NationStates

March of Profits

Validity: Capitalist with marriage equality, a strong economy, high economic freedom, and high wealth gaps.

Description
After spending the better part of a three-hour meeting attempting to convince you to cut their taxes, the heads of the nation's largest corporations have finally moved on to the next item on the agenda: a partnership to celebrate their executives' and the nation's nominal commitment to LGBTQ+ rights.

Option 1
"United @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has been a staunch ally of the LGBTQ+ community ever since our emergency board meeting last week," says the company's CEO, handing you a bulging envelope with the words "don't you dare pass any actual laws" written on the front in permanent marker. "For the next two weeks, we'd love to have your government by our side as we stand before our shareholders and the wider world in support of LGBTQ+ rights. We'll market special 'pride' items, run promotional campaigns, and of course receive a hefty tax cut that demonstrates the government's support for such supportive companies."

Effect: the government's latest public awareness campaign explains how unionizing is heteronormative

Option 2
"Why stick with a single profitable demographic when there are so many more out there?" asks Combined @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ representative @@RANDOMNAME@@, grabbing the envelope and stuffing in more precious gems than there are colors of the rainbow. "We should split up every year into equal portions, each targeted at a specific globally underrepresented group. We'll advertise to each group with your help, then cut prices for them to show support and cut prices for everyone else because love is greater than hate. Of course, we'll need some generous subsidies to sustain such heavy price slashing."

Effect: civil rights organizations report record profits this quarter

Option 3
"Joint @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has never discriminated against any employee in a way that could be proven in court," boasts company president @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to him. "It's all thanks to the discretionary funds we've spent on big internal reforms and an even bigger HR department. You should release guidelines for changes to corporate culture and grant a good chunk of funding to companies looking to implement them. More money means better culture, and better culture means better consumer relations."

Effect: banks now use correct pronouns when evicting customers from their houses

Option 4
"I have an idea. How about we don't give terrible companies more money for no good reason?" complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position. "Pass actual laws to effect real change and secure equality for all people, instead of this superficial claptraAAAAAA..." He is cut off midsentence by the private security detail that suddenly drags him out of the room.

Effect: all corporations must pledge to only work with equal-opportunity sweatshops

..instead of this superficial nonsense." He would've said more, if not for claptraAAAAAA..." He is cut off midsentence by the private security detail that suddenly drags him out of the room.

Sierra Lyricalia wrote:Seriously, the only change I'd make is something like

..instead of this superficial nonsense." He would've said more, if not for claptraAAAAAA..." He is cut off midsentence by the private security detail that suddenly drags him out of the room.

As you see, that's a minor, nitpicky change. TBH I'd just go ahead and submit this.

Cretox State wrote:… with the words "don't you dare pass any actual laws" written on the front in invisible ink.

Cretox State wrote:boasts company president @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to him.

Cretox State wrote:Effect: corporations petition civil rights organizations to change their movement's flag to the company's logo

Cretox State wrote:… complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position.

… complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position.

Cretox State wrote:all corporations must pledge to only work with equal-opportunity sweatshops

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Really a great draft! Several minor nitpicks only, but I get the feeling you're not going to get many major nitpicks in general…

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:

Cretox State wrote:… with the words "don't you dare pass any actual laws" written on the front in invisible ink.

Because Issues are written in the present tense, @@LEADER@@ doesn't actually have any way of knowing about the invisible ink message until later, right? It's kind of a weird omniscience to throw in. My suggestion is to change it to "… on which you'll later notice the words "don't…"
(If that's a violation of player autonomy, then your advisors or secretary could notice the ink later instead.)

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Also, this one:

Cretox State wrote:boasts company president @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to him.

This reads weirdly to me — how can one person look identical to a group of people? It does make sense after a little thought, but it sounds strange at first — what about "flanked by several identical advisors"?

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:

Cretox State wrote:Effect: corporations petition civil rights organizations to change their movement's flag to the company's logo

I don't think there's agreement here between singulars and plurals — would read better as: "movements' flags to company logos".

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:

Cretox State wrote:… complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position.

This just feels kind of excessively verbose; you could probably cut out a lot and make it read better:

… complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position.

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:

Cretox State wrote:all corporations must pledge to only work with equal-opportunity sweatshops

Split infinitive, if that's still a grammar thing that matters these days. "to work only with" would be the correct version.

Cretox State wrote:

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:I don't think there's agreement here between singulars and plurals — would read better as: "movements' flags to company logos".

Wouldn't work. Then it's just company logos as an abstract, not the logos of the companies making the petitions. Do you have any other ideas?

Cretox State wrote:

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:This just feels kind of excessively verbose; you could probably cut out a lot and make it read better:

The passed up for a promotion bit is part of the joke. "We need you where you are now" is a classic justification for underpromoting people.

Cretox State wrote:

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Split infinitive, if that's still a grammar thing that matters these days. "to work only with" would be the correct version.

Given that the draft is neither a piece of formal writing nor written in Latin, I don't think split infinitives are something to be concerned about.