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[SUBMITTED] @@LEADER@@'s List

PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2020 6:53 pm
by Baggieland
Here's the inspiration:
https://www.news.com.au/world/north-america/us-politics/biden-supporters-begin-drawing-up-revenge-lists-of-trump-allies/news-story/730f4ecaceae4a037d2c421193ad1320

[TITLE] @@LEADER@@'s List

[DESCRIPTION] Congratulations! You have just comfortably won the latest election and @@NAME@@ can look forward to more of your wisdom. However, there is still a sizeable amount of the population, who for some reason, still support the opposition.

[VALIDITY] has elections

[OPTION] "We need to find out who these sycophants are," declares Alex O'Connell, the newest, youngest and most impulsive of Parliamentarians. "We need to draw up a list of everyone who has ever supported the opposition, taken a pay-check from them or helped them further their agenda. We must make sure that these people never get the chance to serve in office, join a corporate board, find a faculty position or be accepted into polite society ever again."

[EFFECT] a whole new class of 'untermenschen' has been created

[OPTION] "There's no need for a witch-hunt," advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, a more senior politician who 'crossed the floor' some time ago. "Ostracising anyone who supported the opposition isn't healthy for our democracy – instead we should reach out to them. After every election have a 'get-together' and see if there are any of their policy ideas that we could implement."

[EFFECT] the only difference between @@LEADER@@'s party and the opposition is the colour of the rosettes

[OPTION] "Lists are good Dear," says your mum, who has just popped into the office to bring you tea and scones. "I always have lists for everything. I've got them for shopping, recipes, which pj's you should wear for each day of the week, and so on. If you mandate that every government department must provide lists for every little thing that they do – then your government will run so much more smoothly. Now, where did I put my list of things to do today?"

[EFFECT] government red-tape is listed as critical


[TITLE] @@LEADER@@'s List

[DESCRIPTION] Congratulations! You have just comfortably won the latest election and @@NAME@@ can look forward to more of your wisdom. However, there is still a sizeable amount of the population – who for some reason – still support the opposition.

[VALIDITY] has elections, no wild-child

[OPTION] "We need to find out who each and every one of these traitors are," declares Alex O'Connell, the newest, youngest and most impulsive of Parliamentarians. "Let's create a list of everyone who supported the opposition or helped them in any way to put out their vile anti-@@LEADER@@ agenda. Then all we need is a secret government department ensuring that anyone on the list… well let's just say that life – getting a decent job or sending their kids to a respectable school – will become somewhat problematic."

[EFFECT] a whole new class of 'untermenschen' has been created

[OPTION] "There's no need for a witch-hunt," advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, a more senior politician who 'crossed the floor' some time ago. "Ostracising anyone who supported the opposition isn't healthy for our democracy – we should be reaching out to them. After every election have a 'get-together' and let's make a list of any of their reasonable policy ideas that we could implement instead."

[EFFECT] the only difference between @@LEADER@@'s party and the opposition is the colour of the rosettes

[OPTION] "Lists are good Dear," says your mum, who has just popped into the office to bring you tea and scones. "I always have lists for everything. I've got them for shopping, recipes, which pj's you should wear for each day of the week, and so on. If you mandate that every government department must provide lists for every little thing that they do – then your government will run so much more smoothly. Now, where did I put my list of things to do today?"

[EFFECT] government red-tape is listed as critical


[TITLE] @@LEADER@@'s List

[DESCRIPTION] During the most recent election (which you won comfortably, of course) the opposition engaged in a fair amount of vitriol directed at you and your party. Some members of your organisation are now calling for those who participated in the abuse to be held accountable.

[VALIDITY] has elections, no wild-child

[OPTION] "We need to find out who each and every one of these degenerates are," declares Alex O'Connell, the newest, youngest and most impulsive of Parliamentarians. "Let's create a list of everyone who supported the opposition or helped them in any way to put out their vile anti-@@LEADER@@ agenda. Then all we need is a secret government department ensuring that anyone on the list, well let's just say that life – getting a decent job or sending their kids to a respectable school – will become somewhat problematic."

[EFFECT] a whole new class of 'untermenschen' has been created

[OPTION] "There's no need for a witch-hunt," advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, a more senior politician who 'crossed the floor' some time ago. "Ostracising people for colourfully voicing their opposition isn't healthy for our democracy – we should be reaching out to them. After every election have a 'get-together' and let's make a list of any of their reasonable policy ideas that we could implement instead."

[EFFECT] the only difference between @@LEADER@@'s party and the opposition is the colour of the rosettes

[OPTION] "Lists are good Dear," says your mum, who has just popped into the office to bring you tea and scones. "I always have lists for everything. I've got them for shopping, recipes, which pj's you should wear for each night of the week, and so on. If you mandate that every government department must provide lists for every little thing that they do – then your government will run so much more smoothly. Now, where did I put my list of things to do today?"

[EFFECT] government red-tape is listed as critical

PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2020 9:57 am
by Fauxia
Is a direct quote of some WaPo neocon really necessary?

Direct quotes are fine sometimes, of course, but they should be for fairly well-known ones which are funny. This isn't particularly funny, you're just putting Jennifer Rubin's words directly into the mouth of the speaker in option 1.

Option 3 only seems tangentially related.

I'm not saying this is a bad topic, and forgive my bluntness, but at the moment it doesn't seem up to your usual standard. Probably, that comes to having Jennifer Rubin write it instead of Baggieland. No thanks, I prefer NS writers for NS.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 2:31 am
by Baggieland
Fauxia wrote:Is a direct quote of some WaPo neocon really necessary?

Direct quotes are fine sometimes, of course, but they should be for fairly well-known ones which are funny. This isn't particularly funny, you're just putting Jennifer Rubin's words directly into the mouth of the speaker in option 1.

Fauxia wrote:I'm not saying this is a bad topic, and forgive my bluntness, but at the moment it doesn't seem up to your usual standard. Probably, that comes to having Jennifer Rubin write it instead of Baggieland. No thanks, I prefer NS writers for NS.

Yeah, you caught me in a moment of sheer laziness there. It has been de-Jenniferised and it has become Baggiefied instead. :)

Fauxia wrote:Option 3 only seems tangentially related.

Hmm... I quite like option 3 as a standard crazy option. It talks of forcing government departments to make lists, so it seems related to me. Always open to suggestions of course.

2nd draft is up.

Option 1 has been Baggiefied.
Option 2 has a couple of tweaks to it, hopefully it reads better now.
Option 3 has no changes, at the moment. :)

PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 12:51 pm
by Australian rePublic
Well of coarse there are people who support the opposition. Unless it's a faux election, this is to be expected.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 9:32 pm
by Baggieland
Australian rePublic wrote:Well of coarse there are people who support the opposition. Unless it's a faux election, this is to be expected.

Of course some people will always support different parties. It's not about who supports who, it's about creating a list to enact a witch-hunt.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2020 4:06 am
by Terrabod
Baggieland wrote:Of course some people will always support different parties. It's not about who supports who, it's about creating a list to enact a witch-hunt.

It's just because your intro is a little bit saggy.

Baggieland wrote:[DESCRIPTION] Congratulations! You have just comfortably won the latest election and @@NAME@@ can look forward to more of your wisdom. However, there is still a sizeable amount of the population – who for some reason – still support the opposition.

This doesn't introduce the core problem discussed in the issue, it just tells us that a proportion of the population support the opposition after your win. As for the 'for some reason', we know the reason - because that's the party they wanted to win instead of you.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2020 8:51 pm
by Fauxia
Much better. I do think that having the dashes and the ellipsis is a little confusing, though - is there any way you could tweak that?

PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2020 9:07 pm
by Baggieland
Terrabod wrote:It's just because your intro is a little bit saggy.

Terrabod wrote:This doesn't introduce the core problem discussed in the issue, it just tells us that a proportion of the population support the opposition after your win. As for the 'for some reason', we know the reason - because that's the party they wanted to win instead of you.

Done.
Fauxia wrote:Much better. I do think that having the dashes and the ellipsis is a little confusing, though - is there any way you could tweak that?

And done.

I've also tweaked options 1 and 2 a little bit, just to make them fit better to the new intro.

3rd draft is up.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2021 9:37 pm
by Baggieland
Any more comments on this one?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:56 am
by Fauxia
Looks good to me, Baggie.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2021 1:54 am
by Baggieland
Fauxia wrote:Looks good to me, Baggie.

Thanks Fauxia, and with that vote of confidence...

submitted.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2021 3:18 am
by Lelscrep
Baggieland wrote:
Fauxia wrote:Looks good to me, Baggie.

Thanks Fauxia, and with that vote of confidence...

submitted.

Well good luck! I quite like this issue. :)

PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2021 4:06 am
by Baggieland
Lelscrep wrote:
Baggieland wrote:Thanks Fauxia, and with that vote of confidence...

submitted.

Well good luck! I quite like this issue. :)

:hug:

PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2021 4:13 am
by Socialist States of Ludistan
Seems like a good issue, can’t really say how to improve it, but I’m no professional issue-maker.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2021 8:30 pm
by Australian rePublic
Good Luck!