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[DRAFT] The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 22371
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

[DRAFT] The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Apr 30, 2021 10:38 pm

TITLE:
The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...

VALIDITY:
jails, no capital or corporal punishment, courts
ADULT

DESCRIPTION:
Two months ago, heinous criminal @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ was convicted of sexually assaulting, murdering and dismembering 15-year-old @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, in a case that shocked the nation and revealed an evil and remorseless man who went to prison spitting defiance. Three days ago he was found beaten to death in his cell, and subsequent investigations have suggested that prison wardens may have looked the other way when violent fellow inmates visited to inflict their own brand of justice.

OPTION 1
"I didn't shed many tears for Mr. @@SURNAME(1)@@, I must admit," opens the deceased's further defence lawyer, who had received death threats aplenty for his spirited attempts to take on the Sisyphean task of proving his client's innocence. "However, I am shedding tears aplenty for the criminal justice system, and for the quality of our correctional institutions. Even convicts have human rights, and every one of them is a ward of the state. Obviously the murderers and conspiracists themselves should be found and convicted, but that's not enough! We also need to see prison reform to create more safeguards, to reward and encourage whistleblowing on prison corruption and to protect the health, anonymity and wellbeing of every inmate, no matter what they've done."

OUTCOME:
snitches get riches

OPTION 2
"A lot of us have teenage daughters too, you know, and @@SURNAME(1)@@ walked in here boasting of what he had done, describing his actions in horrifying detail," points out Penitentiary Director @@Randomname@@, washing dried blood from @@HIS@@ knuckles. "I'm not saying I condone these actions, and we'll of course be cooperating with the police to find out what happened. But passions were running high, and I think those responsible should be shown some leniency. If you want to make prisons better places, then just raise the salaries of prison wardens. They're doing one of the hardest and most thankless jobs in the world, and could use the morale boost."

OUTCOME:
prison wardens are keen to ensure that everyone gets what they deserve

OPTION 3
"I'm going to say what everyone is thinking... He got what he deserved!" rants opinionated talk radio host Alec Schones, whose voice you can hear from a parked-up taxi driver's too-loud stereo. "The problem here isn't what happened to him, the problem is that it was extrajudicial! It should have been sanctioned justice officials delivering the beating, and an official executioner who stamped on his neck till he was dead. Justice belongs in the hands of society, not criminals! And that idiot @@LEADER@@, in my opinion, should be kicked in the..." You never get to hear how that sentence ends, as the taxi pulls away.

OUTCOME:
Lady Justice has swapped her blindfold for steel-capped boots
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Sat May 15, 2021 9:42 am, edited 10 times in total.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Baggieland
Senator
 
Posts: 3529
Founded: May 27, 2013
Corporate Police State

Postby Baggieland » Fri Apr 30, 2021 11:47 pm

Option 3, does the use of the word 'taxi' require the 'allows cars' validity?

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Trotterdam
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9236
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Sat May 01, 2021 12:47 am

Baggieland wrote:Option 3, does the use of the word 'taxi' require the 'allows cars' validity?
Horse-drawn carriages have been used as taxis before the invention of cars.

Aside from that, the only thing I have to say is that you should use serial commas.

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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 22371
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Sat May 01, 2021 3:18 am

Trotterdam wrote:Horse-drawn carriages have been used as taxis before the invention of cars.


Yeah, I think we've done this many times on GI.

Aside from that, the only thing I have to say is that you should use serial commas.


So it's perfect then? :)
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 21898
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Sun May 02, 2021 2:52 am

Was he found guilty or is he in custody waiting trial? Gosh, I would love a follow up issue to this would be that the guy is found innocent on appeal for options 2 & 3. This is a good issue, but maybe specify that he has been found guilty
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Until if and when the Spanish language evolves to allow for gender-neutrality to not be impossible, (which will take at least centuries), the concept of "LatinX" is completely ridiculous
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Trotterdam
Powerbroker
 
Posts: 9236
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Sun May 02, 2021 4:37 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Was he found guilty or is he in custody waiting trial? Gosh, I would love a follow up issue to this would be that the guy is found innocent on appeal for options 2 & 3. This is a good issue, but maybe specify that he has been found guilty
Still not reading issues before commenting on them, eh?
Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Two months ago, heinous criminal @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ was convicted
Candlewhisper Archive wrote:"A lot of us have teenage daughters too, you know, and @@SURNAME(1)@@ walked in here boasting of what he had done, describing his actions in horrifying detail,"

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Esthe
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 177
Founded: Feb 21, 2021
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Esthe » Sun May 02, 2021 4:43 am

I feel that Outcome 1 is too weak. Maybe you could change it to “life is better in jail than out”?
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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 22371
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Sat May 15, 2021 9:35 am

Esthe wrote:I feel that Outcome 1 is too weak. Maybe you could change it to “life is better in jail than out”?


Eh, I like it as it is. It's a play on words on the phrase "snitches get stitches".
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people


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