Pointing the Goldfinger [In Circulation]

[Indusse]

New Draft
[Issue] Pointing the Goldfinger
[Validity] No autarky, co-authored by Electrum

[Description] A Bigtopian diplomatic bag was accidentally searched by Customs at @@CAPITAL@@ Airport, contrary to diplomatic conventions. Before the search was stopped, the bag was found to contain cocaine brownies, snortable marijuana, gold leaf toilet paper rolls, and jars of whale oil. Even though the bags were promptly handed over to the Bigtopian embassy, questions have been raised about this discovery.

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says customs officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in all manner of things without paying the import duties. You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions."
[Validity] drugs legalised
[Effect] no one gossips with @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says customs officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in all manner of illegal items, and not paying duties on the legal ones. You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions."
[Validity] drugs illegal
[Effect] no one gossips with @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "These illegal products are just the tip of the iceberg," states spy-master N, who issued James Bont both his license to kill and his exploding pen license. "Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn military secrets, the names of foreign spies within our country and replicate their passports for espionage. It’s the right thing to do for our glorious @@TYPE@@."
[Effect] diplomatic cables about @@LEADER@@ have suddenly been very flattering

[Option] After a long day’s hard work, you receive a call from the Bigtopian ambassador. "We know you opened our diplomatic bags. Please, spare us the embarrassment and don’t inform our authorities about what you’ve found. In return for your discretion, we would be willing to offer a generous donation to your treasury."
[Effect] sperm oil get smuggled through the back door

[Issue] Pointing the Goldfinger
[Validity] No autarky, co-authored by Electrum

[Description] A Bigtopian diplomatic bag was accidentally searched by Customs at @@CAPITAL@@ Airport, contrary to diplomatic conventions. Before the search was stopped, the bag was found to contain cocaine brownies, snortable marijuana, toilet paper made of pure gold, and a jar of whale oil. While the bags were promptly handed over to the Bigtopian embassy, questions have been raised about this discovery.

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says customs officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in all manner of things without paying the import duties. You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions, so that we can enter their chancery and seize everything… including their silky smooth toilet paper."
[Validity] drugs legalised
[Effect] no one gossips with @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says customs officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in all manner of illegal items and legal items. You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions, so that we can enter their chancery and seize everything… including their silky smooth toilet paper."
[Validity] drugs illegal
[Effect] no one gossips with @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "These illegal products are just the tip of the iceberg," states spy-master N, who has issued James Bont both his license to kill and his exploding pen license. "Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn military secrets, the names of foreign spies within our country and replicate their passports for espionage. It’s the right thing to do for our glorious @@TYPE@@."
[Effect] diplomatic cables about @@LEADER@@ have suddenly been very flattering

[Option] After a long day’s hard work, you receive a call from the Bigtopian ambassador. "We know you opened our diplomatic bags. Please, spare us the embarrassment and not tell anyone about what you’ve found. For your discretion, we would be willing to offer an anonymous, substantial cash payment to your treasury."
[Effect] sperm oil gets smuggled through the back door

[Issue] Pointing the Goldfinger
[Validity] No autarky, co-authored by Electrum

[Description] A Bigtopian diplomatic bag was accidentally scanned by Customs at @@CAPITAL@@ Airport. A sizable amount of gold was detected, and while the bags were promptly handed over to the Bigtopian embassy, questions have been raised about this discovery.

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in illicit gold in their diplomatic bags. They’re doing it to avoid our taxes, and they must be punished. Expel the lot of them and seize the gold from their chancery."
[Effect] world leaders hesitate to tell secrets to @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "Who cares about some bars of gold?" states spy-master N. "Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn about what those dastardly Bigtopians really think of you, and replicate their passports for espionage. Give us the go-ahead and we’ll open every single one of those suckers."
[Effect] diplomatic cables about @@LEADER@@ have suddenly been very nice

[Option] After a long day’s work, you receive a call from the Bigtopian ambassador. "We know you opened our diplomatic bags. This is a violation of our diplomatic rights and we will publicly reprimand you if you don’t issue a public apology at once."
[Effect] vague threats make honesty the best policy

[Tinhampton]

You have two completely different drafts in your OP. Is this the drafting thread for "Pointing the Goldfinger" or "Ounce of Help,pounds of preaching"?

[Westinor]

In option 3, the speaker mentions "hearing from us" even though he has already contacted you. Maybe make it clearer that there'll be some public reprimand or statement?

Also, since the whole point of diplomatic bags is for them not to be opened, option 2 might work better as "secretly opening these bags". Fits with the spy persona too - after all, there's no reason to use them (as far as I know, I could be wrong) if the other nation has access to them, no?

[Electrum]

In option 3, the speaker mentions "hearing from us" even though he has already contacted you. Maybe make it clearer that there'll be some public reprimand or statement?

Also, since the whole point of diplomatic bags is for them not to be opened, option 2 might work better as "secretly opening these bags". Fits with the spy persona too - after all, there's no reason to use them (as far as I know, I could be wrong) if the other nation has access to them, no?

Thanks West. Will alter that third option. Yeah that was the plan for second option, but we probably weren't clear enough that we'd be secretly opening these bags.

[Mathuvan Union]

From the way I see it, wouldn’t the issue happen at that point, and not hours later when the ambassador calls you? That doesn’t really click in my mind.

[Australian rePublic]

Wait, so @@NAME@@ can't scan a diplomat's bags now? What if that bag contains a bomb? Also, what airline allows anyone to carry that much gold? I can barely carry all my clothes without paying overweight fees

[Mathuvan Union]

Wait, so @@NAME@@ can't scan a diplomat's bags now? What if that bag contains a bomb? Also, what airline allows anyone to carry that much gold? I can barely carry all my clothes without paying overweight fees

…it basically just defeats the purpose of aeroport security.
But with the overweight issue, no offence but you might not be that high up with Qantas or Jetstar or whatever. The diplomat might be high up in frequent flyer ranks.

[Australian rePublic]

Wait, so @@NAME@@ can't scan a diplomat's bags now? What if that bag contains a bomb? Also, what airline allows anyone to carry that much gold? I can barely carry all my clothes without paying overweight fees

…it basically just defeats the purpose of aeroport security.
But with the overweight issue, no offence but you might not be that high up with Qantas or Jetstar or whatever. The diplomat might be high up in frequent flyer ranks.

That would impact the number of bags he's got, not the weight permissible in bags. Individual bags have weight limits because it's an OH&S hazard for baggage handlers

[Indusse]

Draft updated as Westinor said... Thanks for the suggestion

[Electrum]

Please keep comments on this thread relevant to the draft. This is Indusse's first issue and he's keen to get feedback (and me too). More specifically, the third option seems light at the moment, so would be happy to take suggestions in that regard.

No, diplomatic bags are exempt from being scanned, seized or searched. That's just the way it is under the Vienna Convention.

[Mathuvan Union]

Please keep comments on this thread relevant to the draft. This is Indusse's first issue and he's keen to get feedback (and me too). More specifically, the third option seems light at the moment, so would be happy to take suggestions in that regard.

No, diplomatic bags are exempt from being scanned, seized or searched. That's just the way it is under the Vienna Convention.

Really? Diplomats have it lucky.

…it basically just defeats the purpose of aeroport security.
But with the overweight issue, no offence but you might not be that high up with Qantas or Jetstar or whatever. The diplomat might be high up in frequent flyer ranks.

That would impact the number of bags he's got, not the weight permissible in bags. Individual bags have weight limits because it's an OH&S hazard for baggage handlers

Which then means that having the gold bars is highly unrealistic because a gold bar is heavy.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Interestingly, gold is far from the most interesting thing to have been smuggled in a diplomatic bag in real life.

A drugged spy, limpet mines, many many kilos of cocaine, and a kidnapped Nigerian minister have all been placed in diplomatic bags, as indeed has gold.

This makes it a great premise for an issue, kudos to Indusse for spotting that gap.

I would, however, suggest that it wouldn't be NS if it was something that has already been smuggled in RL. There's huge potential for humour here in more interesting things being smuggled. I think try to think of something that would be illegal to transport for most folk, and which is simultaneously massively embarrassing to its recipient.

Maybe sex toys made from the ivory of an endangered animal. Maybe thirty kilos of black market erectile dysfunction pills. Maybe horrifying octopus porn that has been banned in twenty-five countries. Maybe all of the above.

I love the issue premise though, will be keeping a close watch.

[Minskiev]

A kidnapped Nigerian minister? Wow, and here’s to me thinking compared to NationStates NPCs the IRL world is professional.

Red ink (well not ink but you know) is for editing or questions.

[Description] A Bigtopian diplomatic bag was accidentally it wouldn’t be accidentally, they’re still subject to searches scanned by Customs at @@CAPITAL@@ Airport. A sizable amount of gold was detected, and while the bags were promptly handed over to the Bigtopian embassy, questions have been raised about this discovery.

[Option] "This is the most obvious case of smuggling I’ve ever seen!" says police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, who claims to be a smuggling expert after arresting a man wearing a trenchcoat full of fake watches last week. "Those Bigtopians are abusing our trust by bringing in illicit gold in their diplomatic bags. They’re doing it to avoid our taxes, and they must be punished. Expel the lot of them and seize the gold from their chancery."
[Effect] world leaders hesitate to tell secrets to @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits

[Option] "Who cares about some bars of gold?" states spy-master N. just N? Does it stand for anything? In my subjective opinion, some number like 004 would sound more realistic and a lot cooler. "Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn about what those dastardly Bigtopians really think of you, and replicate their passports for espionage. Give us the go-ahead and we’ll open every single one of those suckers."
[Effect] diplomatic cables about @@LEADER@@ have suddenly been very positive

[Option] After a long day’s work so it wasn’t a long day of work in the first two options? Was this one a few hours later?, you receive a call from the Bigtopian ambassador. "We know you opened our diplomatic bags. This is a violation of our diplomatic rights and we will publicly reprimand you if you don’t issue a public apology at once." Well, it isn’t, so this needs a change from “We caught you” to “What’s between us stays between us”
[Effect] vague threats make honesty the best policy how?

[Australian rePublic]

Really? Diplomats have it lucky.

That would impact the number of bags he's got, not the weight permissible in bags. Individual bags have weight limits because it's an OH&S hazard for baggage handlers

Which then means that having the gold bars is highly unrealistic because a gold bar is heavy.

Exactly. Diplomat might be able to carry 10 bags weighing 30 kilos each, rather than 2 bags each weighing 150 kilos

[SherpDaWerp]

I would, however, suggest that it wouldn't be NS if it was something that has already been smuggled in RL. There's huge potential for humour here in more interesting things being smuggled. I think try to think of something that would be illegal to transport for most folk, and which is simultaneously massively embarrassing to its recipient.

Maybe sex toys made from the ivory of an endangered animal. Maybe thirty kilos of black market erectile dysfunction pills. Maybe horrifying octopus porn that has been banned in twenty-five countries. Maybe all of the above.

That said, surely there's merit in keeping this issue not-adult-only? If it's possible to find humor of a non-sexual nature that's probably a better option, although immaturity is a never-fail approach.

just N? Does it stand for anything? In my subjective opinion, some number like 004 would sound more realistic and a lot cooler.

See: Men in Black, wherein agents are given letter-coded names like "J", "D", "L", and potentially "N". We've got plenty of James Bond references already, so there's no harm in diversifying our spy names. Plus, James Bond is hardly "realistic".

[Minskiev]

I would, however, suggest that it wouldn't be NS if it was something that has already been smuggled in RL. There's huge potential for humour here in more interesting things being smuggled. I think try to think of something that would be illegal to transport for most folk, and which is simultaneously massively embarrassing to its recipient.

Maybe sex toys made from the ivory of an endangered animal. Maybe thirty kilos of black market erectile dysfunction pills. Maybe horrifying octopus porn that has been banned in twenty-five countries. Maybe all of the above.

That said, surely there's merit in keeping this issue not-adult-only? If it's possible to find humor of a non-sexual nature that's probably a better option, although immaturity is a never-fail approach.

just N? Does it stand for anything? In my subjective opinion, some number like 004 would sound more realistic and a lot cooler.

See: Men in Black, wherein agents are given letter-coded names like "J", "D", "L", and potentially "N". We've got plenty of James Bond references already, so there's no harm in diversifying our spy names. Plus, James Bond is hardly "realistic".

Well with N comes A-M. That’s like, what thirteen other super important government spies?

[SherpDaWerp]

See: Men in Black, wherein agents are given letter-coded names like "J", "D", "L", and potentially "N". We've got plenty of James Bond references already, so there's no harm in diversifying our spy names. Plus, James Bond is hardly "realistic".

Well with N comes A-M. That’s like, what thirteen other super important government spies?

There's no problem with having 13 spies. In fact, I would assume most nations have hundreds of people working in espionage.

Arguably, "004" implies even more spies, because you've got more than 26 (A-Z) and had to use numbers to fit them all.

[Minskiev]

Of course there are many government spies, but one so important they give advice to @@LEADER@@?

They say “Give us the go-ahead” like they LEAD the spies. They’re also a spy-master, which I doubt there are many of.

[SherpDaWerp]

Of course there are many government spies, but one so important they give advice to @@LEADER@@?

They say “Give us the go-ahead” like they LEAD the spies. They’re also a spy-master, which I doubt there are many of.

Just because this dude is "N" doesn't mean A through M have his exact job. Maybe "A" is the tech wiz, "B" is the gadget guy, "C" does wardrobe, blah blah blah, "N" does the paperwork.

Regardless, this is an incredibly minor point anyway - it doesn't really matter what the spy is called. They could just as easily be "an unnamed, mysterious @@MAN@@ who identifies @@HIM@@self as leader of the spy organisation @@NAMEINITIALS@@-5"

Spy naming conventions aside, I would also recommend that you re-word Option 3. Saying "public" twice is odd. My recommendation (take it, leave it, modify it, whatever):

After a long day’s work, you receive a call from the Bigtopian ambassador. "We know you opened our diplomatic bags. This is a violation of our diplomatic rights, and we won't hesitate to let all of @@REGION@@ know about it - but only if you don’t issue a formal apology by noon tomorrow."

[Drasnia]

rguably, "004" implies even more spies, because you've got more than 26 (A-Z) and had to use numbers to fit them all.

I'd even go so far as to argue it implies that either there are over 100 spies or that they expect at some point to have over 100 spies. Even then, that seems incredibly low for any nation of a decent size - but that's completely beside the point.

That said, surely there's merit in keeping this issue not-adult-only? If it's possible to find humor of a non-sexual nature that's probably a better option, although immaturity is a never-fail approach.

I totally get where you're coming from, but adult-only just excludes class nations. It's not like a massive chunk of players would be excluded if it were adult-only. If that's what it takes for it to go from a good issue (which it is currently) to a great issue, that's a compromise I personally would be willing to make.

"Who cares about some bars of gold?" states spy-master N. "Imagine the valuable intelligence we could find by opening every country’s diplomatic bags. We could learn about what those dastardly Bigtopians really think of you, and replicate their passports for espionage. Give us the go-ahead and we’ll open every single one of those suckers."

I feel like this option is a bit of a wasted opportunity. N is thinking too small for a spymaster. Opening bags wouldn't just let them know what Bigtopia thought of @@LEADER@@ - it would grant them vital intelligence on all sorts of things on a global scale. Military secrets, names of Bigtopian operatives, that sort of thing.

Two nitpicks with this option are 1). I think N is being too dismissive of the gold. I'd think instead of saying "who cares", they'd being saying that gold is only the tip of the iceberg; and 2). N's description is kind of weak. It needs either some additional humor or something stereotypical of spies in order to set the mood. Basically, just overall I'm struggling to view N as a spymaster with how they speak and how they are (not) described.

All that said, I really like this. With some more refining, this could be a fantastic draft.

[Electrum]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Indusse and I are currently discussing the changes, so it may take some time for them to appear.

Also I don't get why there are so many posts about spy names. It's just a name. N was chosen because we just chose to use James Bond's M (a spymaster, not a spy) and then went the next letter in the alphabet. There's nothing special about the names. Indusse's first language isn't English, so he's been overwhelmed with the comments, please keep that in mind.

[Indusse]

A new draft has been posted... Please suggest if there is any need of Changes.

[Daarwyrth]

You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions, so that we can enter their chancery and seize everything… including their silky smooth toilet paper.

I feel this could be 2 separate sentences. Consider changing it to "You need to punish the Bigtopians by expelling them immediately, even if it exposes us as breaking diplomatic conventions. Then we'll be able to enter their chancery and seize everything… including their silky smooth toilet paper."

and not tell anyone about what you’ve found

Consider changing it to "and don't tell anyone about what you've found".

Overall, I like this issue and I think it has a good premise. It touches upon the subject of diplomatic conventions and immunity - as other issues have - but I feel it approaches the subject from a different, new perspective!

[Mathuvan Union]

Well with N comes A-M. That’s like, what thirteen other super important government spies?

There's no problem with having 13 spies. In fact, I would assume most nations have hundreds of people working in espionage.

Arguably, "004" implies even more spies, because you've got more than 26 (A-Z) and had to use numbers to fit them all.

well then wouldn't '004' be Spy 'D'?

[SherpDaWerp]

There's no problem with having 13 spies. In fact, I would assume most nations have hundreds of people working in espionage.

Arguably, "004" implies even more spies, because you've got more than 26 (A-Z) and had to use numbers to fit them all.

well then wouldn't '004' be Spy 'D'?

Also I don't get why there are so many posts about spy names. It's just a name. N was chosen because we just chose to use James Bond's M (a spymaster, not a spy) and then went the next letter in the alphabet. There's nothing special about the names. Indusse's first language isn't English, so he's been overwhelmed with the comments, please keep that in mind.

---

bringing in all manner of illegal items and legal items.

Sounds repetitious - remove the first "items". "illegal and legal items" sounds much better.

Please, spare us the embarrassment and not tell anyone about what you’ve found. For your discretion, we would be willing to offer an anonymous, substantial cash payment to your treasury."

Should be "don't tell anyone", instead of "not tell anyone". Also, the "For your discretion" sentence is a little odd. Maybe "In return for your discretion, we would be willing..." - the option's already shorter than the rest so you can afford to add some more words.

sperm oil gets smuggled through the back door

As in sperm whale oil? The not-so-obscure sex joke is fine, but it's not a great effect line purely because it relies so heavily on context from the description. Effect lines that rely on general ideas of the options/description or effect lines that stand as jokes on their own are always better than effect lines that rely on specific words from the description to be relevant/funny.

Other than those three things, I think this issue is quite good!