food AND culture at the same time. We should preserve these historical sites and allow - no, actually, make that REQUIRE - that they all have restaurants built within them. Imagine it: a roast on the spit in an old castle, tea and scones in noble palaces, all-you-can-eat-buffets in museums commemorating the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Famine. Now that’s what I call culture!”

Issue by The Intrasolar Republic of Oppressia FTDOF

Edited by Lenyo

The names seem to be random here.

[Pterodoria]

Please stay on the lookout for multiple versions of #636's last option.

“Kids these days, they’re geni.. geniei... uh... geniuses!” exclaims Harry Silk, your Minister of Solutions. “This is the best idea we’ve had in a while! There’s always demagogues, rebels and dissenters we need to put down. With your permission, perhaps we can put these children to work in slandering them. It’s a subtler approach than a bullet to the head, killing the credibility of their ideas. The kids can, as they say, ‘roast’ the dissenters, and make you look great in comparison!”

Might be worth noting that this is option 4.

[Noahs Second Country]

Might be worth noting that this is option 4.

It is? I only wrote 3 options in the issue.

[Holy Oranz]

#635: Hey Kid, Have A Cigar

The issue
One of @@NAME@@’s leading tobacco companies, Maxboro, has produced an advertisement depicting children frolicking in a playground while smoking cigars and cigarettes. Predictably, a truckload of angry letters has been dropped on your desk, from angry parents and moralising busy-bodies.

The debate
“This is truly odious!” screeches Hayley Blair, your Secretary of Political Correctness, as she tries to cover her child’s eyes and ears. “Tobacco companies cannot be allowed to market their death-sticks to our children! Our poor vulnerable youngsters could get hooked, and become chain-smokers before they finish primary school! Advertising dangerous products to children must be banned!”

“Oh, Boo-hoo!” mocks M.B. Winston, State Factory Director of Maxboro, while smoking an unfiltered cigarette with acrid fumes. “These advertisements remind children that by buying cigarettes, they are supporting the Motherland! You should, in fact, be encouraging this habit, with increased funding for state advertisements encouraging all good children to smoke.”

“I have a reasonable third option!” interrupts passing minister Karl Shaft, right around the time someone normally interjects with a crazy third option. “Let tobacco companies operate freely, but have them do social good equal to the social harm, according to a fair assessment of externalities. Like, if they advertise to children, then they have to build a kids clinic or a litter picking program, that sort of thing.”

[Drasnia]

Might be worth noting that this is option 4.

It is? I only wrote 3 options in the issue.

The editors will sometimes add options of they think there needs to be an additional choice or to change wording depending on nations (of they have cats or not for example)

[Trotterdam]

“Kids these days, they’re geni.. geniei... uh... geniuses!” exclaims Harry Silk, your Minister of Solutions. “This is the best idea we’ve had in a while! There’s always demagogues, rebels and dissenters we need to put down. With your permission, perhaps we can put these children to work in slandering them. It’s a subtler approach than a bullet to the head, killing the credibility of their ideas. The kids can, as they say, ‘roast’ the dissenters, and make you look great in comparison!”

Might be worth noting that this is option 4.

Thanks!

---

#640:

A Clear-Cut Conundrum

The Issue

The Shepherds of the Forest - a particularly dedicated section of the The Ramblers' and Hikers' Association - have just completed a long march from the remote Western @@ANIMAL@@ Mountains National Park to @@CAPITAL@@. They come bearing news that elements within the Timber Woodchipping industry have been covertly logging the protected area for over a decade without the government even noticing.

The Debate

1. "I was just hiking quietly along the back of Grand @@ANIMAL@@ Ridge," recounts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a very sturdy forestry professor, with a tall head and hardly any neck. "I rounded a bend and there before me lay the most horrendous sight I ever laid eyes upon. Stands upon stands of trees, butchered like on a battlefield, many of whom were my friends. There is no curse in the tongue of @@NAME@@ for this treachery. O please, @@LEADER@@, make the destroyers who did this replant all the trees they massacred, and stop them from ever coming back!"

2. "Bah, humbug," bellows @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, a sour man representing one of the rogue logging companies, draped in a robe of many colors. "That Western Whatever Park is so far away that no one even goes there anyway, except for those weirdo hikeaholics. Our great and glorious @@TYPE@@ would be best served by burning that old world in the fires of industry. Auction them all off to the highest bidder, foreign or domestic! Forests will fall and @@NAME@@ will make profits you've never dreamed of. Just imagine it."

3. "HOW DARE THEY!" screeches @@RANDOMNAME@@, a self-professed eco-warrior, wielding an elaborately carved battle staff made out of the highly endangered @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ pine. "These evil corporate schemers, planning to destroy the world just to gain wealth! The only way we can keep our parks safe is by allowing not a single person - yes, you heard me - not a single person into them. They need to be off-limits to the inherently greedy, destructive natural tendencies of humans. @@LEADER@@, let me raise a posse of good and green men to guard our forests and bring the sword to any desecrating capitalist pig who dares enter."

Issue by Mount Seymour
Edited by Gnejs

(Corrections applied under assumption Luna Amore can be trusted.)

Also I suspect the existence of a fourth option, though I've confirmed that these are the first three by internal counting. (Not sure, it could also be the next issue.)

[Divine Cervine]

Issue #642

This Way’s Kinder

The Issue

Hail to you! Hail @@LEADER@@! Patriotism and love for your government is (naturally) on the rise, and one of your closest advisors has suggested to you that @@NAME@@ forms a youth organisation to teach the next generation to love you as much as this one does.

The Debate

1. “Think about it!” says sycophantic Party Coordinator @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, with remnants of silly string and party streamers on his dress uniform suggesting he has perhaps misunderstood his job title. He stands by you on the palace balcony, gesturing to indicate a group of serious-looking children saluting a giant flag. “The patriotism in these kids is admirable! Give them an official youth organisation in the name of our righteous ideology, and call it The Children Of @@LEADER@@! Teach them to sing songs, to swear allegiance to the flag, to camp in the wilderness, maybe how to clean and shoot a rifle. Who knows when a group of wonderfully fit, patriotic boys could come in handy?”


2. “Obviously managing the nation’s youth is sensible, but training and arming them sounds a little incautious,” suggests Security Director @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Teach them to obey, for sure, but put them to work doing socially useful tasks instead: road building, stone breaking, window cleaning, that sort of thing. Childish high spirits are something to be broken, not encouraged.”


3. “What have the schools been teaching my son?” yells angry mother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ as she drags her spotty teenage sprog into your office. As your guards attempt to remove her, she employs some impressive ju-jitsu to send them flying. “He has turned into an obsessed robot, with more respect for @@LEADER@@ than for his own parents! I will not let my son join an organisation for brainwashed punks! I will not let you do this to anybody’s children! We, the people, say no to state-directed youth organisations!”

Issue by Uberreichland
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

I am not entirely sure if it is a random name, but the name for the second option was "Nosipho English."

[Trotterdam]

Party Coordinator @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, with remnants of silly string and party streamers on his dress uniform suggesting he has perhaps misunderstood his job title

No, that is absolutely the correct way to do politics in our nation.

I am not entirely sure if it is a random name, but the name for the second option was "Nosipho English."

It's random. I got "Adele Kennedy".

[Tinhampton]

For #633: I only got up to Option 5, but I received the "resident anarchist and thorn-in-your-side" advocating for no anthem instead of the AI (understandably, they AI-n't treated very well 'round here).

[Barbarossistan]

and here we have #641:

Dirty Little Minds


The Issue

The Health Ministry has expressed serious concerns at new evidence that pollutants in the atmosphere and water supply may be negatively affecting the intelligence and cognitive abilities of the nation’s children.
The Debate

“Legislation is the answer,” declares tatty-suited progressive Luigi Love in the middle of a two-hour slideshow on rainfall. “Crack down on air pollution, regulate vehicle emissions, and heavily tax polluting industry and power generation. The economy may experience a short-term loss, but that sacrifice is worth it for our children’s long-term cognitive function.”

“Self-regulation is the answer,” says expensively dressed lawyer Cindy Smit, who just finished another fraud trial. “The industry will... uh... establish a voluntary code of conduct, and we will definitely think about cutting into our profit margins and reneging on our obligations to our shareholders to make a fast buck. At the very least, we’ll do some great PR work. And kids getting dumber? Well, I should point out that a dumb populace is a free-spending and unquestioning populace: that sort of thing is great for the economy.”

“Science is the answer,” opines overzealous transhumanist Woody Barker, whose clothes are so metallic and futuristic they just look silly. “The problem here is that we’ve got the wrong sort of pollutants. Add the right neuro-stimulant chemicals to the waterways and the air, and I can guarantee you the lovely pollution will start making our kids harder, better, faster, stronger. Sure, they might have increased risk of fatal brain hemorrhage in puberty, but they’ll expand their cognition and consciousness and become Human Plus.”

“Creative thinking is the answer,” schemes an intimidating ‘solutions manager,’ Konrad Stoker. “We can keep making pollutants, so long as we don’t let them get into our nation’s environment. I’ve got half a dozen amazing ideas, from selling our waste to gullible third world nations as fertilizers, to sticking some of the nastier chemicals into a newly rebranded ‘smokey-cola’ and pushing it to export. All extra sludge can just be dumped at sea - far, far away from Barbarossistan. Recategorize waste as product, and we can get it out of the country at a nice profit.”

Issue by The Pantransparency of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by Lenyo

[Tinhampton]

I haven't recieved #132 yet, but shouldn't "Rob the Insane" in Option 2 read @@LEADER@@? (Hopefully somebody that's recieved the issue will be able to tell me.)

[Pencil Sharpeners 2]

I haven't recieved #132 yet, but shouldn't "Rob the Insane" in Option 2 read @@LEADER@@? (Hopefully somebody that's recieved the issue will be able to tell me.)

Just received it now. Can confirm it is @@LEADER@@.

[Heliosphere]

The Issue

With economic growth skyrocketing and Heliosphere’s prosperity rising, prominent business leaders have come to you with proposals to construct a national wonder as a symbol of these successes.

The Debate

1. “To mark this golden age,” declares Leo Tallstoy, CEO of Sky High Company, sitting upright with high hopes, “I suggest we build the tallest building in the South Pacific! Not only can we finally snatch that tallest building record from the United Federation, but it will break whatever doubts our citizens have about Heliosphere’s future! It will boost the economy and will be a good source of morale and patriotism. When aiming high, nothing’s worth the sky!”

2. “Why not aim just slightly higher?” asks Anais Skywalker, CEO of Colossal Works Industries, while putting an arm around your shoulder and pointing to a hole in your ceiling you hadn’t noticed previously. “Instead of the conventional skyscraper, we could build a space elevator? We have enough money, resources, and initiative to make sure our Eternal Misfortune is the first to develop one! We’ll need to overcome some tricky technical challenges, but such is the burden of the true pioneer! It’ll benefit us in space exploration, and that will serve to strengthen the legacy of our golden age!”

3. “Have you ever heard of the saying ‘too tall to fall?’” inquires Hugh Mongo, another CEO of a large construction company, who barely fits through your doorway. “Or was it ‘too big to fail?’ Anyway, I think that the answer to mark Heliosphere’s successes is not with something tall, but great. And by great, I mean wide, like a ziggurat or a pyramid. It’s waaay safer than some thousand-story death trap, but it will last for thousands of years without any expensive maintenance. How’s that for a fair bargain?”

4. “Psh,” scoffs Kate Shatner, one of your more casual advisers, as she rolls her eyes. “It’s true that Heliosphere has reached its zenith, but there is such a thing as modesty. In fact, we could very well do with regulations on the tall and big buildings we already have instead. They are symbols of arrogance, acrophobia... and suggestive imagery. Have you ever seen what the Heliosphere City Building resembles from a certain angle?”

5. “What’s with Heliosphere’s obsession with making things all big and futuristic? Compensating for something?” mocks Montgomery Gutenberg, a gaudy Marche Norian artist-architect. “In Marche Noir we pride ourselves on our spectacular construction projects, some of which are still standing after a thousand years. Our buildings have an ageless and classical beauty to them as opposed to your modern monstrosities. Take a look at our majestic Maxmillia Familia. Granted it’s been under construction for a hundred years, but it’s a far sight prettier than anything proposed here. Take a lesson from the pros, people.”

Issue by The Federation of Henuld

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Australian rePublic]

Prominent restaurant chain Pop’s Eatery recently announced plans to tear down the historic Cash Mansion in Canberra and replace it with a fast food restaurant. Disgusted by the impending destruction of a national landmark, two dozen history students have surrounded the site, delaying the building’s demolition and causing just enough ruckus to get your attention.

The Debate

“We cannot accept this blatant destruction of our culture!” cries a surprisingly agile social studies teacher, leaping into your office window after scaling the side of the capitol building. “It’s common knowledge that Douglas Cash was the leader of the revolutionaries that founded this country... or was he the inventor of that spinning doohickey? Either way, the Cash residence is a priceless piece of our national history. The government should protect the site as a national landmark... and put more funding towards historical education while you’re at it.”

Accept“Out with the old and in with the new!” opines Ethel O’Hara, owner of Pop’s Eatery, while handing out free samples to everyone in sight. “These fried saltballs were invented right here in Australian Republic by one of my top chefs, and at least in my opinion, that’s some Australian culture worth celebrating. If you assign a few more cops to keep away the overeducated hooligans from my stores, then I could have a free hand to open Pop’s Eateries on every corner of Australian Republic.”

Accept“Why not have your cake and eat it too?” asks your underachieving Culture Minister, Richard Jones, while tucking into a tray of vol-au-vents taken from a recent gallery opening. “By which I mean have food AND culture at the same time. We should preserve these historical sites and allow - no, actually, make that REQUIRE - that they all have restaurants built within them. Imagine it: a roast on the spit in an old castle, tea and scones in noble palaces, all-you-can-eat-buffets in museums commemorating the Great Australian Famine. Now that’s what I call culture!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Intrasolar Republic of Oppressia FTDOF

Edited by Lenyo

[Pallidonia]

Issue 638 has been renamed to "Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children?"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Issue 638 has been renamed to "Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children?"

Yeah, like a whole minute ago. Was about to announce it but you were hyperspeed there.

The reason was that the previous title was too similar to a previously used one.

[Tinhampton]

Issue 638 has been renamed to "Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children?"

Yeah, like a whole minute ago. Was about to announce it but you were hyperspeed there.

The reason was that the previous title was too similar to a previously used one.

I was one of the last nations to get Issue #638 when it was still called "Please, @@LEADER@@, We Want Something More". I answered the issue just 50 minutes before the name change! In my notices, the new title appears. Keep in mind that the entire issue looks like a Charles Dickens in-joke - will we have to go through a third title for this issue?

---

For the last option, the macro is @@RANDOMNAME@@. I got the excellently-named Harambe Biscuitbarrel.

[Minoa]

Minor error in entry for Issue #423: Option 3 is italicised.

[Tinhampton]

Minor error in entry for Issue #423: Option 3 is italicised.

The markup you see on the SPOILER ALERT thread is mostly the same as what you see in the issues themselves. The major exceptions to the rule are options only available to certain kinds of nation, which are italicised in SPOILER ALERT but appear normal in the wilds. This was one of those options. You only got Option 3 because Minoa has a military.

[Minoa]

Minor error in entry for Issue #423: Option 3 is italicised.

The markup you see on the SPOILER ALERT thread is mostly the same as what you see in the issues themselves. The major exceptions to the rule are options only available to certain kinds of nation, which are italicised in SPOILER ALERT but appear normal in the wilds. This was one of those options. You only got Option 3 because Minoa has a military.

One of my alternative nations did at the time.

[Noahs Second Country]

641: Dirty Little Minds
The Issue

The Health Ministry has expressed serious concerns at new evidence that pollutants in the atmosphere and water supply may be negatively affecting the intelligence and cognitive abilities of the nation’s children.

The Debate

“Legislation is the answer,” declares tatty-suited progressive Calvin Fitzgerald in the middle of a two-hour slideshow on rainfall. “Crack down on air pollution, regulate vehicle emissions, and heavily tax polluting industry and power generation. The economy may experience a short-term loss, but that sacrifice is worth it for our children’s long-term cognitive function.”

Accept

“Self-regulation is the answer,” says expensively dressed lawyer Fanny Doolittle, who just finished another fraud trial. “The industry will... uh... establish a voluntary code of conduct, and we will definitely think about cutting into our profit margins and reneging on our obligations to our shareholders to make a fast buck. At the very least, we’ll do some great PR work. And kids getting dumber? Well, I should point out that a dumb populace is a free-spending and unquestioning populace: that sort of thing is great for the economy.”

Accept

“Science is the answer,” opines overzealous transhumanist Michael Yoo, whose clothes are so metallic and futuristic they just look silly. “The problem here is that we’ve got the wrong sort of pollutants. Add the right neuro-stimulant chemicals to the waterways and the air, and I can guarantee you the lovely pollution will start making our kids harder, better, faster, stronger. Sure, they might have increased risk of fatal brain hemorrhage in puberty, but they’ll expand their cognition and consciousness and become Human Plus.”

Accept

“Creative thinking is the answer,” schemes an intimidating ‘solutions manager,’ Daenerys Suzuki. “We can keep making pollutants, so long as we don’t let them get into our nation’s environment. I’ve got half a dozen amazing ideas, from selling our waste to gullible third world nations as fertilizers, to sticking some of the nastier chemicals into a newly rebranded ‘smokey-cola’ and pushing it to export. All extra sludge can just be dumped at sea - far, far away from Noahs Second Country. Recategorize waste as product, and we can get it out of the country at a nice profit.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Peripatetic Perambulations of Candlewhisper Archive

Edited by Lenyo

[Arcoscephale]

#644 The Old Grey Matter

The Issue

When newspaper The @@CAPITAL@@ Herald referred to over 65s as “society’s growing burden” and as “unproductive leeches”, there was outrage amongst the eldest generation. Looking to prove them wrong, a number of them have ganged together to create the Violet Hat Society - a gathering of retirees who are volunteering to contribute to the greater good. They’ve asked you how they can help serve @@NAME@@.

The Debate

1. “I think we’ve got a lot to teach the younger generation,” says Violet Hat founder @@RANDOMNAME@@, putting the finishing touches to an impressive watercolour landscape. “Perhaps we could set up an official Advice Service, to pass the wisdom of a life of experience on to the younger generation?”

2. <unknown>

3. “If they really want to help, how about running some childcare for my rugrats?” asks working single dad @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, as he forks over 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to a gum-chewing young lady that you presume must be his babysitter. “It’d mean people like me could get to work, and maybe even engage in... uh... social activities.” He gives a quick guilty glance at the high-heel wearing girl as she leaves.

4. “Aren’t they lovely, these old gents and biddies?” asks thirty-year old @@RANDOMNAME@@ (or @@RANDOMMALENAME@@), unaware how condescending this sounds. “No, no, we don’t need them to do anything! They’ve worked away and now they must retire and enjoy the sunshine. They can leave running the country to the young and healthy, while they go play bingo or work their allotments, or whatever it is that crusty old people like to do. Get these Purple Cap People - or whatever they call themselves - to form a working committee where they can debate with each other and keep out of everyone else’s way, then make a policy of ignoring whatever they come up with.”

5. “If they’re healthy and capable, shouldn’t they be in the workplace?” asks tax-paying twenty-something @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Let’s do away with the idea of pensions and retirement, then they can keep contributing economically instead of spending their time pottering about, interfering with everything and asking their grand-kids when they’re going to settle down and stop traveling. Or something.”

Issue by Candlewhisper Archive
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Haven't seen the second choice with any puppet.

Names to add to the random names list:
First ~ Basil, Brian, John, Kendall, Vladimir
Surname ~ Hart, May, Palpatine, Swift

The third option didn't do much. Tiny increase to retail, that's all.