[SUBMITTING MARCH] Benches that Bite

[Kors]

Eligibility: All nations

Another long day at the office passes, and you decide to take a rest on a public bench. You sit down before realizing you have planted your bottom straight on a concrete sphere protruding out of the surface. After questioning the owners, you discover that they are in place to prevent the homeless and the youth from using it. You decide to call your ministers to a meeting to discuss the problem of hostile architecture.

1. "We should subsidize it," says your minister of economics. "Providing this type of infrastructure to deter the homeless will allow law-abiding citizens from resting on the benches, and make are cities look cleaner from those useless hooligans. If they wanted to sleep well they should have worked for it, those lazy druggies." @@HE@@ dumps @@HIS_1@@ leftover coffee on a bench below the government premises.

The nation's homeless decide to sleep on the sidewalk instead of @@NAME@@'s public benches.

2. Your slightly eccentric minster of technology walks in. "Zat doesn't go var enough! Ve must rid the streets of zis menace once and for all! I have developed a machine to make everywhere completely inaccessible to the homeless! Attach it to any bench and it will spray zem with hot water, shine zem with light and even shoot out lasers unless they put a coin in it, so it will even help the government budget! All I need is for you to subsidize my HomelessBGon for every bench in @@NAME@@!! SCIENCE!!"

Automatic heat-sensing robots target youth delinquents with high-powered lasers.

3. "ARE YOU CRAZY?" yells your census worker, rubbing @@HIS@@ paunchy cheeks while patting down the chair suspiciously. "I've walked all day around town trying to explain to all these village idiots what 'tax evasion' is, and the first chance I get to rest at all my flesh gets punctured by one of those balls they weld onto store curbs to keep out the homeless or some reason. I'm saying that we should outlaw this corporate practice and put mattresses on every conceivable outdoor seat, ledge and bench in @@NAME@@! Besides, if normal people are sitting on them, the homeless won't!"

It's really hard to drive on @@NAME@@'s main highways.

[Outer Sparta]

Why is this framed more of a "cyclist dying from anti-homeless initiative" rather than just a general problem of the homeless unable to sleep on benches due to the spikes?

[Trotterdam]

For that matter, why are you assuming the spikes are already there, rather than starting with "homeless people are sleeping on public benches" and then discussing what to do about that? I've never seen that kind of thing on benches around here.

[Chan Island]

Pretty long-winded explanation, which raises more questions than I think this needs. Personally, I’d have it be more that some building proposes introducing the hostile architecture to a large retaliation by homelessness activists or young people. Then go from there.

[Kors]

Updated

[Outer Sparta]

Much better in terms of your intro and the options do a good job of relating to the issue. I'll do a deeper look in a future post, but do you have a fifth option since you marked 5. but it's empty in terms of content.

[Kors]

I'm going to clear up some junk and wait for more opinions to roll in.

[Electrum]

Good premise but keep in mind we have other issues on homelessness. Focus this issue on hostile architecture, not on homelessness. You can realistically slim this issue down to 2-3 options.

Option 1 -- does nothing. All issue options should do something.

Option 2 -- OK, we already have other issues with the stereotypically 'act mean' towards the homeless option. Note that none of your options has anyone supporting hostile architecture. They're all about helping the homeless or act even meaner. Could you make an argument for hostile architecture without going over the top?

Option 3/4 -- Again, you can just write a simple remove hostile architecture option. It's bad for the homeless but also for the disabled as well.

I also encourage you to look at previous published issues to see how we structure these things. You've got all your Ministers walking in and saying things but they don't have any personality or voice. Try and differentiate between them.

[Kors]

Re-updated, bumping for more feedback

[Candensia]

Good idea here. Some comments for you.

before realizing you have planted your ass straight on a concrete sphere

In my opinion, vulgarity in issues work best when it is (carefully and tastefully) incorporated into a broader joke. I don't think "ass" is working towards enough of a punchline here, so its probably best to use a less vulgar synonym.

"We should subsidize it," says your minister of economics. "Those beggars are detrimental to the average citizen's mood and prevent law-abiding citizens from resting on the benches! If they wanted to sleep well they should have worked for it, those lazy druggies." @@HE@@ dumps @@HIS_1@@ leftover coffee on a bench below the government premises.

Subsidize what? I know you're advocating for anti-homeless architectural designs here, but it isn't entirely clear.

...government budget! all I need...

Capitalize A in All.

...to subsidize my HomelessBGon for every bench in @@NAME@@!! SCIENCE!!"

One exclamation point will suffice. I'd snip off "SCIENCE" as it doesn't really add much.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!"

I think you can replace the interrobang (?!?!) with just a question mark.