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[DRAFT] I Myth You Already

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:13 am
by Kiddian States
A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by everyone from alleged nutjobs to professors trying to pitch you their ideas on what is to be done with the ancient scrolls

Option 1
@@FIRSTNAME@@ “The Kook” @@LASTNAME@@, who is best known for saying that things were better in the really old days, strides into your office. “@@LEADER@@, these tales are not ‘myths’, they are truths! They are the only truths! The finding of these texts was not an accident, but a sign! A sign from the great @@ANIMAL@@ god @@REVERSE(FIRSTNAME)@@-@@REVERSE(FIRSTNAME)@@, whom we must all give in to and worship, lest the Day of Reckoning will fall upon us and @@REVERSE(LASTNAME)@@-@@REVERSE(LASTNAME)@@ will claim our souls!” He grovels at your feet and stealthily steals your sandwich. “Please, @@LEADER@@, for the sake of @@NAME@@, we must turn the library into a sacred site for all to read these truths!”

Books found on the side of the road are treated as religious texts

Option 2
The leader of @@RELIGION@@ storms into the room, shaking his fist. “Heresy, @@LEADER@@! Heresy! Why would you associate yourself with the likes of @@HIM1@@! He’s trying to tempt us all with this new mythology, or more likely, the work of the Dark One. Well, I say, in the name of @@RELIGION@@, we must burn these myths to show that there is one true religion! Besides, who goes around claiming that arbitrary happenings are signs from a higher power?”

The fiction sections of libraries are being set ablaze due to them not conforming with @@RELIGION@@‘s principles

Option 3
@@RANDOMNAME@@, the Archaeology professor at @@CAPITAL@@ University, saunters into the room. “No, no! You’re thinking of this all wrong! This is not about religion, it’s an opportunity to study how ours ancestors’ ancestors thought and worshipped. I also suggest that we establish a museum displaying the great tales ancient @@NAME@@ has to offer! Plus, we’d all get some nice tourism money..”

Dig sites are swarmed by government agents trying to maintain the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@‘s control over the archaeological market

Option 4
Your Minister of Propaganda speaks up from the shadows behind your desk, startling you. “@@LEADER@@, the people of our fine nation have too little respect for you. Luckily, I have a solution. First, we interpret those texts to say that you are the hero @@FIRSTNAME@@an reincarnated. Then we put on a big show to show you are some great mystical hero. Once we have all of @@NAME@@ following you obediently, all the power will belong to me- I mean, us- I mean, you. Then, we can dedicate the library to the great hero of the prophecy, or whatever.”

The government is trying to incite what is known as the “Muad’Dib Effect”

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:20 am
by Ambrossa
Great draflt!
I would say you would have to add Not valid for natons that bareligion on

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:19 am
by Kiddian States
Ambrossa wrote:Great draflt!
I would say you would have to add Not valid for natons that bareligion on

Thank you!
And do you mean the whole issue or the second option?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:22 am
by Ambrossa
Sorry for the misspellings lol

The whole issue.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:30 am
by Kiddian States
Ambrossa wrote:Sorry for the misspellings lol

The whole issue.

I’m not sure that’s necessary

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:24 pm
by Verdant Haven
What exactly is the issue being presented? Uncovering an ancient library full of previously unknown material is awesome – I'm all about that! "Many people have opinions on this matter" doesn't actually say anything about what "this matter" is though, and doesn't make for an engaging hook. See if you can identify a *specific* question, issue, or challenge that has arisen as a result of this find, which demands the attention of the nation's leader, and then present that issue in the initial text.

Once you've got your specific issue described, make sure each of the options is an answer to it in some way. Depending on what the question is, some of the options as currently written may be answering something else entirely, and should be focused.

The issue is significantly reliant on religion being present in the nation already. I would suggest that the issue should check for that as a validity. Violetism is also something that can be uniquely prohibited in nations without affecting other religions – it could be worth altering that reference to one of the other non-traditional religions to avoid that conflict – Cyan, Yellow, etc.

In the second option, @@DEITY@@ isn't a Macro that exists, nor a thing that players can set.

I'll be interested to see what you develop for a second draft. I think it's an interesting topic and worth pursuing.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:46 pm
by Kiddian States
Verdant Haven wrote:What exactly is the issue being presented? Uncovering an ancient library full of previously unknown material is awesome – I'm all about that! "Many people have opinions on this matter" doesn't actually say anything about what "this matter" is though, and doesn't make for an engaging hook. See if you can identify a *specific* question, issue, or challenge that has arisen as a result of this find, which demands the attention of the nation's leader, and then present that issue in the initial text.

Once you've got your specific issue described, make sure each of the options is an answer to it in some way. Depending on what the question is, some of the options as currently written may be answering something else entirely, and should be focused.

The issue is significantly reliant on religion being present in the nation already. I would suggest that the issue should check for that as a validity. Violetism is also something that can be uniquely prohibited in nations without affecting other religions – it could be worth altering that reference to one of the other non-traditional religions to avoid that conflict – Cyan, Yellow, etc.

In the second option, @@DEITY@@ isn't a Macro that exists, nor a thing that players can set.

I'll be interested to see what you develop for a second draft. I think it's an interesting topic and worth pursuing.

…a bit late…

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:56 pm
by Kiddian States
Also, thanks for clearing up the deity stuff
I wasn’t sure if that was a thing or not, since i don’t have a religion
It should totally be a thing, though

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:08 pm
by Verdant Haven
Apologies - I checked the posting date, but missed the subject line. As a general FYI, we usually recommend waiting at least a couple weeks between initial draft and submission, to allow time for feedback from folks with all sorts of schedules.

I've deleted the issue from the pool so you can do some more drafting here. It's a good topic, and I think with some more work out here it has potential to be a solid submission!

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:17 pm
by Outer Sparta
I was wondering why this was submitted already considering you haven't had significant feedback offered to you. This forum is quite slow for feedback, even slower than the GA, so it's best you take your time for drafts.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2022 3:35 pm
by Kiddian States
Can you guys read my other issue idea while you’re here?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:35 pm
by Kiddian States
This is my second draft

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:47 pm
by USS Monitor
I agree with Verdant that the premise has potential. I think you've got a solid range of options, but the way the issue is introduced is still a little clunky. Can we find a more interesting way for this to reach @@LEADER@@ besides "Many people have opinions"?

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:28 pm
by Wind and Void Rapture 1
The premise has potential, you've got a solid range of options, but I've got a qualm with your option 4. Not every @@LEADER@@ is male!

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:15 pm
by Kiddian States
Wind and Void Rapture 1 wrote:The premise has potential, you've got a solid range of options, but I've got a qualm with your option 4. Not every @@LEADER@@ is male!

Didn’t think of that…
Do you have a more gender-neutral hero name?

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 6:12 pm
by Kiddian States
Edited

PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2022 12:39 pm
by Candensia
Let's take a look at the intro.

A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.


This is fluff. If the situation is more complex than it appears, then explain how it's more complex. You've lured in the reader with indications of a juicy situation, but then only say that people are arguing, which seems like a wasted opportunity for more context.

Why, for example, are the religious speakers in the options supportive of / opposed to the preservation of the artifacts? Why is there a controversy?

PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2022 1:07 pm
by Kiddian States
Candensia wrote:Let's take a look at the intro.

A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.


This is fluff. If the situation is more complex than it appears, then explain how it's more complex. You've lured in the reader with indications of a juicy situation, but then only say that people are arguing, which seems like a wasted opportunity for more context.

Why, for example, are the religious speakers in the options supportive of / opposed to the preservation of the artifacts? Why is there a controversy?

Well, I said it seems simple because it’s just an archaeological find. However, the situation is more complex because many (often important) people have very strong opinions on the library and what it holds

Can you explain your second point a little better, please?

The first religious speaker is for the preservation because I need someone who is obsessed with them and thinks it’s a sign of a higher power in order to have an interesting option (although, maybe I should change his character, because it’s kinda confuses things). The second figure wants the artifacts to be destroyed because he feels it threatens the religion (I could go in depth on why this important and precedented).

PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2022 9:06 am
by Kiddian States
Edited

PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 11:38 am
by Kiddian States
Bump

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2022 12:09 pm
by Verdant Haven
(Quick tip: Try to keep your old drafts around in spoilers, so we can see what changes from one draft to another! It helps understand the evolution of the proposal.)

- I think what Candensia is getting at regarding the "fluff" portion of the text is that it tells you something is happening without actually telling you *what* is happening. "Your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions…" is subjective and non-specific. "Your lunch break has been disrupted by a shouting match between traditionalists and those who see the findings as signs of a new prophecy…" (or whatever you prefer) leaves the judgement about how to feel up to the player, while stating what is objectively occurring. Try to set the stage for the arguments that follow.

- As a wording suggestion, the word "myth" is used in the description and in option 2 as if it means a physical object. While it could admittedly be used as a metonym, it may be a bit confusing given its normal meaning, used in option 1. At least in the description I would suggest saying what the actual objects are – presumably something flammable (books, scrolls, painted animals hides, etc) given the later demand to burn them.

- Option 2 is a bit lacking in content at the moment. The question "why would you associate with @@HIM1@@" doesn't provide any reason not to associate with @@HIM1@@, and "He's trying to tempt us…" doesn't say why that's a bad thing. Focus more on the "one true religion" side of this position, and provide reasons for staying true, rather than just saying the other side is bad (ie, make a positive argument for choosing an option, rather than just negative arguments about other options).

- You have some loose hard-coded gender pronouns (He, Him, etc). Make sure to use the macros where needed.

- Effect lines shouldn't be capitalized. They also usually work best when they're short, snappy, and utilize humor or wordplay

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2022 3:47 pm
by Kiddian States
Edited

Also, what’s the macro for a reverse name?
It’d be helpful for the god/monster name

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2022 7:54 pm
by Verdant Haven
Kiddian States wrote:Also, what’s the macro for a reverse name?
It’d be helpful for the god/monster name


There are some minor variations depending on exactly what you're going for, but you can use something like @@reverse(random_firstname())@@ for this.

PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2022 11:48 am
by Kiddian States
Edited again

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2022 4:01 pm
by Kiddian States
Bump