[ACCEPTED] Beyond the Focal Point

[West Barack and East Obama]

[title] Beyond the Focal Point

[description] Whilst reading The Pet @@ANIMAL@@ aloud to a class of children from a nearby primary school, you notice that not a single student has paid you any attention: everyone seems to prefer chit-chatting, roughhousing and even sleeping to concentrating on the reading session.

[validity] has organised, but underfunded, education

[option] "When you keep a bunch of energetic nine year-olds cooped up in a cramped classroom for a third of the day, what else can you expect?" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, the teacher of the class, as @@HE@@ tussles with a child attempting to play with his stapler. "Newsflash: kids get bored at school and the current emphasis on reading textbooks and grinding maths worksheets all day is outdated and ineffective. There's a whole world outside for our children to explore but we're too focused on preparing them for the next big test. Methods of teaching through excursions and games must be better integrated into the curriculum, which will certainly keep kids more engaged than staring at pieces of paper. Children are sensitive beings, and it's important we treat them wit- GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE RASCAL!"

[effect] disruptive students being 'sent out of class' has a whole new meaning

[option] "The last thing we need to do is pander to these spoilt brats," groans tiger mum @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@ as she brandishes a cane with suspicious-looking crimson stains. "Back in my day, I'd get a thrashing from the headmaster and my parents just for looking out of the window during class. And guess what? I turned out JUST fine. Set up a few 'study camps' to inculcate good old-fashioned discipline into these troublemakers and everything will be back to normal."

[effect] restless kids are sent to concentration camps

[option] "Why waste resources on all that crap when we should be tackling the root cause of this lack of inattention?" snarls paediatrician Dr. Craig Hose, as he pulls out a capsule labelled 'breath mints' from his breast pocket. "Our nation is suffering from an epidemic of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and we don't even know it. Start a nationwide awareness campaign to get more children diagnosed with ADHD and loosen the lousy restrictions placed on us doctors to prescribe stimulants. There, I've solved the case, my work here is done." He pops a couple of 'breath mints' and winks at you.

[effect] talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addictions

[option] "Just let kids be kids," says your nephew, his eyes still fixated on a tablet screen displaying a brain-numbing smorgasbord of short-form videos on WhoTube. "If we don't want to listen to some boring old fart read out a stupid book out loud, why should we be forced to? Schools should be providing us with these awesome tablets for self-directed learning, so that we aren't wasting time on rubbish like maths and reading which are boring and will never be used in real life."

[validity] has technology

[effect] teenagers often watch explicit content during class as part of 'self-directed' lessons on the human anatomy

[title] Beyond the Focal Point

[description] Whilst reading The Pet @@ANIMAL@@ aloud to a class of children from a nearby primary school, you notice that not a single student has paid you any attention: everyone seems to prefer chit-chatting, roughhousing and even sleeping to concentrating on the reading session.

[validity] has organised education

[option] "When you keep a bunch of energetic nine year-olds cooped up in a cramped classroom for a third of the day, what else can you expect?" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, the teacher of the class, as @@HE@@ tussles with a child attempting to play with his stapler. "Newsflash: kids get bored when they read books all day. The way we teach kids is outdated and ineffective. More engaging methods of teaching through excursions and games must be integrated into the curriculum. Children are sensitive beings, and it's important we treat them wit- GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE RASCAL!"

[effect] disruptive students being 'sent out of class' has a whole new meaning

[option] "The last thing we need to do is pander to these spoilt brats," groans tiger mum @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, as she brandishes a worn-out cane in front of you. "Back in my day, I'd get a thrashing from the headmaster and my parents just for looking out of the window during class. And guess what? I turned out JUST fine. We just need to bring a little bit of good old-fashioned discipline back into our schools, and everything will be back to normal."

[effect] restless kids are sent to concentration camps

[option] "Why waste resources on all that crap when we should be tackling the root cause of this lack of inattention?" snarls paediatrician Dr. Craig Hose, as he pulls out a capsule labelled 'breath mints' from his breast pocket. "Our nation is suffering from an epidemic of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and we don't even know it. Start a nationwide awareness campaign to get more children diagnosed with ADHD and loosen the lousy restrictions placed on us doctors to prescribe the drugs needed to treat this disease. I've solved the case, my work here is done." He pops a couple of breath mints and winks at you.

[effect] talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addictions

[option] "Just let the kids be kids," says your nephew, his eyes still fixated on a tablet screen displaying a brain-numbing smorgasbord of short-form videos on WhoTube. "If we don't want to listen to some boring old fart read out a stupid book out loud, why should we be forced to? We should be allowed to do their own self-directed learning on these awesome tablets instead of rubbish like maths which is boring and will never be used in real life."

[validity] has technology

[effect] teenagers often watch explicit content during class as part of 'self-directed' lessons on the human anatomy

comments appreciated as alwayz

[Verdant Haven]

Option 1: I’d like to hear a bit more expansion of the claim that teaching methods are outdated. Having the leader of the nation come to read a children’s book to the class doesn’t carry with it (in my mind) the implication that all children do all day is sit and read text books. I’d like to know a bit more about these suggested excursions and games as well – those are pretty normal parts of elementary education in my experience, so why we assume they aren’t currently done, or how the proposed versions will be different or more effective.

Option 2: This could use a bit more humor. The option is obviously ripe for irony, with the whole “I turned out just fine” bit. We’ve got a couple issues with “tiger parents” in them, so I think this needs some flair to make it stand out.

Option 3: I think this relies a bit heavily on the breath mints, and I’m honestly not sure how I’m supposed to read them. Are they actually mints? Am I supposed to believe they’re something else? Are they what’s important, or is it the ADHD bit?

Option 4: Reasonable, but check grammar. “We should be allowed to do their own…” for example. Could also use a bit more humor (irony may again be useful here, promoting IT while claiming math is never going to be used is fertile ground for a facepalm).

[West Barack and East Obama]

Option 1: I’d like to hear a bit more expansion of the claim that teaching methods are outdated. Having the leader of the nation come to read a children’s book to the class doesn’t carry with it (in my mind) the implication that all children do all day is sit and read text books. I’d like to know a bit more about these suggested excursions and games as well – those are pretty normal parts of elementary education in my experience, so why we assume they aren’t currently done, or how the proposed versions will be different or more effective.

Option 2: This could use a bit more humor. The option is obviously ripe for irony, with the whole “I turned out just fine” bit. We’ve got a couple issues with “tiger parents” in them, so I think this needs some flair to make it stand out.

Option 3: I think this relies a bit heavily on the breath mints, and I’m honestly not sure how I’m supposed to read them. Are they actually mints? Am I supposed to believe they’re something else? Are they what’s important, or is it the ADHD bit?

Option 4: Reasonable, but check grammar. “We should be allowed to do their own…” for example. Could also use a bit more humor (irony may again be useful here, promoting IT while claiming math is never going to be used is fertile ground for a facepalm).

I've expanded more on option 1, so hopefully it has satisfactory reasoning for why the class doesn't have many excursions/whatever. Regarding 3, no they're not mints and it's just a joke about the doctor (a parody of House MD's Greg House who is a well-known drug addict who abuses patients' prescriptions) and they're meant to be ADHD meds. The issue is meant to be addressing ADHD and not the goofy reference, so my apologies, hopefully it's clearer now. Regarding 2 and 4, I intended for the irony to be subtle in both cases but if you feel that they'd be better to be more pronounced then I can work that in.

[Australian rePublic]

Has this happened before? Have you heard of complaints about this before? Some people think that boys learn better by doing, rather than by sitting in a classroom. Maybe look into that?

[West Barack and East Obama]

Bump

[Verdant Haven]

- Just a suggestion for the validity: perhaps this is for nations that fund education... but not very well. Antiquated pedagogical methodology is definitely something that would make sense hitting school systems that haven’t been adequately supported.

- Option 2: I think any blood stains would qualify as suspicious on this mom’s cane. Perhaps the stains are identified as “crimson” rather than “blood” to be just a hair more subtle? On the opposite side, can she be slightly more specific about what discipline she wants brought back? We do actually track the right of parents to physically punish children, so she could be explicit about that with actual effect if you desire. Alternately, if you want to lean into that “concentration camp” pun in your effect line, which is a good one, she could be explicit about sending misbehaving children to “study camp” or something like that, so the result is a bit more related to the suggestion. Third option: have both, with the first for nations that don’t already have physical discipline, and the second for nations that are looking for a step beyond that. A world of inordinate cruelty and lifelong trauma for your citizens awaits your creative input.

- Final option is good – just might want a tiny tweak to include something more specific about providing the tablets, so it’s clear what the government’s action is (not just *allowing* something that seems to already be happening, but *facilitating* it.)

[West Barack and East Obama]

burp

[Verdant Haven]

Looking pretty good I think. Only remaining tweak I would suggest is dropping the brand name in Option 3, and either using a generic name or avoiding a specific name altogether.

[West Barack and East Obama]

Looking pretty good I think. Only remaining tweak I would suggest is dropping the brand name in Option 3, and either using a generic name or avoiding a specific name altogether.

Thank you, I've made this change and will leave this draft open to comments for a while before submitting it

[TalAkMaChen]

That was quick, issue 1616 made it into the game! Congrats to another successful draft!

[West Barack and East Obama]

That was quick, issue 1616 made it into the game! Congrats to another successful draft!

First issue of the year...by me