[DRAFT] Good Will Draining

[Berhakonia]

Validity
Valid for all nations without the policy "No Emigration" enacted

Description
"Ear-Draining", a horrifying punishment practiced by several nations against the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diaspora in the past, wherein the earlobe is cut entirely off the ear and left to drain into a bucket, has recently been called into question with the discovery of nearly 250 preserved earlobes in an abandoned furniture factory in Brancaland. Upon further inspection, it is not yet confirmed whether these ears are real or cheap plastic imitations, however, this hasn't stopped the entire international community from gathering in your tiny office.

Option
"Let us not be hasty about these accusations, my good friend", says the delegate from Dàguó, with an air of dignity and arrogance, "there is no solid evidence that ear-draining ever happened at all in the same capacity in which it has been traditionally touted, and it would be wise to confirm the authenticity of these ears before getting out the pitchforks. You must recognize the danger of these conspiracy theories, and focus on the future. There is a deep strain between our two nations, and letting go of this past misdeed may be the first step toward that direction... If you care about your Social Strata Score, that is."

Effect
Foreigners address @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ as "uncle" and "tom".

Option
"WE'RE SOOOO SORRYYYYY", bellows the Skandilundian ambassador to @@NAME@@ on behalf of Brancaland (who didn't even bother to show), "PLEASE FORGIVE US FOR OUR HEINOUS CRIMES, MR. @@LEADER@@, WE PROMISE IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!!" The Skandilundian pauses to blow his nose into a tissue, "if you would be so k-kind to forgive us devils of our cruel t-treatment toward our precious minorities, we w-would do anything in r-return", the ambassador buries his face in your shirt and continues to sob until he is dragged out by guards.

Effect
Foreigners need a special pass to say the @@DEMONYM@@ word.

Option
"They turned muh grandfathah's ear... INTO A LAMP!" Cries Samuel Hiden, an elderly war veteran and alleged victim of the Maxtopian genocide, "no, no- NO! This horrible attrocity cannot be overlooked. It is not enough to say some feel-good horse dung about reconciliation and sing kumbayah around a campfiyah. These treacherous leeches must be vilified in the eyes of history, and our plight must be vindicated! We must demand reparations from these goons, dear leadah, and recognition by the international community!"

Effect
@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bullies regularily beat up little kids for reparation money.

Option
"Actually, that does not go far enough", interjects controversial radio host, Derek Nasneed. "You see", Nasneed goes on, "ear-draining was about more than just cutting up ears and bleeding us half to death, no, no, no. Ear-draining involved a degree of sexual abuse, rape and homoeroticism spurned about by insecure foreigners with an obvious inferiority complex. It is important that these facts see the light of day, and that we present the narrative as factually and realistically as we can. Also, I will need $250,000,000 to produce a highly-sexualized and degrading documentary about the practice, if you would be so kind."

Effect
@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cinema is the laughingstock of the entire world.

Option
"We must make these pig-spawned demons regret the day they ever crawlled out of their father's man-womb", spits infamous international terrorist and cartoonishly-evil war criminal, Viktor Saladin, with vitriol and disgust, as he smashes through your window on horseback, "these breadworms with less dignity than my dementia-ridden grandmother can't be asked to honour any meaningless, on-paper agreement we sign with them, they are too busy crying like babies with a crayon shoved in their nose. To get the attention of these goat-breath zoo animals with brains the size of walnuts, we must constantly antagonize them and never let them sleep with both eyes closed. Sanctions won't do it, we need to think bigger. If these degenerate sons of prostitutes think cutting off ears is acceptable, then it is equally acceptable for us to fill their streets with drugs and crime, and blow up their nuclear reactors... Or we could just sing degrading songs about their leaders until they get tired of it and tell us to stop, either option works." Saladin readjusts a flower pot that he knocked over and leaves through another window to commit even more supervillain antics.

Effect
@@NAME@@ is known for their crude and vulgar turbofolk songs.

[Berhakonia]

/bump

[Berhakonia]

/bump2

[SherpDaWerp]

Your issue feels a bit unfocused, which makes it hard to critique. Having a clear core premise will make the issue significantly more readable and would make constructive criticism of the issue much easier. To get an idea of the "core premise", if you were to condense this issue into one sentence, what would that sentence be?

For example, I'd summarise #1448 as "If an elected MP dies, how do you replace them?"

[Berhakonia]

Your issue feels a bit unfocused, which makes it hard to critique. Having a clear core premise will make the issue significantly more readable and would make constructive criticism of the issue much easier. To get an idea of the "core premise", if you were to condense this issue into one sentence, what would that sentence be?

For example, I'd summarise #1448 as "If an elected MP dies, how do you replace them?"

The core premise is, "how do we deal with the legacy of an outdated, politically incorrect practice and the stigma it still holds?"

[SherpDaWerp]

The core premise is, "how do we deal with the legacy of an outdated, politically incorrect practice and the stigma it still holds?"

Ok, right.

Firstly, that's not really clear from the text. You've got a great grasp on the English language, but clarity and brevity are both still very important aspects for an issue to have.

The description spends a lot of words explaining what "ear-draining" is, and giving not-incredibly-relevant details (Why do they doubt if they're real or fake? The rest of the issue acts as if they're real without issue...). You could pretty much cut that entire last sentence without much issue.

Option 1 brings in an irrelevant stakeholder (What does Daguo have to do with the ear-draining in Brancaland?) first up, which complicates the issue. The speaker in option 1 then proceeds to speak about international relations and threatens you with Social Strata Score, which is a neat reference but shouldn't hold any weight to someone living outside Daguo.

Option 2 brings in a mostly-irrelevant stakeholder (Still no Brancaland?) and then introduces them as speaking for Brancaland, which -- as far as option jokes go -- isn't incredibly funny, and it definitely doesn't help with the comprehensibility problems.

Option 3 is the first option that really truly addresses "... outdated, politically incorrect practice ...", and even then there's still a fair bit of irrelevant detail (Why are you bringing up the Maxtopian genocide?).

Option 4 seems like a cliche injection for no real reason; it would work as the crazy option in an otherwise focused issue, but this is not that. Also, if you were a controversial radio host pitching for funding, would you say it's "highly sexualised and degrading"? No, you'd say it's "revolutionary journalism". The "highly-sexualised and degrading" bit -- as with most options that have "downsides" -- works a lot better if it's implied, rather than stated.

Finally, option 5. Again, it could work as the crazy option in an otherwise focused issue. You spend so many words powering through insults only to downgrade to "songs" at the last second, which seems anticlimactic. The longer he spends listing off insults, the more committed to the position you think he is, until suddenly... he's not.

I think the "core" here is interesting, and there certainly aren't many (if any) issues where @@demonym@@ are the minority facing discrimination. But the issue is very verbose and a bit all-over-the-place. I'd recommend dialing it back to the core and building up slowly from there. Think about which option fills which niche in the issue and build around that niche, to ensure the options are still related to the core. I'd suggest something like:

[desc] Someone found evidence of some atrocities committed against @@demonymnounplural@@.
[option] This is fine, we don't want to cause an international scene
[option] This isn't fine, we want reparations
[option] This REALLY isn't fine, let's invade
[option] Crazy option

[Berhakonia]

The core premise is, "how do we deal with the legacy of an outdated, politically incorrect practice and the stigma it still holds?"

Ok, right.

Firstly, that's not really clear from the text. You've got a great grasp on the English language, but clarity and brevity are both still very important aspects for an issue to have.

The description spends a lot of words explaining what "ear-draining" is, and giving not-incredibly-relevant details (Why do they doubt if they're real or fake? The rest of the issue acts as if they're real without issue...). You could pretty much cut that entire last sentence without much issue.

Option 1 brings in an irrelevant stakeholder (What does Daguo have to do with the ear-draining in Brancaland?) first up, which complicates the issue. The speaker in option 1 then proceeds to speak about international relations and threatens you with Social Strata Score, which is a neat reference but shouldn't hold any weight to someone living outside Daguo.

Option 2 brings in a mostly-irrelevant stakeholder (Still no Brancaland?) and then introduces them as speaking for Brancaland, which -- as far as option jokes go -- isn't incredibly funny, and it definitely doesn't help with the comprehensibility problems.

Option 3 is the first option that really truly addresses "... outdated, politically incorrect practice ...", and even then there's still a fair bit of irrelevant detail (Why are you bringing up the Maxtopian genocide?).

Option 4 seems like a cliche injection for no real reason; it would work as the crazy option in an otherwise focused issue, but this is not that. Also, if you were a controversial radio host pitching for funding, would you say it's "highly sexualised and degrading"? No, you'd say it's "revolutionary journalism". The "highly-sexualised and degrading" bit -- as with most options that have "downsides" -- works a lot better if it's implied, rather than stated.

Finally, option 5. Again, it could work as the crazy option in an otherwise focused issue. You spend so many words powering through insults only to downgrade to "songs" at the last second, which seems anticlimactic. The longer he spends listing off insults, the more committed to the position you think he is, until suddenly... he's not.

I think the "core" here is interesting, and there certainly aren't many (if any) issues where @@demonym@@ are the minority facing discrimination. But the issue is very verbose and a bit all-over-the-place. I'd recommend dialing it back to the core and building up slowly from there. Think about which option fills which niche in the issue and build around that niche, to ensure the options are still related to the core. I'd suggest something like:

[desc] Someone found evidence of some atrocities committed against @@demonymnounplural@@.
[option] This is fine, we don't want to cause an international scene
[option] This isn't fine, we want reparations
[option] This REALLY isn't fine, let's invade
[option] Crazy option

Daguo and Skandilund are hardly irrelevant factors to the central conflict. Maybe I should've made it more clear, but the practice of ear-draining was widespread and fairly global. Countries, including Daguo and Skandilund, were complicit in the practice and could just as easily get dragged under the bus if Brancaland is held responsible. But, my fault if I didn't make that clear ghe first time around. Brancaland not showing up was a creative decision and a parody of how countries like Japan still refuse to acknowledge their past war crimes, whereas countries like Germany (represented by the ultra-progressive Scandinavian analogue of Skandilund) are more than gung-ho to plaster their guilt everywhere to the point where it becomes disrepectful to the actual victims.

Option 4 is a reference to the ridiculous conspiracy theories of Tariq Nasheed, who essentially inspired a good chunk of this issue. I left it in because it pays homage to one of the inspirations for this proposal, and I also just like taking digs at Tariq whenever I can. Option 5 is a reference to Jaszcuzur and an example of high-buildup/low-payoff. If the editors want to remove it, then I'll remove it, but personally I don't see anything jeopardizing about including it.

The Maxtopian Genocide bit is just a tongue-in-cheek parody of fake victimhood. Losing your family or entire community to a genocidal regime is bad enough, imagine how much more disrespectful it is when an utterly-detached outsider decides to insert himself into the narrative for sympathy and favours (not making any genocide-denial claims here, just satirizing the lengths that people will go for clout, including profitting off the collective trauma of something you were never part of).

[USS Monitor]

I feel like there is a lot going on in this thread -- both in the draft itself and this

Daguo and Skandilund are hardly irrelevant factors to the central conflict. Maybe I should've made it more clear, but the practice of ear-draining was widespread and fairly global. Countries, including Daguo and Skandilund, were complicit in the practice and could just as easily get dragged under the bus if Brancaland is held responsible. But, my fault if I didn't make that clear ghe first time around. Brancaland not showing up was a creative decision and a parody of how countries like Japan still refuse to acknowledge their past war crimes, whereas countries like Germany (represented by the ultra-progressive Scandinavian analogue of Skandilund) are more than gung-ho to plaster their guilt everywhere to the point where it becomes disrepectful to the actual victims.

Option 4 is a reference to the ridiculous conspiracy theories of Tariq Nasheed, who essentially inspired a good chunk of this issue. I left it in because it pays homage to one of the inspirations for this proposal, and I also just like taking digs at Tariq whenever I can. Option 5 is a reference to Jaszcuzur and an example of high-buildup/low-payoff. If the editors want to remove it, then I'll remove it, but personally I don't see anything jeopardizing about including it.

The Maxtopian Genocide bit is just a tongue-in-cheek parody of fake victimhood. Losing your family or entire community to a genocidal regime is bad enough, imagine how much more disrespectful it is when an utterly-detached outsider decides to insert himself into the narrative for sympathy and favours (not making any genocide-denial claims here, just satirizing the lengths that people will go for clout, including profitting off the collective trauma of something you were never part of).

You're throwing together a lot of different narratives from a lot of different sources, with variable levels of accuracy/realism. When I saw the part about the earlobes at the factory in Brancaland, I thought this was going to be a take on residential schools, but then we've got some stuff based on WWII-era war crimes, and the options have a lot of underlying backstory and subtext that does not come through clearly. It is going in too many different directions, and I don't understand how it all fits together.

I can't tell if this is some kind of antisemitic stereotype making fun of Holocaust victims, or if he's a New Englander who pahks his cah in his yahd:

"They turned muh grandfathah's ear... INTO A LAMP!" Cries Samuel Hiden, an elderly war veteran and alleged victim of the Maxtopian genocide, "no, no- NO! This horrible attrocity cannot be overlooked. It is not enough to say some feel-good horse dung about reconciliation and sing kumbayah around a campfiyah. These treacherous leeches must be vilified in the eyes of history, and our plight must be vindicated! We must demand reparations from these goons, dear leadah, and recognition by the international community!"

I am very confused.

[Homyland]

If you're gonna talk that in option 4, the no class nations tag is a must.

[Dabarastan]

The Maxtopian Genocide bit is just a tongue-in-cheek parody of fake victimhood. Losing your family or entire community to a genocidal regime is bad enough, imagine how much more disrespectful it is when an utterly-detached outsider decides to insert himself into the narrative for sympathy and favours (not making any genocide-denial claims here, just satirizing the lengths that people will go for clout, including profitting off the collective trauma of something you were never part of).

I'm not sure if that comes through clearly enough in the draft. As others here have alluded to, I think it reads a little as if the man is 'overplaying' the extent of the Maxtopian genocide, that he is 'milking it', making the genocide seem worse than it was. To be honest, I at first got the impression you were mockingly parodying the (very real) Armenian genocide (and attempts for its recognition), even though I 100% understand now that wasn't your intention.

[Australian rePublic]

Why is this specific to the @@DENONYM@@ diaspora? And if it's not specific to the @@DENONYM@@ diaspora, then why mention the @@DENONYM@@ diaspora?