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[DRAFT] I Myth You Already

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Kiddian States
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Democratic Socialists

[DRAFT] I Myth You Already

Postby Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:13 am

A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by everyone from alleged nutjobs to professors trying to pitch you their ideas on what is to be done with the ancient scrolls

Option 1
@@FIRSTNAME@@ “The Kook” @@LASTNAME@@, who is best known for saying that things were better in the really old days, strides into your office. “@@LEADER@@, these tales are not ‘myths’, they are truths! They are the only truths! The finding of these texts was not an accident, but a sign! A sign from the great @@ANIMAL@@ god @@REVERSE(FIRSTNAME)@@-@@REVERSE(FIRSTNAME)@@, whom we must all give in to and worship, lest the Day of Reckoning will fall upon us and @@REVERSE(LASTNAME)@@-@@REVERSE(LASTNAME)@@ will claim our souls!” He grovels at your feet and stealthily steals your sandwich. “Please, @@LEADER@@, for the sake of @@NAME@@, we must turn the library into a sacred site for all to read these truths!”

Books found on the side of the road are treated as religious texts

Option 2
The leader of @@RELIGION@@ storms into the room, shaking his fist. “Heresy, @@LEADER@@! Heresy! Why would you associate yourself with the likes of @@HIM1@@! He’s trying to tempt us all with this new mythology, or more likely, the work of the Dark One. Well, I say, in the name of @@RELIGION@@, we must burn these myths to show that there is one true religion! Besides, who goes around claiming that arbitrary happenings are signs from a higher power?”

The fiction sections of libraries are being set ablaze due to them not conforming with @@RELIGION@@‘s principles

Option 3
@@RANDOMNAME@@, the Archaeology professor at @@CAPITAL@@ University, saunters into the room. “No, no! You’re thinking of this all wrong! This is not about religion, it’s an opportunity to study how ours ancestors’ ancestors thought and worshipped. I also suggest that we establish a museum displaying the great tales ancient @@NAME@@ has to offer! Plus, we’d all get some nice tourism money..”

Dig sites are swarmed by government agents trying to maintain the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@‘s control over the archaeological market

Option 4
Your Minister of Propaganda speaks up from the shadows behind your desk, startling you. “@@LEADER@@, the people of our fine nation have too little respect for you. Luckily, I have a solution. First, we interpret those texts to say that you are the hero @@FIRSTNAME@@an reincarnated. Then we put on a big show to show you are some great mystical hero. Once we have all of @@NAME@@ following you obediently, all the power will belong to me- I mean, us- I mean, you. Then, we can dedicate the library to the great hero of the prophecy, or whatever.”

The government is trying to incite what is known as the “Muad’Dib Effect”
Last edited by Kiddian States on Tue May 24, 2022 11:48 am, edited 9 times in total.
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Ambrossa
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Father Knows Best State

Postby Ambrossa » Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:20 am

Great draflt!
I would say you would have to add Not valid for natons that bareligion on
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Kiddian States
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:19 am

Ambrossa wrote:Great draflt!
I would say you would have to add Not valid for natons that bareligion on

Thank you!
And do you mean the whole issue or the second option?
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Ambrossa
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Postby Ambrossa » Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:22 am

Sorry for the misspellings lol

The whole issue.
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Kiddian States
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:30 am

Ambrossa wrote:Sorry for the misspellings lol

The whole issue.

I’m not sure that’s necessary
Last edited by Kiddian States on Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Verdant Haven
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:24 pm

What exactly is the issue being presented? Uncovering an ancient library full of previously unknown material is awesome – I'm all about that! "Many people have opinions on this matter" doesn't actually say anything about what "this matter" is though, and doesn't make for an engaging hook. See if you can identify a *specific* question, issue, or challenge that has arisen as a result of this find, which demands the attention of the nation's leader, and then present that issue in the initial text.

Once you've got your specific issue described, make sure each of the options is an answer to it in some way. Depending on what the question is, some of the options as currently written may be answering something else entirely, and should be focused.

The issue is significantly reliant on religion being present in the nation already. I would suggest that the issue should check for that as a validity. Violetism is also something that can be uniquely prohibited in nations without affecting other religions – it could be worth altering that reference to one of the other non-traditional religions to avoid that conflict – Cyan, Yellow, etc.

In the second option, @@DEITY@@ isn't a Macro that exists, nor a thing that players can set.

I'll be interested to see what you develop for a second draft. I think it's an interesting topic and worth pursuing.
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Kiddian States
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:46 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:What exactly is the issue being presented? Uncovering an ancient library full of previously unknown material is awesome – I'm all about that! "Many people have opinions on this matter" doesn't actually say anything about what "this matter" is though, and doesn't make for an engaging hook. See if you can identify a *specific* question, issue, or challenge that has arisen as a result of this find, which demands the attention of the nation's leader, and then present that issue in the initial text.

Once you've got your specific issue described, make sure each of the options is an answer to it in some way. Depending on what the question is, some of the options as currently written may be answering something else entirely, and should be focused.

The issue is significantly reliant on religion being present in the nation already. I would suggest that the issue should check for that as a validity. Violetism is also something that can be uniquely prohibited in nations without affecting other religions – it could be worth altering that reference to one of the other non-traditional religions to avoid that conflict – Cyan, Yellow, etc.

In the second option, @@DEITY@@ isn't a Macro that exists, nor a thing that players can set.

I'll be interested to see what you develop for a second draft. I think it's an interesting topic and worth pursuing.

…a bit late…
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:56 pm

Also, thanks for clearing up the deity stuff
I wasn’t sure if that was a thing or not, since i don’t have a religion
It should totally be a thing, though
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:08 pm

Apologies - I checked the posting date, but missed the subject line. As a general FYI, we usually recommend waiting at least a couple weeks between initial draft and submission, to allow time for feedback from folks with all sorts of schedules.

I've deleted the issue from the pool so you can do some more drafting here. It's a good topic, and I think with some more work out here it has potential to be a solid submission!
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Outer Sparta
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Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Democratic Socialists

Postby Outer Sparta » Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:17 pm

I was wondering why this was submitted already considering you haven't had significant feedback offered to you. This forum is quite slow for feedback, even slower than the GA, so it's best you take your time for drafts.
I don't stand with Ukraine. I don't stand with Russia. I don't stand with the US, NATO, or EU. I stand with the innocent civilians being caught in the crossfire while the politicians, the media, and weapons manufacturers continue to stoke division and conflict in their geopolitical chess games and treat the people of Ukraine as mere pawns. Zelensky is a corrupt, opportunist oligarchic politician who is not fit to lead Ukraine through anything and wants to inflate his own ego and offshore accounts.

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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 3:35 pm

Can you guys read my other issue idea while you’re here?
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:35 pm

This is my second draft
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USS Monitor
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Postby USS Monitor » Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:47 pm

I agree with Verdant that the premise has potential. I think you've got a solid range of options, but the way the issue is introduced is still a little clunky. Can we find a more interesting way for this to reach @@LEADER@@ besides "Many people have opinions"?
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Wind and Void Rapture 1
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Wind and Void Rapture 1 » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:28 pm

The premise has potential, you've got a solid range of options, but I've got a qualm with your option 4. Not every @@LEADER@@ is male!
Rain Falling in a Digital Void (or as I call it, "Rafaiad") is 100% puppet nations. I am predominantly a stats player. Steelfeather Rapture 1 is my primary nation. Steelfeather Rapture 2 is my anti-black-market nation. Wind and Void Rapture 1 is intended to become my secularist nation. Secularist nations are oddly hard to construct in this game, but I have faith I'll get there in due time.

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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:15 pm

Wind and Void Rapture 1 wrote:The premise has potential, you've got a solid range of options, but I've got a qualm with your option 4. Not every @@LEADER@@ is male!

Didn’t think of that…
Do you have a more gender-neutral hero name?
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Mon Apr 25, 2022 6:12 pm

Edited
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Candensia
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Postby Candensia » Sat May 14, 2022 12:39 pm

Let's take a look at the intro.

A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.


This is fluff. If the situation is more complex than it appears, then explain how it's more complex. You've lured in the reader with indications of a juicy situation, but then only say that people are arguing, which seems like a wasted opportunity for more context.

Why, for example, are the religious speakers in the options supportive of / opposed to the preservation of the artifacts? Why is there a controversy?
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Sat May 14, 2022 1:07 pm

Candensia wrote:Let's take a look at the intro.

A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.


This is fluff. If the situation is more complex than it appears, then explain how it's more complex. You've lured in the reader with indications of a juicy situation, but then only say that people are arguing, which seems like a wasted opportunity for more context.

Why, for example, are the religious speakers in the options supportive of / opposed to the preservation of the artifacts? Why is there a controversy?

Well, I said it seems simple because it’s just an archaeological find. However, the situation is more complex because many (often important) people have very strong opinions on the library and what it holds

Can you explain your second point a little better, please?

The first religious speaker is for the preservation because I need someone who is obsessed with them and thinks it’s a sign of a higher power in order to have an interesting option (although, maybe I should change his character, because it’s kinda confuses things). The second figure wants the artifacts to be destroyed because he feels it threatens the religion (I could go in depth on why this important and precedented).
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Sun May 15, 2022 9:06 am

Edited
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Sun May 22, 2022 11:38 am

Bump
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon May 23, 2022 12:09 pm

(Quick tip: Try to keep your old drafts around in spoilers, so we can see what changes from one draft to another! It helps understand the evolution of the proposal.)

- I think what Candensia is getting at regarding the "fluff" portion of the text is that it tells you something is happening without actually telling you *what* is happening. "Your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions…" is subjective and non-specific. "Your lunch break has been disrupted by a shouting match between traditionalists and those who see the findings as signs of a new prophecy…" (or whatever you prefer) leaves the judgement about how to feel up to the player, while stating what is objectively occurring. Try to set the stage for the arguments that follow.

- As a wording suggestion, the word "myth" is used in the description and in option 2 as if it means a physical object. While it could admittedly be used as a metonym, it may be a bit confusing given its normal meaning, used in option 1. At least in the description I would suggest saying what the actual objects are – presumably something flammable (books, scrolls, painted animals hides, etc) given the later demand to burn them.

- Option 2 is a bit lacking in content at the moment. The question "why would you associate with @@HIM1@@" doesn't provide any reason not to associate with @@HIM1@@, and "He's trying to tempt us…" doesn't say why that's a bad thing. Focus more on the "one true religion" side of this position, and provide reasons for staying true, rather than just saying the other side is bad (ie, make a positive argument for choosing an option, rather than just negative arguments about other options).

- You have some loose hard-coded gender pronouns (He, Him, etc). Make sure to use the macros where needed.

- Effect lines shouldn't be capitalized. They also usually work best when they're short, snappy, and utilize humor or wordplay
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Mon May 23, 2022 3:47 pm

Edited

Also, what’s the macro for a reverse name?
It’d be helpful for the god/monster name
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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon May 23, 2022 7:54 pm

Kiddian States wrote:Also, what’s the macro for a reverse name?
It’d be helpful for the god/monster name


There are some minor variations depending on exactly what you're going for, but you can use something like @@reverse(random_firstname())@@ for this.
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Tue May 24, 2022 11:48 am

Edited again
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Kiddian States
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Postby Kiddian States » Fri Jun 17, 2022 4:01 pm

Bump
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