[LAST CALL] I Saw Three Ships

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Wouldn't it be a better dilemma if an allied nation was pursuing refugees who are seeking sanctuary with you?

That way it'd be a question of respecting the military autonomy of your allies, vs showing compassion for the refugees.

[Westinor]

Wouldn't it be a better dilemma if an allied nation was pursuing refugees who are seeking sanctuary with you?

That way it'd be a question of respecting the military autonomy of your allies, vs showing compassion for the refugees.

That's a good point. Would it make more sense to choose a different pairing conflict-wise, or frame the United Federation as more of an ally? If the second I could see cutting out the communist doppelgangers

EDIT: As of right now, I'm framing the issue towards the latter - if it doesn't work as well, I'll start rewriting for a different pair. (As for removing communist validities, the United Federation seems to have still relatively alright relations with your nation if it's communist, though your own people appear to feel animosity towards the Federation itself.)

[Candlewhisper Archive]

On a separate point, I'd note that the adjective for United Federation has historically been United Federation, but I think United Federal would be reasonable and preferable in some circumstances. United Federationist, not so much.

[Drasnia]

This looks pretty good. My only complaint is that I'm not feeling like the doppelganger issues are really justified. They seem a bit pointless to me.

On a separate point, I'd note that the adjective for United Federation has historically been United Federation, but I think United Federal would be reasonable and preferable in some circumstances. United Federationist, not so much.

United Federalist maybe? Eh, not sure on that one, but thought I'd throw the idea out there.

[Westinor]

This looks pretty good. My only complaint is that I'm not feeling like the doppelganger issues are really justified. They seem a bit pointless to me.

On a separate point, I'd note that the adjective for United Federation has historically been United Federation, but I think United Federal would be reasonable and preferable in some circumstances. United Federationist, not so much.

United Federalist maybe? Eh, not sure on that one, but thought I'd throw the idea out there.

Yeah, on that point I'm probably going to take CWA's suggestions and change the NPC nations, since the thought process with the doppelganger options is that the United Federation/NVS would respond differently to different ideologies, but that doesn't factor into the issue at all.

On a separate point, I'd note that the adjective for United Federation has historically been United Federation, but I think United Federal would be reasonable and preferable in some circumstances. United Federationist, not so much.

Changed demonyms to "United Federal".

[Westinor]

I've tried once more at working it around the UF and NVS. I think it could potentially work this way , especially if geared towards capitalist nations with no relations with NVS. Let me know what you think!

[Westinor]

Going to bump this

[Westinor]

The description and Options 1 & 2 have been rewritten a bit. Hopefully this looks better!

[Daarwyrth]

your loose ally

The wording here seems a little awkward. I am trying to think of an alternative here, but it should be something in the direction of "loosely affiliated nation" or "distant ally".

in a bitter conflict/

Remove the "/"

Hoping to preserve diplomatic relations

Consider adding "with both countries" or something along those lines after "diplomatic relations".

a trio of badly-damaged ships carrying refugees from Núi Và Sông

a fleet of United Federation battleships pursuing them

captain of the lead destroyer

The combination of these three descriptions can cause a little confusion, I feel. As when I imagine a ship carrying refugees, I don't immediately think of a warship. Which is not to say that it can't happen, but because you used "a fleet of United Federation battleships pursuing them" I associated that with "captain of the lead destroyer" in option 1, while option 1 has the captain of the Núi Và Sông's ship as its speaker. Perhaps you could tweak the wording here a little to make the distinction clearer.

the United Federation Ambassador as kicks your door down

Add "he" after "as". Also, consider changing the last few words to "as he kicks down your door".

sic' em

Does this mean "destroy" in genZ-speak?

[option] "No — this is a chance to help these nations seek peace!" cries your Minister of Diplomacy as she desperately tries to keep your Ministers of War and Peace from pummeling each other. "Stop both fleets, and have them meet each other on some middle ground — perhaps one of our ships? Call in leaders from both nations, and right there we can hash out a peace deal — two mortal enemies, weary from war and looking each other in the eye, agreeing to set their weapons down in the name of peace! That's a happy ending if I've ever heard one!"
[effect]@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ arbiters stand in the middle of the battlefield yelling at both sides to stop shooting

The idea of the option in itself isn't bad, but unless the President of the United Federation or its government isn't on those ships, I doubt whether the people commanding the United Federation vessels would have the authority to sign and discuss a peace treaty. Perhaps you can still keep the ships as the middle ground, but add in a line that @@NAME@@ will fly in the leaders of both nations, to discuss the peace treaty?

[Westinor]

Fixed the grammar errors/whatever the heck those other things were! Those were leftovers from the previous draft, mistake on my part

Does this mean "destroy" in genZ-speak?

It's slang for "kill" but isn't used very commonly. More of a cultural reference (to what or whom, I do not know)

The idea of the option in itself isn't bad, but unless the President of the United Federation or its government isn't on those ships, I doubt whether the people commanding the United Federation vessels would have the authority to sign and discuss a peace treaty. Perhaps you can still keep the ships as the middle ground, but add in a line that @@NAME@@ will fly in the leaders of both nations, to discuss the peace treaty?

The option actually mentions calling in both leaders, which I felt would be more efficient and realistic than flying them in. I did heavily debate that though, so I'll probably change it to flying in.

[Daarwyrth]

The option actually mentions calling in both leaders, which I felt would be more efficient and realistic than flying them in. I did heavily debate that though, so I'll probably change it to flying in.

Ah, I might have read over that, so my apologies! I see the line "call in both leaders" now, so you don't need to change it! The way it's written sounds more efficient and it was mainly an oversight on my part

[Minskiev]

@@ANIMAL@@ city

I’d put the c and make it uppercase, like ‘@@ANIMAL@@ City’.

[Westinor]

The option actually mentions calling in both leaders, which I felt would be more efficient and realistic than flying them in. I did heavily debate that though, so I'll probably change it to flying in.

Ah, I might have read over that, so my apologies! I see the line "call in both leaders" now, so you don't need to change it! The way it's written sounds more efficient and it was mainly an oversight on my part

Gah, now I'm debating whether I should add fly into the option, or whether it even reads smoothly. I'll probably keep it, but I need to consider rewriting this option. Thanks though!

@@ANIMAL@@ city

I’d put the c and make it uppercase, like ‘@@ANIMAL@@ City’.

Edited, thanks! Another mistake carried over in rewriting

[Trotterdam]

Add "he" after "as". Also, consider changing the last few words to "as he kicks down your door".

sic' em

Does this mean "destroy" in genZ-speak?

It's traditionally the command used to order attack dogs to go after someone.

Also used as a transitive verb, as in "sic the dogs on...".

[Daarwyrth]

Add "he" after "as". Also, consider changing the last few words to "as he kicks down your door".

sic' em

Does this mean "destroy" in genZ-speak?

It's traditionally the command used to order attack dogs to go after someone.

Also used as a transitive verb, as in "sic the dogs on...".

Huh, I see! I was only aware of the Latin meaning of "thus" or "thus it was written". You learn something new everyday

Gah, now I'm debating whether I should add fly into the option, or whether it even reads smoothly. I'll probably keep it, but I need to consider rewriting this option. Thanks though!

I have reread it today again and now I am thoroughly convinced that as it is currently, it's fine and clear!

[Westinor]

\;

Gah, now I'm debating whether I should add fly into the option, or whether it even reads smoothly. I'll probably keep it, but I need to consider rewriting this option. Thanks though!

I have reread it today again and now I am thoroughly convinced that as it is currently, it's fine and clear!

Alright, thanks!

[Westinor]

Effect lines have been updated! Feedback and comments would be appreciated!

[Daarwyrth]

I'm begging you @@LEADER@@, this is our darkest hour — you are our only hope.

Consider phrasing this as "This is our most desperate hour. Help us, @@LEADER@@, you're our only hope" to score Star Wars reference points

I really like the effect lines and the general streamlining of the issue! I think it's best suited at 3 options indeed

[Westinor]

I'm begging you @@LEADER@@, this is our darkest hour — you are our only hope.

Consider phrasing this as "This is our most desperate hour. Help us, @@LEADER@@, you're our only hope" to score Star Wars reference points

I really like the effect lines and the general streamlining of the issue! I think it's best suited at 3 options indeed

Heh, that's what I was going for changed!

[Westinor]

Small modifications to options 2 and 3 - feedback and suggestions would be appreciated!

[Daarwyrth]

"After all, isn't that what allies are for?"

I've been thinking about this line, and I am unsure whether it should be worded this way, given that you state in the premise "United Federation, your loose ally". Perhaps you could instead go for a line saying something along the lines of "Surely it'd be worth it to warm up our relations", "Surely you don't want to drift ever further apart from your ally" or "After all, aren't we allies, or something". I realise I have made them a bit wordy, but perhaps there'd be a way to convey a similar attitude more succinctly? Of course, if you prefer it the way it is worded now, feel free to ignore this comment!

seek peace

Could just be me, but "make peace" would sound a bit better here.

Call in leaders from both nations

Small nitpick, but since you used "nations" in the sentence before, maybe you could use "countries" here? Or another fitting synonym?

[Westinor]

"After all, isn't that what allies are for?"

I've been thinking about this line, and I am unsure whether it should be worded this way, given that you state in the premise "United Federation, your loose ally". Perhaps you could instead go for a line saying something along the lines of "Surely it'd be worth it to warm up our relations", "Surely you don't want to drift ever further apart from your ally" or "After all, aren't we allies, or something". I realise I have made them a bit wordy, but perhaps there'd be a way to convey a similar attitude more succinctly? Of course, if you prefer it the way it is worded now, feel free to ignore this comment!

Yeah, the intention was to have it sound like he was suggesting that they were allies, thus this action is justified. I was considering italicising the allies, but I'm not sure if it would be needed.

The rest of the changes have been implemented

[Empirical Switzerland]

Cool idea.

[Great Robertia]

Yeah, the intention was to have it sound like he was suggesting that they were allies, thus this action is justified. I was considering italicising the allies, but I'm not sure if it would be needed.

I feel as if "After all, aren't we supposed to be allies?" would convey that attitude/suggestion a little bit stronger, but that could be just me, so feel free to discard that remark

[Westinor]

The draft has been updated and changed to a conflict between Marche Noire and Marche Blanche - I couldn't find very many descriptors for Marche Blanche and how their citizens act, so this is what I'm going with for now. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated, particularly on these sections:

"'...the enemy's fleet catches us.'" (used to be "the devil's", if there's a different sort of insult here that could apply to MN that would be great)
"'...turn these good-for-nothing dirtbags away and let us blow their damned rowboats out of the water,'" (used to be "straw-hat idiots", not sure of a descriptor for Marche Blanchians)
"...as he disconnects the radio." (Trying to convey an angry slamming down of the phone kind of thing but not sure if that's necessarily how one would be communicating with the ship in the first place - this is sort of a placeholder for now, if there aren't any other better suggestions I'm going to go with the assumption that it's a phone line)

Hopefully this is a simpler, cut and dry moral decision-ish kind of issue. Comments would be appreciated!