[title]These Options Are Not An Option
[validity]capitalism, internet
[desc] Popular stock trading platform Robewood recently halted the trading of certain stocks and options, claiming to protect their users from extreme market volatility. Thousands of users are pushing back against this action, asserting that this caused them to lose hundreds to thousands of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@. The restricted stocks continue to be propelled upwards by massive groups of @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ on internet forums buying the stock through other brokerages in retaliation.
[option]"The bubble is going to burst, and we're going to see people falling even further below the poverty line," carefully claims Robewood CEO @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, as investors eye him uncertainly. "These misinformed, internet gambling, Ponzi schemers shouldn't be allowed to influence the global markets like this! Let's be real, the inflated ZWE stock is really worth 22 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, and trading should only reopen once the price falls below that threshold. By next Friday, preferably -- I'll get my hedge fund guys on it."
[effect]only the rich can engage with the free market
[option]"This was an opportunity to finally take my income to the moon," cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, whose callouses from hard daily labor make him better known as 'Diamond-Hands'. "The rich elite of this nation are just covering their massive losses by bribing Robewood to stop trading of stocks they're losing money on. Sure, my contracts might appear to be high-risk, but I simply like the stock! Trading platforms must allow users to do whatever they want, period."
[effect]stocks go up when the internet says so
[option]"Frankly, momentum trades like these are going to happen far into the future," claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, who recently lost their entire savings after visiting an internet forum. "To avoid this debate over and over again, just abolish capitalism. The invisible hand of the free market can instead be controlled by you, and the corporate pigs along with it. Mind lending me some money, @@LEADER@@? I'm craving some chicken nuggets."
[effect]citizens have lost all interest in the stock market