[SUBMITTED] Crime and Re-Punishment

[Nooooooooooooooo]

Ah, you misspelled "Ohio" in one option

[Megistos]

Ah, you misspelled "Ohio" in one option

Where?

[Baloo Kingdom]

Check grammar issues, I see a few, but I can't go through them one-by-one.

I shall

[Baloo Kingdom]

Ah, you misspelled "Ohio" in one option

Where?

I believe he's joking

[Novos Byzantine]

I still see some grammar issues. Maybe run through a checker?

[Baloo Kingdom]

I still see some grammar issues. Maybe run through a checker?

Alright then, will do

[Baloo Kingdom]

I still see some grammar issues. Maybe run through a checker?

Alright then, will do

I still see some grammar issues. Maybe run through a checker?

Update: Spell-checker found two passive voice violations and a formality on the term "jay-walker".
Even further edit: Grammarly found more issues, they were dissolved.

[Megistos]

Remove the last line on Option 1, we are in @@LEADER@@'s office, and since it's option 1, there should be no one here except him, right?

[Baloo Kingdom]

Remove the last line on Option 1, we are in @@LEADER@@'s office, and since it's option 1, there should be no one here except him, right?

Fixed it, thank you for your feedback

[Australian rePublic]

In what world is jaywalking a criminal offense?

The US. We've got some weird laws here. For example, you can't go to the beach without a polar bear.

So if you jaywalk to the beach without a polar bear...

[Elvato]

In what world is jaywalking a criminal offense?

The US. We've got some weird laws here. For example, you can't go to the beach without a polar bear.

I’ll be getting my place tickets to the US a bit early

[Baloo Kingdom]

The US. We've got some weird laws here. For example, you can't go to the beach without a polar bear.

I’ll be getting my place tickets to the US a bit early

The US. We've got some weird laws here. For example, you can't go to the beach without a polar bear.

So if you jaywalk to the beach without a polar bear...

Heh

[Estado Novo Portugues]

Hello! I'd like to suggest adding two more options:
4) Execution for all crimes
5) Get rid of the criminal justice system entirely, and legalize vigilantism

I've provided examples of what the additional options could look like. But you're the author, so it's completely your choice to add them or not.

Option 4

[option] "You're all a bunch of stupid fools!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned police officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothing, thieving, murdering, jaywalking wastes of oxygen? Scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this epidemic. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My boys and I will take out the trash!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

Option 5

[option] "That's actually a wonderful idea," comments outspoken libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we the people do that? It's not fair that the government holds a monopoly on justice. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all police and courts, and let private individuals take the law into their own hands. Only then, can justice truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

One small thing, though: effects should not be capitalized on the first word, because the format is "Following new legislation in Nation, *effect*." (this appears on your nation page after you answer the issue). Hope this helps!

[Baloo Kingdom]

Hello! I'd like to suggest adding two more options:
4) Execution for all crimes
5) Get rid of the criminal justice system entirely, and legalize vigilantism

I've provided examples of what the additional options could look like. But you're the author, so it's completely your choice to add them or not.

Option 4

[option] "You're all a bunch of stupid fools!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned police officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothing, thieving, murdering, jaywalking wastes of oxygen? Scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this epidemic. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My boys and I will take out the trash!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

Option 5

[option] "That's actually a wonderful idea," comments outspoken libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we the people do that? It's not fair that the government holds a monopoly on justice. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all police and courts, and let private individuals take the law into their own hands. Only then, can justice truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

One small thing, though: effects should not be capitalized on the first word, because the format is "Following new legislation in Nation, *effect*." (this appears on your nation page after you answer the issue). Hope this helps!

Thank you for the generous donation of options and the valuable advice, you’re contributions will not be forgotten.

Edit: I made a few minor edits to your options. Thanks again.

[Baloo Kingdom]

Seems to be so far so good regarding the issue drafting, I'm thinking of making a poll for this forum.

[Baloo Kingdom]

/bump

[Megistos]

Put it through grammarly:

[desc] Recent analytics of prison registries have shown a dramatic rise in the number of inmates that return after being released. Action on the matter of increasing recidivism is being strongly advocated for after an infamous serial jaywalker illegally crossed the street mere minutes after his release.

[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons

[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates, "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls secure, and we need for them to remain here until they have truly learned their lesson. Oh, and any positive behavior from those miscreants is only an act they put on to get out faster. I say we increase the prison sentences of all inmates, regardless of their crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak havoc on our society."
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who served life in prison for littering.

[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I became extremely bored. I know robbery is bad and all, but I was kept behind bars for what felt like a very long amount of time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few months of prison time. I can't even imagine what it would have felt like to serve my entire sentence. And hey look, I turned out fine with less time..." He stops in the middle of their sentence to check out at your rather expensive-looking watch.
[effect] prisons in @@NAME@@ are the summer homes of murderers.

[option] "What if we just did away with prisons altogether," interjects famed economist @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, "As shown by your analytics, most released inmates don't turn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give the twenty years a potential inmate would have served back to them. In place of traditional prison, they could be sent to much milder, and privately owned, correctional facility where they could study up on how to ask civilized around others. Plus, I could hook you up with a few of the most high quality private correctional facilities in the nation, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." She then moves closer to you to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few coupons for correctional facilities in your pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".

[option] "That's a brilliant proposition," comments often-overlooked libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we have the people of our wonderful nation do that? It's not fair that the federal government holds a monopoly on justice and crime management. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all law enforcement and judiciary establishments, and let private individuals take law and order into their own hands. Only then, justice can truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

[option] "You're all a bunch of idiotic bureaucrats!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned law enforcement officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothings, thieves, murderers, when we could just get rid of them? Dirty scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this pandemic of criminal injustice. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My fellow men and I will send those morally ill convicts to the promised land!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

[Baloo Kingdom]

Put it through grammarly:

[desc] Recent analytics of prison registries have shown a dramatic rise in the number of inmates that return after being released. Action on the matter of increasing recidivism is being strongly advocated for after an infamous serial jaywalker illegally crossed the street mere minutes after his release.

[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons

[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates, "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls secure, and we need for them to remain here until they have truly learned their lesson. Oh, and any positive behavior from those miscreants is only an act they put on to get out faster. I say we increase the prison sentences of all inmates, regardless of their crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak havoc on our society."
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who served life in prison for littering.

[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I became extremely bored. I know robbery is bad and all, but I was kept behind bars for what felt like a very long amount of time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few months of prison time. I can't even imagine what it would have felt like to serve my entire sentence. And hey look, I turned out fine with less time..." He stops in the middle of their sentence to check out at your rather expensive-looking watch.
[effect] prisons in @@NAME@@ are the summer homes of murderers.

[option] "What if we just did away with prisons altogether," interjects famed economist @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, "As shown by your analytics, most released inmates don't turn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give the twenty years a potential inmate would have served back to them. In place of traditional prison, they could be sent to much milder, and privately owned, correctional facility where they could study up on how to ask civilized around others. Plus, I could hook you up with a few of the most high quality private correctional facilities in the nation, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." She then moves closer to you to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few coupons for correctional facilities in your pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".

[option] "That's a brilliant proposition," comments often-overlooked libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we have the people of our wonderful nation do that? It's not fair that the federal government holds a monopoly on justice and crime management. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all law enforcement and judiciary establishments, and let private individuals take law and order into their own hands. Only then, justice can truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

[option] "You're all a bunch of idiotic bureaucrats!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned law enforcement officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothings, thieves, murderers, when we could just get rid of them? Dirty scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this pandemic of criminal injustice. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My fellow men and I will send those morally ill convicts to the promised land!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

I put it through again and made a few edits. The checker said that it had ideal/average readability, probably diminished by the BBcode used and special formats not recognized by all grammar checker.

[Neutraligon]

Hello there Got Issues? Forum users. Below is one of my possible submissions for an issue, and I would deeply appreciate any feedback that can be provided.

[desc] Recent analytics of prison logs have shown a dramatic increase in the amount of inmates that return after being released. As leader, you have been invited to one of your nation's handful of prisons to be presented with your options regarding the matter.

[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons

[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAME@@, infamous for their unfair treatment of inmates, "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls secure, and we need for them to stay here until they have truly learned their lessons. Oh, and positive behavior from those miscreants is only an act they put on to get out faster. I say we increase the prison sentences of all inmates, regardless of crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak havoc on our society." He proceeds to tackle a nearby prisoner who "looked like an escapee".
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who was sentenced to a life in prison for littering.

[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAME@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I was really bored. I know robbery is bad, but I was kept behind bars for a really long time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few years of hard time. I can't even imagine what it would have felt like to serve my entire sentence. And hey look, I turned out fine..." He stops in the middle of their sentence to check out at your rather expensive looking watch.
[effect] Prisons are the summer homes of murderers.

[option] "What if we just did away with prisons all together," interjects famed economist @@RANDOMNAME@@, "As seen by your analytics, most released inmates don't learn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give back the twenty years a potential inmate would have served to them. They could be sent to much more mild, and privately owned, correctional facilities where they could re-learn how to ask civilized around others. Plus, I could hook you up with a few private correctional facilities, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." They then move over to you in order to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few coupons for correctional facilities in your pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".

Is it just me, but I feel like I have seen an issue like this before

The only issue I found remotely similar is the issue, "Alone in the Dark", but that issue deals with Capital and Corporal punishment in prisons. Another one I found was "The Sickest Criminals" but that has to do with prison quality.

[Baloo Kingdom]

Its been over a week since I first posted this issue. I'll probably keep it up for another week or so.

[Authoritaria-Imperia]

Hello there Got Issues? Forum users. Below is one of my possible submissions for an issue, and I would deeply appreciate any feedback that can be provided.

The Current Draft "Crime and Re-Punishment":

[desc] Recent analytics of prison registries has shown a dramatic rise in the number of inmates that return after being released. Action on the matter of increasing recidivism is being strongly advocated for after an infamous serial jaywalker illegally crossed the street mere minutes after his release.

[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons

[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates, "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls secure, and we need for them to remain here until they have truly learned their lesson. Oh, and any positive behavior from those miscreants is only an act they put on to get out faster. I say we increase the prison sentences of all inmates, regardless of their crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak havoc on our society."
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who served life in prison for littering.

[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I became extremely bored. I know robbery is bad and all, but I was kept behind bars for what felt like a very long amount of time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few months of prison time. I can't even imagine how it would have felt to serve my entire sentence. And hey look, I turned out fine! Even though I had less time..." He stops in the middle of their sentence to check out at your rather expensive-looking watch.
[effect] prisons in @@NAME@@ are the summer homes of murderers.

[option] "What if we just did away with prisons altogether," interjects famed economist @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, "As shown by your analytics, most released inmates don't turn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give the twenty years a potential inmate would have served back to them. In place of traditional prison, they could be sent to much milder, and privately owned, correctional facility where they could study up on how to ask civilized around others. Plus, I could hook you up with a few of the most high quality private correctional facilities in the nation, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." She then moves closer to you to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few coupons for correctional facilities in your pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".

[option] "That's a brilliant proposition," comments often-overlooked libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we have the people of our wonderful nation do that? It's not fair that the federal government holds a monopoly on justice and crime management. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all law enforcement and judiciary establishments, and let private individuals take law and order into their own hands. Only then, justice can truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war.
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

[option] "You're all a bunch of idiotic bureaucrats!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned law enforcement officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothings, thieves, murderers, when we could just get rid of them? Dirty scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this pandemic of criminal injustice. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My fellow men and I will send those morally ill convicts to the promised land!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles.
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

Hi Baloo Kingdom! My thoughts:

• Don’t list policy changes; the editors do that backstage.
• Your premise makes sense — people have noticed an uptick in criminals going back to jail after serving a sentence. If that hasn't been done before, it's an interesting premise — however, your description doesn't really do it justice. The wording is awkward, so I'd work on fixing that before you look at grammar nitpicks. Something like

  In recent weeks, the @@DEMONYM@@ Bureau of Statistics has observed a sharp uptick in rates of recidivism, the tendency of criminals released from prison to end up brekaing the law again.

  You can use that if you'd like.
  • While it's not a bad idea to punctuate this problem by citing a specific event, serial jaywalking doesn’t work for me. I understand that it’s meant as a joke, but it comes across as nonsensical rather than funny. I’d cite a more genuine crime if I were you, like a big robbery operation.
• Don’t give the characters genders unless you have a very good reason to. In these cases, you can use @@RANDOMNAME@@; then when you need to refer to them later (e.g. “infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment”…), use the @@HE@@, @@HIS@@, @@HIM@@, and @@MAN@@ macros, which will adapt based on the gender of the previous random name.
• The wording in the first option doesn’t make sense to me. What is “suspiciously unfair treatment”; what does that mean? Additionally, keeping someone “secure” implies that they’re being kept safe rather than locked up. But more importantly, the speaker doesn’t ever really cite the actual reasoning behind their opinions, and their proposed solution is extremely unclear. What does “increas[ing] the prison sentences of all inmates” entail? It sounds like they’re suggesting that all currently imprisoned criminals get a block of extra jail time, then everything goes back to normal — that isn’t a good solution at all. Wouldn’t the more effective thing be to lengthen future sentences? (If this is what you meant, it’s just not clear.) Basically, I think this one needs some extensive cleaning up. Decide what you really want the speaker to say (it should be something reasonably convincing), and then try to cut down on content that isn’t needed and replace it with substantial information that backs up the speaker’s point. After that, look through the wording of the new version and smooth it out, checking for clarity and directness.

I don’t think it’d be helpful for me to go through the whole draft this critically, so I won’t. But those problems I mentioned — unclear solutions, unconvincing arguments backing them up, humour that doesn’t really work, etc. are present in the second option too. The third option is better, but I feel like it goes on too long; again, try cutting out things you don’t need in there. I really like the fourth option, but the fifth one is very similar and isn’t as interesting, and I’d suggest dropping it.

I didn’t expect to write this much, but I hope it was helpful and that I didn’t discourage you at all — you have a good premise here and it’s worth running with; I just think this draft needs a good bit more work before it’s ready. Best of luck!

[Nooooooooooooooo]

Who voted "It's not that good" on the poll?

[Electrum]

Huh. I'm surprised we don't have an issue explicitly on recidivism. So good find, and I do see that there are seeds of a good issue.

I agree with AI on all of their dot points. Some options are very similar, and not very necessary -- you don't necessarily need to cover the entire gamut of solutions in an issue. The issue as it stands is very long, so cut out what's not necessary, and use the words to add humour.

For example, one place that you could add to the humour is here:

infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates,

Show, don't tell. Can you rewrite the characterisation to show how he/she metes out unfair treatment? For example, you could say "infamous for throwing @@HIS@@ inmates into an iron maiden called 'The Chokey' if they talk back" or "infamous for forcing @@HIS@@ inmates to listening to Bryan Leeper songs on repeat". Just an example - I'm sure you can think of more suspiciously unfair treatments. Of course, not all speakers need characterisation, but I noticed that was the only speaker that did.

[Baloo Kingdom]

Hello there Got Issues? Forum users. Below is one of my possible submissions for an issue, and I would deeply appreciate any feedback that can be provided.

The Current Draft "Crime and Re-Punishment":

[desc] Recent analytics of prison registries has shown a dramatic rise in the number of inmates that return after being released. Action on the matter of increasing recidivism is being strongly advocated for after an infamous serial jaywalker illegally crossed the street mere minutes after his release.

[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons

[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates, "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls secure, and we need for them to remain here until they have truly learned their lesson. Oh, and any positive behavior from those miscreants is only an act they put on to get out faster. I say we increase the prison sentences of all inmates, regardless of their crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak havoc on our society."
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who served life in prison for littering.

[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I became extremely bored. I know robbery is bad and all, but I was kept behind bars for what felt like a very long amount of time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few months of prison time. I can't even imagine how it would have felt to serve my entire sentence. And hey look, I turned out fine! Even though I had less time..." He stops in the middle of their sentence to check out at your rather expensive-looking watch.
[effect] prisons in @@NAME@@ are the summer homes of murderers.

[option] "What if we just did away with prisons altogether," interjects famed economist @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, "As shown by your analytics, most released inmates don't turn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give the twenty years a potential inmate would have served back to them. In place of traditional prison, they could be sent to much milder, and privately owned, correctional facility where they could study up on how to ask civilized around others. Plus, I could hook you up with a few of the most high quality private correctional facilities in the nation, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." She then moves closer to you to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few coupons for correctional facilities in your pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".

[option] "That's a brilliant proposition," comments often-overlooked libertarian @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But why can't we have the people of our wonderful nation do that? It's not fair that the federal government holds a monopoly on justice and crime management. @@LEADER@@, I propose that you abolish all law enforcement and judiciary establishments, and let private individuals take law and order into their own hands. Only then, justice can truly be served."
[effect] personal disputes often escalate to full-blown civil war.
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment", "No Judiciary" and "No Prison"

[option] "You're all a bunch of idiotic bureaucrats!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned law enforcement officer and army veteran. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothings, thieves, murderers, when we could just get rid of them? Dirty scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this pandemic of criminal injustice. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My fellow men and I will send those morally ill convicts to the promised land!"
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are lined up and crushed to death by military vehicles.
[policy] adds "Capital Punishment" and "No Prison"

Hi Baloo Kingdom! My thoughts:

• Don’t list policy changes; the editors do that backstage.
• Your premise makes sense — people have noticed an uptick in criminals going back to jail after serving a sentence. If that hasn't been done before, it's an interesting premise — however, your description doesn't really do it justice. The wording is awkward, so I'd work on fixing that before you look at grammar nitpicks. Something like

  In recent weeks, the @@DEMONYM@@ Bureau of Statistics has observed a sharp uptick in rates of recidivism, the tendency of criminals released from prison to end up brekaing the law again.

  You can use that if you'd like.
  • While it's not a bad idea to punctuate this problem by citing a specific event, serial jaywalking doesn’t work for me. I understand that it’s meant as a joke, but it comes across as nonsensical rather than funny. I’d cite a more genuine crime if I were you, like a big robbery operation.
• Don’t give the characters genders unless you have a very good reason to. In these cases, you can use @@RANDOMNAME@@; then when you need to refer to them later (e.g. “infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment”…), use the @@HE@@, @@HIS@@, @@HIM@@, and @@MAN@@ macros, which will adapt based on the gender of the previous random name.
• The wording in the first option doesn’t make sense to me. What is “suspiciously unfair treatment”; what does that mean? Additionally, keeping someone “secure” implies that they’re being kept safe rather than locked up. But more importantly, the speaker doesn’t ever really cite the actual reasoning behind their opinions, and their proposed solution is extremely unclear. What does “increas[ing] the prison sentences of all inmates” entail? It sounds like they’re suggesting that all currently imprisoned criminals get a block of extra jail time, then everything goes back to normal — that isn’t a good solution at all. Wouldn’t the more effective thing be to lengthen future sentences? (If this is what you meant, it’s just not clear.) Basically, I think this one needs some extensive cleaning up. Decide what you really want the speaker to say (it should be something reasonably convincing), and then try to cut down on content that isn’t needed and replace it with substantial information that backs up the speaker’s point. After that, look through the wording of the new version and smooth it out, checking for clarity and directness.

I don’t think it’d be helpful for me to go through the whole draft this critically, so I won’t. But those problems I mentioned — unclear solutions, unconvincing arguments backing them up, humour that doesn’t really work, etc. are present in the second option too. The third option is better, but I feel like it goes on too long; again, try cutting out things you don’t need in there. I really like the fourth option, but the fifth one is very similar and isn’t as interesting, and I’d suggest dropping it.

I didn’t expect to write this much, but I hope it was helpful and that I didn’t discourage you at all — you have a good premise here and it’s worth running with; I just think this draft needs a good bit more work before it’s ready. Best of luck!

Huh. I'm surprised we don't have an issue explicitly on recidivism. So good find, and I do see that there are seeds of a good issue.

I agree with AI on all of their dot points. Some options are very similar, and not very necessary -- you don't necessarily need to cover the entire gamut of solutions in an issue. The issue as it stands is very long, so cut out what's not necessary, and use the words to add humour.

For example, one place that you could add to the humour is here:

infamous for his suspiciously unfair treatment of inmates,

Show, don't tell. Can you rewrite the characterisation to show how he/she metes out unfair treatment? For example, you could say "infamous for throwing @@HIS@@ inmates into an iron maiden called 'The Chokey' if they talk back" or "infamous for forcing @@HIS@@ inmates to listening to Bryan Leeper songs on repeat". Just an example - I'm sure you can think of more suspiciously unfair treatments. Of course, not all speakers need characterisation, but I noticed that was the only speaker that did.

Huh, I never thought I would get the help of an issues legend and an issues editor on my humble issue. I thank you for your responses.

[Sorianora]

/bump