[DRAFT] @@ANIMAL@@’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake

[Dabarastan]

Co-authored by Jim The Baptist

It's that time of year again for the famous @@ANIMALS@@'s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake, and people have come from all over to roll their favourite cheeses down the historical slope.
Unfortunately, this year tragedy has struck. A passerby was fondue-ified when @@HE@@ was bowled over and fatally injured by a gigantic wheel of Swiss cheese. Spectators and citizens alike have stormed your office with complaints and suggestions on what, if anything, should be done.

1- "I'm getting feta up with this!" exclaims angry townsman @@RANDOMNAME@@. “This festival is a nuisance to the local community. Every year my family and I have to dodge wheels of cheese that damage the valuable infrastructure of our town, and now someone’s dead! We have gouda scrap this awful festival in the name of safety!"
Effect: cheese lovers are holding a wake for the recently cancelled @@ANIMALS@@’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake.

2- "Why don't we just build a wall around the festival site?" suggests wealthy industrialist Dr Charles Pennypacker. "That ought to set your mind at cheese, dear Leader. Not only will that stop rogue cheeses from going too far astray, it will also block the view of those pesky freeloaders who refuse to pay for tickets."
Effect: only the elites of society can afford to attend the nation's exclusive annual cheese-rolling festival.
Must have policy: Capitalism

3- "Here's an idea," interjects free-thinking dairy enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We curd convert the festival site into a collectivised cheese farm! The area is perfect with its lush, sprawling green hills and wide, open space. Plus the cheese that's produced can then be redistributed to the hungry on an as-needed basis. To each according to his need, right?"
Effect: even the poorest citizens are cheese snobs

4- "These cheesy puns have got to stop!" pleads jolly spectator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Anyway, I have a better suggestion. The only reason half the spectators come is because they're hoping to see some absent-minded bystanders get made into fondue. In my opinion this was a huge success. I say we make the wheels even bigger! We can appease these safety-conscious people by just getting some paramedics on hand in queso emergency. OK, maybe they're not even paramedics, but just people who look like them. I don't know, let's just hurry up and roll some more cheese!"
Effect: getting hit by cheese has become a national pastime.

5- "Instead of cheese, why don't we just roll things that look like cheese, like a big wheel of tofu?" physicist Dr @@RANDOMMNAME@@ calmly proposes. "It goes slower and would probably break apart on impact causing minimal damage. And even if it did roll into someone, the worst it would probably do is give them a bit of a protein hit."
Effect: vegans have taken over the @@ANIMAL@@’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake festival.

Draft 2:

It's that time of year again for the famous @@ANIMALS@@'s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake, and people have come from all over to roll their favourite cheeses down the historical slope.
Unfortunately, this year tragedy has struck. A passerby was fondue-ified when @@HE@@ was bowled over and fatally injured by a gigantic wheel of Swiss cheese. Spectators and citizens alike have stormed your office with complaints and suggestions on what, if anything, should be done.

1- "I'm getting feta up with this!" exclaims angry townsman @@RANDOMNAME@@. “This festival is a nuisance to the local community. Every year my family and I have to dodge wheels of cheese that damage the valuable infrastructure of our town, and now someone’s dead! It’s high time you cancelled this calamitous event and replaced it with something that’s a little less dangerous. How about a Safety Day where everyone goes to work wearing bubble wrap?
Effect: citizens who aren’t draped in bubble wrap on Safety Day are hunted down and punished.

2- "Why don't we just build a wall around the festival site?" suggests wealthy industrialist Dr Charles Pennypacker. "That ought to set your mind at cheese, dear Leader. Not only will that stop rogue cheeses from going too far astray, it will also block the view of those pesky freeloaders who refuse to pay for tickets."
Effect: only the elites of society can afford to attend the nation's exclusive annual cheese-rolling festival.
Must have policy: Capitalism

3- "Here's a thought," interjects free-thinking dairy enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We curd convert the festival site into a collectivised cheese farm! The area is perfect with its lush, sprawling green hills and wide, open space. Plus the cheese that's produced can then be redistributed to the hungry on an as-needed basis. To each according to his need, right?"
Effect: even the poorest citizens are cheese snobs

4- "These cheesy puns have got to stop!" pleads jolly spectator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Anyway, I have a better suggestion. The only reason half the spectators come is because they're hoping to see some absent-minded bystanders get made into fondue. In my opinion this was a huge success. I say we make the wheels even bigger! We can appease these safety-conscious people by just getting some paramedics on hand in queso emergency. OK, maybe they're not even paramedics, but just people who look like them. I don't know, let's just hurry up and roll some more cheese!"
Effect: getting hit by cheese has become a national pastime.

5- "I’ve gouda better idea; instead of cheese, why don't we just roll things that look like cheese, like a big wheel of tofu?" physicist Dr @@RANDOMMNAME@@ calmly proposes. "It goes slower and would probably break apart on impact causing minimal damage. And even if it did roll into someone, the worst it would probably do is give them a bit of a protein hit."
Effect: vegans have taken over the @@ANIMAL@@’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake festival.

[Wille-Harlia]

Love. It.

[Avaerilon]

Perhaps change it to just cheese? Since Swiss cheese would make sense in Switzerland, but surely this would be a national cheese (as it is in the RL example in the UK; a double-Gloucester is used, as the event we're familiar with is in Gloucestershire). Or a demonym cheese?

[Honeydewistania]

Or one of the NPC countries.

Also, a validity should be ‘doesn’t have crappy cheese exports’

[Baggieland]

Why is this a problem that requires government action? Take any sport that has experienced fatal accidents, example motor sports, what happens after the accident? The sport's governing body enacts stricter safety measures. Nothing to do with government.

[Nooooooooooooooo]

Or one of the NPC countries.

Also, a validity should be ‘doesn’t have crappy cheese exports’

Yes, we want to make sure that Haivon doesn't get this issue.

[Jim the Baptist]

Why is this a problem that requires government action? Take any sport that has experienced fatal accidents, example motor sports, what happens after the accident? The sport's governing body enacts stricter safety measures. Nothing to do with government.

Why are you comparing it to sports though? This isn't a sport like motor cross, it's a cheese festival. One aspect of the festival is that people roll oversized wheels of cheese down a hill. It's not a regularly occurring, highly organized and well-established sport with a governing body. It only happens once a year for a bit of fun. So the government is involved because I think it's implied that they facilitate the festivities and goings-on etc. in the absence of a governing body, which there wouldn't be for an event like this that only happens once a year.

[Australian rePublic]

Why would anyone choose option 1 when the other alternatives allow the festival in a safer manner? Also option 2, won't the fence cause mpre injuries than leaving it unfenced?

[Jim the Baptist]

Why would anyone choose option 1 when the other alternatives allow the festival in a safer manner? Also option 2, won't the fence cause mpre injuries than leaving it unfenced?

I agree about your first point. Option 1 feels a little empty and there isn't much benefit to choosing it over the other options. Any suggestions on how to change it?
Let's say the event is subsidised by the government to some degree which it probably would be. What if we imply that cancelling the event would save the government money since they're no longer subsidising it? Does that give some more incentive?

I'm not sure what you mean about your last comment though, why does it cause more injuries?

[Dabarastan]

Hello all, we have edited this following on from the feedback above. Let us know if you have any more thoughts.

[Australian rePublic]

Why would anyone choose option 1 when the other alternatives allow the festival in a safer manner? Also option 2, won't the fence cause mpre injuries than leaving it unfenced?

I agree about your first point. Option 1 feels a little empty and there isn't much benefit to choosing it over the other options. Any suggestions on how to change it?
Let's say the event is subsidised by the government to some degree which it probably would be. What if we imply that cancelling the event would save the government money since they're no longer subsidising it? Does that give some more incentive?

I'm not sure what you mean about your last comment though, why does it cause more injuries?

Banging into a fence with extreme inertia causes more ouchies and boo boos than just rolling away until you stop

[Jim the Baptist]

I agree about your first point. Option 1 feels a little empty and there isn't much benefit to choosing it over the other options. Any suggestions on how to change it?
Let's say the event is subsidised by the government to some degree which it probably would be. What if we imply that cancelling the event would save the government money since they're no longer subsidising it? Does that give some more incentive?

I'm not sure what you mean about your last comment though, why does it cause more injuries?

Banging into a fence with extreme inertia causes more ouchies and boo boos than just rolling away until you stop

Yeah but people aren't riding the cheese. The cheese would hit the fence and stop before it hits the town.

[Terrabod]

Yeah but people aren't riding the cheese. The cheese would hit the fence and stop before it hits the town.

I think the confusion comes from the real-world event, where people run down a hill chasing one wheel of cheese. I have to admit that when I first skimmed over this draft I made that connection too, even though your draft says something else.

Also, do options 1 and 3 have the same effect i.e. 'shut down the festival'? If that's the case, can one be removed/can they be merged?

[Jim the Baptist]

Yeah but people aren't riding the cheese. The cheese would hit the fence and stop before it hits the town.

I think the confusion comes from the real-world event, where people run down a hill chasing one wheel of cheese. I have to admit that when I first skimmed over this draft I made that connection too, even though your draft says something else.

Also, do options 1 and 3 have the same effect i.e. 'shut down the festival'? If that's the case, can one be removed/can they be merged?

At a macro level, yes. 1 and 3 essentially both suggest shutting down the festival. But we wanted to portray that they approach that conclusion from different angles. Option 1 in the sense that they are mainly concerned about the safety aspect of the event. In option 3, we were going for a very socialist perspective where they are not so much concerned about the safety side but more that we can use the cheese festival as a way or redistributing wealth and helping the less fortunate. I think they are pretty different but I am open to changing them.

[USS Monitor]

What if my nation doesn't like cheese? Maybe they have high rates of lactose intolerance. Obviously, NS still has references to cheese, but I think this draft is assuming too much and asking too little. It's competently written, but it just doesn't feel like it has a lot of depth or weight to it.

Maybe I'm just in the wrong mood for this draft, but I agree with Baggie that this isn't something the national leader would handle in most nations. It would be more likely handled by a local committee in the town where the festival takes place. Only small nations that are particularly obsessed with cheese would consider this to be a national issue.

[Jim the Baptist]

What if my nation doesn't like cheese? Maybe they have high rates of lactose intolerance. Obviously, NS still has references to cheese, but I think this draft is assuming too much and asking too little. It's competently written, but it just doesn't feel like it has a lot of depth or weight to it.

Maybe I'm just in the wrong mood for this draft, but I agree with Baggie that this isn't something the national leader would handle in most nations. It would be more likely handled by a local committee in the town where the festival takes place. Only small nations that are particularly obsessed with cheese would consider this to be a national issue.

What about just putting a validity check so it's only available for nations with decent cheese exports? Then nations with low cheese exports won't be confused about being confronted by this. Plus it makes sense that a leader would be dealing with it if they have a nation with high cheese exports.