[SUBMITTED] Soon On The Moon?

[Baggieland]

[desc] Your Minister of Science, @@RANDOMNAME(1)@@, has made plans for creating a space colony on the moon, with intentions of much more focus into space exploration.

Your Minister of Science has proposed plans for creating a moon base; to be used as a staging post for further space exploration and even a possible future colony.
That's how I would phrase the intro.

However, many people think that it would have no profitable gain if executed.

Not necessary this bit, we know other people will have dissenting views. Get rid of it.

Will there be aliens? Will there be a planet like ours?

Change "will there be" to "are there".

I think option 2 needs to be a bit clearer as to how a multi-national cooperation will benefit all of humanity.

[Trotterdam]

the sky's the limit for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ exploration

It would have to be: the sky is literally the limit for...

I prefer it without the "literally". The joke is about how in-context the sentence means the opposite of what it usually does, which is funnier if it's apparent only form the context rather than signposted in the sentence itself.

I think option 2 needs to be a bit clearer as to how a multi-national cooperation will benefit all of humanity.

Agreed. Also, have any other nations actually expressed interest in a joint venture, or do we still have to try to convince them?

Keep in mind that there's advantages for @@NAME@@ too, though: it'll cost you less if other nations are footing part of the bill, for the obvious tradeoff of not having the whole space to yourself.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1- I am about to sign a billion dollar legislation so you can learn about rocks in space? Why? What benefits would we get from such knowledge to justify a collosal mega-project?

[Baggieland]

Baggieland wrote:
Trotterdam wrote:
the sky's the limit for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ exploration
It would have to be: the sky is literally the limit for...
I prefer it without the "literally". The joke is about how in-context the sentence means the opposite of what it usually does, which is funnier if it's apparent only form the context rather than signposted in the sentence itself.

I disagree, I think it's better with the "literally".
Still, we can let Megistos decide which way they prefer. Then the editors will decide which way they prefer!

[Megistos]

Option 1- I am about to sign a billion dollar legislation so you can learn about rocks in space? Why? What benefits would we get from such knowledge to justify a collosal mega-project?

It's the start of more space research, and it could result in finding more planets like this one. Although you could argue that the reader wouldn't know an actual good reason to execute it.

I prefer it without the "literally". The joke is about how in-context the sentence means the opposite of what it usually does, which is funnier if it's apparent only form the context rather than signposted in the sentence itself.

the sky is literally the limit for...
the sky's the limit for...
When I look at it and say it, I feel like you don't really need the 'literally', as it does nothing to change the sentence, and only removes the humour.

[Megistos]

I think option 2 needs to be a bit clearer as to how a multi-national cooperation will benefit all of humanity.

Agreed. Also, have any other nations actually expressed interest in a joint venture, or do we still have to try to convince them?

Keep in mind that there's advantages for @@NAME@@ too, though: it'll cost you less if other nations are footing part of the bill, for the obvious tradeoff of not having the whole space to yourself.

Say other nations have expressed interest in it? Well, it gives a better reason to even bring up the option in hand. Say if we have to convince them? Still a chance no one is interested. Probably the former is better.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1- I am about to sign a billion dollar legislation so you can learn about rocks in space? Why? What benefits would we get from such knowledge to justify a collosal mega-project?

It's the start of more space research, and it could result in finding more planets like this one. Although you could argue that the reader wouldn't know an actual good reason to execute it.

Why is such knowledge worth billions of taxpayer dollars?

[Megistos]

It's the start of more space research, and it could result in finding more planets like this one. Although you could argue that the reader wouldn't know an actual good reason to execute it.

Why is such knowledge worth billions of taxpayer dollars?

- First, not every option in this issue is supposed to be appealing to @@NAME@@'s citizens.
- Second, land, resources that could anyway profit them.

[Baggieland]

“We definitely need a moon base.” @@RANDOMNAME(1)@@ says while spinning a globe of the planet in his hand.

"We definitely need a moon base," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Minister of Science, while spinning a globe of the planet in his hand.
Dumb quotes not smart quotes. Comma instead of full stop. (1) isn't needed anymore. Switch 'says' around.

out there in the world - Are there aliens? Will there be a planet like ours?

out there in the world. Are there aliens? Are there other planets like ours?
Change the dash to a full stop. Change 'will' to 'are'.

We'll never know if we don't start it with establishing a moon base

We'll never know if we don't start by establishing a moon base
Use 'by'.

for only our gain in research?" Asks Minister of Foreign Affairs @@RANDOMNAME@@

for only our gain in research?" asks your Minister of Foreign Affairs @@RANDOMNAME@@

[effect] you'll have a order of international fights at @@ANIMAL@@ International Space Station

cultural differences are leading to fights that are out of this world (other suggestions still welcome)

[Megistos]

-Dipped a chip in the snip dip-

Thanks, revised!

[Baggieland]

Are there other planets like ours? Will there be a planet like ours?

Get rid of: Will there be a planet like ours?

there are still places in this world where we've barely know anything

we barely know, not we've

but I think we should make an international base, not a national base

Get rid of: not a national base. It's obvious.

and we'll not have to pay all the costs - we'll pay equally

Get rid of: we'll pay equally. It's obvious.

[Megistos]

Are there other planets like ours? Will there be a planet like ours?

Get rid of: Will there be a planet like ours?

there are still places in this world where we've barely know anything

we barely know, not we've

but I think we should make an international base, not a national base

Get rid of: not a national base. It's obvious.

and we'll not have to pay all the costs - we'll pay equally

Get rid of: we'll pay equally. It's obvious.

1. Fix
2. Fix
3. Fix
4. Fix
5. Added one edit of my own to make it more, I don't know, better?

[Baggieland]

All right, it's looking okay to me. I'd leave this draft in GI for at least another week before submitting, always good to get other players' points of view. Don't forget the validity, you had it in draft 1, but it disappeared by the time we got to draft 7!

P.S. why didn't you RP in NS sports? I just knocked you out in the quarter finals.

[Megistos]

All right, it's looking okay to me. I'd leave this draft in GI for at least another week before submitting, always good to get other players' points of view. Don't forget the validity, you had it in draft 1, but it disappeared by the time we got to draft 7!

P.S. why didn't you RP in NS sports? I just knocked you out in the quarter finals.

Oops, I'll add it again! Sure, I'll put up [LAST CALL] in 3 days if no feedback.

[I didn't RP in the AussieRulesWC because I was busy RPing the Sporting World Cup, but I'll probably RP in the 3rd ARWC =D]

[Nooooooooooooooo]

[desc] Your Minister of Science has proposed plans for creating a moon base; to be used as a staging post for further space exploration and even a possible future colony.

I'd leave out the semicolon here, or perhaps put something that can help the flow better.

while spinning a globe of the planet in his hand.
"Focus into space has only begun

Don't know if this is a typo, but you should make this on all one line.

-snipping option 2-

You might not want to use "moon base" so much here, as it could make the option(s) seem repetitive. Try using "base" or "moon lab" to throw in a little variety.

Anyways, I wish you good luck on your issue!

[Megistos]

[desc] Your Minister of Science has proposed plans for creating a moon base; to be used as a staging post for further space exploration and even a possible future colony.

I'd leave out the semicolon here, or perhaps put something that can help the flow better.

while spinning a globe of the planet in his hand.
"Focus into space has only begun

Don't know if this is a typo, but you should make this on all one line.

-snipping option 2-

You might not want to use "moon base" so much here, as it could make the option(s) seem repetitive. Try using "base" or "moon lab" to throw in a little variety.

Anyways, I wish you good luck on your issue!

1. Perhaps a comma?
2. Should be typo.
3. mmmm... Probably good.

[Nooooooooooooooo]

1. Perhaps a comma?[/quote]
That could work, as it doesn't completely stop the sentence.

[Megistos]

That could work, as...

Changed up the wording a bit so it doesn't need one.

[Megistos]

Announcement

I will be turning this [DRAFT] into a [LAST CALL] now. You have 5 Days, or 120 Hours, to reply to anything. After this period, it will be submitted. After 6 Days will you not be able to post without permission. Thank you.

[Viciebskaja]

I'm not really a regular on this forum but I guess I'll chip in my two cents. The moon base premise is really cool I have to say.

Why waste this chance for @@NAME@@ to figure out what's really out there in the world.

Full stop here is awkward, I'd replace it with a '?'

It would really help the world with scientific advancements, and we'll not have to pay all the expenses.

I think you can change this to make it more powerful because it's a central part of option 2's argument - "After all, scientific progress should be shared with the whole world. What's the point of technological advancements if not everybody can take advantage of it? Plus, we won't have to pay all the expenses." would be better.

We know so much about space -- reaching out to the farthest reaches of the solar system.

This might just be me but this sounds kinda strange. I don't think someone campaigning for the removal of a space program would actually know or care too much about it and this sort of reads like praise to me. Maybe change it to something like "We already know so much about space" to start and a statement that talks about the space program's feats more dismissively as the second part of the sentence.

For option 3, I have a hard time believing a nation with enough technological capability to build a moon base wouldn't know about their home planet besides places like the deep ocean or some caves. Changing "uncharted terrestrial areas" to something more specific would be better.

Also, I absolutely love all the effect lines in this issue.

[Megistos]

I'm not really a regular on this forum but I guess I'll chip in my two cents. The moon base premise is really cool I have to say.

Why waste this chance for @@NAME@@ to figure out what's really out there in the world.

Full stop here is awkward, I'd replace it with a '?'

It would really help the world with scientific advancements, and we'll not have to pay all the expenses.

I think you can change this to make it more powerful because it's a central part of option 2's argument - "After all, scientific progress should be shared with the whole world. What's the point of technological advancements if not everybody can take advantage of it? Plus, we won't have to pay all the expenses." would be better.

We know so much about space -- reaching out to the farthest reaches of the solar system.

This might just be me but this sounds kinda strange. I don't think someone campaigning for the removal of a space program would actually know or care too much about it and this sort of reads like praise to me. Maybe change it to something like "We already know so much about space" to start and a statement that talks about the space program's feats more dismissively as the second part of the sentence.

For option 3, I have a hard time believing a nation with enough technological capability to build a moon base wouldn't know about their home planet besides places like the deep ocean or some caves. Changing "uncharted terrestrial areas" to something more specific would be better.

Also, I absolutely love all the effect lines in this issue.

1. Okay, have a hard time with my question marks since I wasn't the most brightest kid.
2. Okay.
3. Well, look at this. A nation that has enough advancements to get a moon base will probably attract some people's attention. Also, someone would know about it because it's part of their campaign, showing that @@NAME@@ would have already gone too far into space rather then focusing on a cheaper project, which anyway gains more research. Also, nations IRL like the USA are already planning to make networks on the moon, but yet only 5% of the world's oceans have been seen and researched on.

Also, thanks for the compliments!

[Nooooooooooooooo]

This is looking really good, since you've taken a unique angle on this, centering around moon bases. I was surprised there wasn't one like this before.

[Megistos]

This is looking really good, since you've taken a unique angle on this, centering around moon bases. I was surprised there wasn't one like this before.

Thanks! When Baggieland said the only one really 'close' to this issue was the one where some nations removes a flag, I was also really surprised.

[Trotterdam]

After 6 Days will you not be able to post without permission. Thank you.

Don't say stuff like that. You don't have the authority to prevent people from posting in this forum, even if those posts no longer serve a purpose because the issue has been submitted.

[option] "Why are we acting like selfish snobs and creating a moon base for only our gain in research?" asks your Minister of Foreign Affairs @@RANDOMNAME@@, "I support the idea of creating a moon base for the advancement on space research, but I think we should make an international space lab. After all, scientific progress should be shared with the whole world, what's the point of technological advancements if not everybody can take advantage of it? Plus, we won't have to pay all the expenses."
[effect] cultural differences are leading to fights that are out of this world

This needs to be justified better. Keep in mind, most research by national space agencies such as NASA is already published for anyone to use, including scientists from other nations. How will letting other nations do their own research benefit them (or us) more than just sharing ours with them?

Also my previous comment:

Also, have any other nations actually expressed interest in a joint venture, or do we still have to try to convince them?

Say other nations have expressed interest in it? Well, it gives a better reason to even bring up the option in hand. Say if we have to convince them? Still a chance no one is interested. Probably the former is better.

If other nations have already expressed interest in a collaboration, then their offer/argument should be the start of the option. If we still have to convince them, then our plan of action for doing so should be mentioned in the option, not just "make an international space lab". (Doesn't have to be in elaborate detail, of course, but it should still at least be mentioned that we have to approach them with an offer.)

[Megistos]

After 6 Days will you not be able to post without permission. Thank you.

Don't say stuff like that. You don't have the authority to prevent people from posting in this forum, even if those posts no longer serve a purpose because the issue has been submitted.

I meant like the comments won't really have an effect on the issue. Will reply to posts later, am busy.