[DRAFT] All's Fair In Love And Sports

by **Anisopterra** » Sat Jun 20, 2020 7:35 am

This is a group-drafted issue, and we'd really love to know what everyone thinks about it! It's roughly based off of the Houston Astros sign stealing scandal in Baseball.

All's Fair In Love And Sports

Draft 2:

[validity: Must allow sports]

The Issue:

It was a proud day in @@capital@@ after @@*name@@ won the World Calvinball Cup. However, allegations have surfaced that the team's staff used a system of cameras, semaphore displays, and inflatable giraffes to inform the players of Ausblic's plans. Calvinball fans have taken to the streets to demand that you, with the help of the team and other guests of the victory party, resolve the issue at hand.

The debate:

1. “You can’t possibly allow this,” protests @@randomname@@, an A-list actor, inching closer to your table. “It isn't good for our international reputation!” He then drops his voice to a whisper. "I'm a famous actor in Ausblic. My movies are more popular there than anywhere else. Surely we can forfeit the title? Do it for our entertainment industry!"
Effect: stadium ticket sales slow to a crawl every time film critics give a movie two thumbs up

2. "Pfft," snorts an eavesdropping understudy. “The industry won't be affected by this. All Ausblic cares about is that pretty face of yours! We don't need to forfeit the title," he claims, waving one hand while poisoning the actor's drink with the other. "If we stay really quiet, the people will too."
Effect: cheating has become the national sport

3. Your niece clings to the arm of a player, giggling as he spits his gum into a page torn from your Calvinball rulebook. “Well, this is all so unnecessary. The problem has an easy fix. Give Ausblic the title, and then ban sports in our beloved country once and for all. Such handsome young men belong in fancy clothes, not huge helmets that cover their beautiful heads of hair!”
Effect: students in marching bands are not the only ones holding fundraisers to pay for new uniforms
Enacts policies: No Sports, Prudism. Removes Policy: Nudism

4. As you mourn the loss of your rulebook’s explanation of the cactus origami inning, a famous Calvinball commentator, @@randomname@@, reminds @@his@@ audience of the league’s lack of regulations concerning the topic at hand. “These rules were written back when the fanciest new technology was the handheld radio! @@*name@@ didn’t do anything wrong, but the league should change the rules to make sure this doesn’t happen again."
Effect: the newest editions of sports rulebooks are often mistaken for encyclopedias

Draft 1:

by **Free Las Pinas** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:34 am

Just a reminder: Remove the asterisks from some of the macros.

I don't really have anything else to say since I helped write this

by **Honeydewistania** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:36 am

Free Las Pinas wrote:Just a reminder: Remove the asterisks from some of the macros.

I don't really have anything else to say since I helped write this

If that’s so, you may want to include ‘co-authored with Free Las Pinas’ in the validity. If you don’t really care that’s fine.

by **Drasnia** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 6:34 pm

Anisopterra wrote:It was a proud day in @@*CAPITAL@@ after the @@*CAPITAL@@ @@*ANIMALPLURAL@@ won the World Calvinball Cup. However, allegations have surfaced that the team's staff used an elaborate system of cameras, semaphore displays, inflatable giraffes, and midi-controlled bagpipes to inform the players of the Maxtopian team's plans. This type of external aid has never before been seen in the modern game, and the Calvinball fans of Maxtopia have taken to the streets in protest, outraged that the @@*DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ team had such a huge advantage. Meanwhile, the tradition of the champion team meeting government officials continues. Now you, with the help of an obnoxious set of officials and celebrities are faced with the decision of how the league should deal with the scandal.

Alright I'm going to start off by saying that this description is way too long. As I understand it, this is part of an XKI competition, so maybe the judge(s) will like it, but if your goal is for it to be accepted into the game you need to be a lot more pithy. Some of the content of the description can be moved to the relevant options below instead of outright deleted.

#1041 canonically establishes that the World Cup is played between national teams (@@NAME@@, Ausblic, etc.), not individual clubs (like your @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@).

The part highlighted in red also needs to be changed. It's a very small and easy-to-overlook thing, but that small phrase instantly restricts the issue to nations where computers are not banned. I don't think that's what your intentions are which is why I'm highlighting it.

by **Tinhampton** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 6:40 pm

There are no asterisks in macros: try the @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ instead of the @@*CAPITAL@@ @@*ANIMALPLURAL@@.

Effect lines do not begin with capitals, do not end with full stops and are not entirely bracketed by quotation marks: try voting is voluntary instead of "Voting is voluntary."

by **Free Las Pinas** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 7:16 pm

Drasnia wrote:
Anisopterra wrote:It was a proud day in @@*CAPITAL@@ after the @@*CAPITAL@@ @@*ANIMALPLURAL@@ won the World Calvinball Cup. However, allegations have surfaced that the team's staff used an elaborate system of cameras, semaphore displays, inflatable giraffes, and midi-controlled bagpipes to inform the players of the Maxtopian team's plans. This type of external aid has never before been seen in the modern game, and the Calvinball fans of Maxtopia have taken to the streets in protest, outraged that the @@*DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ team had such a huge advantage. Meanwhile, the tradition of the champion team meeting government officials continues. Now you, with the help of an obnoxious set of officials and celebrities are faced with the decision of how the league should deal with the scandal.

Alright I'm going to start off by saying that this description is way too long. As I understand it, this is part of an XKI competition, so maybe the judge(s) will like it, but if your goal is for it to be accepted into the game you need to be a lot more pithy. Some of the content of the description can be moved to the relevant options below instead of outright deleted.

#1041 canonically establishes that the World Cup is played between national teams (@@NAME@@, Ausblic, etc.), not individual clubs (like your @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@).

The part highlighted in red also needs to be changed. It's a very small and easy-to-overlook thing, but that small phrase instantly restricts the issue to nations where computers are not banned. I don't think that's what your intentions are which is why I'm highlighting it.

Thanks for the advice. For now, we just want our issue to be acceptable for the competition, so we're not looking towards publishing this issue yet. We haven't even thought of who gets the right to publish this. Though, I will make sure we get to correct our mistakes.

Tinhampton wrote:There are no asterisks in macros: try the @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ instead of the @@*CAPITAL@@ @@*ANIMALPLURAL@@.

Effect lines do not begin with capitals, do not end with full stops and are not entirely bracketed by quotation marks: try voting is voluntary instead of "Voting is voluntary."

We had to add asterisks since we discussed this on the XKI forum and we didn't want to tag anyone unintentionally. We'll make sure to remove the asterisks too though.

As for your first point about effect lines, I understand that there is no need for quotation marks. And as for your second point, I've also seen other people state that they must begin with a non-capitalized letter and end with no punctuation, but that has confused me since I've never actually seen an effect line that started with a non-capitalized letter and ended with no punctuation.

by **Tinhampton** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 8:09 pm

Free Las Pinas wrote:[I've never actually seen an effect line that started with a non-capitalized letter and ended with no punctuation.

8 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, financial investors are noting a boom in artillery.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, male tourists tend to be fearful of Tinhampton 5z-F's deadly femme fatales.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the news is showing footage of Leader bullying an old man to the point of tears.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, acute politicians deride opposition members for being obtuse.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, purported secret military bases are dismissed by Leader to be highly-advanced toilet factories.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, vats of anabolic steroids are being dumped into the ocean to make Tinhamptonian mussels the biggest in Thorossia.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the nation's first space rocket -- sponsored by Eckie-Ecola and shaped like an enormous soda bottle -- is being developed.

All of the above effect lines begin with a lower-case letter but do not actually end with punctuation; the full-stop is simply added there by the Game Code (TM) to make it make sense.

by **Noahs Second Country** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 8:57 pm

Thanks for the advice. For now, we just want our issue to be acceptable for the competition, so we're not looking towards publishing this issue yet. We haven't even thought of who gets the right to publish this. Though, I will make sure we get to correct our mistakes.

From my understanding the most publishable issue is probably the most likely to win the competition since you are... writing a NS issue, after all.

General advice:

Precision is important and this issue is significantly more wordy than any issue I've seen - you need to cut a good 60% of the narration from this issue and focus on the important stuff, only adding details if they contribute to a stance or joke. You also don't need to include every possible option for an issue, it seems like the sweet spot stands around 3 or 4 most of the time.

by **Free Las Pinas** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 9:06 pm

Tinhampton wrote:
Free Las Pinas wrote:[I've never actually seen an effect line that started with a non-capitalized letter and ended with no punctuation.

8 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, financial investors are noting a boom in artillery.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, male tourists tend to be fearful of Tinhampton 5z-F's deadly femme fatales.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the news is showing footage of Leader bullying an old man to the point of tears.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, acute politicians deride opposition members for being obtuse.
9 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, purported secret military bases are dismissed by Leader to be highly-advanced toilet factories.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, vats of anabolic steroids are being dumped into the ocean to make Tinhamptonian mussels the biggest in Thorossia.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters.
13 days ago: Following new legislation in Tinhampton 5z-F, the nation's first space rocket -- sponsored by Eckie-Ecola and shaped like an enormous soda bottle -- is being developed.
All of the above effect lines begin with a lower-case letter but do not actually end with punctuation; the full-stop is simply added there by the Game Code (TM) to make it make sense.

Oh, thanks for explaining that for me. I understand it now. I assumed you were saying that the "Talking Point" in issues started with a non-capitalized letter, and I was pretty sure it didn't.

Noahs Second Country wrote:From my understanding the most publishable issue is probably the most likely to win the competition since you are... writing a NS issue, after all.

General advice:

Precision is important and this issue is significantly more wordy than any issue I've seen - you need to cut a good 60% of the narration from this issue and focus on the important stuff, only adding details if they contribute to a stance or joke. You also don't need to include every possible option for an issue, it seems like the sweet spot stands around 3 or 4 most of the time.

That's true and I'm shortening as of now.

by **Tinhampton** » Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:50 pm

Besides, your issue does need some streamlining - it covers too many viewpoints within a very narrow range. Here's a summary of it so far...

DESCRIPTION: Your country's team has been exposed using a new cheating system in their victorious World Calvinball Cup campaign! What do you do?
1: Insist that the team forfeit their title and apologise for cheating
2: Insist that the team not forfeit their title and do nothing else
3: Insist that the team not forfeit their title, but pressure the WCC executive committee to impose new anti-cheating rules
4: Promote national pride before every game on the basis that the team did nothing wrong
5: Ban sports (and insist that the team forfeit their title to Maxtopia)
6: Ban computers

by **Free Las Pinas** » Mon Jun 22, 2020 1:09 am

Tinhampton wrote:Besides, your issue does need some streamlining - it covers too many viewpoints within a very narrow range.

I've worked on narrowing down the options and shortening the description according to the suggestions of everyone above. Right now, I'm waiting for approval from the other authors, since they may have other things to say and we're from very different timezones.

But to summarize what I've done:

fixed the macros
shortened the description
shortened option 1 and changed it a bit
removed option 4 and somewhat added it to option 2 without making option 2 too long
removed option 6, because it seemed like the option that a sports-related issue can live without

Anything else for me to do before someone else takes over?

by **Snakeden** » Mon Jun 22, 2020 5:26 am

Noting here for fellow team members that I've thrown input in on the other forum's thread, so if someone sees this first they know to have a peek there.

by **Anisopterra** » Tue Jun 23, 2020 8:00 am

Main post has been edited to include the newest draft

by **Australian rePublic** » Tue Jun 23, 2020 8:24 pm

Why does leader care?

by **Free Las Pinas** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 1:33 am

1. Calvinball fans have taken to the streets for an answer to the issue.
2. The winning Calvinball team gets to meet government officials or other famous people, so we decided to set the issue in that area.

Does it make any sense to you?

by **Noahs Second Country** » Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:00 am

It was a proud day in @@capital@@ after @@*name@@ won the World Calvinball Cup. However, allegations have surfaced that the team's staff used a system of cameras, semaphore displays, and inflatable giraffes to inform the players of Ausblic's plans. Calvinball fans have taken to the streets to demand that you, with the help of the team and other guests of the victory party, resolve the issue at hand.

You may want to indicate in the first sentence that the team beat Ausblic to win the Calvinball Cup. As for the third sentence here, I understand the necessity of establishing a sense of urgency/importance to the issue but the last sentence doesn't seem to actually contribute much to the setting or any important aspect of the issue. In the case of @@NAME@@ being accused of cheating I also assume that a lot of citizens would outright deny these accusations in favor of their own team, and that's what I'd expect as an option.

1. “You can’t possibly allow this,” protests @@randomname@@, an A-list actor, inching closer to your table. “It isn't good for our international reputation!” He then drops his voice to a whisper. "I'm a famous actor in Ausblic. My movies are more popular there than anywhere else. Surely we can forfeit the title? Do it for our entertainment industry!"
Effect: stadium ticket sales slow to a crawl every time film critics give a movie two thumbs up

This seems like a very odd stance to me, as it draws a correlation between the movie industry and the sports world. I think the next option sums it up well, this doesn't really seem like a particularly feasible stance to take on the subject, especially as the first option.

2. "Pfft," snorts an eavesdropping understudy. “The industry won't be affected by this. All Ausblic cares about is that pretty face of yours! We don't need to forfeit the title," he claims, waving one hand while poisoning the actor's drink with the other. "If we stay really quiet, the people will too."
Effect: cheating has become the national sport

As stated earlier, I think this option may be more effective if it was a team member or citizen who outright denied any claims of cheating. Thus far you have not indicated how obvious or legitimate these allegations are. The effect line could also use some work.

3. Your niece clings to the arm of a player, giggling as he spits his gum into a page torn from your Calvinball rulebook. “Well, this is all so unnecessary. The problem has an easy fix. Give Ausblic the title, and then ban sports in our beloved country once and for all. Such handsome young men belong in fancy clothes, not huge helmets that cover their beautiful heads of hair!”
Effect: students in marching bands are not the only ones holding fundraisers to pay for new uniforms

Why is a player clearly present in this conversation but not providing their stance? Perhaps you could integrate this player into option 2. Also I'll note here that you have a mixture of smart quotes and straight quotes throughout the issue, which should probably be fixed to just straight quotes for the sake of precision and consistency.

4. As you mourn the loss of your rulebook’s explanation of the cactus origami inning, a famous Calvinball commentator, @@randomname@@, reminds @@his@@ audience of the league’s lack of regulations concerning the topic at hand. “These rules were written back when the fanciest new technology was the handheld radio! @@*name@@ didn’t do anything wrong, but the league should change the rules to make sure this doesn’t happen again."
Effect: the newest editions of sports rulebooks are often mistaken for encyclopedias

I think this option could be slightly more effective if you characterized the Calvinball commentator as doing a radio-type broadcasting pitch despite being in a normal conversational setting.

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Tue Jun 30, 2020 3:00 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Why does leader care?

This, basically.

To me, the premise doesn't connect, as it seems unlikely that a nation's leader would step in to to deal with is essentially an issue of rules interpretation within a sports match.

I think for government to be involved the issue needs to be about something that needs a government decision.

[DRAFT] All's Fair In Love And Sports

[DRAFT] All's Fair In Love And Sports

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