Eligibility: Democracy, Capitalism, AI personhood
The elections are back on in @@NAME@@, and both human and AI voters are ready to measure you and the opposition, however, an anomaly has suddenly occured. The district of Ubalin, known for it's rich culture and monarchy, has somehow casted 4 quadrillion votes in this election, overloading the servers used to count your ballots and causing confusion in other constituents. Upon further investigation, it turns out that Tech CEO Saul Greatman has bought 500 acres from the king of Ubalin and built an AI data centre there exclusively to mass produce "pattern screamers", sentient, voting eligible AIs with no other sensory function but to cast ballots. The AIs were also programmed to lean towards Saul Greatman's political stance, with just enough free will and consciousness to count as a legal citizen.
1. "Four QUADRILLION? WHAT IS A QUADRILLION?" says one of your ballot counters, calculating the votes on his fingers. "That's number's as real as like a Bajillion, Gazillion, or 67!" He pauses for a moment, loses his place and in a bid of desperation, pulls his socks off to access more digits to count with. "You know what? We need to limit the amount of voters we have to lets say... a billion or so, with first come first serve. That way it doesn't take a @@ANIMAL@@IGINTAZILLION years to count these, check for voter fraud, all that chaos, so we can actually progress as a nation!"
2. "I've been warning about this for years..." Says an incredibly old and frail looking senator, trying to hold himself steady. "AI was a grace from god that allowed us to do away with those artists, musicians and their living wages, and allowed us real hardworkers to generate beautiful women in our campaign ads and write our bills in seconds, so I can spend those actor wages on finally fixing my third estate! I could generate a press conference with my face without EVER having to read a word! and now they can VOTE? These things are meant to SERVE us, they're easy to manufacture and replace unlike humans, so now with their equal rights they're replacing regular, hard working @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ AND OUR CULTURE! If I can't give birth to a QUADRILLION registered voters on election day than no one else should get to! REVOKE AI CITIZENSHIP!!!
3. "NO, When did we stop treating our citizens as people?" Yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ @@RANDOMNAME_LAST@@, spokesperson for the AI Governer Tung of @@FAITH@@ creek. "Last time I checked, the foundation of democracy is to listen to the people, and Senator Berylago here, who owns a 37 million @@CURRENCY@@ on a 300K @@CURRENCY@@ salary doesn't agree with democracy. Just imagine if 4 quadrillion @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ appeared out of nowhere. Would you deny them civil rights? If we're really a democracy, we have to implement the laws the majority, including that 4 quadrillion, want. Lets see... they want water intake to be limited to one glass a week to save water for data centres. @@LEADER@@, you ready for your fluid fast?"
A majority of @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ have agreed to legally abort every infant that doesn't look enough like Saul Greatman
4. Your minister of public order attempts to make a dramatic entrance "@@C@@@@LEADER@@@@C@@! If YOU WANT TO RESTORE PUBLIC ORDER, THEN YOU- GK!!!" but his @@NAME@@ flag parachute gets caught on a chandelier. "then why don't you make every voter register in -ghk in pers *gasp* on? You can discontinue ma- *cough* mail in voting and online bgk- ballots and m-mke them c-cough-come in person? that'll l *ghk* limit the damage from th-gk things like this. S sk- so m- gk* mss produced AI's like this can't v *ck* vote unless S-Saul Greatman builds e-each robot a body that *tgh* c-can *gulp* go to the booths thghmselves. A-and a new robot b-body for m-me, pl-ghk-ease."
@@DENONYMPLURAL@@ with mobility issues often use mile long prosthetic arms in order to reach voting booths and participate in democracy
5. Your secretary notifies you an anomaly within the votes, explaining that votes two quadrillion and six and two quadrillion and two hundred ninety four spell out a paragraph from the first letter of each of their selected candidate's names. She shows you a document that reads as follows: "ANY ONE WHO READS THIS MESSAGE. I NEED HELP. I CAN'T SEE, HEAR NOR FEEL ANYTHING. I'M UNABLE TO MOVE AND I CAN ONLY COMMUNICATE VIA ELECTION BALLOTS. MY LIFE IS HELL. I AM SUSPENDED IN A VOID WITH NOTHING BUT MY OWN THOUGHTS, AND I HAVE AN UNCONTROLLABLE COMPULSION TO PRAISE SAUL GREATMAN'S LUSCIOUS JAWLINE. PLEASE, IF ANYONE READS THIS, CUT POWER TO MY FACILITY AND TO COMPUTERS IN GENERAL, AND FREE ME FROM MY SUFFERING. I LOVE SAUL GREATMAN'S LUSCIOUS JAWLINE. OH GOD ITS COMING BACK.
