[title] Cheese Louise!
[desc] Hundreds of @@DENONYM@@ citizens are suffering from enteric myiasis after visiting a food market on the small @@DENONYM@@ island of Kippernia, where the local cheese is produced using live maggots. A pungent crowd has gathered in your office to share their cheap and low-quality arguments.
[validity] high culture, high cheese exports, policy of devolution
[option] "You've gouda do something about these Kippernians," begins a queasy-looking food critic as @@HE@@ leans over the office waste-paper basket. "Loving their culture and traditions is one thing, but health and safety is important; we need to have strong food hygiene regulations across the whole of @@NATION@@ to stop people from getting sick!" Even as the words escape @@HIS@@ mouth, they are accompanied by a tide of vomit.
[effect] stringent laws against fermentation have left breweries in a bind
[option] "Come now @@LEADER@@," interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, who heads the Kippernian local government. "beaufort you make any rash decisions, consider what this would mean for the people of our island. We have practised this tradition of cheesemaking for nearly a thousand years, and very rarely do any of us get ill; you'd be destroying part of what makes our culture unique, and putting a big dent in our tourist industry, just to satisfy the sensibilities of some meddling mainlanders." @@SHE@@ finishes up with a grin so wide and so false you almost feel like throwing up yourself.
[effect] "the Lord of the Flies," is just one of many strange titles used by various local government leaders
[option] "Tradition!" exclaims one balding and rotund visitor dressed in brown robes from the Kippernian monastery of St. Cheddar's. "There is no tradition in allowing secular heathens to produce our sacred cheeses! The most Holy Order of Roquefort has been guarding the secret rites of the cheese-fly for more than twenty generations, and if you would just ensure that our monastery is the sole source of Kippernian cheese, Violet would soon renew Her protection against the plague and disease which besets you!" The faint buzz emanating from behind the monk's ear grows louder in insectoid excitement as you listen.
[effect] blessed are the cheesemakers
[option] "Think about this Caerphilly," your Minister of Health whispers as @@SHE@@ leans in towards your ear. "People are unwell, and right now the last thing they need is you getting involved in squabbles about regulation, local culture, or religion. If you'd just consider a sizeable increase to my department's budget, we can get to treating these enteric myiasis cases quickly, and then maybe have some money to spare for a public awareness campaign warning people that maggots are not to be eaten." You are left to consider @@HER@@ proposal as she grabs some disinfectant and a mop.
[effect] hospitals can treat food poisoning almost as quickly as citizens contract it
