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(DRAFT) Easter Egg: Planet of the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@

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Traden
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Founded: Nov 18, 2020
Libertarian Police State

(DRAFT) Easter Egg: Planet of the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@

Postby Traden » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:16 am

Please help me, this is a WIP.

Issue Validaty: Must include animal name in motto.

Issue Description: The @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have invaded downtown @@CAPITAL@@! In a panic, you call an emergency meeting in your secret bunker!

Option 1: "Such terror!" says Army General @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We need to fight back! Get every weapon available and be prepared!" @@HE@@ then steps onto a podium and holds a rifle. "DEATH TO THE @@ANIMALPLURAL@@!!!"

Aftermath: @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are commonly seen fighting with @@DENONYMPLURAL@@.

Option 2: "Why do we have to fight?" says anti-war activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They are strong compared to us! I say we let them be treated like us! After all, both @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ and @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ will benefit!"

Aftermath: even @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ need a passport to exit the country.

Option 3: A couple of @@ANIMAL@@ infantrymen destroy your bunker's back wall. There, they say some sounds which your translator translates to this: "There is no escaping from this war! How about you let us be and we will cause no harm! Unless you say no, that is..."

Aftermath: @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are even more ignorant than @@DENONYMPLURAL@@.

Option 4: "Hmm..." says naturalist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I think I know why they are rebelling against us, and that is because they want to live in a good environment. Let them have a place to live, and make sure to do it BEFORE they invade our National Parks!

Aftermath: National Parks are full of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@.
Last edited by Traden on Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:38 am, edited 8 times in total.
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Islands Of Ventro
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Postby Islands Of Ventro » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:21 am

what a coincidence. I just submitted an issue titled, "Rise of the planet of the @@ANIMAL@@!". It was up for a couple of weeks for help edited. This seems like one of though subliminal things where you saw it and did not register in your mind but it gave you the idea. Other than that

Great Issue.


My only critique is the fact that the mods have stated that they make it an Easter egg issue whenever they feel like it, or whenever an issue strikes it as one. I have never heard of them taking one that in itself is calling it an Easter egg issue before they see it, but you never know.
Last edited by Islands Of Ventro on Sat April 20th, 1982, edited 69,419 times in total.
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Tsaivao
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Anarchy

Postby Tsaivao » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:22 am

1) @@ANIMALADJECTIVE@@ is not a real tag, to my knowledge
2) Why do you need to have the animal's name in the motto? Easter Egg issue, my bad. In either case, as stated above, I don't think an issue can be directly submitted as an easter egg
3) You left "otters" in the third option instead of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@

Overall this needs much more work, the options are all one-liners and there's not really much difference between 2 and 3, since an alliance with @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ will be recognizing them as independent either way...

Edit: additionally, effect 2 says that animals will be treated equally to humans, which wouldn't work for non-human nations
Last edited by Tsaivao on Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:28 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Traden
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Libertarian Police State

Postby Traden » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:30 am

Islands Of Ventro wrote:what a coincidence. I just submitted an issue titled, "Rise of the planet of the @@ANIMAL@@!". It was up for a couple of weeks for help edited. This seems like one of though subliminal things where you saw it and did not register in your mind but it gave you the idea. Other than that

Great Issue.


My only critique is the fact that the mods have stated that they make it an Easter egg issue whenever they feel like it, or whenever an issue strikes it as one. I have never heard of them taking one that in itself is calling it an Easter egg issue before they see it, but you never know.


Thank you. And I know it is hard, but as they say, "If you believe it, you can achieve it!"
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Traden
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Libertarian Police State

Postby Traden » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:34 am

Tsaivao wrote:1) @@ANIMALADJECTIVE@@ is not a real tag, to my knowledge
2) Why do you need to have the animal's name in the motto? Easter Egg issue, my bad. In either case, as stated above, I don't think an issue can be directly submitted as an easter egg
3) You left "otters" in the third option instead of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@

Overall this needs much more work, the options are all one-liners and there's not really much difference between 2 and 3, since an alliance with @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ will be recognizing them as independent either way...

Edit: additionally, effect 2 says that animals will be treated equally to humans, which wouldn't work for non-human nations


Thanks for realizing the errors I commited.
Last edited by Traden on Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Lumio Magika
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Postby Lumio Magika » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:39 am

After some initial skepticality over the... originality of this draft (since confirmed, so nothing wrong there), I'm now skeptical of the contents.


Nothing here really has any "meat" to it. It just seems like people are spouting words, without any real logic. My first question: Why are the animals attacking the capital? Is there any reason why this is dangerous enough to warrant military intervention?

2. Why would the people of the nation grant the animals human-like treatment? How would both of them benefit?

3. Why would Leader grant independence to the animals? It's not really that different from option two, so it's kinda hard to see the difference.

4. How in the HECK do the animals have access to tanks and weapons? How do they have the intelligence to use them?

5. You're juggling issue types here. It's built like a one-off issue, but the aftermath to option one clearly states that a revolution begins. If so, you must be able to write more issues to explain that. You can't just start a revolution, and then completely forget about it. That one option is better suited for an issue chain, but all the rest will end it immediately. It's possible that that answer will direct you to a second issue (outside of an issue chain), but it wouldn't flow as well.

Honestly, I'm not feeling and real force behind this issue. It feels too simple, and lacks the background to really feel urgent.
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Tsaivao
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Anarchy

Postby Tsaivao » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:49 am

Also, as an aside, it's considered good practice to keep track of the previous draft iterations, putting past versions in spoilers and only keeping the current draft unspoiled, like this:

Current issue:
Option 1: blah blah blah
...

Current issue:
Option 1: blah blah blah
...

Current issue:
Option 1: blah blah blah
...

Current issue:
Option 1: blah blah blah
...


Also, I agree with Lumio's assessment. I was gonna make a more in-depth look at this, but they pretty much nailed my largest concerns. This feels like the kind of one-off issue you'd see in many of the earlier game issues like from 1-200, but this wouldn't pass modern requirements. It feels far too direct and not very cleverly-written, which is okay for a first draft, and can definitely be improved upon.
Last edited by Tsaivao on Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
~::~ May the five winds guide us to glory ~::~
OPERATION TEN-GO: Tsaivao Authority confirms wormhole drives based on alien designs are functional | Gen. Tsaosin: "Operational integrity is the key to our success against the xenic threat. In a week, we will have already infiltrated into their world." | All leaders of Tsaivao send personal farewells to Ten-Go special forces unit Tsaikantan-8
Nation doesn't reflect my personal beliefs, NS stats aren't really worried about except for Nudity because "haha funny"
The symbol on my flag is supposed to be a typhoon
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Neutral: Gun Rights, Abortion, Centrism
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Traden
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Libertarian Police State

Postby Traden » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:55 am

Lumio Magika wrote:After some initial skepticality over the... originality of this draft (since confirmed, so nothing wrong there), I'm now skeptical of the contents.


Nothing here really has any "meat" to it. It just seems like people are spouting words, without any real logic. My first question: Why are the animals attacking the capital? Is there any reason why this is dangerous enough to warrant military intervention?

2. Why would the people of the nation grant the animals human-like treatment? How would both of them benefit?

3. Why would Leader grant independence to the animals? It's not really that different from option two, so it's kinda hard to see the difference.

4. How in the HECK do the animals have access to tanks and weapons? How do they have the intelligence to use them?

5. You're juggling issue types here. It's built like a one-off issue, but the aftermath to option one clearly states that a revolution begins. If so, you must be able to write more issues to explain that. You can't just start a revolution, and then completely forget about it. That one option is better suited for an issue chain, but all the rest will end it immediately. It's possible that that answer will direct you to a second issue (outside of an issue chain), but it wouldn't flow as well.

Honestly, I'm not feeling and real force behind this issue. It feels too simple, and lacks the background to really feel urgent.


1. This is an Easter Egg issue draft, and I wanted to include that from the Zombie one.

2. I fixed that already. They would grant it by making laws, duh. Also, the animals would stop war, while the humans will give respect to otters. Again, this is an Easter Egg issue draft.

3. Also fixed. I wanted to inspire it from the Chocolate Factory one.

4. You have a point. I should make it infantry-based.

5. Another point, but this time useless. See the zombie and alien one.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:58 am

I don't think this is how Easter Egg issues work. From what I have seen and heard they usually come from staff members or issue editors, so in other words, they're written internally and then released externally as an Easter Egg.

And if Easter Egg issues are made from player-written drafts, I think the Issue Editors themselves determine which submission has the merit of becoming an Easter Egg issue, and which don't. I don't think players themselves get to determine that, so even if you'd submit it as an Easter Egg issue, it would simply be seen as a regular issue by the editors.

Of course, if I am wrong then I hope to be corrected by someone more knowledgeable soon!
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:00 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Lumio Magika
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New York Times Democracy

Postby Lumio Magika » Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:15 pm

Traden wrote:
Lumio Magika wrote:After some initial skepticality over the... originality of this draft (since confirmed, so nothing wrong there), I'm now skeptical of the contents.


Nothing here really has any "meat" to it. It just seems like people are spouting words, without any real logic. My first question: Why are the animals attacking the capital? Is there any reason why this is dangerous enough to warrant military intervention?

2. Why would the people of the nation grant the animals human-like treatment? How would both of them benefit?

3. Why would Leader grant independence to the animals? It's not really that different from option two, so it's kinda hard to see the difference.

4. How in the HECK do the animals have access to tanks and weapons? How do they have the intelligence to use them?

5. You're juggling issue types here. It's built like a one-off issue, but the aftermath to option one clearly states that a revolution begins. If so, you must be able to write more issues to explain that. You can't just start a revolution, and then completely forget about it. That one option is better suited for an issue chain, but all the rest will end it immediately. It's possible that that answer will direct you to a second issue (outside of an issue chain), but it wouldn't flow as well.

Honestly, I'm not feeling and real force behind this issue. It feels too simple, and lacks the background to really feel urgent.


1. This is an Easter Egg issue draft, and I wanted to include that from the Zombie one.

2. I fixed that already. They would grant it by making laws, duh. Also, the animals would stop war, while the humans will give respect to otters. Again, this is an Easter Egg issue draft.

3. Also fixed. I wanted to inspire it from the Chocolate Factory one.

4. You have a point. I should make it infantry-based.

5. Another point, but this time useless. See the zombie and alien one.



I...What...I see you missed my point. I didn't ask how they would do it, I asked why they would do it. This entire issue has a premise, but has no justification for it in any way. It just seems random.
The League of Radiance's resident therapist-to-be. In my opinion, there's no greater feeling than the happiness you get when you help someone in need. I live my life for the sake of my wonderful boyfriend, my friends, and the people around the world that need my help.

Lumio out-of-context:
Lumio Magika wrote:Burn them with holy fire until nothing but ashes remain!
I don't use NS stats! Adunatum sub Lumina!

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Tsaivao
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Anarchy

Postby Tsaivao » Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:15 pm

Option 4: A "naturalist" is not at all the same thing as an environmentalist.

The options here all have something wrong with them that makes me confused.

Option 1 implies this current ongoing revolution which... never gets resolved.
Option 2 is okay, but still kind of abrupt with little flow. It's like he's talking to the void, no setup or cleverness in this option
Option 3 actually gives some setting and is a lot more clear, but is still a little awkward in my opinion
Option 4 (which appears to be new) makes little sense. Are the animals just expected to suddenly lose sentience and pretend everything is fine now?

As I and others have said, it feels barebones. It's merely skeletal of the kinds of resolutions that issue editors are looking for, and is missing much of the wit and humor that they require. As-is, this issue won't pass mustard, and you'd probably have to do a total rewrite of each option. The premise is good, you have something to work with, but it's still absent of what is required.

This, of course, all assuming that you can successfully submit an Easter Egg issue with that as its express purpose.
~::~ May the five winds guide us to glory ~::~
OPERATION TEN-GO: Tsaivao Authority confirms wormhole drives based on alien designs are functional | Gen. Tsaosin: "Operational integrity is the key to our success against the xenic threat. In a week, we will have already infiltrated into their world." | All leaders of Tsaivao send personal farewells to Ten-Go special forces unit Tsaikantan-8
Nation doesn't reflect my personal beliefs, NS stats aren't really worried about except for Nudity because "haha funny"
The symbol on my flag is supposed to be a typhoon
Pro: LGBT, BLM, Democracy, Democratic Socialism, Rationalism
Neutral: Gun Rights, Abortion, Centrism
Anti: Trumpism, Radicalization, Fundamentalism, Fascism

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Apr 30, 2021 6:38 pm

How exactly have animals invaded downtown? A large stampede? Are they wielding machine guns whilst dressed as Rambo? What exactly is the nature of this "invasion"
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