[SUBMITTED] [LAST CALL?] [CONTEST] S.P.A.C.E. Jam
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2021 12:35 pm
Hello, this is my first attempt at writing an issue. It's similar in circumstance to the Bieber issue (I'm uncertain of the issue number) but I think it's different enough to be worthwhile. Also I'm not sure how formatting works, this is my best try. This is themed on the 1996 movie Space Jam, which seems topical and relevant. I don't exactly know what" last call" is but the contest is nearly over so this is the last edit I'll publish before submitting.
I've reworked option 2 extensively in this edit, making it a prisoner swap instead of player swap, and also noting that some countries might not have companies. Feedback is greatly appreciated!
I've reworked option 2 extensively in this edit, making it a prisoner swap instead of player swap, and also noting that some countries might not have companies. Feedback is greatly appreciated!
Title:Someone Please Acknowledge Citizen's Extradition Jam
The Issue: After an ill-advised away game in Marche Noire, foreign agents have arrested popular @@DEMONYM@@ sports star Jordan Carmicael on charges of game fixing and are forcing him to play Slamsketball on their national team in a bid to increase their international sports prestige. A number of excited and distressed parties have lobbied you to intervene.
Option 1: “Perhaps the Marche Noirian claims have some validity,” notes opposition player and persistent low scorer Daphnie Mallard. “Mr. Carmichael does have a track record of winning an unreasonable amount of the time. We should ‘investigate’ suspicious top tier athletes, or maybe just let Marche Noire do the investigating for us”
Effect: @@NAME@@ publicly announces that all abduckted citizens are deththpicable
Validity: Capitalism
Option 2a: “We must get our investm- er, citizens, back!” interjects Mugs Muney, concerned citizen and owner of Mercury, a company which has an exclusive contract with the star. “Marche Noire would surely be amenable to a prisoner swap. Don’t we have that wiley Marche Noirian terrorist ‘The Coyote’ lying around?”
Effect: companies that know what’s up hop on the opportunity to doctor extradition deals and trade in human lives
Validity: No Capitalism
Option 2b: “We must get our propagan- er, citizens, back!” interjects Mugs Muney, concerned citizen and Minister of Sports and Culture. “Marche Noire would surely be amenable to a prisoner swap. Don’t we have that wiley Marche Noirian terrorist ‘The Coyote’ lying around?”
Effect: agencies that know what’s up hop on the opportunity to doctor extradition deals and trade in human lives
Validity: No Gambling
Option 3a: “Why trade or lose when you can play to win” interjects Marvin the Marche Man, a flamboyant figure from the criminal underworld who is whispered to be an illegal alien. “We could make some space for a Slamsketball tournament between the @@CAPITAL@@ Cows and the Marche NoireStars, winner gets Jordan Carmichael. As an added bonus, allowing side-bets on this and other tournaments might jam some much needed cash into the economy.”
Effect: merry neighbors sing melodies praising @@NAME@@’s foreign policy of gambling away citizens as slaves
Validity: Gambling
Option 3b: “Why trade or lose when you can play to win” interjects Marvin the Marche Man, a flamboyant figure from the criminal underworld who is whispered to be an illegal alien. “We could make some space for a Slamsketball tournament between the @@CAPITAL@@ Cows and the Marche NoireStars, winner gets Jordan Carmichael. As an added bonus, the side-bets might jam some much needed cash into the economy.”
Effect: merry neighbors sing melodies praising @@NAME@@’s foreign policy of gambling away citizens as slaves
Option 4: “What in tarnation am I hearing?!” shouts Sam Yellowstone, while brandishing a @@NAME@@ Cows jersey, handlebar mustache, and two loaded pistols. “We must get high profile stars like Jordan back by any means necessary. I don’t care if it means invasion, in fact, I hope it does!”
Effect: attempts to hold looney @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ responsible for foreign crimes are met with the toons of mortar fire