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[SUBMITTED]The Phony Lisa

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.

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Minskiev
Minister
 
Posts: 2423
Founded: Apr 20, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Minskiev » Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:26 pm

Option 3, says denonym instead of demonym. Also, there seems to be a lack of a space thrown in there.

Never mind, it’s just your formatting.
Last edited by Minskiev on Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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Noahs Second Country
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 2046
Founded: Aug 31, 2016
Anarchy

Postby Noahs Second Country » Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:21 am

One last bump.

Still thinking about the effect line for option 2, nothing I've come up really works well thus far.
Westinor wrote:Who knew the face of Big Farma could be the greatest hero of the Cards Proleteriat?
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Daarwyrth
Minister
 
Posts: 2416
Founded: Jul 05, 2016
Ex-Nation

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:52 pm

Noahs Second Country wrote:One last bump.

Still thinking about the effect line for option 2, nothing I've come up really works well thus far.


It may sound a little silly but perhaps something along the lines of "the nation's newest most prized artpiece is called 'my dogs barfed-up dinner'". It's a silly one but hey, perhaps the line will trigger a better idea :P
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Candensia
Diplomat
 
Posts: 919
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:12 am

The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Intelligence Agency recently raided a warehouse belonging to the notorious Tactical Counterfeit Artwork Liquidation Service, a front responsible for selling thousands of forged artworks to unsuspecting buyers.


To me, a "front" organization is an organization that operates on behalf of another, often shadier organization. A front organization wouldn't have a shady name like "Tactical Counterfeit Artwork Liquidation Service" because then they aren't a front for a shady group, they are the shady group.

I know you're going for TCALS here, but I'd either change the name of the organization, or change "front" to something else, maybe "group" or "organization".
Last edited by Candensia on Sun Aug 09, 2020 10:12 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Noahs Second Country
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 2046
Founded: Aug 31, 2016
Anarchy

Postby Noahs Second Country » Mon Aug 10, 2020 10:31 pm

Great suggestion, thanks!

a front responsible for selling

changed to
an organization responsible for acquiring and selling

and I changed the second sentence of the description to match up with this small change.
Westinor wrote:Who knew the face of Big Farma could be the greatest hero of the Cards Proleteriat?
Honeydewistania wrote:Such spunk and arrogance that he welcomes the brigade of hatred!
Orcuo wrote:The plan was foolproof! Unfortunately, I didn’t make it Noah-proof.
WeKnow wrote:I am not a fan of his in the slightest.
Benevolent 0 wrote:You can't seem to ever portray yourself straight.
Bormiar wrote: reckless and greedy, closer to a character issue than something to be rewarded.
Second Best™ - 7x Issues Author, 7x SC Author, Editor, Ex-Minister of Cards of the North Pacific

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