NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Australian rePublic]

This one has only been reported once in this thread, so I will repost it to ensure macros
The Issue

Private space companies have expressed a desire to launch a space probe to the moon and other planets in the solar system. To avoid any legal entanglements, they have asked for permission from the government to launch.

The Debate

“The sooner we get off this rock, the better,” grimly predicts daredevil CEO Dick Benson, who recently broke the record for the world’s highest skydive. “We all know it’s a matter of time before we destroy this planet, and exploring the vastness of space is our only salvation. Private enterprise must be allowed to develop space technologies. I’d go so far as to subsidize private space companies to help them on the way to the stars. ‘Per pecunia ad astra’, as I always say.”

Accept“Space shouldn’t be opened to corporations!” exclaims buxom ARSA engineer turned beachwear model Ellen Janeway. “These companies just want to grab our heavenly bodies and make money from them. The stars themselves will be exploited and stripped bare! Only the government - by which I mean you - can be trusted to handle things properly.”

Accept“Both sides have a point,” acknowledges your diplomatic Science Minister Bill deGrasse Hawking. “The free market must be allowed to operate, but with reasonable rules and regulations. The idea sounds daft, but an asteroid mining company should be subject to the same laws governing terrestrial mining companies. We should have some sort of prime directive that state what we can and can’t do up there. This needn’t cost us tax dollars either: just have the enterprises involved sign an agreement to abide by the rules, then let them go boldly where no corporation has gone before.”

Accept“You’ve ruined this planet. Now you want to ruin outer space?” queries Gaia Peacedove, an eccentric environmentalist and host of the esoteric television show ‘Antiquated Aliens’, seen dressed in hemp fiber. “Cleanliness is next to godliness, after all. The Ancient Ones didn’t want us to come to them, they will come to us. Stop polluting space with your fancy-schmancy space probes and rockets! Ban all space exploration, and focus on protecting the environment. They will surely see this as a sign that we are ready for their arrival!”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The People's Republic of New Birgland

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Christian Democrats]

Australian Republic, please check the thread before posting. You've reported an already reported issue a few times now.

Personally, I don't mind. It helps me figure out which names are random and which ones aren't.

[Pencil Sharpeners 2]

The Issue

“Concerned for Cursive”, a mothers’ advocacy group, have staged a mock funeral for handwriting - a practice which, they claim, nears extinction.

The Debate

1. “We are gathered here today to pay our respects to the memory of our nearly departed: cursive handwriting!” says head of the CFC Rosalia Hendrikson. “The government must act now. Require handwriting for all school assignments or watch our sweet and beloved cursive fall by the wayside like, err, stamp-collecting... and erm, the neighborhood milkman. “

2. “I OBJECT!” shouts Ingrid Obama, nosy parker. “We do that at funerals, right? ‘Object’? But I object to this nonsense. It doesn’t matter how kids are writing, but what kids are writing. We should be giving them free laptops to keep up with the times and stay competitive rather than keeping them in the dark ages!”

3. “Nev’r understood what all them fuss was about ‘andwriting,” mumbles Deegan Holhs, an illiterate gravedigger. “Them schools should be teach’n kids the very basics. I nev’r needed to write nuff’n, so why should they? Quit that academic blither-blather and set our youngins up with them thar marketable skills.”

Issue by The rejected realms issue committee

Edited by Luna Amore

[Pencil Sharpeners 2]

The Issue

When the latest National Census asked citizens to specify everything from their shoe size to number of sexual partners, leading privacy activists and the casually paranoid started raging that the process has become too intrusive and that the anonymity of the respondents is at risk.

The Debate

1 “Enough, I say!” melodramatically rails Warren Brandeis, while angrily doodling crude images of the male anatomy in every tick box on the census form. “With this level of detail, any hope of anonymity and personal privacy will be but a distant whisper. Why should we trust the blasted establishment to know every single detail of our lives, let alone where we live? I have no intention of entrusting the government with my full demographic profile, and I implore anyone with a shred of decency and respect for the sanctity of the domestic sphere to opt-out of this Orwellian intrusion!”

2. “Nonsense!” counters Mia Longfellow, policy wonk at the Heliospherean Bureau of Statistics, dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s of an essay question. “Without accurate and meticulously detailed census data we’ll be completely lost! How can we make informed decisions when there’s no information? How will we know what areas of the country to target with our... welfare programs? No, we need to have greater authority to make sure everyone is filling out the census!”

3. “Yee-haw, pardners,” strums country-music star Tim Stephenson. “No need to bring out the big guns there fella, I’m sure these fine folks would be just gosh-durned happy to fill out all of your ticky boxes, if you get them in the right mood. Let me and my friends churn out some songs advertising the glories of checking boxes, and you’ll have them lining up to submit all the data you want in no time! To make sure they really, really get the message, you should make all them medias play our hearty honky tonk exclusively during census-time! Now ain’t that a peach?”

4. “Let’s be reasonable here,” suggests Marina Flanders, manager at ‘Surveys R Us’, while wielding a sharp pair of scissors. “Me and the gang can trim down and freshen up the census for you - a slice here, a dice there - and make it into something so feel-good and inoffensive that nobody will object to answering it. Granted, the results will have to be a bit more, eh, let’s say ‘aggregated’, but I’m sure the boys at the Bureau will manage to make somewhat informed and semi-relevant estimates nonetheless.”

5. “Do we really need a national census anyway?” yawns Prudence Perkins, a meme-analyst at social media site MyFace, who is using the form as a paper airplane. “It’s a lot of trouble for nothing, if you ask me. If you want to know where someone lives or what their spiritual animal is, you add them on MyFace like everybody else. Why spend a lot of money doing an official census, Leader, when you can easily set up a profile with us and just add everybody?”

Issue by The Ivory and Ebony Tower Zone of Zwangzug

Edited by Gnejs

[Trotterdam]

#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves

The Issue

"Concerned for Cursive", a mothers' advocacy group, have staged a mock funeral for handwriting - a practice which, they claim, nears extinction.

The Debate

1. "We are gathered here today to pay our respects to the memory of our nearly departed: cursive handwriting!" says head of the CFC @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@. "The government must act now. Require handwriting for all school assignments or watch our sweet and beloved cursive fall by the wayside like, err, stamp-collecting... and erm, the neighborhood milkman."

2. "I OBJECT!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, nosy parker. "We do that at funerals, right? 'Object'? But I object to this nonsense. It doesn't matter how kids are writing, but what kids are writing. We should be giving them free laptops to keep up with the times and stay competitive rather than keeping them in the dark ages!"

3. "Nev'r understood what all them fuss was about 'andwriting," mumbles Deegan Holhs, an illiterate gravedigger. "Them schools should be teach'n kids the very basics. I nev'r needed to write nuff'n, so why should they? Quit that academic blither-blather and set our youngins up with them thar marketable skills."

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Rejected Realms Issue Committee

Edited by Luna Amore

I assume the first character is always female due to being from a "mothers' advocacy group". Deegan Holhs is not random (hint: Digging Holes).

[Zwangzug]

Thanks Gnejs!

Warren Brandeis is a fixed name, the others are random.

[Gnejs]

You're very welcome Fun draft, great title.

[Trotterdam]

#581 Fair To Say...?

The Issue

At last year's World Fair many said that @@NAME@@'s exhibition pavilion was "okay, considering," and "not bad, for a nation on a tight budget." This year, national organizers want to make your expo presence bigger, better, and more impressive than ever before.

The Debate

1. "We need more shiny stuff! We need lasers, and twenty-foot-tall robots!" squeaks General Konrad Honda, hoverboarding excitedly round you in a wide circle. "Let's show off our tech to the rest of the world! We need flying cars and... and... cyber@@ANIMALPLURAL@@! Yes, a cyber@@ANIMAL@@, with a frickin' laser beam on its head!"

2. "My, how gauche!" sneers Martina Amis, an esteemed novelist. "Culture is the lifeblood of @@NAME@@. We should create a gallery-slash-library to celebrate @@NAME@@'s arts and literature abroad. Nothing less could represent our brilliance."

3. "Give the fair-goers what they want! FOOOOOOOOD!" yells Adam Richbloke, generously-proportioned foodie holding a generous portion of battered chicken chunks. "Visitors to the fair aren't going to visit every tent: you know how many nations there are in the world now? But everyone has gotta eat! Chocolate donut lasagna, deep-fried pancake soups and orange truffle crabcakes with butter, pork and loads of sweet custard. Hmm, hmmm, hmmm, looks like everyone will be stopping by the @@NAME@@ pavillion!"

6. "I smell economic opportunity," says your Commerce Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should showcase what a great place for investors we are, emphasising our flexible taxation arrangements for valued corporate investors and our latest moves to stamp out the unions. We should literally get on our knees, and beg the biggest businesses to bring jobs and prosperity to @@NAME@@."

Issue Unibot III
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Most of the names look to be nonrandom, based on their last names being unrecognized, although it's possible they're "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Fixedname". For the last option I got Mary Cheyney.

I'm not kidding about the numbering. The internal identifiers were option-0, option-1, option-2, and option-5. I suspect that option-3 is an alternative "food" option for vegetarian nations (at least, I hope that was considered!) and that option-4 is an economically-oriented option for communist nations (spotting an effect line that seemed to be written for such an option is what made me suspect the presense of hidden options).

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Internal identifiers?

How did you check those? Sounds very clever and techy to me.

And I guess there's no tricking you! Yes, there are alternative versions of options.

[Trotterdam]

Internal identifiers?

How did you check those? Sounds very clever and techy to me.

Just check the HTML source code. Exact placement is browser-dependent but it's probably something like View -> Page Source (shortcut is Control+U for me). Or you can download the page and open it in a text editor.

It's really very easy to do, the main issue is remembering to do it

[Unibot III]

Great work editing, Candlewhisper Archive!

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

#581 Fair To Say...?

The Issue

At last year's World Fair many said that @@NAME@@'s exhibition pavilion was "okay, considering," and "not bad, for a nation on a tight budget." This year, national organizers want to make your expo presence bigger, better, and more impressive than ever before.

The Debate

1. "We need more shiny stuff! We need lasers, and twenty-foot-tall robots!" squeaks General Konrad Honda, hoverboarding excitedly round you in a wide circle. "Let's show off our tech to the rest of the world! We need flying cars and... and... cyber@@ANIMALPLURAL@@! Yes, a cyber@@ANIMAL@@, with a frickin' laser beam on its head!"

2. "My, how gauche!" sneers Martina Amis, an esteemed novelist. "Culture is the lifeblood of @@NAME@@. We should create a gallery-slash-library to celebrate @@NAME@@'s arts and literature abroad. Nothing less could represent our brilliance."

3. "Give the fair-goers what they want! FOOOOOOOOD!" yells Adam Richbloke, generously-proportioned foodie holding a generous portion of battered chicken chunks. "Visitors to the fair aren't going to visit every tent: you know how many nations there are in the world now? But everyone has gotta eat! Chocolate donut lasagna, deep-fried pancake soups and orange truffle crabcakes with butter, pork and loads of sweet custard. Hmm, hmmm, hmmm, looks like everyone will be stopping by the @@NAME@@ pavillion!"

6. "I smell economic opportunity," says your Commerce Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should showcase what a great place for investors we are, emphasising our flexible taxation arrangements for valued corporate investors and our latest moves to stamp out the unions. We should literally get on our knees, and beg the biggest businesses to bring jobs and prosperity to @@NAME@@."

Issue Unibot III
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Most of the names look to be nonrandom, based on their last names being unrecognized, although it's possible they're "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Fixedname". For the last option I got Mary Cheyney.

I'm not kidding about the numbering. The internal identifiers were option-0, option-1, option-2, and option-5. I suspect that option-3 is an alternative "food" option for vegetarian nations (at least, I hope that was considered!) and that option-4 is an economically-oriented option for communist nations (spotting an effect line that seemed to be written for such an option is what made me suspect the presense of hidden options).

Regardless, I must say that's an issue I'm glad is in.

[Blargoblarg]

#582 Augmented Reality Check

The Issue

Following the release of hit mobile game Maxémon Woah, which requires players to walk around in order to find mythical creatures, many of @@NAME@@’s pedestrians have been hit by unseen vehicles in an effort to snatch ‘em all.

The Debate

1. “These are needless tragedies!” complains your concerned Public Safety Minister, angrily smacking your phone out of your hands, and denying you the ultra-rare Lenyutwo you were about to snatch. “Hundreds of people have already been hurt and we had our first death just last week, all just to get some virtual monster thing! I won’t begin to get into all the trespassing charges that have been filed!” She continues her tirade as you pick up your phone and manage to snatch a Slowbrophyllia Raticalia. “This game is a disaster waiting to happen! At the very least, prohibit the use of the game within urban areas.”

2.“Not even then are we truly safe!” preaches @@RANDOMNAME@@, a belligerent religious leader who previously accused you of colluding with demons. “That ‘game’ is nothing short of the work of the damned, what with the conjuring of cyber demons in our beautiful nation! Have you even looked at a Sedgetoise? It’s clearly modeled after the devil, and the Amorlax represents a forbidden depiction of the archangel! Did you know that you have to evolve them? In the name of all that is holy, forbid this Maxey-Pokey-Heresy!”

3.“Ah, the game is just some harmless fun,” retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the director of the Barrysonian Museum of Political History. “Ever since we started advertising as a Maxéstop, we’ve had record attendance. Our visitors have been putting aside their differences to catch their Gnejgars, Sleepypuffs, and Clefrissies. In fact, we really ought to be using this game to get people interested in politics and history again. Start putting Maxéstops and Maxégyms at archives, museums, and educational centers. Maxémon will bring everyone together, provided you’re on Team Insightful of course.”

4.Out of the corner of your eye, a teenager wearing a bright red tracksuit and visor climbs in through your window. “Absolutely we should encourage people to play, and make sure it’s safe for...wait a second...” He swipes his phone, not having looked up since he entered. “Sorry about that. I’m Dash Snatchum, and in order to be the very best, I gotta divert all of my attention! You should just make a whole lot more stop signs and streetlights so we can get to those Noqorans and Charchivemanders faster! After all, you gotta snatch ‘em all!”

Issue by The Republic of Enthusiasm

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Trotterdam]

"At the very least, prohibit the use of the game within urban areas."

Yeah, about that...

So, I spot...
Lenyo as a Mewtwo
Logophilia Lyricalia as a Slowbro and a Raticate
Sedgistan as a Blastoise
Luna Amore as a Snorlax
Gnejs as a Gengar
Sleep as a Jigglypuff
Frisbeeteria as a Clefairy
Nation of Quebec as a Nidoran
Candlewhisper Archive as a Charmander

[Australian rePublic]

When the latest National Census asked citizens to specify everything from their shoe size to number of sexual partners, leading privacy activists and the casually paranoid started raging that the process has become too intrusive and that the anonymity of the respondents is at risk. 

The Debate

“Enough, I say!” melodramatically rails Warren Brandeis, while angrily doodling crude images of the male anatomy in every tick box on the census form. “With this level of detail, any hope of anonymity and personal privacy will be but a distant whisper. Why should we trust the blasted establishment to know every single detail of our lives, let alone where we live? I have no intention of entrusting the government with my full demographic profile, and I implore anyone with a shred of decency and respect for the sanctity of the domestic sphere to opt-out of this Orwellian intrusion!”

Accept“Nonsense!” counters Mike Dovey, policy wonk at the Australian Bureau of Statistics, dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s of an essay question. “Without accurate and meticulously detailed census data we’ll be completely lost! How can we make informed decisions when there’s no information? How will we know what areas of the country to target with our... welfare programs? No, we need to have greater authority to make sure everyone is filling out the census!”

Accept“Yee-haw, pardners,” strums country-music star Billy-Bob Pond. “No need to bring out the big guns there fella, I’m sure these fine folks would be just gosh-durned happy to fill out all of your ticky boxes, if you get them in the right mood. Let me and my friends churn out some songs advertising the glories of checking boxes, and you’ll have them lining up to submit all the data you want in no time! To make sure they really, really get the message, you should make all them medias play our hearty honky tonk exclusively during census-time! Now ain’t that a peach?”

Accept“Let’s be reasonable here,” suggests Jessica King, manager at ‘Surveys R Us’, while wielding a sharp pair of scissors. “Me and the gang can trim down and freshen up the census for you - a slice here, a dice there - and make it into something so feel-good and inoffensive that nobody will object to answering it. Granted, the results will have to be a bit more, eh, let’s say ‘aggregated’, but I’m sure the boys at the Bureau will manage to make somewhat informed and semi-relevant estimates nonetheless.”

Accept“Do we really need a national census anyway?” yawns Marlon Cohen, a meme-analyst at social media site MyFace, who is using the form as a paper airplane. “It’s a lot of trouble for nothing, if you ask me. If you want to know where someone lives or what their spiritual animal is, you add them on MyFace like everybody else. Why spend a lot of money doing an official census, Nick Jot, when you can easily set up a profile with us and just add everybody?”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Ivory and Ebony Tower Zone of Zwangzug

Edited by Gnejs

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[Maljaratas]

Might you want to remove the extra bits there?

[The Campbell Nation]

#581 Fair To Say...?

The Issue

At last year's World Fair many said that @@NAME@@'s exhibition pavilion was "okay, considering," and "not bad, for a nation on a tight budget." This year, national organizers want to make your expo presence bigger, better, and more impressive than ever before.

The Debate

1. "We need more shiny stuff! We need lasers, and twenty-foot-tall robots!" squeaks General Konrad Honda, hoverboarding excitedly round you in a wide circle. "Let's show off our tech to the rest of the world! We need flying cars and... and... cyber@@ANIMALPLURAL@@! Yes, a cyber@@ANIMAL@@, with a frickin' laser beam on its head!"

2. "My, how gauche!" sneers Martina Amis, an esteemed novelist. "Culture is the lifeblood of @@NAME@@. We should create a gallery-slash-library to celebrate @@NAME@@'s arts and literature abroad. Nothing less could represent our brilliance."

3. "Give the fair-goers what they want! FOOOOOOOOD!" yells Adam Richbloke, generously-proportioned foodie holding a generous portion of battered chicken chunks. "Visitors to the fair aren't going to visit every tent: you know how many nations there are in the world now? But everyone has gotta eat! Chocolate donut lasagna, deep-fried pancake soups and orange truffle crabcakes with butter, pork and loads of sweet custard. Hmm, hmmm, hmmm, looks like everyone will be stopping by the @@NAME@@ pavillion!"

6. "I smell economic opportunity," says your Commerce Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should showcase what a great place for investors we are, emphasising our flexible taxation arrangements for valued corporate investors and our latest moves to stamp out the unions. We should literally get on our knees, and beg the biggest businesses to bring jobs and prosperity to @@NAME@@."

Issue Unibot III
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Most of the names look to be nonrandom, based on their last names being unrecognized, although it's possible they're "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Fixedname". For the last option I got Mary Cheyney.

I'm not kidding about the numbering. The internal identifiers were option-0, option-1, option-2, and option-5. I suspect that option-3 is an alternative "food" option for vegetarian nations (at least, I hope that was considered!) and that option-4 is an economically-oriented option for communist nations (spotting an effect line that seemed to be written for such an option is what made me suspect the presense of hidden options).

I'd say you're right on the second part. I just got this one, and being a godless communist, the last option read:

“We’re glossing over a real opportunity here,” says Carla Marks, a vocal advocate for global Communism. “Across the world, citizens are suffering in poverty and being oppressed by the capitalist miser-nations. This is our chance to give Communism a voice on the global stage, and to use that voice to point out the sickening excesses of neighbouring nations!”

Aside from that, Adam Richebloke and Martina Amis appear the same in mine; the first name is changed to Francine Honda.

[Trotterdam]

Did you check the HTML source? It's option-4, right?

Carla Marks

Not random. Clearly a girly version of Karl Marx.

Francine Honda

I think that supports the "@@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Honda" hypothesis.

[Copercia]

To complete the set on issue 581, here's the vegetarian option:

“Everyone likes tofu, don’t they?” suggests frizzy-haired vegetarian Dana Patel, offering you a mug of tofu-and-cress soup. “We should be pushing out the vegetarian agenda with a ‘Wonders of Tofu’ celebration. Tofu-desserts, tofu-lasagne, tofu-coffee, tofu-with-extra-tofu... Is there anything that tofu can’t do?”

(I checked the source code, and this is option-3, and since this nation is also communist, I can confirm the other one is option-4.)

[Flanderlion]

The Issue

After a recent petition to lower @@NATION@@’s infamous “Reading Tax” was found in a dumpster, debate has sparked over the government’s abuse of veto powers.

The Debate

“Mostly Harmless, my foot!” protests aspiring revolutionary @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If you aren’t going to listen to the people, at least be honest about it. Go ahead! Try your little mad grab for power, Leader! The people dare you!”

Accept

“Don’t let these warmongers bait you!” cautions your trusted adviser, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Obviously, we can’t just eliminate your veto power, but what if you just made a super sincere promise to use more restraint with it? That might satisfy the angry mobs.”

Accept

“But some of these proposals make my head spin,” opines @@NATION@@ City Senator @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Who would really blame us for dismissing a petition to eat alien first born? The point is: people are dumb, and the only way to make them less dumb is to finally invest in our failing education system.”

Accept

Your paper shredder looks at you, knowingly. It doesn’t talk, of course, but you know what it’s trying to say. It beckons you. Go on... One more can’t hurt, can it?

Accept

Issue by: The Objectivist Enclave of Human Olympus
Editor: Sedgistan

Believe that is how they go, not 100% if they are all random names or not.

[Trotterdam]

Alright, here's the updated reconstruction of #581:

#581 Fair To Say...?

The Issue

At last year's World Fair many said that @@NAME@@'s exhibition pavilion was "okay, considering," and "not bad, for a nation on a tight budget." This year, national organizers want to make your expo presence bigger, better, and more impressive than ever before.

The Debate

1. "We need more shiny stuff! We need lasers, and twenty-foot-tall robots!" squeaks General @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Honda, hoverboarding excitedly round you in a wide circle. "Let's show off our tech to the rest of the world! We need flying cars and... and... cyber@@ANIMALPLURAL@@! Yes, a cyber@@ANIMAL@@, with a frickin' laser beam on its head!"

2. "My, how gauche!" sneers Martina Amis, an esteemed novelist. "Culture is the lifeblood of @@NAME@@. We should create a gallery-slash-library to celebrate @@NAME@@'s arts and literature abroad. Nothing less could represent our brilliance."

3. "Give the fair-goers what they want! FOOOOOOOOD!" yells Adam Richbloke, generously-proportioned foodie holding a generous portion of battered chicken chunks. "Visitors to the fair aren't going to visit every tent: you know how many nations there are in the world now? But everyone has gotta eat! Chocolate donut lasagna, deep-fried pancake soups and orange truffle crabcakes with butter, pork and loads of sweet custard. Hmm, hmmm, hmmm, looks like everyone will be stopping by the @@NAME@@ pavillion!"
[only for nations where meat-eating is not banned, mutually exclusive with option 4]

4. "Everyone likes tofu, don't they?" suggests frizzy-haired vegetarian @@RANDOMNAME@@, offering you a mug of tofu-and-cress soup. "We should be pushing out the vegetarian agenda with a 'Wonders of Tofu' celebration. Tofu-desserts, tofu-lasagne, tofu-coffee, tofu-with-extra-tofu... Is there anything that tofu can't do?"
[only for nations where meat-eating is banned, mutually exclusive with option 3]

5. "We're glossing over a real opportunity here," says Carla Marks, a vocal advocate for global Communism. "Across the world, citizens are suffering in poverty and being oppressed by the capitalist miser-nations. This is our chance to give Communism a voice on the global stage, and to use that voice to point out the sickening excesses of neighbouring nations!"
[only for nations where private enterprise is banned, mutually exclusive with option 6]

6. "I smell economic opportunity," says your Commerce Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should showcase what a great place for investors we are, emphasising our flexible taxation arrangements for valued corporate investors and our latest moves to stamp out the unions. We should literally get on our knees, and beg the biggest businesses to bring jobs and prosperity to @@NAME@@."
[only for nations where private enterprise is not banned, mutually exclusive with option 5]

Issue Unibot III
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Thanks for the help!

Though you know, there's more to a vegetarian menu than tofu. If your first thought on entering a vegetarian restaurant is "okay, where's the vegetarian meat?", you're probably not very committed to being a vegetarian.

[Barbarossistanian North Brasilistan]

and here we have yet another new one:

#582 Augmented Reality Check


The Issue

Following the release of hit mobile game Maxémon Woah, which requires players to walk around in order to find mythical creatures, many of Barbarossistanian North Brasilistan’s pedestrians have been hit by unseen vehicles in an effort to snatch ‘em all.
The Debate

“These are needless tragedies!” complains your concerned Public Safety Minister, angrily smacking your phone out of your hands, and denying you the ultra-rare Lenyutwo you were about to snatch. “Hundreds of people have already been hurt and we had our first death just last week, all just to get some virtual monster thing! I won’t begin to get into all the trespassing charges that have been filed!” She continues her tirade as you pick up your phone and manage to snatch a Slowbrophyllia Raticalia. “This game is a disaster waiting to happen! At the very least, prohibit the use of the game within urban areas.”

“Not even then are we truly safe!” preaches George W. Wang, a belligerent religious leader who previously accused you of colluding with demons. “That ‘game’ is nothing short of the work of the damned, what with the conjuring of cyber demons in our beautiful nation! Have you even looked at a Sedgetoise? It’s clearly modeled after the devil, and the Amorlax represents a forbidden depiction of the archangel! Did you know that you have to evolve them? In the name of all that is holy, forbid this Maxey-Pokey-Heresy!”

“Ah, the game is just some harmless fun,” retorts Sophie Wu, the director of the Barrysonian Museum of Political History. “Ever since we started advertising as a Maxéstop, we’ve had record attendance. Our visitors have been putting aside their differences to catch their Gnejgars, Sleepypuffs, and Clefrissies. In fact, we really ought to be using this game to get people interested in politics and history again. Start putting Maxéstops and Maxégyms at archives, museums, and educational centers. Maxémon will bring everyone together, provided you’re on Team Insightful of course.”

Out of the corner of your eye, a teenager wearing a bright red tracksuit and visor climbs in through your window. “Absolutely we should encourage people to play, and make sure it’s safe for...wait a second...” He swipes his phone, not having looked up since he entered. “Sorry about that. I’m Dash Snatchum, and in order to be the very best, I gotta divert all of my attention! You should just make a whole lot more stop signs and streetlights so we can get to those Noqorans and Charchivemanders faster! After all, you gotta snatch ‘em all!”

Issue by The Republic of Enthusiasm

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan]

new issues coming fast lately, another:

#584 The Cake Is A Lie


The Issue

In recent weeks, a neighbouring nation in The North Pacific released a controversial and gory movie about Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan, entitled ’The Baker Of Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan’. The movie, which follows the horrifying journey of a hapless ex-baker into the criminal underworld of Kaiserstadt, seems to imply that Barbarossistanian South Brasilistan is a dystopian hellhole filled with violent crime. Unsurprisingly your citizenry is offended.
The Debate

“This movie makes us look like lawless bloodthirsty savages... and they claimed we eat Kaiserstadt Cakes all year round, when everybody knows that we like Kaiserstadt Scones these days!” complains scowling patriot Marshall Kim J. Unn, dousing a stack of movie promotional posters in kerosene, tossing the offending nation’s flag onto the pile, and lighting a match. “Not only should we ban this evil slanderous movie, we should also demand an apology! Deploy tanks along their border, and warn them to withdraw the film, or face the consequences.”

“Woah, like chill out dude, get a sense of humour,” says satirist Sacha Sagdiyev, lighting a spliff from the bonfire, “These people just don’t know what it is actually like to live here. So, why don’t we show them? Get some tourists in, get them high on magic mushroom muffins, flood them with love. Getting angry never solved anything, man.”

“Lies and videotape, eh?” muses Lenny Groovesteel, your Propaganda Minister, reading a psychology article on The Triumph Of The Will. “Two can play at that game. we should direct own movie directors to churn out some counter-information, singing our nation’s praises and fabricating something nasty about their’s. Have you heard people talking about the disgusting Dog-Hair Muffins they bake? No? We will fix that.”

Issue by The Democratic Union of Felucian Planetary Republic

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Zwangzug]

583: Don’t Be A Busk-Kill

A recent video shoot of newly sworn-in cabinet ministers being broadcast on live TV was disrupted by an enthusiastic but loud vuvuzela-player busking nearby. Most viewers reported they couldn’t hear a word being spoken over the noise. This incident has raised some smiles, but also sparked a debate over busking in general.

1. “NOISY PESTS!” yells inner city resident @@RANDOMNAME@@, straight into your left ear from just two feet away. “While I’m trying to get my beauty sleep at 3 in the afternoon, I’m being disturbed by moronic musicians, talentless thespians and hopeless harlequins! They’re just beggars, but with added irritation and noise. Ban busking! Lock up these feckless fools!”

2. “Eish! Em not justa musician, mos,” protests @@RANDOMNAME@@, the busker in question, “Em a one-man entertainment experience, with Hlokoloza dancing for the bokkies an’ gooses, befok naartjie juggling and even face painting for the laaities! Surely busking adds a bit a music and colour to life, nè? The government should pay buskers to be on every street. Let’s make everyone’s life happier now now!”

3. “I know a way we could make both sides happy,” remarks your Minister for Fine Arts, @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, pressing play on her cassette of patriotic anthems to create the right mood. “We could introduce national performance licenses, and only allow public performance by those who have attained a certain standard. As a nice side effect, this will let us make sure that our nation’s culture is both highbrow and patriotic.”

Author: Oisinistan
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive (I see why you need the South African accent now )


Edit: Kristen is a new first name, Stark is a new last name

[Hansdeltania]

584: The Cake is a Lie

In recent weeks, a neighbouring nation in The Alliance of Dictators released a controversial and gory movie about Hansdeltania, entitled ’The Baker Of Hansdeltania’. The movie, which follows the horrifying journey of a hapless ex-baker into the criminal underworld of Hansdelta, seems to imply that Hansdeltania is a dystopian hellhole filled with violent crime. Unsurprisingly your citizenry is offended.

The Debate

“This movie makes us look like lawless bloodthirsty savages... and they claimed we eat Hansdelta Cakes all year round, when everybody knows that we like Hansdelta Scones these days!” complains scowling patriot Marshall Kim J. Unn, dousing a stack of movie promotional posters in kerosene, tossing the offending nation’s flag onto the pile, and lighting a match. “Not only should we ban this evil slanderous movie, we should also demand an apology! Deploy tanks along their border, and warn them to withdraw the film, or face the consequences.”

Accept

“Woah, like chill out dude, get a sense of humour,” says satirist Sacha Sagdiyev, lighting a spliff from the bonfire. “These people just don’t know what it is actually like to live here. So, why don’t we show them? Get some tourists in, get them high on magic mushroom muffins, flood them with love. Getting angry never solved anything, man.”

Accept

“Lies and videotape, eh?” muses Lenny Groovesteel, your Propaganda Minister, reading a psychology article on The Triumph Of The Will. “Two can play at that game. we should direct our own movie directors to churn out some counter-information, singing our nation’s praises and fabricating something nasty about theirs. Have you heard people talking about the disgusting Dog-Hair Muffins they bake? No? We will fix that.”

Accept