The Issue
It has now been six months since highly-respected @@DEMONYM@@ academic Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@ was arrested in Brazilistan after accepting an invitation to deliver a guest lecture in the hostile state. While @@HE@@ was arrested on espionage charges, your advisors have assured you the charges are almost certainly trumped-up, and domestic pressure is now mounting for you to get @@HIM@@ home.
1. The professor’s lead co-researcher rushes into your office, hair ablaze. “Our lab is falling apart without Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, look what happened to my hair when I tried to turn on the Blansen burner! @@HIS@@ expertise and scientific research is the key to curing dry elbow syndrome, and none of us left at the lab can even comprehend the complexity of @@HIS@@ data. You know, the Brazilistanis have been working on similar competing technology; we could share some of our findings in exchange for the professor’s swift release. They’ll probably beat us to the patent phase, but it’ll be worth it in the long-term for the professor’s irreplaceable skillset.”
Effect: Brazilistan is being lauded for their breakthroughs in treating dry elbow syndrome
2. “Who’s to say they’ll not just steal the research and renege on the deal?” the Professor’s cousin interjects. “Besides, that could take months to negotiate, and every day we sit here my cousin is being tortured by those barbaric savages! You need to find out their price, and damn-well double it! Whichever way you need to brand it to save face - call it ‘foreign aid’ if you have to - just do it quickly! Isn’t this what our taxes are for - protecting and serving our people?”
Effect: money bags are being shipped to Brazilistan by the boat-full
3. “No, that’s what the police are for,” your Minister for Defence audibly scoffs. “Anyway, what kind of message would that send? That if any tin-pot dictatorship wants a little extra pocket money all they need to do is kidnap a @@DEMONYM@@? Get on the phone to the Brazilistanis and tell them that if the professor’s not released by tomorrow morning, we’ll be moving troops into their cities by nightfall.”
Effect: @@LEADER@@’s finger is constantly on the button
4. “I agree with the Defence guy that we need to act quickly, but maybe a little less militaristic,” murmurs Shawn Shanksen, the warden of the notorious @@CAPITALCITY@@ State Prison. “Why not just offer a prisoner swap? They’ve been begging us to release those Brazilistanis arrested for that foiled terror plot a few years back. Sure, we might be unleashing a few potential national security threats, but we can deal with the consequences of that later. Just offer to send them back home in exchange for the professor’s safe return to @@NAME@@.”
Must not have No Prisons
Effect: terrorists need not dig a hole through the prison wall to escape the watchful eye of Shawn Shanksen
5. “Why are we even having this conversation?” mutters your brother, as he polishes the new gold bust of you on display in your office. “Who cares about this nutty professor anyway? Maybe @@HE@@ shouldn’t have been poking around and rubbing shoulders with our sworn enemies. Have you seen what these academics write in their papers about our benevolent government? I say cut our losses with the professor, and while we’re at it, maybe we could even arrange for a couple of other academics to mysteriously ‘go missing’.”
Effect: university lectures are left to be taught by the most competent student in the class