[ISSUES CONTEST DRAFT - SUBMITTED]Let's Fix Our Matches!

[Outer Sparta]

Description: In the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Premier League (@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@PL), perennial giants @@CAPITAL@@ United, @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@, and Sporting Club @@CAPITAL@@ were punished with relegation in the biggest match-fixing scandal in the league's history. Concerned fans and law enforcement want you to crack down on the rampant corruption that's present throughout @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football.

Validity: must have sports, high corruption

[option]"Good riddance to the Unholy Trinity!" shouts @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, one of the most feared ultra fans in the country. "They've been controlling the entire league for decades with their shady activities! It's good that these evil clubs have been punished, but we must prevent it from happening again to save @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football from these vultures! Otherwise, our once proud league might turn into a farmers league like Galliennes or a corporate mess like the Dàguó Super League and the United Federation Soccer League, I shudder to think..."
[effect]winning trophies raises the suspicious eyebrows of sporting authorities

[option]Florentine Peres, who owns Sporting Club @@CAPITAL@@, and a representative of Althaniq Sports Investments, the owner of @@CAPITAL@@ United, come into your office holding a giant check. Peres says, "What are those rascals whining about? We are improving @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football by making sure only the best of the best win the title. It's good for fans, good for the sport, and good for @@NAME@@. Reverse our ban or you will ruin @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football for good." Before the meeting ends, @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ owner Andrew Agnolli rushes in and points a gun at your head, demanding the same thing as the other two.
[effect]it turns out you can put a price on sporting integrity

[option]"I agree with the ultra fan, but we need to go further," ponders your burly @@NAME@@ Gendarmerie head honcho, showing off with a display of kick-ups. "Why do we allow all this sports corruption in the first place? There are a lot of malicious activities going on in the underbelly of football: match-fixing, bribery, financial doping, actual doping, and even the hiring of organized crime outlets to threaten rivals. Every single one of these criminals must be prosecuted, so give me and my agency more power and we will clean up all of the rot."
[effect]meetings involving club finances are frequently broken up by men in black suits

[option]"Again, why have we allowed sports itself to corrupt our nation," opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, a chess grandmaster who is passionate about "intellectual" pursuits that don't require physical strength. "Think of all the bad things professional sports has resulted in. You got the aforementioned @@DEMONYMINITIALS@@PLgate scandal, the doping scandal of Vance Armstorm in the Tour de @@NAME@@, Althaniq hosting the bloody Global Cup, sexual assault happening in collegiate sports, it's all too much! We'd be better off without the corrupting influence of organized sport."
[effect]anyone who can do tricks with a ball is immediately detained

Description: In the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Premier League (@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@PL), perennial giants @@CAPITAL@@ United, @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@, and Sporting Club @@CAPITAL@@ were punished with relegation in the biggest match-fixing scandal in the league's history. Concerned fans and law enforcement want you to crack down on the rampant corruption that's present throughout @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football.

Validity: must have sports, high corruption

[option]"Good riddance to the Unholy Trinity!" shouts @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, one of the most feared ultra fans in the country. "They've been controlling the entire league for decades with their shady activities! It's good that these evil clubs have been punished, but we must prevent it from happening again! Institute strict penalties for cheating, give the football association more power and have an independent watchdog in charge, and arrest all those who were involved with the scandal! We must save @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football from these vultures! Otherwise, our once proud league might turn into a farmers league like Galliennes or a corporate mess like the Dàguó Super League and the United Federation Soccer League, I shudder to think..."
[effect]winning league titles raises the suspicious eyebrows of the footballing authorities

[option]"What are these rascals talking about?" whines Chairman of Sporting Club @@CAPITAL@@, Florentine Peres, holding an envelope filled with @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ earmarked to the football association. "We have to be the best of the best or else @@NAME@@ will be left behind to others in the @@REGION@@ Champions League and the world." The owner of Althaniq Sports Investments, who owns @@CAPITAL@@ United, comes into your office to support Peres. "We're just doing a favor for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football by making sure only the best of the best win the title. It's good for fans, good for the sport, and good for @@NAME@@. For the sake of your nation, reverse our ban or you'll destroy @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football for good!" Before the meeting ends, @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@owner Andrew Agnolli rushes in, holding a bag of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in one hand and a gun pointed to @@LEADER@@ in the other.
[effect]it turns out you can put a price on sporting integrity

[option]"You know, this does raise an important issue," ponders your burly @@NAME@@ Gendarmerie head honcho, showing off with a display of kick-ups. "Why do we allow all this corruption in the sporting world? Frankly, there are a lot of malicious activities going on in the underbelly of football: match-fixing, bribery, financial doping, actual doping, and even the hiring of organized crime outlets to threaten rivals. These criminals must be prosecuted and they're using the sport as cover for their nefarious acts. Give me and my agency more power, and I will clean up all of the rot faster than you can shout "GOOOOOOAALLLLL!!!"
[effect]meetings involving club finances are frequently broken up by men in black suits

[option]"Again, why have we allowed sports itself to corrupt our nation," opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, a chess grandmaster who is passionate about "intellectual" pursuits that don't require physical strength. "Think of all the bad things professional sports has resulted in. You got the aforementioned @@DEMONYMINITIALS@@PLgate scandal, the doping scandal of Vance Armstorm in the Tour de @@NAME@@, Althaniq hosting the bloody Global Cup, sexual assault happening in collegiate sports, it's all too much! We'd be better off without the corrupting influence of organized sport."
[effect]anyone who can do tricks with a ball is immediately detained

Obviously this is a nod to the Calciopoli match-fixing scandal that rocked Italian football in 2006. Florentine Peres (referring to Florentino Perez), Althaniq Sports Investments (Qatar Sports Investments), and Andrew Agnolli (infamous Juventus owner Andrea Agnelli) were deliberate choices for the owners of the Big Three/Unholy Trinity.

[Sacara]

I think this issue is rather specific. I have no idea anything about soccer, and it took me a bit to catch onto what this draft was presenting. I think it is a bit too niche for the general issue-answering audience. Obviously, listen to other people's opinions, but if I think I would reframe this as a more generic corruption in a sporting event issue, without all of the specifics of soccer.

[Outer Sparta]

I think this issue is rather specific. I have no idea anything about soccer, and it took me a bit to catch onto what this draft was presenting. I think it is a bit too niche for the general issue-answering audience. Obviously, listen to other people's opinions, but if I think I would reframe this as a more generic corruption in a sporting event issue, without all of the specifics of soccer.

My issue premise works best with a match-fixing scandal that affects football, especially in the domestic league. Issues about football have been done before, so it's definitely not too specific nor niche. Hell, there's even an issue made by Baggieland that's based off of people worshipping Lionel Messi as a god (#1200).

If you want to, look into the Calciopoli (Italian Serie A match-fixing scandal that had top dogs Juventus relegated), which is my inspiration for the draft: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calciopoli

[Sacara]

I think this issue is rather specific. I have no idea anything about soccer, and it took me a bit to catch onto what this draft was presenting. I think it is a bit too niche for the general issue-answering audience. Obviously, listen to other people's opinions, but if I think I would reframe this as a more generic corruption in a sporting event issue, without all of the specifics of soccer.

My issue premise works best with a match-fixing scandal that affects football, especially in the domestic league. Issues about football have been done before, so it's definitely not too specific nor niche. Hell, there's even an issue made by Baggieland that's based off of people worshipping Lionel Messi as a god (#1200).

That's not necessarily about soccer, though. That's about treating a person as a god.

As I said, it's just my opinion that this is too specific. Also, there was no government action taken, according to the Wikipedia page. Why would the government be involved? Doesn't the league take care of punishments when its members violate their rules?

[Outer Sparta]

My issue premise works best with a match-fixing scandal that affects football, especially in the domestic league. Issues about football have been done before, so it's definitely not too specific nor niche. Hell, there's even an issue made by Baggieland that's based off of people worshipping Lionel Messi as a god (#1200).

That's not necessarily about soccer, though. That's about treating a person as a god.

As I said, it's just my opinion that this is too specific. Also, there was no government action taken, according to the Wikipedia page. Why would the government be involved? Doesn't the league take care of punishments when its members violate their rules?

The government would be involved to regulate the sport itself and also to save its sporting reputation (after the Calciopoli, many top players left Italian clubs like Juventus, culminating in a loss of revenue, prestige, and of course, reputability). There's also a lot of criminal activity that is present in football (bribery, corruption, mafia groups using football for their own deeds, and other forms of money laundering that are present). It would be in the state's interest to crack down on corruption in the sport, which would go a long ways in tackling corruption in other areas of society. If you think football is just about football, you're wrong. Politics, crime, corruption, geopolitical power, and powerful interest groups all find a way into the game.

As I said, I believe in this issue premise and don't believe it's too niche. Issues done on sports have been published many times, ranging from baseball, Calvinball, @@ANIMAL@@ball, football, etc.

[Baggieland]

That's not necessarily about soccer, though. That's about treating a person as a god.

It's actually about the seven deadly sins!

[Daarwyrth]

I think this issue can work, as I recall there were even concerns here in the Netherlands about corruption in the Dutch sports world. Especially if there is higher corruption in a nation, I could see that trickle down to the sportsworld as well. Personally, I think the issue could fit in nicely in the issue base

I do wanted to remark on the use of the exclamation mark. I regularly catch myself overusing it when writing a draft as well, and then proceed to remove a bunch. I think it would be good to replace a number of exclamation marks in this draft as well, especially in the first option. Because almost all punctuation there is an exclamation mark, the exclamation mark loses its meaning and strength. Not a glaring issue, of course, but I think it would convey emphasis and a character's tone better if it was used more sparingly.

The effect lines as they are, are fine of course, but I feel a few could be a teeny tiny bit funnier, like the first one. If you can and want to, try to see if you can make the humour in those a little bit sharper

Overall, I think this is a nice first draft!

[Outer Sparta]

I think this issue can work, as I recall there were even concerns here in the Netherlands about corruption in the Dutch sports world. Especially if there is higher corruption in a nation, I could see that trickle down to the sportsworld as well. Personally, I think the issue could fit in nicely in the issue base

I do wanted to remark on the use of the exclamation mark. I regularly catch myself overusing it when writing a draft as well, and then proceed to remove a bunch. I think it would be good to replace a number of exclamation marks in this draft as well, especially in the first option. Because almost all punctuation there is an exclamation mark, the exclamation mark loses its meaning and strength. Not a glaring issue, of course, but I think it would convey emphasis and a character's tone better if it was used more sparingly.

The effect lines as they are, are fine of course, but I feel a few could be a teeny tiny bit funnier, like the first one. If you can and want to, try to see if you can make the humour in those a little bit sharper

Overall, I think this is a nice first draft!

Thanks and yes, I will definitely work on a few stylistic changes and other things you have mentioned.

That's not necessarily about soccer, though. That's about treating a person as a god.

It's actually about the seven deadly sins!

Damn, I didn't notice that issue goes much deeper and covers the seven deadly sins.

[Outer Sparta]

Made a few punctuation changes, and added new content in option 1. The Dàguó Super League refers to the Chinese Super League, while farmers league is self-explanatory.

Edit: changed Althaniq to Galliennes for the farmers league country.

[Baggieland]

Option 2 is way too long. Do you really need three different people in there?

P.S. In my seven sins issue, the football team was West CAPITAL Albion. That's a great name, isn't it?

[Outer Sparta]

Option 2 is way too long. Do you really need three different people in there?

P.S. In my seven sins issue, the football team was West CAPITAL Albion. That's a great name, isn't it?

I'll definitely find a way to cut the length, but yes. It's all for design to get the Unholy Trinity of football owners involved in the match-fixing scandal. More fittingly, the owners are based off of Florentino Perez, Qatar Sports Investments, and Andrea Agnelli (whose family has owned Juventus for a long time).

[Baggieland]

I see. Nice approach. Maybe you could present the unholy trinity as a single entity though.

[Outer Sparta]

I see. Nice approach. Maybe you could present the unholy trinity as a single entity though.

That could require a rework of option 2, but I'm open to a new approach to that. Agnolli's last-minute entry makes him like a Bond villain or a mafioso godfather figure.

[Electrum]

I think this issue is rather specific. I have no idea anything about soccer, and it took me a bit to catch onto what this draft was presenting. I think it is a bit too niche for the general issue-answering audience. Obviously, listen to other people's opinions, but if I think I would reframe this as a more generic corruption in a sporting event issue, without all of the specifics of soccer.

I think the issue is fine -- the description already doesn't go into much detail about soccer match fixing, just that match fixing occurred, and the government needs to step in. Speaking of the description, the problem needs to be front-ended. Explain first up that three prominent teams were match fixing, and that they have been punished. There's a lot of extraneous stuff on football clubs and relegation.

Options 1 to 3 are really long. Options 1 and 3 are really similar too which is to give someone more power, and arrest those who did the corruption. Could you differentiate or delete one of them?

[Outer Sparta]

I think this issue is rather specific. I have no idea anything about soccer, and it took me a bit to catch onto what this draft was presenting. I think it is a bit too niche for the general issue-answering audience. Obviously, listen to other people's opinions, but if I think I would reframe this as a more generic corruption in a sporting event issue, without all of the specifics of soccer.

I think the issue is fine -- the description already doesn't go into much detail about soccer match fixing, just that match fixing occurred, and the government needs to step in. Speaking of the description, the problem needs to be front-ended. Explain first up that three prominent teams were match fixing, and that they have been punished. There's a lot of extraneous stuff on football clubs and relegation.

Options 1 to 3 are really long. Options 1 and 3 are really similar too which is to give someone more power, and arrest those who did the corruption. Could you differentiate or delete one of them?

I thought of structuring option 1 as the government taking action and 3 is a much stronger form of action. I guess I could delete option 1 altogether and have option 3 be the one to do the job in regards to cracking down on corruption in football.

Tidied up the description and will figure out how to restructure option 2 while including the three owners.

[Outer Sparta]

Been busy with rl stuff, so here's my last draft before submission.

- If option 1 really doesn't work, then I can use option 3 as the new option 1. Essentially, option 1 is about taking action on the rampant football corruption in the nation's league while option 3 goes further and tackles sports corruption to the very core.
- Restructured option 2 to include the three owners afflicted with the scandal yet cut down on the length. Again, Florentine Peres is the equivalent of Real Madrid president Florentino Perez, Althaniq Sports Investments represents Qatar Sports Investments, and Andrew Agnolli is like the controversial Juventus owner Andrea Agnelli, just wanted to cover a mafia angle with him.

I'm not sure if there's anything else I need to work on, but this is what I have made in terms of changes.

[Outer Sparta]

Given there's no other feedback, I shall submit this. Thank you to everyone who has given feedback!