NationStates

Sunhizria wrote:i don,t want to ruin it. but i do not understand that pun.... i'm sorry

Tolstoy. War and Peace.

Sunhizria wrote:i changed option 3 to came from the true cult of pizza. since the cult of pizza is a mock religion.

Judean People's Front vs People's Front of Judea? You're definitely getting the hang of this pop-culture thing now

Tinhampton wrote:

Sunhizria wrote:i don,t want to ruin it. but i do not understand that pun.... i'm sorry

Tolstoy. War and Peace.

Sunhizria wrote:i changed option 3 to came from the true cult of pizza. since the cult of pizza is a mock religion.

Judean People's Front vs People's Front of Judea? You're definitely getting the hang of this pop-culture thing now

One’s directional guidance, the other’s a communist atlas feature

Sunhizria wrote:why should His Holy Crustiness but in caps in one option, and not in the others, for exemple. i don't get at all

Um... that was my bad. They should all be upppercase.

Awesomeland012345 wrote:

Sunhizria wrote:why should His Holy Crustiness but in caps in one option, and not in the others, for exemple. i don't get at all

Um... that was my bad. They should all be upppercase.

yeah, its fixed.

well, anymore comments ??
or i submit, or i give up

Well, the name isn’t great. And how did nobody notice this? If you made this issue into more of a classist direction, then the nice name of

The Upper Crust

Could be used.

Description says your friend is female (why?) but the party is celebrating his conversion? Why do they even need to be a convert?

What’s the point for the fourth option? It’s just saying to ban pizza, even though pizza is already practically impossible to find. It’s basically the same as the dismiss button.

Minskiev wrote:Well, the name isn’t great. And how did nobody notice this? If you made this issue into more of a classist direction, then the nice name of

The Upper Crust

Could be used.

Description says your friend is female (why?) but the party is celebrating his conversion? Why do they even need to be a convert?

What’s the point for the fourth option? It’s just saying to ban pizza, even though pizza is already practically impossible to find. It’s basically the same as the dismiss button.

the fourth option ban any type of (unhealthy food)

oops error

Why are you bringing other unhealthy food into this? Why is it some stranger instead of, you know, a nutritional health advocate?

Not to be mean, but I think you should scrap this. There’s just no basis for an idea.

Sunhizria wrote:

Awesomeland012345 wrote:
Um... that was my bad. They should all be upppercase.

yeah, its fixed.

well, anymore comments ??
or i submit, or i give up

My advice would be to not rush submitting this issue draft and give it at least another week before considering submitting it. It still needs work and attention, I feel.

@@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, decided to host a pizza party, to celebrate his recent conversion to the cult of pizza.

You have @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ yet you state "his" later in the sentence. Consider changing this part to "@@RANDOMNAME_1@@, decided to host a pizza party, to celebrate @@HIS_1@@ recent conversion to the cult of pizza".

However, when you arrived to @@HER_1@@home, you where shocked to discover @@SHE@@ was unable to prepare or to buy any pizza, because @@HE@@ couldn't find any stores that sold pizza or it's ingredients.

Similarly to what I said before, consider changing this sentence to "However, when you arrived to @@HIS_1@@ home, you were shocked to discover @@HE_1@@ was unable to prepare or buy any pizza, because @@HE_1@@ couldn't find any grocery stores that sold the doughy deliciousness or the ingredients to prepare it". That way all the macros will be aligned with one another and not create any confusion.

How is our nation is incapable of making a pizza?

This needs to be "How is our nation incapable of making pizza?".

our pride

Why is the nation's pride at stake here? Is @@NAME@@ famous for making pizza? I believe it would be better to phrase this differently, as pride isn't or shouldn't be a factor in this. This would be a slight infringement on player autonomy, as nations may be played in a way where national pride is not derived from baking/making pizza

Pizza has been a historical element of our nation

Similarly to what I said before, you can't assume this about a nation. What if a nation is played like an Asian country? Or South American? African? Pizzas aren't traditional dishes in those countries, so I would advice you to steer clear from making such assumptions.

You can simply invest in the organic vegan pizza industry., and remplaced meta based ingredients with planets based aletrnatives.

Alright, this sentence needs a little work. Consider changing it to "You can simply invest in creating organic and vegan alternatives for the pizza industry, like replacing meat with plant-based ingredients."

Look like we can have the cake, and eat it too.

Consider changing this to "That way, we can have our dough, and eat it too." While it is indeed cake in the normal turn of the phrase, it would have some comedic value if it was dough, since pizza is made from dough.

pizzas cannot be sold in @@NAME@@, unless they are approved by the @@DEMONYM@@ ecology, forest, animals and environment protection agency.

This effect line is too long, and it needs to be much shorter.

[option] "Investing in vegan pizzas is a good choice, but it's not enough," answers Pizzariano Thygreen, who appeared out of nowhere, wearing a 'Pizza4Lyfe' T-shirt. "There is only way to show respect to his holy Crustiness. Dont listen to theses loser of the cult of pizza, listen to me instead, the founder of the true cult of pizza. And i say, everyone must eat one pizza per week or go to jail. thus is thy will of His Holy Crustiness, otherwise they will be offended and they will send disasters and insects on @@NAME@@, to punish us. We can't let that happen, right?"

This option feels like it could benefit from some work. I'd advice you to read it over a few times and try to bring out the base of the idea you're trying to convey more succinctly.

the Great Defender of Good Food

I feel this is a little odd. I'd recommend you replace this with "and you find a letter from representatives of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Nutritional Advisory Center".

Why are you even wasting your time on such stupid though.

I feel this sentence in unnecessary and could be cut out.

You know what is a pizza, its a pale imitation of real food, good only to be trown at the garbage.

I'd recommend you to rephrase this to "Pizza is a poor imitation of real food, with too little good nutritional value and too many negatives."

Its vile and unspeakable corruption that cause cancer and diseases. Just take the final and outlaw any that's not healthy food, our citizen will be unhappy, but screw them, they'll be healthy."

Consider changing this to "It is a poor addition to any diet, and excessive daily consumption can cause an adverse effect on one's health, like obesity, cardiovascular diseases and even cancer. The same can be said of other foodstuffs that have absolutely no nutritional benefit and only cause harm to one's bodily well-being. Our strongly recommended advice is to outlaw any foodstuffs that fall under a similar descriptor, such as candy, snacks saturated with fats and the like. Our citizens may protest these changed for a while, but it's for their own good!" and then I'd suggest a different effect line, perhaps something sharper and with a little more humour.

To conclude, my main point of criticism with this issue idea is whether the premise would be an issue for a national leader. If the lack of pizza had some strong effect on the economy or industry, I might understand why such a problem would be put before @@LEADER@@. There is also the matter of logic, which is a bit problematic, because the shortage of pizza couldn't have happened overnight, it must have been present for a longer while. If indeed pizza had been gone from @@NAME@@'s stores and all its ingredients as well, then why did @@LEADER@@'s friend convert to the cult of pizza, if pizza is not present in the nation? But there is also the issue of the shortage of ingredients that you mentioned. Because if all the ingredients for pizza are lacking - which means wheat, flour, vegetables etc. etc. - then that signals there is the much larger issue of an apparent resource or supply shortage sweeping across @@NAME@@, perhaps even a famine if the ingredients are nowhere to be found. This would be a much larger issue than the lack of pizza.

As such - and I don't say this to bring you down - I feel that the current premise isn't strong enough to carry the issue. If you can come up with a stronger premise, one that applies to a national scale and that addresses the topic in a more focused manner, then it might go in the right direction. Which is why I urge you to keep drafting, as this issue idea still needs work before it can be submitted. Of course, I am not an editor, so you're free to dismiss any of my remarks. I hope however that some of my advice will help you, so feel free to take from it what you want!

well. made some changes

this is a good question : if indeed pizza had been gone from @@NAME@@'s stores and all its ingredients as well, then why did @@LEADER@@'s friend convert to the cult of pizza

I'll think about the validity tonight, but one word that might come in my mind would be internet.
tend, this issues would likely not be availlable to nations who have banned internet.

and no, we are not talking about faming here, i believe there are issues about that subject.

Sunhizria wrote:well. made some changes

this is a good question : if indeed pizza had been gone from @@NAME@@'s stores and all its ingredients as well, then why did @@LEADER@@'s friend convert to the cult of pizza

I'll think about the validity tonight, but one word that might come in my mind would be internet.
tend, this issues would likely not be availlable to nations who have banned internet.

and no, we are not talking about faming here, i believe there are issues about that subject.

That's all fine and good and I get that the issue isn't intended to be about famine, but consider what you have written: there are shortages in stores for all the ingredients for pizza. Pizza requires several ingredients, most importantly wheat and flour for the dough, not to mention all the vegetables like tomatoes. If even those products are gone from shelves in supermarkets, how is bread being baked? How are other wheat and flour products being made? And that's not even speaking of the shortages of dairy produce like cheese and milk, or in fact vegetables, like you imply with the current premise. Because you may not have inteded it that way, but by choosing this specific premise you are implying a massive shortage of food and produce is sweeping across @@NAME@@, which is a pretty severe issue. This what I am trying to point out to you, that there is a flaw of logic in the current premise of your issue, or unintentional problematic implications at least. And I am not the first to point out the problems with the current issue premise.

the issues certainly imply a shortage if dairy ingredients, because the nations would have to be opposed to cheese or pizza, to be qualified. which mean both of industries must be negatives.

so an idea could be that the friend convert themselves to cult of pizza, through internet, and try to make one here, but she aint able to find any cheese here, or does not know how to make one.

no pizza are sold in the nation, because it had grown to be opposed to pizza.

although. its honestly because i would like to see more issues coded to increase pizza.

Well new day, new draft

I’m honestly confused now. Let’s try to break the options down.

1. Invest in pizza
2. Invest in pizza, but only vegan?
3. Force everyone to eat a food that isn’t available?
4. No pizza, even though there’s already practically no pizza...
5. Suddenly, there’s an unrelated coup.

I suggest cutting 4 and 5, getting rid of all relations to Mizzko, and change 3 a little.

Minskiev wrote:I’m honestly confused now. Let’s try to break the options down.

1. Invest in pizza
2. Invest in pizza, but only vegan?
3. Force everyone to eat a food that isn’t available?
4. No pizza, even though there’s already practically no pizza...
5. Suddenly, there’s an unrelated coup.

I suggest cutting 4 and 5, getting rid of all relations to Mizzko, and change 3 a little.

1 invest in pizza industry, overturn vegetarianism
2 invest in vegan pizza only
3 invest in vegan pizza and all hail pizza (it state the option is good, but no enough)
4 ban all unhealthy food (going father then banning pizza)
5 scrap the internet (a dictatorial option that scrap the internet.) I could do without it
Top

without Mizzko, i feel the premiss is much weaker.

Mizzko feels entirely like useless filler. Plus, what the hell even is Mizzko? Finally, what does unhealthy food and the internet have to do with saving a pizza industry?

ok

you suggest to remove option 4 and 5.


well. option 5 can be remove true. just though it would be fun. can remove option 4 too, i simply figure i should let people have a negative option, since i never dismiss any issues



internet ; because pizza is not availlable anywhere in your nation, who has grown to be opposed to it. so naturally you don't have pizza. Its how your friend learned about pizza. thus nations who don't have internet, will not let your friend learn about pizza. and Mizzko is a country famous for its pizza.

Sunhizria wrote:ok

you suggest to remove option 4 and 5.


well. option 5 can be remove true. just though it would be fun. can remove option 4 too, i simply figure i should let people have a negative option, since i never dismiss any issues



internet ; because pizza is not availlable anywhere in your nation, who has grown to be opposed to it. so naturally you don't have pizza. Its how your friend learned about pizza. thus nations who don't have internet, will not let your friend learn about pizza. and Mizzko is a country famous for its pizza.

Why does your friend NEED to learn about it through the Internet? Shouldn’t your populace have basic knowledge of geopolitics?

War and Pizza. I wish I'd thunk of it.

Jabberwocky wrote:War and Pizza. I wish I'd thunk of it.

Huh, I remember you. How’s XKI been going?

Also, thanks, I guess.

Is your draft called "Pizza, where are you?" or "Pizza, do you exist?"?

Tinhampton wrote:Is your draft called "Pizza, where are you?" or "Pizza, do you exist?"?

its a temporary name, i dislike it. but i don,t have any better.
if you have better, and a fun pun, ho please give it.

well, tahsnk to Daarwyrth , the draft has been modified.

think i reached draft 10 .

Half of the options are needless filler. Not to mention that 3/4 of the speakers are in the same Cult.

ok new draft....

6 options, but i'm sure people will find it ugly, and say i must delete it.

So...Pizza is a mythical thing now? I’m not sure why the government should get involved if a random meal is just unpopular.