TITLE:
Poach Shots
VALIDITY:
At least some private gun ownership allowed
DESCRIPTION:
The critically endangered Purple @@DEMONYM@@ Rhino is on the brink of extinction thanks to the actions of ivory poachers, and now national park guards resorting to lethal force to deter these criminals.
OPTION 1
"The poachers are shooting to kill at our violet-hued charges, so it only makes sense for us to reply in kind," argues rifle-toting gamekeeper Ged Doff-Myland. "These poachers are selfish at heart, putting their illegal profits over environmental preservation. Self-preservation, on the other hand, is a great motivator in getting them to stay away. And hey, you know what would be an even better deterrent? Machine guns! Can we have some, please?"
OUTCOME:
the national parks are no man's land
OPTION 2
"Look, conservation is important, but what we're talking about here is conferring the right to act as judge, jury and executioner on a group of trigger-happy park rangers who aren't part of the military or the police," complains human rights activist Howie S. Capes, who is recovering from a mysteriously acquired bullet wound to his left leg. "Stats show that last year the gamekeepers killed three times as many people as the poachers killed humans, which seems to me to be a disproportionate response. They shouldn't be allowed guns, but should instead just be given cameras and notepads to capture evidence and scribble down pertinent details. I can't see any reason why we can't balance animal rights with due process."
OUTCOME:
the pen may be mightier than the sword but it's no match for a Remington Sendero SF II
OPTION 3
"Way I see it, the problem is that the rhinos can't defend themselves," muses your brother, insightful as always as he cleans his interdental gaps with an ivory toothpick. "If you got the geneticist boffins into breeding bulletproof rhinos, with amped-up aggression and double the speed then maybe, just maybe, they'd have a fighting chance."
OUTCOME:
scientists are always working on increased charging speeds
