TITLE:
That Hits The Spot
VALIDITY:
Capitalism
DESCRIPTION:
After your Secretary of State had a migraine, an aide turned up with a couple of packets of "PainTarget", a premium brand of analgesics that promises to "Target Your Headache, Fast!". This then sparked a noisy debate amongst your ministers, much to the discomfort of the suffering Secretary.
OPTION 1
"You know that stuff's mostly ibuprofen, right?" lectures your Minister of Fiscal Responsibility, sneering at the colourful packaging depicting a warm blue glow pushing pain out of a silhouette of head. "Those TV spots that suggest it goes directly to the brain are basically lies: it goes wherever your blood carries it, and the active ingredient is chemically identical to generic ibuprofen. The only difference is that it costs twenty times more. Honestly, these brands are one step up from snake oil, and we ought to be banning the misleading adverts that imply these are some sort of wonder drugs."
OUTCOME:
the self-aware brand "Just Paracetamol But In A Shiny Box" is the painkiller choice of ironically cool hipsters
OPTION 2
"Ban this, ban that! You're some sort of ban Nazi!" roars Godwin Slorr, a corporate lobbyist who you were sure had been banned from intruding on ministerial meetings. "Look, actual evidence shows that these products actually do work better than the generic ones, actually. The adverts, the packaging, the price, these aren't hiding the medicine... They ARE the medicine. When it comes to pain control, the perception that something works better is the same as it working better! Also, trust the free market! Shake invisible hands! Respect people's choices! These are all things that the Nazis didn't do, actually!"
OUTCOME:
many people believe that antihistamines create a literal pollen-repelling forcefield around their noses
OPTION 3
"The problem isn't that corporations exploit stupidity, the problem is that people are stupid," comments Health Minister Caul Kettleblack, who hasn't yet figured out that calling the proles dumb isn't the sort of thing a smart politician does while others are listening. "Education, that's the key! We need to be teaching young folk about placebo effects, pharmaceutical equivalency, consumer scepticism and evading corporate shenanigans. A clever cynical consumer doesn't fall for cheap marketing ploys!" He takes a sip from his bottled mountain spring water, and adjusts his designer branded belt.
OUTCOME:
a policy of teaching people to question authority figures is undermining confidence in the government
OPTION 4
"Just pass me the whole pack," whispers your Secretary for State as @@HE@@ shuffles to the dimmer switch to plunge the room into twilight gloom. "Maybe if we had the government giving away painkillers for free, then that'd fix the whole problem. Just have little dispensing machines on street corners, and press a button, and... done. Ugh. I'm going to lie down on the conference table now. Can you all leave quietly, please?"
OUTCOME:
suicide booths can be found on every street
1:
