by Sanghyeok » Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:36 pm
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Trotterdam » Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:54 pm
Why is this unfortunate for the thieves? Did they accidentally irradiate themselves?Sanghyeok wrote:Background: A few days ago, some boys from the slums of @@CAPITAL@@ broke in to an abandoned hospital, taking with them various hospital electronics that they wanted to sell on the black market. Unfortunately for them, one of those happened to be a cancer treating radiation device, containing high amounts of radioactive and very deadly Cesium-137.
This is very similar to the effect line for #413 1.Sanghyeok wrote:Result: Hundreds of @@DEMONYM@@ die from treatable diseases each year.
by Sanghyeok » Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:54 pm
Trotterdam wrote:Why is this unfortunate for the thieves? Did they accidentally irradiate themselves?Sanghyeok wrote:Background: A few days ago, some boys from the slums of @@CAPITAL@@ broke in to an abandoned hospital, taking with them various hospital electronics that they wanted to sell on the black market. Unfortunately for them, one of those happened to be a cancer treating radiation device, containing high amounts of radioactive and very deadly Cesium-137.
Also, if a hospital is closing down, wouldn't they want to sell off valuable equipment themselves rather than leaving it lying around?This is very similar to the effect line for #413 1.Sanghyeok wrote:Result: Hundreds of @@DEMONYM@@ die from treatable diseases each year.
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Random Country 453632 » Sat Sep 12, 2020 12:19 am
Sanghyeok wrote:Background: A few days ago, some teenagers from the slums of @@CAPITAL@@ broke in to an abandoned hospital, taking with them various hospital electronics that they wanted to sell on the black market. Unfortunately for them, one of those happened to be a cancer treating radiation device, containing high amounts of radioactive and very deadly Cesium-137. The incident has sparked a debate over how to handle radioactive substances in @@NATION@@.
Option A: "We are incredibly lucky it was just a few boys and not some terrorists from Maxtopia!" says your Minister of the Interior. "Imagine if it was the bad guys who got their hands on this, and made a dirty bomb. We've got to make sure that all sources of Cesium are carefully stored in a safe location, lest the next time result in a real tragedy."
Result: Hospitals are now guarded more heavily than prisons and military bases
Stats: Safety decreases, government size increases, taxation increases, youth rebelliousness increases
Local news: Man arrested and sentences to 3 months in prison after asking police to do so
Randport Museum of Potatoes buys painting of an Internet phenomenon called "Quandale Dingle" for 2.3 million Randenominations
by -SARS- » Sat Sep 12, 2020 12:23 am
by Sanghyeok » Sat Sep 12, 2020 5:49 am
-SARS- wrote:You don't need to put stats. The editors handle those. The issue submission page no longer has a space for suggested stats.
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Random Country 453632 » Sun Sep 13, 2020 8:37 pm
-SARS- wrote:You don't need to put stats. The editors handle those. The issue submission page no longer has a space for suggested stats.
Local news: Man arrested and sentences to 3 months in prison after asking police to do so
Randport Museum of Potatoes buys painting of an Internet phenomenon called "Quandale Dingle" for 2.3 million Randenominations
by Jutsa » Thu Sep 17, 2020 9:04 pm
by Honeydewistania » Fri Sep 18, 2020 6:53 am
Alger wrote:if you have egoquotes in your signature, touch grass
by Sanghyeok » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:46 am
Jutsa wrote:Finally glancing at this — sorry it took so long.
So, yeah, overall, not gonna lie, I kinda like how this is set up; especially if this is based on a real story.
The premise is pretty solid (though it'd be nice if you specified why the cesium was unfortunate for the kids, although there's definitely a slight implication.
The options seem to be "dispose of them properly," "stop using cesium at all", and "curse technology". Not gonna lie, it's kinda amusing,
though I do personally feel like the last one's a bit... well, both waning away from the story and kinda similar to option 2, just an even more extreme version of a radical option.
Besides, what about other solutions? Like, say, just blowing up the abandoned hospital? Or selling off the technology? Or booby-trapping the place?
Or maybe you should congratulate those dumb fools for the sacrifice they made to both environmental safety and entrepreneurial innovation?
There's a lot of potential for a third (and maybe even fourth) option, but I feel like two "wind back technology" options isn't quite right. But that's my personal opinion.
Everything else looks pretty good. I'm kinda... interested, as to why an abandoned hospital would have been abandoned and left its technology behind,
but again, if it happened in real life, then there's merit for it. I say keep working on this.
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Sanghyeok » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:47 am
Honeydewistania wrote:I thought it's spelled caesium
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Honeydewistania » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:51 am
Alger wrote:if you have egoquotes in your signature, touch grass
by Sanghyeok » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:52 am
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Sanghyeok » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:53 am
Honeydewistania wrote:Make the characters a little more interesting, especially the uncle and the Minister of the Interior. Maybe have the uncle to be smashing a remote control to pieces or something similar
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Sanghyeok » Wed Sep 23, 2020 7:54 am
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Sanghyeok » Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:10 pm
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Sanghyeok » Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:27 pm
Minskiev wrote:Not crazy about the title. Yes, they sound alike, but it doesn’t mean anything.
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
by Honeydewistania » Fri Sep 25, 2020 1:37 am
Minskiev wrote:Not crazy about the title. Yes, they sound alike, but it doesn’t mean anything.
Alger wrote:if you have egoquotes in your signature, touch grass
by Verdant Haven » Sat Sep 26, 2020 7:31 am
by Sanghyeok » Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:56 am
Verdant Haven wrote:I like this as an issue very much, as the incident it is based off isn't even a one-off... it is something that has happened repeatedly and in multiple countries, with wide-ranging consequences. Medical radiotherapy devices, as well as similar lab equipment, has wandered off as scrap metal (both by theft and unwitting sale) on quite a few occasions. The Goiania, Brazil incident (which I believe you're referencing) is joined by places like Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, Mayapuri, India, and Samut Prakarn, Thailand in having almost this exact scenario play out with widespread consequences, ranging from a dozen or so people exposed to more than 100,000.
Diving in to the draft...
- I wouldn't necessarily drive for a scientific advancement benchmark as a validity - one of the problems that leads to these incidents is a lack of proper safeguards, and in some cases it's because advanced devices are being used in manners that suggest the individuals in question lack advanced scientific understanding. High income inequality makes sense for having the scrappers digging around, but if you want a second validity, I'd probably incline towards excluding nations with particularly high primitivism.
- For the background description, perhaps specify that the boys stole "various equipment" to "sell for scrap" - that's a little more accurate to the occasion than trying to black-market hospital electronics. The actual movement and handling of the equipment isn't what's dangerous with these things - it's when they get broken open by people trying to smash them up for their components. A scrapyard is also something kids from the slums would have access to and understand, whereas the international gray-market in radiotherapy devices probably isn't.
- Option A: Maxtopia has been presented in many ways, but I don't think they're usually described as a major terrorist threat. Blackacre might work better here? I would also be less specific in the minister's reply when it comes to which materials to safeguard. caesium-137 is only one of the problems in this field - there are also issues with cobalt-60, iridium-192, and iodine-131 to name a few. Smoke detectors typically use americium-241. It's also a bit... brutal for the minister to dismiss this as "not a real tragedy" given that multiple children died. Maybe next time might result in "an even bigger tragedy" or the like?
- Option B: This is definitely the extreme response - I would give the speaker more flavor, as they're exceedingly plain right now. WHY do they feel this way? What are they trying to protect? Who do they represent? That sort of stuff. As an aside, it's smoke detectors rather than fire alarms that have the source such a protestor would be flipping out about.
- Option C: This is a second extreme response, and doesn't feel particularly necessary or believable. I would drop it and replace with something else (suggestions below).
- Option D: Good concept - keep working on fleshing out the speaker and the option. Perhaps their speech is a little more circumspect, or they seem familiar from somewhere LEADER doesn't quite remember?
- General suggestion - what it feels like this is missing to me, besides the general polishing that comes with the drafting and editing process, is options that actually reflect realworld responses. There are two things that have generally happened in response to these incidents - intense regulatory action, and widespread medical response. We can assume that medicine is being dealt with, but I think it would be a good look to have a regulatory agency come screaming in here with mountains of paperwork about how to prevent such incidents in the future, and that could end up with a perhaps more entertaining use of the banana reference (bananas are a controlled substance, or needing a countersigned form to purchase, or something like that). At any rate, the guards in Option A address how the kids accessed the device (the problem), but there is nothing addressing why the device was accessible in the first place (the symptom). I think that would be an important option to add to the discussion. If you wanted to flex another option somewhere, probably replacing a different one since 4 is usually plenty, you could have somebody looking at addressing why kids feel the need to raid clinics for scrap metal in the first place - welfare, food assistance, health care provisions, etc.
どんな時も、赤旗の眩しさを覚えていた
Magical socialist paradise headed by an immortal, tea-loving and sometimes childish Chairwoman who happens to be the younger Ōmiya sister
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