[DRAFT] Heart Disease Rampant

[Terminum]

It has been brought under your attention that the number of people dying of heart disease in %country% has been on the rise lately, which has caused an increase in mortality and has prompted your Minister of Health, %name% to confront you on how to resolve this issue.

1. "Dear leader!" Exclaims your health minister as he clutches onto a folder bursting at the seams with documents. "There is evidence that the rise in heart disease has been attributed by a growing number of citizens in our country preferring fast food over our traditional healthy diet! The studies show that in 10 years, this might put a great strain on our healthcare industry! Please do something about these rising fast food giants by imposing restrictions on the health value of their foods!"
Effects: Obesity increases, as does health and conservatism. Corruption and economy go down.

2. "Are you crazy?" CEO of the Fast Food Giant TFC, Collen Dersans, asks you as he exits from the meeting room in which you were discussing about further possible subsidies. "Our company has strived hard to provide the citizens of %country name% with an assortment of wonderful food items. Plus, who doesn't love TFC chicken nuggets?" From the back of the room, you hear your aide munch on some TFC chicken nuggets. "If anything, you should consider giving us more subsidies and allow us to purse a more aggressive marketing campaign!", he says, before whispering into your year "I'll promise to make generous donations to your party if you do it."
Effects: Corruption and economy go up, as does business subsidization. Obesity and health go down.

3. "Bunch of fancy words that mean nothing" remarks your eccentric second-cousin Bernard. "Just ban all these fast food companies, they're a bunch of stinky liars who make mediocre fried chicken. I'm sure that'll teach them for kicking me from a TFC restaurant for not standing in line."
Effects: Economy, business subsidization go down drastically. Authoritarianism, economy, economic output, health all go up.


Haven't really made an issue before. Putting this out here because I see very few issues related to healthcare despite countries like mine seeing nearly half their deaths to heart disease. Please give some feedback on how to improve my chances

[New Jacobland]

This is my first feedback to draft issues so I could be wrong.

I think "I'll make a generous donation to your party if you do" could be more subtle.

[Terminum]

This is my first feedback to draft issues so I could be wrong.

I think "I'll make a generous donation to your party if you do" could be more subtle.

So how about something like "The election season is coming soon and I think we can agree to something mutually beneficial."

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

It has been brought under your attention that the number of people dying of heart disease in %country% has been on the rise lately, which has caused an increase in mortality and has prompted your Minister of Health, %name% to confront you on how to resolve this issue.

1. "Dear leader!" Exclaims your health minister as he clutches onto a folder bursting at the seams with documents. "There is evidence that the rise in heart disease has been attributed by a growing number of citizens in our country preferring fast food over our traditional healthy diet! The studies show that in 10 years, this might put a great strain on our healthcare industry! Please do something about these rising fast food giants by imposing restrictions on the health value of their foods!"
Effects: Obesity increases, as does health and conservatism. Corruption and economy go down.

2. "Are you crazy?" CEO of the Fast Food Giant TFC, Collen Dersans, asks you as he exits from the meeting room in which you were discussing about further possible subsidies. "Our company has strived hard to provide the citizens of %country name% with an assortment of wonderful food items. Plus, who doesn't love TFC chicken nuggets?" From the back of the room, you hear your aide munch on some TFC chicken nuggets. "If anything, you should consider giving us more subsidies and allow us to purse a more aggressive marketing campaign!", he says, before whispering into your year "I'll promise to make generous donations to your party if you do it."
Effects: Corruption and economy go up, as does business subsidization. Obesity and health go down.

3. "Bunch of fancy words that mean nothing" remarks your eccentric second-cousin Bernard. "Just ban all these fast food companies, they're a bunch of stinky liars who make mediocre fried chicken. I'm sure that'll teach them for kicking me from a TFC restaurant for not standing in line."
Effects: Economy, business subsidization go down drastically. Authoritarianism, economy, economic output, health all go up.


Haven't really made an issue before. Putting this out here because I see very few issues related to healthcare despite countries like mine seeing nearly half their deaths to heart disease. Please give some feedback on how to improve my chances

I have a feeling there's an issue about heart disease already. I suggest you check it in the Writer's Block thread.

[Terminum]

I have a feeling there's an issue about heart disease already. I suggest you check it in the Writer's Block thread.

I used Ctrl+F on the megathread with a list of every single issue and couldn't find a match. Perhaps if I overlooked it, could you tell me the issue ID?

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

I have a feeling there's an issue about heart disease already. I suggest you check it in the Writer's Block thread.

I used Ctrl+F on the megathread with a list of every single issue and couldn't find a match. Perhaps if I overlooked it, could you tell me the issue ID?

I've asked for it. We'll just have to wait and see.

[SherpDaWerp]

"Heart disease" specifically isn't the topic of an issue (except for that one issue about whether pizza cures heart disease, but that's more about dubious research papers), but there might be other disease-based issues that are largely similar, even if they use a different chronic illness as the framing. "Disease" turns up 97 matches, though.

God knows a search function with query expansion would be incredibly handy for situations like this...

[Australian rePublic]

This is just another issue of is fast food bad or not, and doesn't seem like anything unique

[Merconitonitopia]

As Aus said, the basic theme of the dilemma is tired. I can recall several issues that already explore this theme. This makes the issue redundant and thematically uninteresting. This doesn't need to be so, as there's a lot more to this subject than diet. Heart disease is related to physical inactivity, air pollution, smoking, alcohol use.
However, that premise may be DOA from a mechanical standpoint. Someone who knows what they're talking about would need to confirm this, but I believe the causes of death are not primary statistics are directly modified by issues, but are mathematically derived from other stats.

You don't need to write out the stat effects of the issue answers; the editors handle this themselves. You've also neglected to write effect lines.
Now for a really boring English lecture.

"Dear leader!" Exclaims your health minister as he clutches onto a folder bursting at the seams with documents.

-'Exclaims' should be lowercase as it belongs to the same sentence as the quote.
As for prose, this sentence is also a little inelegant.
-Instead of, 'says so-and-so as he does something,' try 'says so-and-so, doing something.' It feels awkward if the sentence describes many different things (the dialogue, the description of the minister, the description of the folder) without being broken up into differentiated segments.
-The word 'onto' is not needed. Needless words that contribute neither to meaning or prose just add clutter.
-The unattributed verb ('bursting at the seams'), after describing the minister, is a little out of place. Instead, I'd suggest 'that bursts at the seams,' as it is clearly implied that this verb is attributed to the folder. (I'm sure no one would think it is the minister who is bursting at the seams, but it comes off as jarring all the same.)

"Are you crazy?" CEO of the Fast Food Giant TFC, Collen Dersans, asks you as he exits from the meeting room in which you were discussing about further possible subsidies.

-The dialogue tag 'asks' should precede the description of the character, especially given the lengthy title after the name.
-I would place the name before the title. Moreover, it is the common convention to use @@RANDOMNAME@@ where the character's name does not have any narrative meaning.
-This sentence is also generally inelegant in a similar vein to the above. The sentence: provides the dialogue, attributes the dialogue, names the character, provides the character's job, names the character's company, describes the company, describes the actions of the character, states that a discussion was taking place in the room from which the character was exiting, togethering with stating the subject matter of the discussion. All of this in a single sentence that all just flows together.

"If anything, you should consider giving us more subsidies and allow us to purse a more aggressive marketing campaign!",

There is no need for the comma following the exclamation mark.

before whispering into your year "I'll promise to make generous donations to your party if you do it."

A comma should precede the quotation.

"Bunch of fancy words that mean nothing," remarks your eccentric second-cousin Bernard.

'This is how you write a quotation that comprises a sentence of its own, but which is nested within a sentence outside of the quotation,' said the very smart person who knows how quotes work. 'Unless one used an exclamation mark or question mark, the quote should end in a comma that lies within the quotation marks.'

"Just ban all these fast food companies, they're a bunch of stinky liars who make mediocre fried chicken.

Two related but grammatically independent clauses should be separated by a semicolon. (I'll be the first to admit that the peculiarities of English punctuation can be tricky.)

[Terminum]

I guess I'm not gonna make this issues. Tried though.

[The Sakhalinsk Empire]

I guess I'm not gonna make this issues. Tried though.

Please don't be discouraged. There are many interesting ideas out there; you've just got to keep trying and keep pushing through until you get the perfect one. Then you've got to listen to the advice of everyone who gives it, so that you get a well-rounded issue. If most people agree that it's good, 99% of the time, once you submit it, it'll be accepted. (It takes some time for it to be implemented - hell, my issue "Dirty Laundry" took so long to be accepted, I'd already forgotten about it when I was notified that I got it!)