NationStates

Hi there folks, here's a draft for my entry to the issue contest. I've never written an issue before, so I'm keen to receive feedback.

Kicking Out the Competition

[issue]Sporting Club @@CAPTIAL@@, @@CAPITAL@@ United, and Athletico @@ANIMAL@@sburg have publicized intentions to leave the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ @@ANIMAL@@ball League and join the @@REGION@@ @@ANIMAL@@ball Super League - an elite, private league with clubs from other nations in @@REGION@@. Many proponents of @@ANIMAL@@ball are worried about the state of competition in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ League, and have met outside your office to discuss this announcement.
[validity]Capitalism (as private money is spent on @@ANIMAL@@ball teams), sport is legal, borders are open (to allow teams from other nations to play sport).

[option]
"This announcement is a real tackle to hard working teams who want a fair competition", exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, blowing a vuvuzela and wearing a large scarf. "Any plucky team that plays @@ANIMAL@@ball should have a chance to compete at the top level through hard work, gumption, and a love of the sport, not by how many @@CURRENCY@@ they can spend schmoozing with other teams. These @@ANIMAL@@ball teams should remain where they are in our league! Come on, referee!"
[effect] @@POPULATION@@ extra teams have registered for the next season of @@ANIMAL@@ball.

[option]
"This is just the invisible boot of the free market at work!", says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a business@@MAN@@ of the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry. "Think of the economic opportunities that the @@REGION@@ @@ANIMAL@@ball Super League could bring to @@NAME@@! Television rights, tourism to our shiny new stadiums, and the exposure of @@NAME@@'s players across @@REGION@@! All domestic teams that want to compete in regional leagues for any sport should be able to - provided they can source the money to stay afloat, of course."
[effect] in far flung nations, children on the streets dream of one day playing water polo for @@CAPITAL@@ United.

[option]"If you ask me, there's a simple solution.", claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your local groundskeeper. "I've seen @@ANIMAL@@ball played over in the United Federation, and their players show some respect to the league because their players each year are determined by a draft. Why not enforce that system here, and let the teams trade players for picks amongst themselves? It'd certainly level the playing field. Which reminds me, about your playing field..."
[effect] the nation's smallest @@ANIMAL@@ball teams trade draft picks for a free lunch.

[option]
"This whole incident has just highlighted how sinful the sport of @@ANIMAL@@ball truly is!", shrieks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-ranking member of @@FAITH@@. "The greed, showmanship, and elitism shown by these clubs is simply abhorrent! You should just ban sports altogether, and convert the many playing grounds across @@NAME@@ into lovely public gardens."
[effect] @@CAPITAL@@'s residents often smell old boots while smelling the roses.

Changelog:
- Added option for draft style system to be implemented into @@ANIMAL@@ball.
- Edited option 1 to basically continue as is.
- Edited option 4 to reflect the top of the league rather than the grassroots.

- Swapped @@REGION@@ and @@ANIMAL@@ball around in second option to match order in main issue text.

Why @@ANIMAL@@ball? Wouldn't just plain-old football work better because it's actually the sport that had the ESL debacle happen?

Option 2 could work better if it were someone like Sheikh Minsor, but the ones that work the best would be Florentine Peres (based off of the Real Madrid president) or Andrew Agnillo (based off of the Juventus owner).

I prefer changing the premise to football, which would mean option 3 as it stands would not work in this case.

This is really great writing. Some comments:

It doesn't really matter if it's animalball or football tbh, the main principle is that teams want to break away from the domestic league to form their own super league.

Description - You can get rid of the last sentence completely.

Option 1 - I think this option should just be a straight veto of the league to maintain the status quo and making the argument that the breakaway would cause a significant reduction in playing quality. The following part: "@@ANIMAL@@ball should be heavily regulated and funded entirely with public money to stop any team from gaining a monetary advantage!" seems a bit tacked on -- perhaps you can have an American style draft system in a different option.

Option 3 - This reads more like an argument to get rid of pro sports instead of all sports in general. It doesn't really make sense to ban kids playing sport just because the pros are money hungry. We do track the banning of pro sports (compared to sports in general) so you could edit this issue to ban that instead, or you have a proponent from the United Federation talking about how teams there never get too cocky because of the draft system and wage caps, etc.

I concur with Electrum in regards to option 3. Banning @@ANIMAL@@ball would only solve a symptom, it doesn't work as much unless all sports are banned.

Outer Sparta wrote:Why @@ANIMAL@@ball? Wouldn't just plain-old football work better because it's actually the sport that had the ESL debacle happen?

Option 2 could work better if it were someone like Sheikh Minsor, but the ones that work the best would be Florentine Peres (based off of the Real Madrid president) or Andrew Agnillo (based off of the Juventus owner).

I prefer changing the premise to football, which would mean option 3 as it stands would not work in this case.

I feel like the issue would be leaning too heavily into the reference if it was football, and several other issues mention @@ANIMAL@@ball so I thought it'd be nice if it was a continuation of that.

Electrum wrote:This is really great writing. Some comments:

It doesn't really matter if it's animalball or football tbh, the main principle is that teams want to break away from the domestic league to form their own super league.

Description - You can get rid of the last sentence completely.

Option 1 - I think this option should just be a straight veto of the league to maintain the status quo and making the argument that the breakaway would cause a significant reduction in playing quality. The following part: "@@ANIMAL@@ball should be heavily regulated and funded entirely with public money to stop any team from gaining a monetary advantage!" seems a bit tacked on -- perhaps you can have an American style draft system in a different option.

Option 3 - This reads more like an argument to get rid of pro sports instead of all sports in general. It doesn't really make sense to ban kids playing sport just because the pros are money hungry. We do track the banning of pro sports (compared to sports in general) so you could edit this issue to ban that instead, or you have a proponent from the United Federation talking about how teams there never get too cocky because of the draft system and wage caps, etc.

Makes sense to get rid of the last sentence of the description, it's just a bit superfluous, isn't it?
A draft seems like an interesting idea, and certainly something that seems within the reach of the government to step in and enforce. I think that might be a good resolution to Option 1.
Perhaps the banning of pro-sports is a good idea, and fits well with the FOR, AGAINST, CRAZY THIRD WAY structure that most issues have. It also feels like what I was trying to write anyway.

Thank you both for your feedback! I will make some changes and add them to the original post.

Bump. Continuing to look for feedback, which is much appreciated.

I don't think your intro makes explains sufficiently what is different about this new league. For football fans around now, it's obvious - it's an issue about the ESL. But in 5 years time or for someone not interested in football, it looks like a team wants to compete in a regional league not a national one, so the issue is about playing against foreign teams.

The problem with the ESL wasn't that teams were withdrawing from their domestic leagues (they weren't), it was that the regional competition (ESL) was a closed group, unlike the Champions League it was replacing, where qualification was based on merit (prior domestic performance).

That's not to say you couldn't frame the issue the way you have done - leaving the domestic league to compete in a regional one - but "private league" alone doesn't make it sufficiently clear that this is a closed league - once you're in, you're in, regardless of how well you or anyone else performs.

#1 - feels like it should make the point more strongly that what attracts people to sport is that it is competitive; the chance for glory is balanced by the risk of failure. Any team can rise from nothing to compete at the top, and that's what is best for fans.

#2 - it's got the obvious "money" angle to it, but it feels a bit weak. There were some stronger reasons in favour of the ESL - it allowed the top clubs the financial resources to continue to compete against state-sposored teams (PSG, Man City). Perhaps the bigger point to make was that it gave you more matches featuring the biggest teams playing each other (which is supposedly what fans want), rather than the meaningless games against CFR Cluj-esque minnows.