TITLE:
The Write Stuff
VALIDITY:
some bureaucracy, low rudeness, computers allowed
DESCRIPTION:
A disabled Civil Service official has complained of job discrimination after @@HE@@ was asked to provide a sample of handwriting as part of the application process for a higher level position.
OPTION 1
"Graphology is debunked pseudo-science, and there can be no foundation for asking for handwriting samples," complains the young @@MAN@@, whose hands were lost in a freak air-guitaring / combine harvester accident at a country fair. "We, in the Service, should be setting an example to industry by rigorously excluding any ableism within our interview processes and day-to-day work. In fact, I'd be delighted if you were to set up an official board to oversee this, and glad to accept promotion to Permanent Undersecretary to act as Chair."
OUTCOME:
Civil Service isn't really a hands-on job
OPTION 2
"Nobody is trying to analyse personality traits out of handwriting here, this is just a practical skills test for the job," argues the Semitemporary Oversecretary of Appointments, who happens to have a controlling stake in the nation's largest fountain pen factory. "While official documents are typed, we need to be able to take notes on the job, and pass quick written memos which require a certain level of legibility. You might argue that these tasks could be assisted with, but the key to efficient government is efficiency in Civil Service systems. We're keeping costs down for the public purse! What nobler endeavour could there be than that?"
OUTCOME:
civil servants who write things on the back of their hands are congratulated for saving on paper
OPTION 3
"While it is perhaps not absolutely rigorously proven in laboratory settings, it seems to me to be self-evident that neat writing indicates an ordered mind," asserts your own Permanent Secretary, who is so organised that @@HE@@ has managed to present you exactly four decisions to make per twenty four hours for as long as you can remember. "Civil Service is an Art, not a science, which is why most of have degrees in the Arts. Instead of pooh-poohing our methods, why not appreciate our results? Indeed, it might be wise if you were to vet potential ministers for your own Cabinet with a handwriting test. Remember: tidy chirgraphy, tidy mind!"
OUTCOME:
a recent petition from former Cabinet Ministers complaining about unfair selection procedures is nearly illegible
OPTION 4
"Typical Civil Service bureaucracy to be spending taxpayer money on debating handwriting on memos," complains your brother, whose handwriting was once described by a schoolteacher as being akin to a drunken spider stumbling through a puddle of soot. "Government makes the decisions, the people at ground level implement it -- why do you need all these middle managers delegating and documenting? Do us all a favour, and cut the civil service budget, force all these pencil pushers to get real jobs."
OUTCOME:
it's pot luck whether government remembers to pay public sector workers on any given month
