[DRAFT] Felonious Fanboys

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:46 am

Validity: Must not have the policies "Nudism" or "Prudism", as well as some degree of law enforcement.

Description: A group of nerdy fanboys were on their way to a comic book convention, cosplaying as "Smith Masters", a specialized assassin featured heavily in a popular science fiction franchise. However, this has later proven disastrous after a chain of concerned reports accusing the cosplayers as potential criminals - even though they were only armed with plastic toy blades - led to the deployment of dozens of police officers and the lockdown of an entire neighbourhood.

Option: "I have never been treated more horribly!" sobs @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, one of the cosplayers implicated in the incident. "I spent days preparing my costume and myself to serve as a loyal servant of our glorious Galactic Confederation, just to have a bunch of guns pointed at my face! How can those officers be this stupid?! Maybe give them better training so they can better recognize what's an actual threat and let us live out our nerd dreams in peace."
Effect: science fiction franchises are now furiously debated in mandatory pop culture classes in police academies

Option: "You can never be too safe these days", says police officer @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, eyeing @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ suspiciously. "They actually could have been planning to launch an attack on the area with their realistic looking 'brightsabres'. Do the right thing, @@LEADER@@, ban costumed folk from using weapons as part of their costumes. Actually, ban all fake weapons in general! Better safe than sorry."
Effect: pointing finger guns at someone is now classified as an act of terrorism

Option: "My family and I were just trying to have a normal day when all of a sudden, we see these strange men in threatening-looking body armour storming down the street looking like they were up to no good!" hollers protective father @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "So what if these weirdos were 'cosplaying'? Any sane person would think those were potential criminals! Ban all cosplays and costumes from being sold! For my family's safety."
Effect: costume parties are now illegal gatherings

Option: "Oooh, those costumes look so cool!" squeals young intern @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, who has been waiting for an opportunity to finally use @@HIS_3@@ pop culture knowledge. "You know how the police are designing a new type of body armour, right? What if we designed some of them in the style of these Smith Lords? Not only will they then be well protected with the new armour, but they will look so much cooler! Just imagine how our police officers will look now: a Smith Lord armed with a glowing brightsabre, leading a legion of pristine white stormguards to catch rebel scum...erm...I mean, criminals!" @@HE_1@@ promptly faints from excitement.
Effect: it's hard to tell the difference between a police officer and an overexcited fanboy

by **Atheris** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:53 am

Honestly, I really like this. It reads well, has great grammar and funny effect lines, and doesn't seem too far out of the realm of possibility.

What about "Convention Misdirection" for the title?

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:57 am

Atheris wrote:Honestly, I really like this. It reads well, has great grammar and funny effect lines, and doesn't seem too far out of the realm of possibility.

What about "Convention Misdirection" for the title?

Ooh, that doesn't sound bad. I'll keep it for now.

by **Atheris** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:58 am

Midand wrote:
Atheris wrote:Honestly, I really like this. It reads well, has great grammar and funny effect lines, and doesn't seem too far out of the realm of possibility.

What about "Convention Misdirection" for the title?

Ooh, that doesn't sound bad. I'll keep it for now.

Another one could be "Convention Confusion," which I think sounds better given the alliteration.

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:02 am

Atheris wrote:Another one could be "Convention Confusion," which I think sounds better given the alliteration.

Given we're talking about alliteration now, I think "Felonious Fanboys" also has a nice ring to it.

by **Atheris** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:04 am

Midand wrote:
Atheris wrote:Another one could be "Convention Confusion," which I think sounds better given the alliteration.

Given we're talking about alliteration now, I think "Felonious Fanboys" also has a nice ring to it.

Oooh, I really like that one. Alliteration adds a lot of admiration towards appellations, don't you think?

by **Westinor** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:17 am

I love Star Wars myself

nice to see an issue like this

A few problems/suggestions after a quick read - First off, validity should also include "no Prudism Policy" imo

Options 2 and 3 nearly overlap in their logic and consequences, being that they both end in the confiscation of fake weapons and see the cosplayers as terrorists. I can differentiate after a second readthrough, but it might help to have the "ban all fake weapons in general!" deleted because it's redundant and only serves to confuse.

You also have an awful lot of commas, and a few sentences can be combined efficiently to help flow better. A few catches:

"I spent days preparing my costume and getting myself ready to be a true loyal soldier of our glorious Galactic Confederation! Do you know what it's like, having all these guns pointed at you right in the face?

"I spent days preparing my costume and myself to serve as a loyal soldier of our glorious Galactic Confederation, just to have a bunch of actual guns pointed at my face!" Might work better.

these days, @@LEADER@@

Probably doesn't need the "@@LEADER@@, but your choice tbf.

For all we know, with their realistic looking 'blasters',

This could be changed to reflect an actual police perspective, with something like "A bunch of men walking around with 'blasters'? I've seen that before - they..." or some variant of this, otherwise for better grammatical flow the sentence can be flipped so that "they actually could have... with their realistic... for all we know." The current iteration serves as fairly clunky.

"That isn't going far enough!"

Again, this confuses the overlap between options 2 and 3. I understand op2 is only weapons, whereas op3 is everything, but it might confuse most people on the difference between the costume and the weapon, being that a costume serves as fairly threatening too. However, by itself it feels a bit like this 'outburst' line could do a bit better. An outburst referring to the shock of threatening looking costumes would do a bit better here.

we see armed men patrolling the area

Ah, here's where it gets confusing. This sentence and the one that comes after are the main points of this option, yet the focus is on the weapons rather than the costumes. Switch the perspective from them being armed to them looking like they're in costumes, so that it doesn't just serve as a civilian perspective of the second option.

Option 4 needs a different line of reasoning - looking cool or threatening probably isn't the best way to go around this. I like the idea, but the actual development of armor for police or a different argument might serve as a better standing point for a wacky option.

The costumes look quite the part, and with just a bit of modification, could make our police look all the more threatening towards criminals.

And also, this sentence doesn't require "with just a bit of modification".

I like this issue very much, and it's fairly well written. Good job!

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:41 am

Thanks for your input, Westinor! The issue has been modified accordingly. (though option 4 hasn't been entirely rewritten)

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 3:32 pm

Have slightly rewritten the issue to make some things a bit clearer. Also, I am having a lot of trouble thinking of the effect line for the first option...
Any ideas would be welcome!

by **Australian rePublic** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:13 pm

How does a cop these mistakes? Shouldn't they receive better training?

by **Midand** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:37 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:How does a cop these mistakes? Shouldn't they receive better training?

Good point; might make that an option as well.
However, this issue is based on an actual incident in Alberta, so it's not too far-fetched.

by **Midand** » Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:21 am

Have updated the first option to include police training. (though I feel the effect line could be a bit funnier)

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Wed Jul 01, 2020 7:26 am

Despite the presence of cosplayers, I think this issue is more or less 488. We're just asking if realistic looking replica guns are okay to play with, right?

by **Midand** » Wed Jul 01, 2020 10:17 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Despite the presence of cosplayers, I think this issue is more or less 488. We're just asking if realistic looking replica guns are okay to play with, right?

I guess I could alter the second option (or just removed it entirely) and remove mentions of guns from the issue. Would that help things a bit?

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 1:00 am

If they were wielding boffer swords instead of fake guns, that'd could work better. Change the expy from stormtroopers to AGOT LARPers, or somethng.

by **Trotterdam** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:32 am

What's the difference between swords and guns, legislatively speaking?

#989 already covers whether older, obsolete weapons should still be covered by a weapon ban (the issue merely discusses an older model of gun, but one of the effect lines mentions swords, so it's implied the same principle applies to both).

by **Spiritual Republic of Caryton** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:37 am

Read this as "Felonious Femboys", was about to get super happy...

Otherwise, this goes over super well for me.

by **Midand** » Tue Jul 07, 2020 10:21 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:If they were wielding boffer swords instead of fake guns, that'd could work better. Change the expy from stormtroopers to AGOT LARPers, or somethng.

I might change the stormtroopers to Sith lords or something, and instead, have their weapons be "lightsabres", I guess. I do like my Star Wars references.

Trotterdam wrote:What's the difference between swords and guns, legislatively speaking?

#989 already covers whether older, obsolete weapons should still be covered by a weapon ban (the issue merely discusses an older model of gun, but one of the effect lines mentions swords, so it's implied the same principle applies to both).

To me, swords are only mentioned as a small part of the actual issue as a whole, which is about antique weapons. I am trying to make cosplayers the focus of this issue rather than fake weapons, though I would like the second option as a more neutral one that doesn't ban cosplayers outright.

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Wed Jul 08, 2020 2:42 am

Cool. "Lightsabres" is a little bit too close though, you have to be cautious with the House of the Mouse, even in fair use for satire

Maybe "bright stabbers" or "low-calorie sabers"?

by **Midand** » Wed Jul 08, 2020 10:30 am

(Low-calorie sabers, lol)

Have updated the issue to remove the mention of guns and blasters, replacing them with "Smith Masters". I have also rewritten the last option to come from a different perspective. (though I don't know if it's going to last)
I think the issue is slowly coming together.
Also, anyone got any ideas for a cheeky pun for the last option's effect line?

by **Drasnia** » Wed Jul 08, 2020 10:34 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Cool. "Lightsabres" is a little bit too close though, you have to be cautious with the House of the Mouse, even in fair use for satire

Maybe "bright stabbers" or "low-calorie sabers"?

'Brightsabers' or just the lame generic 'Laser Sword'? (Intentionally misspell it in a moronic way like 'Lazor Sword'?)

I wanted to go the complete opposite and say 'Darksaber' but apparently Star Wars already beat me to the punch.

by **Pythaga** » Wed Jul 08, 2020 12:51 pm

Option 2 wrote:realistic looking 'laser-sabres'.Do the right thing,

You're missing a space here. I also really like Drasnia's suggestion of lazor sword.

by **Midand** » Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:30 pm

It is mostly a matter of personal preference, but I think "brightsabres" has a nice ring to it.
Have updated the issue accordingly and fixed a couple typos.

by **Midand** » Mon Jul 13, 2020 10:51 am

*bump*
Any more feedback on the issue so far?

by **Cokoland** » Mon Jul 13, 2020 10:56 am

This reminds of that episode of the big bang theory

[DRAFT] Felonious Fanboys

[DRAFT] Felonious Fanboys

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