The Current Draft "Crime and Re-Punishment":
[desc]In recent weeks, the @@DEMONYM@@ Bureau of Statistics has observed a sharp uptick in rates of recidivism, the tendency of criminals released from prison to end up breaking the law again. Passionate law enforcement officers and vocal authoritarians alike are advocating for action on this matter after a massive robbery occurred mere hours after the involved inmates being released.
[validity] Invalid for nations without prisons
[option] "Once a criminal, always a criminal," mumbles prison warden @@RANDOMNAME@@, infamous for subjecting unlucky inmates to hours of "Mick-Rolling", "We need to keep the delinquents who enter these prison walls on lock-down. These criminals are dangerous and deceptive creatures, who would do anything to get out of their consequences. I say we at least double the prison sentences of all new inmates, regardless of their crime, to ensure that they are unable to wreak further havoc on our society. Oh, and how about subsidizing the prison system while you're at it."
[effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ tell stories of a man who served his life in prison for littering.
[option] "More prison time? If anything, we need less," complains ex-convict @@RANDOMNAME@@, "When I was serving my time a few years ago, I became extremely bored. I know robbery is bad and all, but I was kept behind bars for what felt like a very long amount of time. Luckily, my lawyer was able to bail me out after a few months of prison time. I can't even imagine how it would have felt to serve my entire sentence. Plus, prison always leads to poverty, there's no use in keeping us there longer when our true punishment sometimes occurs after our release..." @@HE@@ stops in the middle of @@HER@@ sentence, tapping @@HER@@ fingers anxiously to gawk at your rather expensive-looking watch.
[effect] prisons in @@NAME@@ are the summer homes of murderers.
[option] "What if we just did away with prisons altogether," interjects the famed surprisingly radical economist @@RANDOMNAME@@, "As shown by your analytics, most released inmates don't turn from their past mistakes and end up back in jail. Removing prisons would give the twenty years a potential inmate would have served back to them. In place of traditional prison, they could be sent to much milder, and privately owned, correctional facilities where they could study up on how to act civilized around others again. Plus, I could hook you up with a few high quality private correctional facilities, run by yours truly, and maybe we could score a deal." @@SHE@@ then moves closer to you to pat you on the shoulder and shove a few "coupons" for correctional facilities in your front pocket.
[option_validity] Capitalism
[effect] "Hard time" is now known as "Soft time".
[option] "You're all a bunch of foolish, softy bureaucrats!" roars @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a seasoned law enforcement officer and owner of a personally granted execution degree. "Why should society foot the bill for a bunch of good-for-nothings, thieves, and murderers, when we could just, I don't know, get rid of them? Dirty scumbags like them deserve no quarter—death is the only permanent cure for this pandemic of criminal injustice. Just leave it to me, @@LEADER@@. My fellow men and I will send those morally ill convicts to the promised land! Remember, there's more than one way to strangle a goose, or should I say, strangle an inmate."
[effect] first-time jaywalkers are also last-time jaywalkers.
