[SUBMITTED] The Wind Become Death

[Westinor]

[title] The Wind Become Death

[desc] Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated locations, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon testing has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams.
[validity] Has WMDs

[option] "We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear weapons and those who wield them are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"
[effect] radiation is a hot topic

[option] "How boring, like I haven't heard that two-hundred and thirty-eight times already," yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."
[effect] the Grand @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Canyon is unrecognizable after being deemed meteorologically worthy for nuclear testing

[option] "These idiots have no clue what they're saying!" seethes @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the arms manufacturing company Nuke Nuke, Who's There? as @@HE@@ hands you some convincing-looking graphs and diagrams. "There's only a ninety-two percent consensus on this so-called study anyway, plus most of the scientists that work for us agree that the radiation emitted is barely dangerous to health, and can even give you a nice tan. There's really nuclear-uh, no clear evidence that these tests are harmful at all! Here, release some of this scientifically proven data, and you can continue purchasing bombs from us. Speaking of which, our newest weapon..."
[effect] half-truths and blatant lies have long half-lives

[option] "We should use these jetstreams to our advantage." whispers your Minister of Stealth Bombing as he materialises out of nowhere. "Our scientists have compiled a detailed map of jetstream systems — correctly employ these, and we can secretly detonate dirty bombs in the middle of nowhere, while still delivering cancer and illness into the heart of enemy nations."
[effect] the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from @@LEADER@@'s rear echelons

[title] The Wind Become Death

[desc] Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated locations, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon testing has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams. Following this discovery, anti-nuclear groups have doubled down on protesting the use of nuclear weapons, with demonstrations taking place all over @@NAME@@.
[validity] Has WMDs

[option] "We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear weapons and those who wield them are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"
[effect] talking about nuclear weapons is a radioactive subject

[option] "How bohring, like I haven't heard that two-hundred and thirty-eight times already." yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."
[effect] scientists ensure their newest nuclear testing spots are "meteorologically correct"

[option] "These idiots have no clue what they're saying!" seethes @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the arms manufacturing company Nuke Nuke, Who's There? as @@HE@@ hands you some convincing-looking graphs and diagrams. "There's only a ninety-two percent consensus on this so-called study anyway, and most of the scientists that work for us agree that the radiation emitted is only slightly life-threatening. There's really nuclear-uh, no clear evidence that these tests are harmful at all! Here, release some of this scientifically proven data, and you can continue purchasing bombs from us. Speaking of which, our newest weapon..."
[effect] studies claiming nuclear tests are safe are a half-lie

[option] "We should use these jetstreams to our advantage." whispers your Minister of Stealth Bombing as he materialises out of nowhere. "Our scientists have compiled a detailed map of jetstream systems — correctly employ these, and we can secretly detonate dirty bombs in the heart of enemy nations, spreading cancer and illness throughout their cities."
[effect] no one likes surprises from @@LEADER@@

Draft 1 Below! Rewritten

[title] The Wind Become Death

[desc] A group of independent researchers from @@CAPITAL@@ University has claimed that nuclear testing by @@NAME@@ has caused extensive radioactive fallout, as radioactive particles were thrown up in the air in the process of testing. From there, they suggested that the particles were carried by a system of powerful air currents known as jet streams, which deposited the particles as fine, invisible dust all around the world. Naturally, the public has gone into full blown panic mode, with many environmental and scientific groups clamoring for government transparency.
[validity] Has WMDs

[option] "Our research has revealed to us that there may be multiple radioactive hot spots around the globe due to the transportation of radioactive particles." explains Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, lead scientist of the research group, who's a bit of a bohr. "This is an atomic discovery — @@LEADER@@, you have to fund further research into this matter, and release any information you already have. We need to work together to reduce radiation levels in cities, and move away from those already affected. Heck, I'd even suggest stopping all nuclear tests, and urging our international partners to do so — who needs bombs anyway?"
[effect] hazmat teams with Geiger counters patrol abandoned cities

[option] "This is just paranoia at work." mutters your Minister of Nuclear Science, who appears to be radiating anger. "I don't need some idiot researcher to tell me how to do my job. There has been no clear evidence to prove that the explosions from nuclear tests send dust anywhere near high enough to enter the jet stream, or throw up large enough amounts to create a health crisis. Why do we listen to these halfwits anyway? Everyone knows independent researchers have no credibility — let's call them out for what they are."
[effect] independent scientists are often dismissed as "a bunch of nerds"

[option] "Eureka! Why don’t we use this 'jetstream' to our own advantage?" suggests your excited Secretary of Defense as @@HE@@ picks up the two scientists and throws them out of the room. "Our researchers have mapped the course of multiple jetstreams across the world. If we sent some balloons along the jetstream, we could use them as silent observers into enemy territory! Look here - this jetstream goes over Blackacre, and this one over East Lebatuck — we could spy on our rivals, without them suspecting a thing!"
[effect] thousands of balloons blot out the sun in Blackacre

[Electrum]

At most you're going to see low-level radiation carried by jetstreams. Heck flying in airplanes is not that much of a deal even though you're exposed to cosmic radiation. Not sure why the validity has to be "has WMDs" when it's other nations emitting the nuclear radiation. Option 1 - fund research sounds fine, but then what? How are you going to remove the radiation that would have settled? It doesn't really solve the issue. Option 2 doesn't really do much other than dismiss the issue.

[Australian rePublic]

Hang on, if other nations are emitting radiation, what's nation supposed to do about it?

[Westinor]

Hang on, if other nations are emitting radiation, what's nation supposed to do about it?

Changed it to just @@NAME@@ in the description, but this is a valid point. Addressed in the first option, though it might be worth reverting the description in that case?

At most you're going to see low-level radiation carried by jetstreams. Heck flying in airplanes is not that much of a deal even though you're exposed to cosmic radiation. Not sure why the validity has to be "has WMDs" when it's other nations emitting the nuclear radiation. Option 1 - fund research sounds fine, but then what? How are you going to remove the radiation that would have settled? It doesn't really solve the issue. Option 2 doesn't really do much other than dismiss the issue.

Changed to just @@NAME@@ - sorry for the confusion. I've edited those two options to feel more proactive, though option 2 still might not be enough. Is there a way for me to make that feel better? Also, edited to present your points in option two, and have the speaker in option two dismiss those in option one as nutjobs. As far as I know, things like cosmic radiation appear to still affect humans, as exposure rates in airlines crews have been seen to be higher. Though after scouring the internet, I'm unsure of whether the same is applicable for radioactive particles from nuclear tests - hence this issue. As I understand it, if any hint of this were to be true it would actually be a public safety problem, so I suppose that's the debate. Is it a weak premise?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

A good idea for a premise, but lets look at the delivery:

[desc] A group of independent researchers from @@CAPITAL@@ University has claimed that nuclear testing by @@NAME@@ has caused extensive radioactive fallout, as radioactive particles were thrown up in the air in the process of testing. From there, they suggested that the particles were carried by a system of powerful air currents known as jet streams, which deposited the particles as fine, invisible dust all around the world. Naturally, the public has gone into full blown panic mode, with many environmental and scientific groups clamoring for government transparency.

You're over-explaining things in your opening. Nuclear fallout is hardly cutting edge science at this stage.

I'd get it simple, right down to brass tacks. Something like:

[desc]Despite selection of isolated sites, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon test sites has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams.

That's all the relevant information in one sentence. All that spare room can be used to add some humour, or you could keep it short and sweet and then deliver the funny bits in the options.

Speaking of which, your options essentially boil down to:

1) Fund research, and cease testing.
2) Deny in the face of evidence.
3) Put balloons on the jet stream.

All your reasonableness has gone into option 1, but there should be some reasonable way presented to continue testing. Option 2 is okay as a crazy option, and probably needs to be included in some form as science deniers are pretty common IRL, sadly. Option 3 is nothing to do with radiation, and should be replaced.

I suggest options along these lines, though obviously not these exact words:

1) This shows how indiscriminate the damage from these weapons is, we could just as easily kill our own people if we ever used them in war. Cease all nuclear testing and disarm nuclear weapons.
2) That's hippy talk, we just need to apologise and pay reparations to affected countries, and in future take more care with meteorological surveys of test sites.
3) There's only a 75% consensus on the so-called science anyway, with many scientists working for our nuclear weapons making company saying that the evidence has been misread. You can carry on testing as normal, and publicise the data that shows there is no harm in doing so.
4) Jet streams exist, but we could actually weaponise these findings. If we pick the right jet streams and secretly detonate dirty bombs, we could launch radioactive material into the heart of undesirable nations, spreading cancer and illness within their populations.

Hope that helps.

[Westinor]

A good idea for a premise, but lets look at the delivery:

[desc] A group of independent researchers from @@CAPITAL@@ University has claimed that nuclear testing by @@NAME@@ has caused extensive radioactive fallout, as radioactive particles were thrown up in the air in the process of testing. From there, they suggested that the particles were carried by a system of powerful air currents known as jet streams, which deposited the particles as fine, invisible dust all around the world. Naturally, the public has gone into full blown panic mode, with many environmental and scientific groups clamoring for government transparency.

You're over-explaining things in your opening. Nuclear fallout is hardly cutting edge science at this stage.

I'd get it simple, right down to brass tacks. Something like:

[desc]Despite selection of isolated sites, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon test sites has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams.

That's all the relevant information in one sentence. All that spare room can be used to add some humour, or you could keep it short and sweet and then deliver the funny bits in the options.

Speaking of which, your options essentially boil down to:

1) Fund research, and cease testing.
2) Deny in the face of evidence.
3) Put balloons on the jet stream.

All your reasonableness has gone into option 1, but there should be some reasonable way presented to continue testing. Option 2 is okay as a crazy option, and probably needs to be included in some form as science deniers are pretty common IRL, sadly. Option 3 is nothing to do with radiation, and should be replaced.

I suggest options along these lines, though obviously not these exact words:

1) This shows how indiscriminate the damage from these weapons is, we could just as easily kill our own people if we ever used them in war. Cease all nuclear testing and disarm nuclear weapons.
2) That's hippy talk, we just need to apologise and pay reparations to affected countries, and in future take more care with meteorological surveys of test sites.
3) There's only a 75% consensus on the so-called science anyway, with many scientists working for our nuclear weapons making company saying that the evidence has been misread. You can carry on testing as normal, and publicise the data that shows there is no harm in doing so.
4) Jet streams exist, but we could actually weaponise these findings. If we pick the right jet streams and secretly detonate dirty bombs, we could launch radioactive material into the heart of undesirable nations, spreading cancer and illness within their populations.

Hope that helps.

Ooh, ok. I'll work with this, it helps a lot! Thank you!

[Jutsa]

Glad this idea's being worked on. Was in my issues list but I kept putting off making it myself, and now it looks like that's probably a good thing.

[Westinor]

Glad this idea's being worked on. Was in my issues list but I kept putting off making it myself, and now it looks like that's probably a good thing.

Hope I don't disappoint

[Westinor]

Updated, I don’t feel it’s that great, will continue editing. let me know what you think!

Finalized editing! (ish)

[Westinor]

Tweaked a few wording issues in options 2-4, as well as the description, hopefully making things a bit more concise. Feedback would be appreciated!

[Pythaga]

Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated sites, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon test sites has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams. Following this discovery, @@NAME@@ has descended into chaos, with entire cities being evacuated and anti-nuclear protests taking place in @@CAPITAL@@.

In the first sentence the word 'sites' is repeated unnecessarily. I'd recommend removing the second instance of the word, and making test plural.

Also, if the fallout is being blown to other nations, why are @@NAME@@'s cities evacuating? If @@NAME@@ itself is also fully contaminated, where exactly are the people evacuating to? I'd recommend reworking this so it is more sensical. Specify that @@NAME@@ is also slightly impacted, and remove mentions of evacuations.

"We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear power and those who wield it are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"

Why is nuclear power mentioned when the subject is nuclear weaponry? Nuclear power is a completely separate debate that has little to do with this one; I'd rework the dialogue so that the protester is only talking about nuclear weapons.

"How bohring, like I haven't heard thattwo-hundred and thirty-eight times already." yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."

You are missing a space in the section that I highlighted in red. Also, I love that Bohr pun

[Westinor]

Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated sites, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon test sites has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams. Following this discovery, @@NAME@@ has descended into chaos, with entire cities being evacuated and anti-nuclear protests taking place in @@CAPITAL@@.

In the first sentence the word 'sites' is repeated unnecessarily. I'd recommend removing the second instance of the word, and making test plural.

Also, if the fallout is being blown to other nations, why are @@NAME@@'s cities evacuating? If @@NAME@@ itself is also fully contaminated, where exactly are the people evacuating to? I'd recommend reworking this so it is more sensical. Specify that @@NAME@@ is also slightly impacted, and remove mentions of evacuations.

"We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear power and those who wield it are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"

Why is nuclear power mentioned when the subject is nuclear weaponry? Nuclear power is a completely separate debate that has little to do with this one; I'd rework the dialogue so that the protester is only talking about nuclear weapons.

"How bohring, like I haven't heard thattwo-hundred and thirty-eight times already." yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."

You are missing a space in the section that I highlighted in red. Also, I love that Bohr pun

Edited to reflect the suggestions, thanks The mention of people evacuating was supposed to set up a punchline for an outburst by a speaker later on, but I edited that part out, my bad. Also nuclear power was mistake in wording, heh. You have nu clue r eally how hard I searched for puns to try and lighten up this issue, ended up being a bunch of obscure references but I appreciate that you noticed :3

[Westinor]

Tweaked option 4 and it's effect line. Feedback would be appreciated - looking to submit this soon, if there aren't any major errors.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[title] The Wind Become Death

[desc] Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated locations, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon testing has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams. Following this discovery, anti-nuclear groups have doubled down on protesting the use of nuclear weapons, with demonstrations taking place all over @@NAME@@.
[validity] Has WMDs

The struck out bit can be struck out. It's not needed and duplicates option 1.

[option] "We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear weapons and those who wield them are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"
[effect] talking about nuclear weapons is a radioactive subject

Not sure on the effect line, as anti-nuclear protestors are the ones most likely to encourage talking about nucleat weapons.

Maybe "radiation is a hot topic"?

[option] "How bohring,

No. OTT cheese issues aside, having puns that only work when they are read rather than spoken out loud is a break to immersion. Just spell it normally, please.

like I haven't heard that two-hundred and thirty-eight times already."

Comma, not fullstop.

yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."
[effect] scientists ensure their newest nuclear testing spots are "meteorologically correct"

That effect line just states the decision. Change it, please.

[option] "These idiots have no clue what they're saying!" seethes @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the arms manufacturing company Nuke Nuke, Who's There?

Heh. Silly and unbelievable company name, but it made me laugh, so that's okay.

as @@HE@@ hands you some convincing-looking graphs and diagrams. "There's only a ninety-two percent consensus on this so-called study anyway, and most of the scientists that work for us agree that the radiation emitted is only slightly life-threatening.

I'd change that to "is barely dangerous to health, and can even give you a nice tan."

There's really nuclear-uh, no clear evidence that these tests are harmful at all! Here, release some of this scientifically proven data, and you can continue purchasing bombs from us. Speaking of which, our newest weapon..."
[effect] studies claiming nuclear tests are safe are a half-lie

I see what you're playing at here, pun wise, but it doesn't quite work.

Maybe: "half-truths and blatant lies have long half-lives".

[option] "We should use these jetstreams to our advantage." whispers your Minister of Stealth Bombing as he materialises out of nowhere. "Our scientists have compiled a detailed map of jetstream systems — correctly employ these, and we can secretly detonate dirty bombs in the heart of enemy nations, spreading cancer and illness throughout their cities."
[effect] no one likes surprises from @@LEADER@@

I'd tweak that slightly to "secretly detonate dirty bombs in the middle of nowhere, while still delivering cancer and illness into the heart of enemy nations".

The effect line isn't bad, but I'm sure there's a better one hiding away. Some sort of fart joke maybe.

[effect] the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from @@LEADER@@'s rear echelons

[Westinor]

[title] The Wind Become Death

[desc] Recent studies have found that despite careful selection of isolated locations, radioactive fallout from your nation's nuclear weapon testing has been carried into distant nations by transoceanic jet streams. Following this discovery, anti-nuclear groups have doubled down on protesting the use of nuclear weapons, with demonstrations taking place all over @@NAME@@.
[validity] Has WMDs

The struck out bit can be struck out. It's not needed and duplicates option 1.

[option] "We have to disarm before it's too late!" cries nuclear disarmament activist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ manically waves around a Geiger counter. "These weapons endanger our very means of life — the ramifications of radiation spare no one. Nuclear weapons and those who wield them are threats to this world. Disarm and cease all nuclear testing now!"
[effect] talking about nuclear weapons is a radioactive subject

Not sure on the effect line, as anti-nuclear protestors are the ones most likely to encourage talking about nucleat weapons.

Maybe "radiation is a hot topic"?

[option] "How bohring,

No. OTT cheese issues aside, having puns that only work when they are read rather than spoken out loud is a break to immersion. Just spell it normally, please.

like I haven't heard that two-hundred and thirty-eight times already."

Comma, not fullstop.

yawns nuclear scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Look, all we need to do is pay reparations to affected nations, and make sure we conduct meteorological surveys to ensure nuclear tests don't result in the spread of radioactive particles. Do this right, and we won’t have to do it twice — I'm sure this won't blow up in our faces."
[effect] scientists ensure their newest nuclear testing spots are "meteorologically correct"

That effect line just states the decision. Change it, please.

[option] "These idiots have no clue what they're saying!" seethes @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the arms manufacturing company Nuke Nuke, Who's There?

Heh. Silly and unbelievable company name, but it made me laugh, so that's okay.

as @@HE@@ hands you some convincing-looking graphs and diagrams. "There's only a ninety-two percent consensus on this so-called study anyway, and most of the scientists that work for us agree that the radiation emitted is only slightly life-threatening.

I'd change that to "is barely dangerous to health, and can even give you a nice tan."

There's really nuclear-uh, no clear evidence that these tests are harmful at all! Here, release some of this scientifically proven data, and you can continue purchasing bombs from us. Speaking of which, our newest weapon..."
[effect] studies claiming nuclear tests are safe are a half-lie

I see what you're playing at here, pun wise, but it doesn't quite work.

Maybe: "half-truths and blatant lies have long half-lives".

[option] "We should use these jetstreams to our advantage." whispers your Minister of Stealth Bombing as he materialises out of nowhere. "Our scientists have compiled a detailed map of jetstream systems — correctly employ these, and we can secretly detonate dirty bombs in the heart of enemy nations, spreading cancer and illness throughout their cities."
[effect] no one likes surprises from @@LEADER@@

I'd tweak that slightly to "secretly detonate dirty bombs in the middle of nowhere, while still delivering cancer and illness into the heart of enemy nations".

The effect line isn't bad, but I'm sure there's a better one hiding away. Some sort of fart joke maybe.

[effect] the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from @@LEADER@@'s rear echelons

Thanks! Made the changes, hopefully effect line 2 looks better now. Really appreciated :3

[Westinor]

Looking to submit this soon again - if there aren't any major changes required, I'll be moving this up to last call soon!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Looking good, I think. Keep it up for a bit though, get more feedback.

[Westinor]

Looking good, I think. Keep it up for a bit though, get more feedback.

Alright, will do

[Westinor]

Going to put this up for last call, and submit it soon.

[Westinor]

Submitted! Thank you to everyone who helped me out on this issue really appreciate it!

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck!