Dead to Rights
Validity: Capitalist with death penalty, autarky, high economic freedom, and high compassion. Does not allow medical euthanasia. Selected 631.1. Didn't choose 771.3.
Description
The government has historically purchased the drugs necessary to perform lethal injections on death row inmates from the nation's largest pharmaceutical company, which owns the only patent for such a drug in @@NAME@@. However, the company suddenly terminated that relationship, citing the moral and ethical concerns of their shareholders.
Option 1
"It doesn't take our award-winning market research to know that killing people isn't doing so hot right now," says @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Bigg of Bigg Pharmaceuticals, recently rebranded from Bigg Snake Oil Co. "Maintaining our competitive advantage in a combative market requires a real growth mindset, and that applies to the government, too. Ban the death penalty, and we'll make sure to book you as a speaker during our next earnings call. Your support will increase the visibility of our brand, which will increase the visibility of yours."
Effect: @@LEADER@@ sells out twenty percent faster than the next-leading brand
Option 2
"If seven sexual harassment claims have taught me anything, it's that when Violet deadbolts the front door, She usually leaves the kitchen window open," soothes hedge fund manager @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, attempting to give you a totally platonic hug before being tackled to the ground by counsel. "Get off me, you overpaid... heh heh, sorry. What I wanted to say was: screw those pharm companies! My clients include wealthy knife executives, wealthy rope executives, wealthy energy... you get the idea. There are so many ways to execute people, and I can advise you. Tell you what, I'll even throw in a discount rate for this consultation!"
Effect: death row inmates get complementary electric hair curler coupons for their next of kin
Option 3
"If domestic companies won't work with you, why not turn to an honest multinational?" asks foreign CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@, fresh from a government hearing for attempting to illicitly acquire Bigg Pharmaceuticals. "You need to understand that blocking off trade with the outside world is detrimental both to your ability to purchase goods at a reasonable price and to our bottom line. Revert that silly policy, sign on the dotted line right here, and we can discuss payment for the latest batch of our own euthanasia drugs. Don't worry, you can trust us. Our profit margins are the highest in our industry!"
Effect: @@LEADER@@ is legally obligated to appear in foreign commercials for knockoff virility drugs
Option 4
"If you were to purchase the rights to those drugs from Bigg, the government could just produce them itself," suggests an expensive consultant with ties to the pharmaceutical industry, whose job is to advise you regarding potential conflicts of interest. "Offer to buy their patent, tell them that money is no object, and show up in person to close the deal yourself. Appearing desperate is key. Don't worry; I know what their board of directors likes. Yeah, it's not really my job, but I could use the billable hours."
Effect: companies are scrambling to patent tasteless office furniture and long rambling speeches
