[SUBMITTED] Fish Out Of Water

[Westinor]

Am I using the @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ macro right here/does it make sense in general, or do I need to specify numbers for every macro?

[title] Fish Out Of Water

[desc] Prospective aquaculture company A Tuna' Salmon inc. has recently proposed the construction of several massive on-land fish farms, declaring that they will "elevate the fishing industry to an entirely new scale". Local fishermen and ranchers have voiced their opposition to the facilities, with each party claiming that the farms will flush their respective industries down the drain.
[validity] large difference between agriculture sector and trout fishing industry, above average trout fishing industry, not vegetarian, capitalist

[option] "These farms will blow you out of the water!" boasts A Tuna' Salmon CEO Mac R. El as @@HE@@ leads you on a tour through one of the farms. "Our facilities will outproduce those stinky fishermen at half the cost - all we need is your permission to reallocate some farmland and a bit of the water supply towards our farms. I have no trout- er, doubt that customers will enjoy these cheap and delicious meals — they sure beat plain-old beef and pork! And you know what? Those local fishermen can catch a break. After all, there's still plenty of fish in the sea."
[effect] not all rivers run to the sea

[option] "These rich fatsuits are all full a' carp!" snaps small-town angler Richard Moby as he hops out of his boat. "Fishin' ain't a sport! Our catches feed millions of families - sure, good ol' trawling doesn't yield as much as growin' fish, but I'd take the taste of authentic sea salt on the tongue over this farm-grown garbage any day! You can't let these Big Farma companies put us out of business! Reject these corporate chums, don't take the bait!" He tackles the CEO into the water.
[effect] the aquaculture industry is dead in the water

[option] "Now hold on for just a second!" rasps 97-year old rancher @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ as @@HE_1@@ rides in on a cow. "These, eh, feesh are killin' the cattle industry! No one wants our beef no more - I have ta' beg stores to buy our steak! Ol' Betsy was supposed to be slaughtered weeks ago!" @@HE_1@@ gestures at @@HIS_1@@ cow, who eyes you innocently. "Ya' better run these feesh growers an' catchers outta' town, or I'll do it myself! An' I tell ya, you don't want no beef with me!" @@HE_1@@ shakes @@HIS_1@@ pitchfork at you menacingly.
[effect] children who draw sharks in art class are sent swimming with the fish

[option] "See now the consequences of feasting upon flesh!" lectures @@RANDOMNAME@@, Root Priest of the Tomatotarian Order, a religious group of indignant and occasionally militaristic vegans. "The blood of innocent beings runs through all of you, twisting your minds and contorting your spirit! We have strayed too far from nature's path - cast away your meaty desires, and return to what nature intended us to be!" @@HE@@ seizes Betsy from @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME_1@@ and runs off.
[effect] rehabilitation centers specialise in curing meat-lovers
[validity] allows religion

[title] Fish Out Of Water

[desc] Prospective aquaculture company A Tuna' Salmon Inc. has proposed the construction of a series of massive on-land fish farms, declaring that they will "revolutionize the leaky fishing industry". The plans have met significant opposition from local fishermen, who claim the proposed farms will sink the local fishing industry.
[validity] Capitalist, Low Trout-Fishing Industry

[option] "Our farms will elevate the aquaculture industry to a whole new scale!" boasts A Tuna' Salmon CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ leads you on a tour through one of the farms. "All we need is your permission to reallocate some of the water supply towards the creation of our farms. I have no trout- er, doubt that @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ will enjoy these cheaper and delicious meals, and as for those local fishermen, well, they can catch a break. After all, there's still plenty of fish in the sea."
[effect] not all rivers flow to the sea

[option] "You're full of carp, ya' know that?" snaps small-town fisherman Richard Moby as he sails towards you on his boat. "They're lying to you, @@LEADER@@! Can't you sea that farms will put us local fishers out of business? We'll never be able to compete with these Big Farma corporations! Reject these corporate chums, don't take the bait!" He tackles the CEO into the water.
[effect] @@LEADER@@ lets lucrative business offers sail on by

[option] "Now hold on for just a second!" rasps 97-year old rancher @@RANDOMNAME@@, who appears to be lost. "I don't like the sound of these, watcha callem', feesh farms, and I don't see why they should get to steal my water! Who in the world even eats feesh? If anything, you should be reallor- allo- erm, realluh'catin' land and water towards good ol' fashioned wheat an' beef! Violuh't knows the people'd 'ppreciate that!" @@HE@@ looks around confusedly. "Eh, wouldja' happen to have a map?"
[effect] rivers run dry as methane levels soar on high

[Cretox State]

Is there reasonably such a limited demand and undifferentiated product market for fish in every capitalist nation that a large farm would put local fishermen out of business?

Edit: Maybe make it more explicit that the fishermen in the area serviced by the fish farm believe that it will destroy their businesses?

[Westinor]

Is there reasonably such a limited demand and undifferentiated product market for fish in every capitalist nation that a large farm would put local fishermen out of business?

Edit: Maybe make it more explicit that the fishermen in the area serviced by the fish farm believe that it will destroy their businesses?

Edited to hopefully make that clearer. The original idea was actually that environmental problems had cleaned out most of the fish, and that fish farms were being introduced to preserve and continue supplying the rest of the nation with fish for food. It seemed sort of convoluted, though, and at the time of writing I was too tired to tackle(heh) that (admittedly, I could've waited until I had the energy, but me being me I didn't).

[Minskiev]

A Tuna’ Salmon (by the way, very clever) Inc., reads a little weirdly. Maybe try it as ATS Incorporated, or maybe The Tuna’ Salmon Company, something like that.

[Westinor]

I've updated the draft! Option 1 has been cut down to reasonable option length and Effect2 has changed. Far from a Fin-(f)ished draft, so I'll keep this up for a while. Cod use some feedback, and all comments are appreciated!

A Tuna’ Salmon (by the way, very clever) Inc., reads a little weirdly. Maybe try it as ATS Incorporated, or maybe The Tuna’ Salmon Company, something like that.

Hm, I'm not sure those examples work the way I'd like them to, but you bring up a good point. I'll see what I can do.

[Australian rePublic]

Inland fish farm? So, inland?

[Westinor]

Inland fish farm? So, inland?

Yes, inland.

If you're asking how that works, inland fish farms can be built in several ways. Utilizing already existing lakes or bodies of water works, or creating an artificial body of water works too.

[Drasnia]

The description feels a bit lacking. It really needs a bit more punch or weight to it imho.

Option 3 is also similarly lacking. We've already got plenty of "think of the animals" options in the game already. There are other, more interesting ways to present opposition. For example, I'll tell you a story about something that happened locally.

Here in Idaho, we've got fairly unique water laws. Basically, people get a claim from the state gov saying they have the right to use natural water sources. When there is a drought, older claims get precedence. Back about 10-12 years ago, we were suffering from a very bad drought. A local fish hatchery was using a relatively old claim (pre-1950's) to hog a huge amount of the available water. It got so bad, a bunch of wealthy farmers who had more recent claims and would otherwise had to forgo any water (and therefore lose the entire year's harvest) pooled their money together and bought somebody's claim from the 1880's or -90's. Once these farmers got their share, the hatchery didn't have enough water to operate and was forced to close.

You already have your economic opposition in option 2 so you have an environmental/humane option 3, and I think if you're going for an environmental option, the impact of farms on water and related resources has far more potential than "think of the animals."

[Daarwyrth]

[desc] A Tuna' Salmon Inc., a prospective aquaculture company, has proposed the construction of a massive on-land fish farm, which has met significant opposition by local fishing unions.

I think creating a validity of having a low - thus struggling - Fishing Industry, could help pack this issue more of a punch.

Perhaps consider changing the premise to something like this:

A Tuna' Salmon Inc., a prospective aquaculture company, has begun taking steps to "revolutionize the leaky fishing industry" by constructing a series of massive on-land fish farms, to avoid the nation's imposed fishing quotas on the open sea. Feeling their livelihoods are threatened, local fishing unions have banded together to oppose this development.

I think going about it this way will make the issue appear stronger, especially with the right validities/conditions added in

[Westinor]

Alright, I'll get to working on a new draft. Thanks!

Preliminary draft up, with new option and effect lines.

[Australian rePublic]

Inland fish farm? So, inland?

Yes, inland.

If you're asking how that works, inland fish farms can be built in several ways. Utilizing already existing lakes or bodies of water works, or creating an artificial body of water works too.

I usually won't allow my mum to eat fish when we're away from the coast (I'll let her fresh water fish when we're near a lake or river). I gotta rethink that stratergy. Carry on

[Westinor]

Alrighty, it's cleaned up now! Feedback and comments would be appreciated :D

[Daarwyrth]

[validity] Capitalist

Did you consider adding the "low Fishing Industry" validity as well? Because otherwise "revolutionize the leaky fishing industry" might not be as relevant with the "leaky" part. Of course, you're free to leave that validity out! If so, I'd suggest to leave out "leaky"

[option] "Hold on, there aren't any suitable irrigation systems near any of these fish farms!" wails your assistant as she shuffles through several blueprints for the farms. "All of these plans are redirecting water from the civilian supply! @@LEADER@@, we can't let these thirsty corporate eels steal our supply - force these companies to connect their water supply to the ocean, or else! I need my daily hour-long showers - how do you think I maintain this perfect alabaster skin?"
[effect] domesticated fish play dead in hopes of being flushed to sea

I think this option might be material for an issue topic of its own, namely fish farms tapping into civilian supplies. The revelation also appears a bit sudden, in my opinion. I would expect something like this to be mentioned in the issue premise, but that could be just me.

[Westinor]

[validity] Capitalist

Did you consider adding the "low Fishing Industry" validity as well? Because otherwise "revolutionize the leaky fishing industry" might not be as relevant with the "leaky" part. Of course, you're free to leave that validity out! If so, I'd suggest to leave out "leaky"

Whilst "leaky" could work one way or another and the issue premise doesn't necessarily hang on the validity, I'll add it anyway - it'll make for a better third replacement option, and to be honest I was actually going to add that but I forgot

[option] "Hold on, there aren't any suitable irrigation systems near any of these fish farms!" wails your assistant as she shuffles through several blueprints for the farms. "All of these plans are redirecting water from the civilian supply! @@LEADER@@, we can't let these thirsty corporate eels steal our supply - force these companies to connect their water supply to the ocean, or else! I need my daily hour-long showers - how do you think I maintain this perfect alabaster skin?"
[effect] domesticated fish play dead in hopes of being flushed to sea

I think this option might be material for an issue topic of its own, namely fish farms tapping into civilian supplies. The revelation also appears a bit sudden, in my opinion. I would expect something like this to be mentioned in the issue premise, but that could be just me.

That's a good point. Working on a third option.

[Westinor]

Rewritten again! Haven't quite settled on the language of the third option and effect lines yet, will go back to that.

[Pythaga]

The plans have met significant opposition from farmers and local fishermen, who claim the proposed farms will sink their prospective industries.

I believe this should be respective industries as opposed to prospective. Also, mentioning farmers in the description seems kind of disjointed as it isn't clear until the last option why exactly non-fishermen care.

[Westinor]

The plans have met significant opposition from farmers and local fishermen, who claim the proposed farms will sink their prospective industries.

I believe this should be respective industries as opposed to prospective. Also, mentioning farmers in the description seems kind of disjointed as it isn't clear until the last option why exactly non-fishermen care.

Whoops, I think that was a leftover from one of my rewrite drafts. And as to the second point, yeah was debating that myself, I'll take that out. Thanks!

[Westinor]

The draft; has been updaetd as (hopefully] not to include any more egregious grammer mistakes!

[Pythaga]

The draft; has been updaetd as (hopefully] not to include any more egregious grammer mistakes!

Those unmatched parenthesis will haunt me for a very long time. Some people really want to watch the world burn


The draft looks good to me!

[Westinor]

The draft; has been updaetd as (hopefully] not to include any more egregious grammer mistakes!

Those unmatched parenthesis will haunt me for a very long time. Some people really want to watch the world burn


The draft looks good to me!

Thamks! Yeah, I was wondering if it would make sense to add another option to the issue, though right now I'm eh on that right now.

[Pythaga]

The draft looks good to me!

Thamks! Yeah, I was wondering if it would make sense to add another option to the issue, though right now I'm eh on that right now.

I personally don’t think you need another option. I think anything you add will end up being one of the overused tropes and won’t contribute anything unique; you’ve pretty well covered the dilemma as I see it.

[Westinor]

Thamks! Yeah, I was wondering if it would make sense to add another option to the issue, though right now I'm eh on that right now.

I personally don’t think you need another option. I think anything you add will end up being one of the overused tropes and won’t contribute anything unique; you’ve pretty well covered the dilemma as I see it.

Yeah, that's a good point. That was sort of my basis for not adding one, but I felt like I could have added one. But yeah, that's fair, probably wont.

[Westinor]

Reworked the draft a bit! Hopefully this time the premise has a bit more flavor, though I'm going to look at adding a bit more humor in there. Feedback and comments would be appreciated!

[Westinor]

This draft has been updated! I'm potentially considering a different conflict (centered around aquaculture vs. agriculture exclusively, which would allow for a socialist rendition), but right now I think this is fine. Feedback would be appreciated!

[Fauxia]

Option 4 needs a religion validity watch.

Good issue, I like the puns and references very much.