NationStates

It's my first time writing an issue draft, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[TITLE] A Cuisine Problem!
[VALIDITY] Nations with fast-food restaurants.

Description: Nationalists, @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ elders, your grandma, and foreign restaurant customer service alike are dismayed after @@NAME@@'s modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine so much, that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food had been almost forgotten

Option 1. "What's the problem with your people eh?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, manager of one of the famous Maxtopian restaurants in @@NAME@@, "So what if it's from a different culture? We offer them delicious and tasty foods, instead of a cultural bland soup!" He adds. "I suggest you teach those "loyal" citizens of yours to try something new, something modern! Make them learn to accept people and food of all colors, shapes, and sizes." he says, looking at a Maxtopian glowing trapezoid 'Mystery Food' being served to an unlucky customer.
Effect: seniors crave old cuisine even more

Option 2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ people now forget the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine!" Shouts @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine chef, "I really don't know if they even know how to cook a @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ dish! what if our cuisine had been forgotten by the people? Future generations will never even get to taste and see our Cuisine and our culture!" She adds, "We should get rid of these foreign foods so that the people of @@NAME@@ can only eat the cultural dish of our nation! That way, even the future generations will get to taste and remember our cultural cuisine..." She suggests.
Effect: People of @@NAME@@ don't know to make the modern fried chicken

Option 3. "What if!" Shouts Economist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ "We build more restaurants that offer dishes from our cuisine!" He suggests. "So that the beloved people of @@NAME@@ can enjoy historic food, as well as modern food!"
Effect: Protection of @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ cuisine go along with the development of modern cuisine

OOC: I just removed option 3, when I edited option 2, I realized it's going to be unnecessary.

Glad you're here, Mihro.

You have lots of words capitalized when they shouldn't be like asked or manager in option one.

I'll give you a quick revision of the description, assuming this issue topic isn't overlapping.

[TITLE] A Cuisine Problem!

Description: Nationalists, your grandma, and foreign restaurant customer service alike are upset after @@NAME@@'s newfound liking of Maxtopian cuisine, so much so that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food has been practically forgotten.

Option 1. "What's the problem?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, manager of one of the famous Maxtopian restaurants in @@NAME@@. "We offer delicious food that makes @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ happy! So what if it's from a foreign culture? You need to teach your people a lesson and make them learn to accept people and food of all colors, shapes, and sizes," he says, looking at a Maxtopian glowing trapezoid 'Mystery Food' being served to an unlucky customer.

Effect: starving seniors miss the old days even more

Option 2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ people now forget the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine!" shouts @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine chef, "I really don't know if they even know how to cook a @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ dish! what if our cuisine had been forgotten by the people? Future generations will never even get to taste and see our Cuisine and our culture!" She adds, "We should get rid of these fast-food restaurants because it will destroy the cuisine culture of @@NAME@@" She suggests.
Effect: People of @@NAME@@ don't know to make the modern fried chicken

Option 3. "I agree with her." Say Mr. @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, "@@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Cuisine needs to be protected. Its one of the great culture our ancestors gave us, that can be represented to the world!" He adds, "But I don't think we should get rid of it, I think we should make all of the fast-food chain, a @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ restaurant! That way, the people will get to taste the dish our ancestors gave us!" He suggests.
Effect: Fast food restaurants that sell fried, modern food is banned.

Option 4. "What if!" Shouts Economist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ "We build more fast-food chains, but this time offers @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Historic Foods!" He suggests. "That way, the beloved people of @@NAME@@ can enjoy historic food, as well as modern food!"
Effect: Protection of @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ cuisine go along with the development of modern cuisine

whoops copy and pasted too much

Minskiev wrote:You have lots of words capitalized when they shouldn't be like asked or manager in option one.

Thanks for pointing it out! I'll fix it...

Minskiev wrote:I'll give you a quick revision of the description, assuming this issue topic isn't overlapping.

Description: Nationalists, your grandma, and foreign restaurant customer service alike are upset after @@NAME@@'s newfound liking of Maxtopian cuisine, so much so that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food has been practically forgotten.

yeah...I'll edit the description to something like this. Thanks for pointing this out!

Minskiev wrote:Option 1. "What's the problem?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, manager of one of the famous Maxtopian restaurants in @@NAME@@. "We offer delicious food that makes @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ happy! So what if it's from a foreign culture? You need to teach your people a lesson and make them learn to accept people and food of all colors, shapes, and sizes," he says, looking at a Maxtopian glowing trapezoid 'Mystery Food' being served to an unlucky customer.

yup, haha, I'll better edit option 1

You introduce this issue as being about people in your nation eating at foreign cuisine restaurants and neglecting your own nation's cuisine, but the rest of the issue is like a fight between this problem and another problem about fast food restaurants. My advice would be to focus on the foreign cuisine thing and drop all the stuff about fast food because at the moment this issue is like two issues in one.

Terrabod wrote:You introduce this issue as being about people in your nation eating at foreign cuisine restaurants and neglecting your own nation's cuisine, but the rest of the issue is like a fight between this problem and another problem about fast food restaurants. My advice would be to focus on the foreign cuisine thing and drop all the stuff about fast food because at the moment this issue is like two issues in one.

mmhhmm... I'll edit the draft and keep this in mind. Thank you for advising!

Terrabod wrote: You introduce this issue as being about people in your nation eating at foreign cuisine restaurants and neglecting your own nation's cuisine, but the rest of the issue is like a fight between this problem and another problem about fast food restaurants.

Could you specify the problem so I can fix it easily? Thanks in advance!

Mihro wrote:Could you specify the problem so I can fix it easily? Thanks in advance!

Ok, here goes.

Mihro wrote:Description: Nationalists, @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ elders, your grandma, and foreign restaurant customer service alike are dismayed after @@NAME@@'s modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine so much, that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food had been almost forgotten.

No mention of fast food here, which I think is the right thing.

Mihro wrote:Option 1. "What's the problem with fast-food chains?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@

Who's got a problem with fast food chains? The problem is with people choosing foreign food over your nation's own food, not choosing fast food over other restaurants.

Mihro wrote:"We offer delicious, tasty foods, that make the @@DEMONYPURAL@@ people happy! So what if it's from a different culture? Why eating in a fast-food restaurant becomes a problem eh?"

The 'so what if it's from a different culture' fits this issue whereas 'why is eating in a fast food restaurant a problem?' does not fit this issue. Nobody is saying eating at a fast food restaurant is a problem, they're saying easting foreign food all the time instead of your nation's food is a problem.

Mihro wrote:Option 2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ people now forget the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine!" Shouts @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Cuisine chef, "I really don't know if they even know how to cook a @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ dish! what if our cuisine had been forgotten by the people? Future generations will never even get to taste and see our Cuisine and our culture!"

Ok, so this chef is saying that your nation is losing part of its culture because its cuisine is being neglected, which fits this issue.

Mihro wrote:"We should get rid of these fast-food restaurants because it will destroy the cuisine culture of @@NAME@@" She suggests.

But fast food chains aren't the problem. It doesn't matter where people go to eat foreign food, whether it's a fast food restaurant or a 5-star restaurant; the problem is just that they choose foreign food over your national dishes.

Mihro wrote:Option 3. "I agree with her." Say Mr. @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, "@@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Cuisine needs to be protected. Its one of the great culture our ancestors gave us, that can be represented to the world!"

So this guy wants to protect your nation's cuisine...

Mihro wrote:"But I don't think we should get rid of it, I think we should make all of the fast-food chain, a @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ restaurant! That way, the people will get to taste the cultu... dish our ancestors gave us!" He suggests.

... by making your nation's restaurants into fast food restaurants? Why? What is with this obsession with fast food if the issue is about people going to restaurants that serve foreign food instead of eating somewhere that serves your nation's cuisine? Not all fast food chains sell foreign food, and there are plenty of non-fast food restaurants that serve foreign cuisine.

Mihro wrote:Option 4. "What if!" Shouts Economist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ "We build more fast-food chains, but this time offers @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Historic Foods!" He suggests. "That way, the beloved people of @@NAME@@ can enjoy historic food, as well as modern food!"

But why? Why build more fast food chains? Why not build more restaurant that serve your nation's traditional food? That's probably not the right response to this problem anyway, but it makes more sense than building fast food chains.

oohh, thanks for pointing the problems, I'll fix them and put a new draft...Thanks for the advice!

Any last comments?

Mihro wrote:

Description: Nationalists, @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ elders, your grandma [seems redundant given the inclusion of @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ elders], and foreign restaurant customer service [why are they concerned?] alike are dismayed after @@NAME@@'s modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine so much, that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food had been almost forgotten.

Option 1. "What's the problem with your people, eh?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ [Is there also a reason why it should be a male person in particular?], manager of one of the famous Maxtopian restaurants in @@NAME@@,. "So what if it's [don't start off with a pronoun as it seems unclear that you're referring to food] from a different culture? We offer them delicious and tasty foods, instead of a cultural bland soup!" He adds. "I suggest you teach those these "loyal" citizens of yours to try something new, something modern! Make them learn to accept people and food of all colors, shapes, and sizes."he says, looking at a Maxtopian glowing trapezoid 'Mystery Food' being served to an unlucky customer. [Move this last part about the Mystery Food up where you're introducing him. Also, are they meeting in a restaurant? Why is a customer in Leader's office?]
Effect: seniors crave old cuisine even more [My suggestion would be something like "traditional family recipes just aren't the same anymore" or something like that]

Option 2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ people now forget the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ Cuisine!" Sshouts @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Ccuisine chef [Does this person have a name? Also is there a reason why she's specifically a woman?],. "I really don't know if they even know how to cook a @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ dish! wWhat if our cuisine had been forgotten by the people? Future generations will never even get to taste and see our Ccuisine and our culture!" She adds, "We should get rid of these foreign foods so that the people of @@NAME@@ can only eat the cultural dish of our nation! That way, even the future generations will get to taste and remember our cultural cuisine..."She suggests.
Effect: People of @@NAME@@ don't know to make the modern fried chicken

Option 3. "What if!" Sshouts Eeconomist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We build more restaurants that offer dishes from our cuisine!" He suggests. "So that the beloved people of @@NAME@@ can enjoy historic food, as well as modern food!"
Effect: Protection of @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ cuisine go along with the development of modern cuisine

Fixed up the grammar a bit.

Option 3 doesn't make much sense, to be honest. If Maxtopian food is popular, then the solution to @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ food being neglected wouldn't just be to open new restaurants or there wouldn't be enough subsequent demand to justify keeping them open. I would imagine the government would try and make cultural food trendy or something.

I would also hold off on submitting until you get a few more people suggesting revisions or edits. I think you have a good premise, but needs some developing. It's pretty good for a first issue, though!

This isn't ready for submission or last call. I highly recommend implementing Atlae's edits just so the draft is more readable. I think that local customs atrophying in the face of increasing globalization could make for an interesting premise. However, the way this draft handles its premise just doesn't work. What do you mean by food being "almost forgotten"? Do you mean that people aren't eating native food? That they don't know how to make it? What do you mean by people being dismayed after the "modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine"? The opening just doesn't make sense and doesn't read well.

Your premise seems to be that young people (who are apparently one collective consciousness with the exact same preferences) prefer specifically Maxtopian food to the degree that native food has fallen to the wayside. Your options for dealing with this are to encourage people to try new things (with an offhand mention that native food is apparently bland), banning all foreign food (which is not only a bit absurd, but also doesn't sound remotely like an actual argument the speaker would make), and building more native restaurants (why are you targeting restaurants when people's preferences are supposedly the issue?). I'm also having a hard time discerning whether the conflict is native vs. international, old vs. new, or a combination of both. I think this might need a top-to-bottom rewrite.

Cretox State wrote:This isn't ready for submission or last call. I highly recommend implementing Atlae's edits just so the draft is more readable. I think that local customs atrophying in the face of increasing globalization could make for an interesting premise. However, the way this draft handles its premise just doesn't work. What do you mean by food being "almost forgotten"? Do you mean that people aren't eating native food? That they don't know how to make it? What do you mean by people being dismayed after the "modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine"? The opening just doesn't make sense and doesn't read well.

Your premise seems to be that young people (who are apparently one collective consciousness with the exact same preferences) prefer specifically Maxtopian food to the degree that native food has fallen to the wayside. Your options for dealing with this are to encourage people to try new things (with an offhand mention that native food is apparently bland), banning all foreign food (which is not only a bit absurd, but also doesn't sound remotely like an actual argument the speaker would make), and building more native restaurants (why are you targeting restaurants when people's preferences are supposedly the issue?). I'm also having a hard time discerning whether the conflict is native vs. international, old vs. new, or a combination of both. I think this might need a top-to-bottom rewrite.

oohh, okay... well, now I don't see this draft getting passed, but I'll work harder to write issues and keep in mind your changes and advice, thanks!

The Atlae Isles wrote:

Mihro wrote:

Description: Nationalists, @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ elders, your grandma [seems redundant given the inclusion of @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ elders], and foreign restaurant customer service [why are they concerned?] alike are dismayed after @@NAME@@'s modern generation liked Maxtopian cuisine so much, that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food had been almost forgotten.

Option 1. "What's the problem with your people, eh?" asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ [Is there also a reason why it should be a male person in particular?], manager of one of the famous Maxtopian restaurants in @@NAME@@,. "So what if it's [don't start off with a pronoun as it seems unclear that you're referring to food] from a different culture? We offer them delicious and tasty foods, instead of a cultural bland soup!" He adds. "I suggest you teach those these "loyal" citizens of yours to try something new, something modern! Make them learn to accept people and food of all colors, shapes, and sizes."he says, looking at a Maxtopian glowing trapezoid 'Mystery Food' being served to an unlucky customer. [Move this last part about the Mystery Food up where you're introducing him. Also, are they meeting in a restaurant? Why is a customer in Leader's office?]
Effect: seniors crave old cuisine even more [My suggestion would be something like "traditional family recipes just aren't the same anymore" or something like that]

Option 2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ people now forget the @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ Cuisine!" Sshouts @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Ccuisine chef [Does this person have a name? Also is there a reason why she's specifically a woman?],. "I really don't know if they even know how to cook a @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ dish! wWhat if our cuisine had been forgotten by the people? Future generations will never even get to taste and see our Ccuisine and our culture!" She adds, "We should get rid of these foreign foods so that the people of @@NAME@@ can only eat the cultural dish of our nation! That way, even the future generations will get to taste and remember our cultural cuisine..."She suggests.
Effect: People of @@NAME@@ don't know to make the modern fried chicken

Option 3. "What if!" Sshouts Eeconomist @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We build more restaurants that offer dishes from our cuisine!" He suggests. "So that the beloved people of @@NAME@@ can enjoy historic food, as well as modern food!"
Effect: Protection of @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ cuisine go along with the development of modern cuisine

Fixed up the grammar a bit.

Option 3 doesn't make much sense, to be honest. If Maxtopian food is popular, then the solution to @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ food being neglected wouldn't just be to open new restaurants or there wouldn't be enough subsequent demand to justify keeping them open. I would imagine the government would try and make cultural food trendy or something.

I would also hold off on submitting until you get a few more people suggesting revisions or edits. I think you have a good premise, but needs some developing. It's pretty good for a first issue, though!

Thanks for changing my mistakes! Actually, I don't see this draft getting passed, but I'll work hard to write issues and I'll always check my grammar